Loneliness Library


F E A T U R E D    A R T I C L E

Count Me In: How I Stepped Off the Sidelines

March 14th, 2015
In her last book, Lonely: A Memoir, Emily White explored — through research and her own and others’ experiences — the emotions, effects, and prevalence of loneliness. In that book, she was fresh out of a relationship and craved the intimacy she felt was eluding her. In her new book, Count Me In, she seeks a different kind of ...

The Power of Touch

counsloer comforting patient bigsI thought about how much I should leave her. She kept the beers coming and she was easy on the eyes. I like her, I thought; she deserves a little extra. My focus shifted from the story about that girl my friend tells ...

Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction & Discover the Power of Intimacy

BOOK REVIEW.
The advice that you have to love yourself in order to find love is a little shopworn — so oft repeated that it’s hard to feel its wisdom. But in Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy, psychotherapist Ken Page takes that wisdom and drills into it, helping us ...

The Two Faces of Guilt

The Two Faces of GuiltWe all want positive changes in our lives, but often there is something blocking us. Some blocks are very personal, but there are others which are almost universal. One of these universal saboteurs I frequently come across in my therapy practice is ...

Denying Relationship Problems: How to Fix it

couple upset woman man 7I recently had to let go of someone who had brought my life great meaning and joy. Issues arose in which my only choices beyond self-deception were to spiral down a rabbit hole of dysfunction, or to seek help to unravel and ...

Book Review: Nineteen Minutes

BOOK REVIEW.
“To the thousands of kids out there who are a little bit different, a little bit scared, a little bit unpopular: this one’s for you.” So writes Jodi Picoult in the acknowledgments section of Nineteen Minutes, a novel that thoroughly dissects a school shooting. In the book, Picoult surfaces empathy in unexpected places — empathy for the shooter and empathy ...

When It’s the Other Parent’s Turn to Have the Kids on Christmas

When it’s the Other Parent’s Turn to Have the Kids on ChristmasA dear friend of mine just couldn’t stand it when it was her ex’s turn to have their girls on Christmas. She’d spend the whole day on the couch, wrapped in a blanket with the shades ...

How to Be Alone

BOOK REVIEW.
I often spend at least twelve hours a day being very much in the presence of others. Caring for patients, discussing cases with attending doctors, interacting with nurses and social workers, and then going back to talk with patients again, my day is spent in a series of often intense human interactions. Add to the human ...

Are We Touching Each Other Enough?

Are We Touching Each Other Enough?Are you touching each other enough? No, not during sex. I'm talking about touching when we feel lonely, long to connect, and want to open. Yet, afraid of rejection, we hold back. Over 30 years, and hundreds of couples, I see that words ...

Book Review: How to Be Alone

BOOK REVIEW.
I recently took a 10-day solitary road trip through Oklahoma, Nebraska and Kansas. A few stops to promote a new book required interacting with other people, but otherwise it was just me and my car and miles and miles of glorious prairie. I put about 2,000 miles on my car on that trip. I drove ...

Rethink How You Think: How to Create Lasting Change Today

BOOK REVIEW.
For a science-informed book on self-improvement, Rethink How You Think can be both illuminating and confounding. The primary reason is its splicing of science and religion: two camps perennially at odds. However, this is not the kind of book that has been somewhat in vogue the past few years, a pop-science look at religiosity versus ...

Back from the Brink: True Stories & Practical Help for Overcoming Depression & Bipolar Disorder

BOOK REVIEW.
“We are lonesome animals. We spend all of our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say — and to feel — ‘Yes, that is the way it is, or at least that is the way I feel it. You’re not as ...

Retelling the Stories of Our Lives: Everyday Narrative Therapy to Draw Inspiration

BOOK REVIEW.
This book began as a project between author David Denborough and the creator of narrative therapy, the late Michael White. Denborough worked alongside White for 15 years, then carried the book to fruition following White’s death in 2008. He has written an excellent work that provides guidance in how to both tell and change your ...

Why and How to Teach Grandma to Access the Internet

Why and How to Teach Grandma to Access the InternetThe Internet offers promising new ways to end isolation and loneliness among the senior citizens we love. This is no small thing. Relationships, after all, are at the core of mental and even physical health. The 2004 Australian ...

Understanding & Coping with the Christmas Blues

Understanding & Coping with the Christmas BluesThe stress of the holidays triggers sadness and depression for many people. This time of year is especially difficult because there’s an expectation of feeling merry and generous. People compare their emotions to what they assume others are experiencing or ...

The Abundant Problems of Scarcity

BOOK REVIEW.
What do you not have enough of? Money? Time? Friends? The lack may cause you greater problems than the obvious tight budget, frazzled days, or loneliness. Harvard economics professor Sendhil Mullainathan and Princeton psychology professor Eldar Shafir outline a compelling theory about that in their new book Scarcity: Why Having Too Little Means So ...

The Empty Nest: Opportunity or Crisis?

The Empty Nest: Opportunity or Crisis?Feelings of loss and anxiety about change when the last child leaves home are normal. But it often has been pathologized in popular culture as a disorder, disease or condition that needs treatment. Usually it’s not and it doesn’t. In fact, ...

Behind the Mask: Adolescents in Hiding

BOOK REVIEW.
Adolescents often struggle with intense emotional situations, yet find themselves unsure of how to process it all. In Behind the Mask: Adolescents in Hiding, Dennis Rozema explains that the way a teenager deals with pain either facilitates emotional wellness or creates a mask for them to hide behind. This mask helps protect them and helps them ...

Is Parenting Drowning Your Marriage? 6 Tips to Help Reconnect with Your Partner

Is Parenting Drowning Your Marriage? 6 Tips to Help Reconnect with Your PartnerIt’s a too-familiar story. James and Cindy have come in for couples counseling because they worry they have grown apart. With three children under the age of 12, they want to ...

Words of Love: Quotations from the Heart

BOOK REVIEW.
“Do not seek perfection in a changing world. Instead, perfect your love.” This quote, from Buddha, is one of many warm, useful sayings in Words of Love: Quotations from the Heart. From religious texts to scientists to novelists and pop icons, author Allen Klein draws on a host of sources to form this quintessential collection of wisdom on ...

Are You Trapped & Unhappy in Your Relationship?

Are You Trapped & Unhappy in Your Relationship?Do you feel trapped in a relationship you can’t leave? Of course, feeling trapped is a state of mind. No one needs consent to leave a relationship. Millions of people ...

New Baby Blues or Postpartum Depression?

New Baby Blues or Postpartum Depression?“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m supposed to feel a surge of maternal instinct, right? I’m supposed to love my baby. Why am I so overwhelmed and uninterested?” I’m just getting to know Michelle. She had her first baby ...

Getting Unhooked from Pain & Choosing Happiness

Getting Unhooked from Pain and Choosing Happiness Even teens who are popular and appear to be doing well may feel secretly isolated emotionally, harboring distress that seeks expression through self-destructive behavior. Neurobiology of Breaking Habits Self-destructive behavior patterns, such as addictions, are ...