Divorce Library


F E A T U R E D    A R T I C L E

Affair Recovery: Jealousy, Forgiveness and Building Trust

October 24th, 2014
What warrants a permanent breakup? What set of rules has to be breached and how badly, for two people, formerly attached to each other, to decide to part for good? The answer is different for every couple, but the only other emotional ...

Acceptance and Rewriting Your Life Story

Acceptance and Rewriting Your Life StoryWe grow up with certain beliefs about ourselves and our lives and expectations that things should work out a certain way. Then, we change, our lives change, and we start to realize that things aren't going as we had expected. This ...

What to Do When ‘I’m Sorry’ Doesn’t Work

What to Do When “I’m Sorry” Doesn’t WorkWe all mess up at times with our spouses, kids, and others important to us. Misunderstandings and empathic failures cannot be avoided in close relationships, but aren’t necessarily detrimental. In fact, the ongoing climate of relationships is typically affected ...

The Stop-Drop-Roll Method of Managing Infidelity

bandaid-for-marriage-in-crisisOften, the most seemingly unrelated day-to-day events give us opportunities to learn from our mistakes and help keep us from repeating them. Our local fire station recently conducted their annual fire safety lesson for my son’s third-grade class, complete with the shiny red pumper truck and fun ...

How to Change Your Attachment Style

How to Change Your Attachment StyleWe’re wired for attachment -- that's why babies cry when separated from their mothers. Depending especially upon our mother’s behavior, as well as later experiences and other factors, we develop a style of attaching that affects our behavior in close relationships. Fortunately, ...

7 Persistent Myths About Marriage

7 Persistent Myths About MarriageMyths about marriage abound. Some myths come from pop culture. For instance, a persistent myth is that your relationship should come easy when you’re with “the one,” said Jazmin Moral, LCSW-C, a psychotherapist who specializes in working with couples in Rockville, Md. Other ...

Attachment Panic, or Why You Can’t ‘Just Chill Out’

Attachment Panic, or Why You Can’t 'Just Chill Out'All over the world, in many different languages, at this very moment (accounting for time differences), there are couples having a conversation that goes kind of like this: Woman: Why didn't you call me when you were going to ...

6 Obstacles to Building a Healthy Marriage

weddingNewly wed is such a warm and promising term. It means that you are newly launching into another stage of life. You are now married. It’s a shift in a relationship even if you’ve been together for years. How you treat each other in the next few ...

Are You in Denial?

Are You in Denial?We’re all in denial. We’d barely get through the day if we worried that we or people we love could die today. Life is unpredictable, and denial helps us cope and focus on what we must in order to survive. On the other ...

Don’t Ask Your Partner to Erase the Past

marriage_communication5I’ve received dozens of letters to the Psych Central advice column with the same problem: The writer has married a man or woman who is divorced and is upset because the new spouse wants to keep old pictures or items from their former marriage. For the spouse, ...

The Effects of Criticism on Relationships

The Effects of Criticism on RelationshipsAgain and again in my work with couples I see the destructive effect criticism can have on a relationship. In this article I would like to explore what my three favorite relationship experts have to say about criticism and its effects ...

Book Review: Best Kept Secret

BOOK REVIEW.
“Cadence didn’t sit down one night and decide that downing two bottles of wine was a brilliant idea.” - Amy Hatvany Amy Hatvany’s Best Kept Secret is a gripping novel that explores the intricacies of a painful truth - the truth of addiction. “Cadence could be you, your neighbor, your friend,” author Kaira ...

Picking up the Pieces After the Betrayal of Cheating

Picking up the Pieces After the Betrayal of CheatingIt must be cellular: Men and women automatically feel humiliated when their partner cheats, even though they themselves have done nothing to be ashamed of. Too often, people feel embarrassed for their partner's behavior, whether it's domestic violence, ...

Fathers Reconnecting with Abandoned Kids

Fathers Reconnecting with Abandoned KidsJesse came to therapy with an important project in mind. Mine was not the first office he’d been to. He’d already been in a rehab program where he kicked a 10-year drug habit that had ruined his health, his marriage and his ...

Book Review: Beautiful Day

BOOK REVIEW.
I call it the wedding book, but really it’s a book about marriage. I hit every point on the possible spectrum of marriages, from the best marriages to the worst marriages, from the worst divorce to the best divorce. -- Elin Hilderbrand Anyone who knows me knows I pine for Elin Hilderbrand’s novels, which are set ...

Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage

BOOK REVIEW.
I saw it (marriage) as oppressive and outdated. And stupid and useless. And possibly very, very destructive. And I came away thinking it’s complex and long-lived. It must be here for a purpose, because it keeps being here. It’s always evolving. — Elizabeth Gilbert Committed is Elizabeth Gilbert’s honest and compelling sequel to ...

A Summer Vacation Guide for Noncustodial Parents

A Summer Vacation Guide for Noncustodial ParentsFor the noncustodial parent who lives far from his or her children, summer vacation often is greeted with a mixture of excitement and anxiety. This may be the only extended time that parent and child are together. A few ...

Summer Island

BOOK REVIEW.
"It was the impurity in her heart that made her successful. She was an ordinary woman who’d made extraordinary mistakes. She understood every nuance of need and loss." ~ Summer Island Given my love for women’s fiction, I’m enthusiastic when I discover a new writer’s collection. Happily, best-selling author Kristin Hannah captured my interest immediately with ...

Are You Trapped & Unhappy in Your Relationship?

Are You Trapped & Unhappy in Your Relationship?Do you feel trapped in a relationship you can’t leave? Of course, feeling trapped is a state of mind. No one needs consent to leave a relationship. Millions of people ...

Issues to Discuss Before You Commit

Issues to Discuss Before You CommitYou’re in love -- deeply, passionately, crazy in love. You want to move in together. You are sure you want to share the rest of your lives. You want to marry. Stop! Before you reserve the moving truck or ...

The Divorce Party

BOOK REVIEW.
I enjoy reading anything by Laura Dave; I find that her characters embody a perfect blend of endearment and fault that really make them human. Dave does not disappoint with The Divorce Party, an entertaining novel that provides valuable insight about the nature of relationships. Gwyn and Thomas are toasting to the end of their ...

Signs You Are Verbally Abused: Part II

Signs You Are Verbally Abused: Part II“Beware of rude and abusive people who love their mouths more than they love you.” ~ J. E. Brown You think you are being verbally abused by your partner. In fact, you suspect that you are ...

Signs You Are Verbally Abused: Part I

Signs You Are Verbally Abused: Part INote: Issues of verbal control can exist in any relationship, heterosexual, gay or lesbian, male towards a female partner or the other way around. Since more is known about verbal abuse in relationships where a ...