In An Unknown World: Notes on the Meaning of the Earth, philosopher Jacob Needleman begins by recalling a dream on his 75th birthday: a meeting with his childhood friend Elias. In the dream, as in his childhood, he and his friend wonder together about “god and the stars and the planets, about life and death and the mind” as they sit atop a low stone wall separating neighborhoods. Outside of the dream, the real-life Elias died of leukemia at the young age of 13. Near death, the author tells us, Elias dreaded the loss of learning, while Needleman promised to continue for them both — a commitment to duality that remains significant throughout the book.

In the 1970s, Needleman was one of a team interpreting “The Biosphere,” Russian geochemist Vladimir Vernadsky’s seminal paper on the Earth as a living, dynamic, and integral part of the universe, controlled by life itself — not an accident existing without purpose. Now, in “An Unknown World,” he writes about the planet and its inhabitants, weaving in recurring dream — visits from his childhood friend that prompt him to explore the role of humanity in keeping the Earth viable.

Most of the reveries Needleman recounts are clear, but in some his friend’s words, or his silence, are vague. Elias’s “visits” steer the philosopher toward new discoveries, including, significantly, an understanding that human consciousness is essential in the service of saving the Earth.

In an orderly fashion, Needleman also revisits many of the great thinkers of science, theory, philosophy, theology, and spiritualism. Along with Vernadsky are Plato, Kierkegaard, Harding, Fechner, Ouspensky, and others who spent lifetimes deliberating human conscious and unconscious states. Drawing on these thinkers, Needleman takes us on a spiritual, scientific, and metaphysical exploration of humanity and the planet, articulating the beauty, mystery, contradictions, and possibilities of this epic topic with poetic clarity while acknowledging his unconventional approach to the serious issue of a decaying Earth and our lack of a commitment to do something about it.

Ultimately, the author stresses an intentionally inward effort to learn what the Earth needs from us. It is an effort mirrored by how he uncovers his own revelations: both by the implicit learning derived from his dreams of Elias as well as by what he knows explicitly.

Needelman’s thought process is an eye-opening one, but due to its spiritual nature, any manner of reviewing his book risks scaring away readers. That fear should be put aside, however, as he walks us with clarity through his journey of understanding mankind and Earth as incomplete works that require looking inward as much as outward, using intuition and unconscious routes to reveal the needs of the world within and about us so that all can survive.

The book may still sound daunting, but it is not a hard one to read so long as the reader is interested in our decaying planet. Needleman talks of dualities in science and religion, understanding and consciousness, knowledge and intuition. He speaks deeply and thoughtfully about why humans inhabit Earth. And he stresses an urgency to allow us to “wonder” as we did as children, to use science and religion to not limit but expand our perceptions and liberate the possibilities of our transforming this unknown but evolving planet, to rise above our ego. It is our ego, he believes, that dangerously limits our ability to consciously grasp concepts greater than our current knowledge because it stops us from searching further.

“If our planet is in crisis, as it surely is, it is because we ourselves are in crisis, because we ourselves have lost our way in the world,” he states, adding that to find a “real and not self-deceptive understanding of the crisis of the Earth, we are going to have to find a real understanding of the crisis of our human life, both our inner life of  the mind and the life of action and relationship.”

Needleman’s book is a fascinating pilgrimage toward understanding our role as humans in guardianship of Earth. It deserves all your attention — the payback being never looking at our planet and our beliefs the same way again and in so doing saving Earth through our own redemption.

An Unknown World: Notes on the Meaning of the Earth
Tarcher, September, 2012
Hardcover, 240 pages
$24.95

Below, Moss explains why understanding our dreams is so important, how we can explore our dreams, what to do if we don’t dream and much more.

Moss is the author of Dreaming the Soul Back Home, Active Dreaming, The Secret History of Dreaming, and numerous other books about dreaming, shamanism, and imagination. His fascination with the dream world began in his childhood in Australia.

During that time, he had three near-death experiences and first learned the ways of a traditional dreaming people through his friendship with Aborigines. Visit him online at www.mossdreams.com.

Q: How do you define a “dream”?

A: A dream is a wake-up call. It takes us beyond what we already know. Dreams are the language of the soul, and they are experiences of the soul.

There are “big” dreams and “little” dreams, of course. In big dreams, we go traveling and we may receive visitations. We travel across time – into the future and the past – and we travel to other dimensions of reality. This is reflected in the words for “dream” that are used by indigenous people who have retained strong dreaming traditions and respect for dreamers.

Among the Makiritare, a shamanic dreaming people of Venezuela, for example, the word for dream is “adekato,” which means “a journey of the soul.”

Q: On your website, you write “Dreaming isn’t just what happens during sleep; dreaming is waking up to sources of guidance, healing, and creativity beyond the reach of the everyday mind.” What do you mean by that?

A: Too often we go about in waking life in the condition of sleepwalkers, following schedules, trying to fit in with other people’s expectations and deadlines, out of touch with the deeper meaning of our lives.

Dreaming, we find our inner compass and the larger story of our lives, from which we can draw courage and clarity to make better choices when confronted with everyday challenges.

The wake-up call may come in a sleep dream. It may come in that liminal state of hypnagogia when we are drifting between sleep and waking; this is a marvelous space for creative discovery, when we can make connections that escape the ordinary mind, as I explain in my Secret History of Dreaming.

We may receive the wake-up call in the midst of everyday life, through the play of meaningful coincidence or a pop-up symbol from the world about us; navigating by synchronicity is the dreamer’s way of operating 24/7.

We can learn to travel into the dream world wide awake and conscious, in the way of the ancient shamans, as I teach people to do in my Active Dreaming approach. In this way, we can journey to places of healing and guidance in nonordinary reality and bring back gifts.

In my new book, Dreaming the Soul Back Home, I explain how we can develop the skills of lucid dream travel to find and bring home parts of our vital energy and identity that may have gone missing in life, so we can be whole and strong.

Q: Why is it important to analyze our dreams?

A: For starters:

• We solve problems in our sleep
• Dreams coach us for future challenges and opportunities
• Dreams show us what the body needs to stay well – and get well
• Dreams hold up a “magic mirror” to our current actions and attitudes, helping us to take an objective look at ourselves and make wiser choices
• Dreams are a creative studio where we develop new ideas – as inventors, scientists, writers and world-changers have always done.

Beyond all the above, dreams put us in touch with our BIGGER story and our larger purpose.

Q: What are the best ways that readers can start analyzing their dreams?

A: First, consider your feelings on waking. Those feelings will be your first and best guidance on the nature and meaning of the dream – whether it is negative or positive, literal or symbolic, urgent or important or trivial.

Then, do a reality check: Compare the contents of the dream with your waking life and compare the situation and behavior of your dream self with that or your everyday self. If you are running away from something in your dream, where may you be running away from something in regular life?

Ask, of any dream: Is it possible that any part of this could manifest in the future? Dreams are constantly rehearsing us for challenges and opportunities that lie ahead. If you feel that a dream may portend an unpleasant future event, you may be able to work with that dream to avoid that unwanted possible future.

A good game to play is to ask “What part of me?” is each of the characters and elements in a dream. However, we also want to remember that dreams are transpersonal as well as personal, so that your deceased grandmother in your dream (for example) may not only be a part of you that is like Grandma or carries her attitudes – but your actual grandmother making a visitation, which is the kind of thing that goes on very frequently in dreams.

Learn how to share dreams with a friend in a mutually helpful way. I have invented a simple four-step technique for doing this that I call the Lightning Dreamwork. We start by learning to tell our stories to each other simply and clearly. We ask each other a few essential questions (“Feelings?” “Could any of this happen in the future?”); then we offer mutually empowering feedback by saying, “If it were my dream, I would think about such-and-such.”

Finally, we encourage each other to take action to bring guidance and energy from the dream into regular life. I explain this technique in my book The Three “Only” Things.

Q: Is there such a thing as a right and wrong interpretation of one’s dreams?

A: What is always wrong is to tell anyone else what their dreams (or their lives) mean, or to let them do that to you. We must become authors of meaning for our dreams and our lives. In our efforts to understand our dreams we often get it “wrong” because the dream reflects a situation that hasn’t developed yet, and we fail to look carefully enough at how the dream may reflect something that is developing in our world but is not yet manifest.

We may also get it “wrong” by failing to discern whether a dream is literal, symbolic, or an experience of a separate reality.

Q: Many people say that they don’t dream, which probably means that they simply can’t remember their dreams. What can readers do to remember their dreams?

A: Before you go to bed, write down an intention for the night. Make sure your intention has some juice. Don’t make dream recall one more chore to fit in with all the others.

Ask to meet your dream lover, or go to Hawaii without paying for the plane ticket, or to have fun in the night and remember. Keep pen and paper (or a recorder) next to your bed so you are ready to record something when you wake up.

Record something whenever you wake up, even if it’s at 3 a.m. If you don’t remember a dream when you first wake up, laze in bed for a few minutes and see if something comes back. If you still don’t have a dream, write something down anyway: whatever is in your awareness, including feelings and physical sensations.

You are catching the residue of a dream even if the dream itself is gone. And as you do this, you are saying to the source of your dreams, “I’m listening. Talk to me.”

Don’t give up on fragments from your night dreams. The wispiest trace of a dream can be exciting to play with, and as you play with it you may find you are pulling back more of the previously forgotten dream.

Q: Anything else you’d like readers to know about analyzing their dreams?

A: Dreams require action. If we do not do something with our dreams, we will not dream well. The action might be as simple as Googling a funny word, as I did while doing this interview (see my blog post).

We might decide to wear the color red because we were flaunting it in the dream, or to get in touch with an old friend who showed up, or to avoid that road accident in a possible future previewed by a dream.

As we grow our practice as active dreamers, we may want to reenter a dream to resolve nightmare terrors, talk to a dream guide, go on with an adventure, or access sources of healing and guidance or reclaim a child self or a connection with the Greater Self.

Unlike most dream books and interpretations, here is a personalized look based not solely on science or esoteric belief systems but an integral whole of all available resources. This may sound like a daunting undertaking for the reader to embark upon and the beginning of the book does deal a lot with the various beginnings of dream interpretation, from Roberto Assagioli (1888-1974), the first Italian psychoanalyst, through Maslow, Freud and the psychic Edgar Cayce. But there is a purpose for laying the groundwork: The author borrows Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to give the reader a starting point.

After having defined what dreams may be (there are several ideas put forth) and their messages, Hudson advises reader to add their own interpretations to the ones she will offer. She provides various ways to “catch” them, decipher what they are telling you and work with these messages to enhance your life experience.

This is where the book diverges from a cookie-cutter version of dream interpretation and becomes a powerful tool for personal change. At first it would seem frightening to imagine being pushed out of the nest like this: after all, if you knew what your dreams meant, you wouldn’t need the book; right? But that is not really what Hudson is trying to accomplish here. She is, at once, giving you some direction and allowing you, who know more about your life than anyone does, to utilize your specific life experiences in the interpretation.

Hudson gives ample examples of other people’s dreams and many from the experts she discusses in the beginning of the book, which offers the reader a kind of map for their own dream deciphering. She cautions that dreams are seldom literal, as in the case of the man who awoke from a dream of his wife cheating on him, and then shot her dead. The woman was, indeed, faithful and the tragedy would have been averted without a literal translation. She postulates that “if the man who killed his wife thought of her as a personification of loyalty, then his dream might have been calling his own loyalty into question.” Dreams are about us, the people, places and things are most likely projections of our inner sub-personalities (Assagioli), personifications of our inner selves or deal in metaphor, etc. which is specific to each of our singular experiences.

This process is lengthy but thorough. At the end of each chapter, there are simple exercises to help put what you have learned into practice. One could start interpreting their dreams immediately. There are also those dreams that one wakes from with the meaning completely clear. This “immediate insight” often happens when “you still have a foot in dreamland.” I found this helpful, as I used to think that when I was in that half-waking/half-sleeping stage that I was manipulating the meaning that seemed so strong to me. It was simply a very clear thought that I should trust, as Hudson writes. The author also states that the “editing” that we sometimes do in that state is also valid: we are trying to change things, and that is what dreams often there for; to give us a road out of a stifling or dangerous situation, for example.

Later chapters go into more complex information retrieval and how to access it. As Hudson states “Dreams may be about a range of needs.” They also may be very simple. “Eat more spinach” would indicate that one should look at diet and health. Many of Edgar Cayce’s dream interpretations for others dealt with this issue. Some are even predictive of a future health problem. These “prodromal” dreams (ones that serve as precursors to later events) are trying to take care of you in this case.

The back of the book contains a comprehensive list of the possible components of dreams. You can also go through this list and add your own interpretation of “Father,” for instance. Each person will have a different experience of archetypes. If you had a loving parent and someone else had an abusive one, those associations will determine the dream’s message. I would say that you might want to do this in pencil — associations can change over time as we grow. Still, archetypal players and settings will have a firm standing in many cases.

Do not worry if you cannot find a suitable listing for, say, laundry attendant. You could use maid instead, if that resonates with you, or you can pick another that seems to hit close to your feeling about the person, place or thing.

Another strength of the book is that you can always flip back to a particular chapter and deepen your understanding of the material, thereby making a worthy tool even more helpful. The book is well indexed for your exploration. If you want to go further into the minds of the people who began it all and other dream interpretation offerings, there is a useful “Further Reading” section, as well.

In conclusion, our dreams can help us change our lives and grow. By following a few simple rules like “be sure to always look at both the literal and figurative meaning of definitions and suggestions” and to remember that everything in the dream is about some aspect of yourself, the reader can learn not only to interpret their dreams, but to direct them with the exercises and increased awareness won by repetition.

Into Your Dreams: Decipher Your Unique Dream Symbology To Transform Your Waking Life
By Janece O. Hudson, EdD
Adams Media: July 18, 2011
Paperback, 304 pages
$12.95

For most of us, dreams are a mystery. They make little sense — if we can recall them in the first place. Heck, some of us don’t even think we dream (hint: we do).

Here, psychotherapist Jeffrey Sumber, who studied global dream mythology at Harvard University and Jungian dream interpretation at the Jung Institute in Zurich, provides insight into some of the most common questions about dreams.

Does everyone dream?

A: While it is biologically the case that we all dream at some point in our sleep, there are those who adamantly claim they do not and have never before dreamed. It is true that there are those who have great difficulty remembering their dreams; however, this has more to do with other factors than simply “not” dreaming.

Some folks have resistance to facing the growth content offered by our unconscious through our dreams. Others simply do the work on a trickledown basis and prefer to grow at a much more subtle, drip, drip, drip basis. I believe that humans must dream as it is one of our body’s natural responses to stress, anxiety and fear.

Why do people have recurring dreams?

A: I believe we all have unique lessons to learn in our life and sometimes these lessons are lifelong. Recurring dreams tend to build upon a particular theme and typically change subtly as we grow into a different understanding of ourselves as well as the obstacles we face.

Careful scrutiny of the dream content tends to reveal tiny changes to the narrative we would at times like to believe is “exactly the same.” Recurring dreams can be a useful barometer for our own growth and development.

Pay attention to the nuances of your recurring dreams as these small changes can offer the greatest lessons.

What do nightmares mean?

A: Nightmares tend to suggest that we are needing to deal with something that generates fear in our self. They can also be a way to release these fears depending on how we respond to the dream itself.

If I have a terrible nightmare and I try to forget it as soon as I wake up because it was so traumatic, it is likely it will recur because I am not using the dream material to learn and grow. Nightmares are rarely prescriptive, meaning they are not signs that something bad will happen.

On the other hand, nightmares exist to shake us up so that we spring into action by confronting the root fear, addressing the anxiety, or finding a good therapist. ☺

Why do we have nightmares?

A: As I suggested, nightmares are a natural response to fear and anxiety and while they don’t feel very good in the moment, they are releasing pressure for our psyche to operate with less anxiety.

Nightmares are a call to action. Ask yourself: “What am I afraid of?” “What does this dream suggest about me right now?” “What can I do to learn more about the root fear that this nightmare reveals?”

Why is that our dreams rarely follow a logical pattern (e.g., familiar people take on different faces)?

A: Most of us do not think in linear patterns. If I did, then A+B will always = C, right? So, by that measure, if I am overweight and I can reduce excess body fat through diet and exercise, then I will automatically assume a rigorous detail of diet and exercise, correct? Not often the case!

This is largely due to the fact that the vast majority of humans think in abstract ways through nonlinear cycles. We like to believe we are logical beings; however, we spend most of our waking hours moving in illogical patterns.

Therefore, our dreams are a reflection of this unconscious splatter of thoughts and actions. If we were truly logical beings, we would move through life like robots and outside science fiction, robots don’t dream.

Can people control their dreams?

A: If you can control everything you do, say and think during your waking life then you have a great shot at controlling your dreams. There are, however, a number of people who have the ability to influence their dreams.

I can focus my thoughts and intentions surrounding my sleep to inject my consciousness with particular thoughts and ideas and therefore imprint my unconscious mind.

We can typically return to a favorable or curious dream from the past by lying in bed before sleep and replaying as much of the old dream as we remember. The key in this process, however, is to identify oneself with the feeling of the former dream and fall into a similar place before falling into sleep.

How often do we dream?

A: Most of us dream every night and most of us dream throughout our various sleep cycles; however, researchers have suggested that the most vivid and memorable dreams occur during the REM cycle.

What are common myths about dreaming?

A: The most common myth about dreaming is that some of us don’t dream. The next most common myth is that if I die in my sleep that I’ll never wake up. This death dream is more about our overall anxiety and confusion about death and less to do with any reality about dreaming.

When analyzing dreams, what should we pay attention to?

A: Always pay attention to how you are feeling before, during and after a significant dream. Also, take careful note of who are the main figures in a dream and ask yourself what your relationship with these figures are in the dream and outside of the dream.

Be careful when relying on dream books to interpret your own dreams as there are many misconceptions to be had with regard to the collective unconscious. Just because a dream book says that if you dream about a snake then you must be dealing with change or transformation it doesn’t necessarily mean that is exactly the reason you are dreaming about it tonight.

We have very personal associations and understandings with symbols in life and there are also some universal understandings to be had; however, they don’t always mesh.

For more on dream analysis, check out this article, where Sumber offers additional insight.

While there’s “no button to push” to deactivate our thoughts, of course, we can “create the right associations” to help us sleep well, says Lawrence Epstein, M.D., chief medical officer of Sleep HealthCenters and instructor in medicine at Harvard University.

Below, Dr. Epstein and sleep specialist Stephanie Silberman, Ph.D, share their insight on quieting your worries and sleeping well.

1. Realize sleep is essential.

For many of us, sleep is the last thing on our minds when it comes to living healthfully. And sleep is the first thing to get sacrificed if we’re pressed for time.

But not getting enough sleep can cause a variety of issues, including anxiety. It also prevents people from performing fully and at their best, Dr. Epstein says. Plus, sleep deprivation can increase your risk for health problems such as hypertension, stroke and diabetes, he says.

Once you realize that sleep is vital to your life, he says, you can work on sleeping well.

2. Have a regular sleep schedule.

Getting up and going to bed at the same time is key to good sleep. In fact, Dr. Epstein says that “the greatest promoter of being able to sleep is being in sync with your internal clock” or your circadian rhythms.

3. Create a pre-sleep routine.

Along with a consistent sleep/wake schedule, winding down before bed is one of the best ways to get your sleep back on track. As Silberman says, it’s “very hard to shut down your brain or quiet anxious or worrying thoughts when you’re on the go before bedtime.” You want to separate your day from the nighttime, she says.

Also, “Our body craves routine and likes to know what’s coming,” says Dr. Epstein, also co-author of The Harvard Medical School Guide to a Good Night’s Sleep. By creating a pre-sleep ritual, you’re establishing a clear association between certain activities and sleep.

For instance, if you read before heading to bed, your body knows that reading at night signals sleep time. If you take a warm bath before bed every night, your body recognizes that it’s time to slow down and relax.

Silberman suggests listening to calming music, stretching or doing relaxation exercises. If you’re watching TV before bed, make sure it’s at least a relaxing program, and not something like the news, she adds.

The goal of this pre-sleep routine is to relax your body and prime it for sleep, Dr. Epstein says. So if you’re going to bed at 10 or 11 p.m., “set aside 30 minutes or an hour for pre-sleep time,” he says.

4. Write down your worries — earlier in the day.

For about 10 to 15 minutes a day, “Write down what’s on your mind at an earlier time and what you’re doing about it,” says Silberman, who’s also author of The Insomnia Workbook: A Comprehensive Guide to Getting the Sleep You Need. To kick-start your worry session, she suggests simply asking yourself, “What are the things that come to my mind when I’m lying in bed at night?”

If a worrying thought comes up right before bed, you “can mentally check it off,” and either say to yourself “I’ve dealt with that,” or “I’m dealing with it,” she says. This usually helps to create a “sense of relief.”

Avoid writing up your list before bedtime, Silberman says, because you want to have enough separation from your thoughts at night.

5. Use your bed for sleep and intimacy.

Create a clear association between your bed and sleep, Dr. Epstein advises. In fact, if you’re having trouble sleeping, he even advises against reading in your bed. He says it’s OK to read in your bedroom but avoid the bed.

Similarly, both experts suggest not watching TV in bed, using your computer, doing paperwork or texting on your phone. These activities stimulate your brain, instead of relaxing you.

6. Create an optimal environment.

Creating the right environment for sleep includes keeping your room dark, quiet and at a moderate temperature, Dr. Epstein says. Again, this helps people to relax.

7. Busy your brain with mental exercises.

Being able to distract yourself from your worries can be enough to help you fall asleep, Silberman says. A mental exercise helps your brain focus away from your worries, she says. It can be as simple as “thinking of fruits and vegetables with a certain letter.”

Another idea Silberman suggests is to focus on the details of a particular object, such as its color, shape, size and what it’s used for. Or you can recite lyrics from a favorite song.

8. Focus on the positive.

When you’re lying in bed worrying, it helps to turn to more positive thoughts, Silberman says. You can “focus on good memories and happy events.”

9. Practice relaxation exercises.

Relaxation exercises are very helpful in reducing anxiety and racing thoughts, Silberman says. Exercises to try include progressive muscle relaxation (going through each muscle group and tensing and relaxing it) and deep breathing.

10. Participate in physical activities.

Exercising regularly helps with sleep, Dr. Epstein says. It’s also a major anxiety-reducer. But make sure you exercise a few hours before bedtime, he notes, since physical activity can be stimulating.

11. Think about what’s stealing your sleep and boosting your anxiety.

Ask yourself if your habits are interfering with your sleep or fueling your anxiety. According to Dr. Epstein, the biggest sleep saboteurs are caffeine and alcohol, both of which also boost anxiety.

He says that people just don’t realize that caffeine’s effects can last four to seven hours. Also, remember that tea and chocolate contain caffeine, too.

“Alcohol can help you fall asleep faster, but it fragments your sleep and makes it less restful,” he says. Also, certain medications can disturb sleep. If that’s the case for you, talk to your doctor about taking your medication at a different time or taking a different medicine altogether, he says.

12. See a sleep specialist.

If you feel like you’ve tried everything to no avail, find a sleep specialist in your area who does cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), the number one recommended treatment, Silberman says. You may be surprised to learn that sleep disorders such as insomnia can be treated in as little as several sessions and don’t require medication, Silberman says.

There are very specific treatments for sleep, so it’s important to see someone who’s a qualified sleep specialist.

In general, remember that sleep is a priority in your life. It helps you perform at your best and be healthy, Dr. Epstein says. Consider what habits may be increasing your anxiety and try the techniques above to help you relax and get ready for bed.

Photo by Lisa Yarost, available under a Creative Commons attribution license.

But dream analysis is none of these things. And it’s actually a valuable way to better understand yourself.

Below, clinical psychotherapist Jeffrey Sumber explains why we dream, why analysis is important and how to start interpreting your dreams.

Why We Dream

“Dreaming is non-essential when it comes to survival as a body but is essential with regard to our development and evolution as metaphysical beings,” according to Sumber, who studied global dream mythology at Harvard University and Jungian dream interpretation at the Jung Institute in Zurich.

Dreaming is the communication between our conscious mind and our unconscious mind, helping people create wholeness, he says. “Dreams are the bridge that allows movement back and forth between what we think we know and what we really know.”

Dreams let us play out painful or puzzling emotions or experiences in a safe place. “Dreams also allow us to process information or events that may be painful or confusing in an environment that is at once emotionally real but physically unreal.”

“Dream analysis is a key component in the process of becoming whole as a person,” Sumber explains. Dreams reveal a person’s “deepest desires and deepest wounds.” So analyzing your dreams helps you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

How To Analyze Your Dreams

One of the biggest myths about dream analysis is that there’s a set of stringent rules people need to follow. But every person is unique, so there are no formulas or prescriptions.

Dreams “can only be understood in the larger context of the individual’s unfolding and self-discovery,” Sumber says. However, there are several guidelines that can help you see your dreams more thoughtfully and dig deeper into their meaning.

Record your dreams. This is the first and most important step in analyzing your dreams, Sumber said. “Taking notes, even a few sentences that encapsulate the dream, literally draws the content of the unconscious out into the realm of the concrete.”

Think you don’t dream or can’t remember your dreams? He suggests simply keeping a journal by your bed, and writing “No dream to record” every morning. “Within two weeks of this process, the person will begin to remember their dreams.” (In fact, “you might open the floodgates!”)

Identify how you were feeling in the dream. For example, Sumber suggests asking yourself: “Was I scared, angry, remorseful, etc.? Do I still feel those feelings the morning after? How comfortable am I feeling these feelings?”

C.G. Jung referred to dreams as “feeling-toned complex of ideas.” In other words, according to Sumber, “We are always being called by our unconscious self to feel into our ideas, thoughts and actions so as to gain a deeper sense of who we are and where we are going in our lives.”

Identify recurring thoughts in your dreams and daily life. Sumber gives these examples of recurring thoughts: “They are going to kill me.” “I don’t understand.” Or “I’m not going to make it.” Next, ask yourself if you’ve had these thoughts throughout the day. If so, in what situations have you had these thoughts?

Consider all the elements of a dream. You can show up in your dreams in various ways. Many times, “we can find ourselves, our personalities, in many elements of a dream, even if there is a clear distinction between us and another character in the dream.”

You can ask yourselves these questions, Sumber said: “What is it like to be the villain in the dream? What is it like to be the aggressor, or be passive?”

Put down the dream dictionaries. You’ve probably come across dream dictionaries that feature specific meanings for objects. As Sumber notes, while there may be some universal meaning for these symbols, the key is to figure out what the dream means to you.

“While there may be a trace of collective meaning for certain universal symbols that do have some bearing on our internal analysis and growth, I am far more interested in where the dreamer goes with the symbol and what the dreamer connects to as a result of the dream.”

So, even though there may be some universal elements, symbols have different meanings for different people. “I believe we are all unique and carry very personal histories that impact the symbols, objects, tastes and smells that we associate with a particular dream story or event.”

Remember you’re the expert. “There are no experts other than yourself when it comes to your own psyche so don’t stop trusting your own inner guide to your unconscious,” Sumber says.

He adds that, “therapists need to place aside all of their information, tools and associations for universal symbols and dream interpretation with each new client and treat each person as a unique, new world to be discovered.”

You can learn a lot from even the most mundane dreams. You may be thinking that your dreams just aren’t fascinating, flashy or profound enough to explore. But even dreaming about having oatmeal for breakfast can yield thoughtful results, Sumber believes.

As examples, he lists the following questions you can ask:

“Am I alone with my oatmeal? Am I inside or on a veranda with a gentle breeze? Are the oats organic? Overcooked? Is there a horse nearby? How do I feel about the oats? What do oats typically symbolize for me? Are there any memories that I can tie to eating oatmeal? When was the first time I remember eating oatmeal for breakfast? How did my mother make oatmeal and do I make it the same way as an adult?”

“There is always something to learn about [yourself] in a dream,” Sumber says.

Further Reading on Dream Resources

Below are Sumber’s favorite books on dream interpretation:

• Memories, Dreams and Reflections, C.G. Jung
• Dream Psychology, Maurice Nicoll
• An Illustrated Encycolpaedia of Traditional Symbols, J.C. Cooper
• The Wilderness of Dreams, Kelly Bulkeley
• Dreambody, Arnold Mindell
• Dreams, C.G. Jung

Photo by Temari 09, available under a Creative Commons attribution license.

Stages of Sleep

Wakefulness includes Gamma, High Beta, Mid Beta, Beta Sensory Motor Rhythm, Alpha, and Theta brain waves. Our composite brain wave, that is, what you would see if you had an EEG (electro-encephalo-graph, or picture of the electrical activity in your brain), would be made up of many of the brain waves named above, all at the same time.

Stage One

When we are preparing to drift off, we go though Alpha and Theta, and have periods of dreaminess, almost like daydreaming, except we are beginning to fall asleep. These are interesting states, in that we experience them throughout the day and some people may have more of these waves than others.

Those who practice meditation, or deep prayerfulness, often kinda “hang out” in Alpha. It’s a restful place. During this stage, it’s not unusual to experience strange and extremely vivid sensations or a feeling of falling followed by sudden muscle contractions. These are known as hypnogogic hallucinations. You may even feel like you are hearing someone call your name, or the phone ringing. Recently, I thought I heard the doorbell, but realized that it was a hypnogogic hallucination and went back to sleep.

We then begin to enter Theta, which is still a relatively light period between being awake and asleep. This usually lasts for 5-10 minutes. Research has shown that the average sleeper takes about 7 minutes to fall asleep. You may fall asleep sooner, or take longer.

Stage Two

The second stage of sleep lasts about 20 minutes. Our brain begins to produce very short periods of rapid, rhythmic brain wave activity known as Sleep Spindles. Body temperature begins dropping and heart rate starts slowing down.

Stage Three

Deep, slow brain waves known as Delta Waves begin to emerge during this stage. It is a transitional period between light sleep and a very deep sleep.

Stage Four

This is sometimes referred to as Delta Sleep because of the delta waves that occur during this time. Stage Four is a deep sleep that lasts for about 30 minutes. Sleepwalking and bed-wetting typically happen at the end of Stage Four sleep. (This does not include the problems that can happen with sleep medications like Ambien and Lunesta).

Stage Five: REM

Most dreaming occurs during Stage Five, known as REM. REM sleep is characterized by eye movement, increased respiration rate and increased brain activity. REM sleep is also referred to as paradoxical sleep because, while the brain and other body systems become more active, your muscles become more relaxed, or paralyzed. Dreaming occurs because of increased brain activity, but voluntary muscles become paralyzed. Voluntary muscles are those that you need to move by choice, for example, your arms and legs. Involuntary muscles are those that include your heart and gut. They move on their own.

Rapid eye movement, or REM sleep, is when you typically dream. You may have images float by in earlier stages, particularly when you are going through Alpha or Theta, but the actual dream state occurs in REM.

This period of paralyzation is a built-in protective measure to keep you from harming yourself. When you are paralyzed, you can’t leap out of bed and run. Do you ever feel like you can’t escape during a dream? Well, the truth is, you can’t. You can breathe, and your heart is working, but you really can’t move.

Cycles

Sleep does not progress through all of these stages in sequence, however. Sleep begins in Stage One and progresses into stages 2, 3, and 4. Then, after Stage Four sleep, Stages Three, then Two are repeated before going into REM sleep. Once REM is over, we usually return to Stage Two sleep. Sleep cycles through these stages approximately 4 or 5 times throughout the night.

We typically enter REM approximately 90 minutes after falling asleep. The first cycle of REM often lasts only a short amount of time, but each cycle becomes longer. This is why we need long periods of sleep each night. If we get short periods of sleep, we can’t really get through the stages we need to heal and stay healthy. REM can last up to an hour as our sleep progresses. In case you are wondering, if you feel like a dream is taking a long period of time, it really is. Contrary to what was once believed, dreams take as long as they actually seem.

Getting sleepy? OK, sleep well, perchance to dream….

Understanding the Language of Dreams

Your dreams deliver a rich soup of information every day. How can you remember them?

How To Remember Your Dreams

1. Ask yourself to dream about something you want help with before going to sleep.
2. Record dreams before they fade using a notepad or tape recorder.
3. Take what you get, even a dream fragment.
4. Don’t overdo alcohol or other sedatives before bedtime—they can disrupt sleep and make it harder to remember dreams.
5. Get enough sleep to help you better recall your dreams.
6. Be patient. You may not remember your dreams right away.
7. Don’t lose a lot of sleep trying to remember every dream.

Types of Dreams

There are very different types of dreams. Mostly, we experience dreams as a composite of familiar experiences. Those experiences may flow into each other more suddenly or abruptly than in waking life. These ordinary dreams usually do contain significant meaning worth exploring.

Other kinds of dreams may shake you up or even challenge your model of reality. The most commonly recognized categories of dreams are as follows (a single dream may fit more than one of these categories):

• Ordinary
• Guiding
• Repetitive
• Archetypal
• Nightmares
• Lucid dreams and out-of-body experiences
• Paranormal
• “Big” dreams

1. Guiding dreams can outline the core issue a person is struggling with and provide extensive guidance on how to proceed with treatment. Other guiding dreams may offer meaningful perspectives from an inner healer or teacher.

2. Repetitive dreams suggest that the unrealized dream material has not been understood or the dreamer can’t or won’t respond to it.
3. Archetypal dreams contain universal forms (archetypes). For example, an image of a golden sphere can represent wholeness and completion of long internal work.
4. Nightmares are sufficiently frightening that they awaken the dreamer to a situation unaddressed in conscious life. The dreamer usually recalls nightmare contents. This is different from “sleep terrors” where someone may awaken in a terrified state but be unable to record the dream contents. The difference may be physiological, since sleep terrors are produced during a deeper state of sleep.
5. In a lucid dream, the dreamer is aware of dreaming and is able to make conscious choices within the dream. Lucid dreams may correspond with a heightened ability to maintain consciousness in relaxed states, something found in people who advance in meditation practice or consciously pursue dreamwork.

   In addition to being awake within a lucid dream, some people report an experience of leaving their bodies during the dream state. Dr. Stephen LaBerge favors the view that these out-of-body experiences (OBEs) are a product of the imagination. He has conducted research that supports his belief. Dr. Charles Tart is another respected researcher whose experiments support his belief that people can partially separate from their physical bodies and even report objective perceptions obtained during OBEs.

6. Paranormal dreams are those said to contain information one might not otherwise know through the physical senses. (You don’t need to believe in psychic abilities to benefit from the imagery produced by the sleeping mind.) It’s not unusual, for instance, for people to dream that someone has died and find out that later that this was true, even though it was unexpected and they hadn’t been told. Such dreams may be more common with highly-charged emotional events.
7. “Big” dreams contain visions or information beyond one’s daily, personal concerns. These are relatively rare and may be more common to people of intellectual, visionary or spiritual stature. An example of such a dream is that of C. G. Jung before one of the great world wars of the 20th century, in which he saw Europe floating in an ocean of blood.

When your mind wanders from what you’re doing, take a moment to reflect before forcing yourself to concentrate. It may be that you were working on a difficult decision or situation, getting closer to a good solution. Or you could be imagining a scene in which you’re very relaxed and calm.

Although often considered unfocused, daydreams can help us get organized by keeping our life’s agenda at the front of our minds. They remind us of what’s coming up, help us rehearse new situations, plan the future, and scan past experiences so we can learn from them. By visualizing success, we boost our motivation and confidence. By completing a task mentally, we save time and become more efficient. By recalling past mistakes, we alter our behavior and prevent them happening again.

Daydreaming allows the mind to come up with ideas and modify them like a fantastically advanced computer. Sparked by a TV program, book or friend’s comment, we can develop detailed plans which may result in the perfect birthday gift or a more sensible journey to work. And for anyone wanting to become more creative, daydreaming is absolutely essential.

Tips for successful daydreaming:

• Don’t try too hard. Forcing yourself to come up with new ideas rarely works.
• Clear your mind by keeping a list of things to do on paper, rather than in your head.
• Let go of the need to be constantly busy, if only for a few minutes.
• See what triggers your thoughts most effectively; it may be music, abstract art, an unfamiliar environment, complete silence, or something else unique to you.
• Let your mind wander and follow it.

Walking for Creativity

Walking is rarely viewed as an end in itself. Daydreaming expert Tom Hodgkinson believes that most people who stride along city streets are not enjoying their stroll. In his recent book, How to Be Idle, Hodgkinson points out the creative benefits of simply going for a walk.

“Caught up in this sort of walking, we find it hard to abandon ourselves to the moment,” he writes. “However, with a little effort of will it is not so hard to get into a reflective walking-mindset even amid the bustle and turmoil of the working day.” Slow walking may seem like a waste of time, he says, but “to the creative spirit it is a fertile activity.” We generate ideas when walking. Beethoven claims he wrote music in his head while walking around Vienna, which he did every day without fail, regardless of the weather.

Keeping Daydream Notes

In order to benefit from daydreaming, it is necessary to pay attention to this “self-to-self” channel of communication. We can all become more receptive to ideas generated in our subconscious. But they should not always be taken at face value. Their real meaning might need unraveling, as it may be buried in an unrealistic fantasy. Writing down a quick summary of your daydreams could help you extract their recurring themes. You might conclude that you want to improve your education, or are underappreciated by friends and family and want more recognition or respect, for example. Escapist daydreams may imply that you feel frustrated or bored and need to change some aspect of your life to give you the stimulation you lack.

Sometimes daydreaming can be therapeutic in itself, changing our mood by relaxing or entertaining us. Being able to revisit a familiar place can make us feel safe and happy, and help us endure a challenging or difficult situation. And daydreaming about negative situations isn’t the same as worrying, it’s about running through events to push boundaries and see how things could be done differently.

Some people claim they never daydream at all, and do all their planning consciously and logically. But they could just be using a different definition of the word. There’s no need to be concerned that daydreaming is frivolous — there are many advantages to “having your head in the clouds.”

Reference

Hodgkinson, Tom. How to Be Idle: A Loafer’s Manifesto. April 2007: Harper Perennial.

Hodgkinson article

How To Remember Daydreams

–Cara, age 29, single, Montreal, Canada

Hi Cara,

It’s a good thing that “tidal waves” aren’t as common in real life as they are in our dreams. Otherwise, we’d all be sopping wet!

Water in dreams is a universal symbol for emotions. Accordingly, when we dream of tidal waves, or of “rising water” in general, we are encouraged to look for areas in our lives where our emotions may be “running high,” or even threatening to overwhelm us. Given the background you have provided, it would appear that your dream is no exception.

You have told us that currently you are being pulled in two directions. Your feelings for your male friend are growing, as recently you have begun to think of him romantically. At the same time, you also are aware that your close female friend will become jealous — and perhaps even angry — should she learn of this blossoming attraction.

Given the sequence of events in the dream, the first wave most likely represents your increasing feelings for your male friend. You are having an intense discussion with him when you see the tidal wave approaching in the background. It is also significant that, at this point in the dream, you are convinced you both will “die.”

Death in dreams almost never should be interpreted literally. Rather, it is a common symbol for change. Accordingly, your dream awareness that you both will “die” most likely represents the transition you already perceive occurring in your relationship. As soon as you recognize this change, however, another tidal wave looms in the distance, “seeming to be from a different source than the first.” Do we need a map to locate the source for this wave? It is your female friend’s emotional distress should she learn of your blossoming romance.

It’s natural for friends to be jealous, and even possessive, with their close friends. Unfortunately, it also is immature and short-sighted. Even though it means her relationship with you will change, your girlfriend needs to recognize the inevitable and give you her blessings, no matter what you decide. It’s the only way you two will weather this “storm” together.

Charles McPhee is a graduate of Princeton University and holds a master’s in communication management from the University of Southern California. He received his board certification to perform polysomnographic testing for the diagnosis and treatment of sleep disorders in 1992. McPhee is the former Director of the Sleep Apnea Patient Treatment Program at the Sleep Disorders Center of Santa Barbara, California; the former coordinator of the Sleep Disorders Center at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, CA , and the former coordinator of the sleep research laboratory at the National Institute of Mental Health in Bethesda, MD. Please visit his website for further information.

–nancy, age 27, separated, NY

Hi Nancy,

I agree that this is a crisis situation! If you aren’t able to enjoy water or the beach anymore, it’s time for a new dream life!

Falling dreams usually indicate uncertainty in our lives. When we are falling in real life, our main concern is “where we are going to land.” We also wonder if we will be hurt by the fall.

Judging by your dream report, it appears there may be enough uncertainty in your life (about the future) to explain these dreams, without having to concern yourself with past life experiences. Specifically, you inform us that currently you are separated from your husband. Separation, as you know, is an incomplete status. Your aren’t happily married anymore, nor do you enjoy the closure of divorce or reunion with your mate. What’s the result? Your personal life is on hold. You don’t know where you “stand.”

Water in dreams is a consistent symbol for emotions. Instead of thinking literally about this recurring symbol, may I suggest that you begin to think metaphorically? Being suspended in deep water suggests a state of being emotionally “in limbo.” Falling into oceans and other large bodies of water, similarly, is a metaphor for being in an emotional “free-fall.”

What’s the solution? It appears you have already noticed a correlation between the frequency of these dreams and periods of instability in your waking life (occasionally in childhood, and now more recently, during this difficult period of separation). Next time you have a falling dream, recognize it as a sign that you are feeling emotionally overwhelmed. If you aren’t already visiting a relationship counselor, I suggest you start. The more control you assert over your future, the sooner these dreams will vanish. Then it will be time for a relaxing, and well-deserved, swim at the beach.

Charles McPhee is a graduate of Princeton University and holds a master’s in communication management from the University of Southern California. He received his board certification to perform polysomnographic testing for the diagnosis and treatment of sleep disorders in 1992. McPhee is the former Director of the Sleep Apnea Patient Treatment Program at the Sleep Disorders Center of Santa Barbara, California; the former coordinator of the Sleep Disorders Center at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, CA , and the former coordinator of the sleep research laboratory at the National Institute of Mental Health in Bethesda, MD. Please visit his website for further information.

–anonymous

Your dream reminds me of being trapped on a sinking ship at sea. As the dream ends, you are being forced to abandon ship, with only a floating object to help keep you alive.

Water in dreams is a consistent symbol for emotions. (Some people speculate that our first emotional memories are created when we’re still floating in our mother’s wombs. This may explain the correlation between water and emotions.) Accordingly, floods, tidal waves and other dream visions of rising water usually are associated with periods of “heightened” emotion in our lives.

In the dream you climb a tall building to escape a rising tide. Once you reach the top, you encounter a scene of departure and transition. Some people already have sunk in the water. Others are saying good-bye. Just before you awaken, you know that you, too, must jump from the building, and try to stay afloat.

I am sorry to learn of your continuing marital difficulties. Despite the lack of communication and contact with your husband, it is clear that you prefer to remain married, and keep the remainder of your family together, rather than traverse the difficult waters of a separation and divorce.

Your husband’s recent overture regarding divorce, however, appears to have sounded bells of alarm. Given the background you have provided us, your dream appears to represent feelings that you are about to be cast away into an ocean of uncertainty, including doubts for your survival. The support you currently cling to (your marriage — represented by the building in the dream) may be “going under.”

There is no easy answer to your marital difficulties. Because your husband has expressed his desire for a divorce, your dream appears to be encouraging you to look ahead into the future, to the possible reality of his intention. If he does decide to leave the marriage, you will want to be as prepared as possible. It would be nice to step off that sinking building onto a safe piece of dry land, wouldn’t it?

Your dream is a call to action! If you haven’t already done so, it’s time to visit a marriage counselor. Learn what your legal and financial rights are, and begin to prepare for a transition in your life. The sooner you face these troubling issues, rather than hope they will go away, the quicker this emotional tide will recede.

Charles McPhee is a graduate of Princeton University and holds a master’s in communication management from the University of Southern California. He received his board certification to perform polysomnographic testing for the diagnosis and treatment of sleep disorders in 1992. McPhee is the former Director of the Sleep Apnea Patient Treatment Program at the Sleep Disorders Center of Santa Barbara, California; the former coordinator of the Sleep Disorders Center at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, CA , and the former coordinator of the sleep research laboratory at the National Institute of Mental Health in Bethesda, MD. Please visit his website for further information.

–michelle, age 30, female, divorced, englewood, OH

Hi Michelle,

After living “in the dark” for so long (not knowing your ex’s “other side”), it must feel good to step outside and get some fresh air.

I don’t think it’s too hard to understand the meaning of this dream. When you look out your back door and view your neighbor’s house, the air smells fresh and wonderful. You also notice his yard. In the dream, the shrubs you trimmed together recently are entirely cut back. This allows you to “see his house and everything completely.” The metaphor employed by your dream relates to vision. You are able to “see” this fine man — represented by his house and yard — plainly. Nothing is hidden or obscured from view.

As if to compare and contrast these two men in your life, you next find yourself walking along a sandy beach. Just as a conch shell in real life allows us to “eavesdrop” on a distant ocean, your dream conch shell opens a window for you to view your husband’s past (and present) activities. drinking, drugs, and women.

Beaches in dreams are symbolic locations of resolution, because they are areas where conscious (land) and unconscious (water) forces meet. Your neighbor has suggested you still hold feelings of unforgiveness for your ex in your heart, but your dream suggests otherwise. From this location of resolution, you are able to view your ex plainly now, with a sense of peace and perspective.

Christian wisdom teaches us to “hate” sin, but to always forgive the sinner. After a disappointing first marriage, it is clear you feel relieved to be free of this relationship, and have renewed appreciation of the values you need and desire in a future partner.

Charles McPhee is a graduate of Princeton University and holds a master’s in communication management from the University of Southern California. He received his board certification to perform polysomnographic testing for the diagnosis and treatment of sleep disorders in 1992. McPhee is the former Director of the Sleep Apnea Patient Treatment Program at the Sleep Disorders Center of Santa Barbara, California; the former coordinator of the Sleep Disorders Center at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, CA , and the former coordinator of the sleep research laboratory at the National Institute of Mental Health in Bethesda, MD. Please visit his website for further information.

–ann, age 33, single, female, GA

Hi Ann,

It’s always a little strange when we dream about sex with a co-worker. Will we ever look at them in the same way? Does it mean we really are attracted to them, or they to us? And if we do admit to an attraction, isn’t this a dangerous blurring of boundaries in our professional workplace?

Sex in dreams rarely is a disguised symbol. Accordingly, if we dream of sex with a friend or acquaintance, we generally should remain open to the possibility that we find this person attractive, even if the dream, at first, takes us by surprise. Judging by your report, there are several reasons why you may currently find your boss attractive. You have recently developed a close working relationship, and enjoy the day-to-day interaction. Is it strange that your mind occasionally wonders “what if?”

Sex in dreams also can be a metaphor for “good chemistry.” For example, people who work together in the entertainment industry, who have to “come together” and “put on a good show” for an audience, frequently dream of sex with their co-workers, even when there really is no romantic interest. Is it possible your recent promotion — reporting “directly to the boss” — has placed your performance in a similar spotlight? (He approves of your work!)

Finally, your recent engagement is big news — and is bound to cause some “wedding nerves.” Couples often dream of ex-lovers and other romantic liaisons upon becoming engaged. Does it mean they wish to go back in time, or cancel their plans for the future? Fortunately, the answer is neither. With the big day approaching, they are simply nervous about making the right decision.

Your boss may have qualities you find attractive, but his wife’s presence throughout the dream (in the adjoining room) shows you clearly are aware of his unavailability. What’s the message of this dream? You’re getting married soon — and you are fortunate to have a good relationship with your boss. The only person who can interfere with your future is — yourself!

Charles McPhee is a graduate of Princeton University and holds a master’s in communication management from the University of Southern California. He received his board certification to perform polysomnographic testing for the diagnosis and treatment of sleep disorders in 1992. McPhee is the former Director of the Sleep Apnea Patient Treatment Program at the Sleep Disorders Center of Santa Barbara, California; the former coordinator of the Sleep Disorders Center at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, CA , and the former coordinator of the sleep research laboratory at the National Institute of Mental Health in Bethesda, MD. Please visit his website for further information.

–holly, age 19, single, female, morgantown, WV

Hi Holly,

I am sorry to learn of your disturbing dream. It had a gloomy ending, but I’m not sure that’s how it will end in real life!

Your dream reflects concerns that Steve, your boyfriend of three years now, may be hiding something in his “closet.” When he opens the door and Josh emerges (who is gay in real life), Steve’s dilemma is exposed. Steve is attracted to men, in addition to being attracted to you!

A simple interpretation of your dream is that you have recognized, at a subconscious level, that Steve really is gay, and that he is keeping this information from you (hidden in the closet). Continuing on this theme, you may suspect Josh is Steve’s lover in real life, or he may simply represent (because he is gay) a general fear that Steve is attracted to men.

Once you learn that Josh and Steve “wear the same clothes,” a “spider-bee-thing” flies along and stings you both. Spiders in dreams often are associated with “creepy” people and feelings — things we wish to avoid in our waking lives. Similarly, bees tend to “bug us,” and they carry a sting. If the creepy feeling that has been bugging you is your suspicion that Steve is gay, your dream suggests this suspicion may “kill” your relationship, represented by your deaths at the end of the dream.

Before you worry too much about the meaning of this dream, it’s time to do a feelings check. If you genuinely are suspicious of Steve’s sexual orientation, this dream is a sign that it is time to bring the topic “out of the closet” and “onto the table.” If Steve tells you he is attracted to other men, your dream suggests his interest may be a “deal breaker.” (Translation: Break-up time!)

If Steve is uncertain of his feelings, you both may want to take a break, to allow each other to explore your emotions. Finally, if you think the only reason you had this dream is because you are worried about losing Steve, and because some of your other male friends are gay (Josh), it may be time to bring some of your own fears out of the closet. Just because Josh and Steve are friends, doesn’t mean Steve also is gay, or that Josh is trying to steal him away!

What’s the message of this dream? It’s time for you and Steve to talk. You may end up saying good-bye, but you also may wind up having a very good laugh!

Charles McPhee is a graduate of Princeton University and holds a master’s in communication management from the University of Southern California. He received his board certification to perform polysomnographic testing for the diagnosis and treatment of sleep disorders in 1992. McPhee is the former Director of the Sleep Apnea Patient Treatment Program at the Sleep Disorders Center of Santa Barbara, California; the former coordinator of the Sleep Disorders Center at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, CA , and the former coordinator of the sleep research laboratory at the National Institute of Mental Health in Bethesda, MD. Please visit his website for further information.