It is widely believed that the Beats led to the hippies of the 60s and contributed to changing societal views towards drugs, sex, the arts, and more. When people debate about legalizing marijuana or same-sex marriage today, they can trace such ideas back to the Beats. In their book Mania, authors Ronald K.L. Collins and David M. Skover examine the lives of those men referred to as the Beats and how these fascinating individuals left an indelible mark on our culture.

Collins and Skover explicitly state that in this work they “seek neither to demonize nor apologize for Ginsberg and his cohorts.” That is, the authors aim to present the Beats in an honest way, without necessarily glorifying some of the more contentious aspects of the group members’ lives. In certain ways, the book emulates the writing of the Beats themselves; the stories are raw, without any sugarcoating of the alcohol, drugs, or sex that permeated the scene of these counter-cultural icons.

By the end, the reader feels that they have journeyed across the country with Kerouac, Ginsberg, and the entire cast of “angelheaded hipsters.”

While the Beat Generation was undoubtedly an influential movement in our history, one might wonder why a book about this group is being featured on a mental health website. In fact, the field of psychiatry and mental health were prominent themes in the lives and writing of many members of the Beats.

Allen Ginsberg was once a patient at the Columbia Presbyterian Psychiatric Institute and much is told in Mania about the relationship he formed with writer Carl Solomon while they were both there receiving psychiatric care. Jack Kerouac as well was sent to a psychiatric ward while he served in the Navy. One of Kerouac’s more famous quotes is the line from On the Road that begins “The only people for me are the mad ones…”

In these stories of what authorities in the 40s and 50s deemed “madness,” we can catch a glimpse of the history of psychiatric treatment. While it is hard and perhaps inappropriate to speculate as to whether or not these famous men suffered from mental illnesses, it seems that their nonconformity to society’s norms certainly played a role in their hospitalization. For instance, Ginsberg’s homosexual behavior was cited as one of the reasons for his need of care, whereas nowadays this would not be the case. Much of what may have seemed shocking in their day would seem to be to be normal or commonplace to most people today.

The authors utilize Ginsberg’s famous poem “Howl” as a focal point of the book. Perhaps the most well-known work of the Beats (it shares its title with a 2010 film about Ginsberg starring James Franco), its opening lines echo its writer’s experience with emotional distress: I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness.

With graphic imagery and stark language, the poem typifies the Beat ethos of presenting life exactly as one sees it, with no holding back. As Collins and Skover put it, this poem represents when Ginsberg “turned his inner madness outward.” The book also goes into detail regarding the famous obscenity trial over the poem. Through this legal battle, the reader sees how the Beats influenced the very definition of art in modern times.

Whatever one thinks of the Beats and their writing, there is no denying that they had a major influence on our society: Artists from Bob Dylan to the Beatles have commented on the inspiration they drew from this group. Mania offers an intriguing look at the Beat Generation, even for readers who may be unfamiliar with these compelling icons. Meanwhile, for those who may be well versed in the history of the counter-cultural movement, the book provides a great deal of new insight. And although the book is not meant as a history of mental health care, it serves as a fascinating look at what was considered psychologically “abnormal” just half a century ago.

Mania
Top Five Books, March, 2013
Hardcover, 464 pages
$26.00 

Both parents need to nurture children. Healthy parenting helps the grown child be his or her own best mother and father. A child must not only feel loved, but also that he or she is understood and valued by both parents as a separate, unique individual and that both parents want a relationship with him or her. Although we have many needs, I’m focusing on nurturing emotional needs.

Emotional Needs

In addition to physical nourishment, including gentle touch, care, and food, emotional nurturing consists of meeting a child’s emotional needs. These include:

• Love
• Play
• Respect
• Encouragement
• Understanding
• Acceptance
• Empathy
• Comfort
• Reliability
• Guidance
• The importance of empathy

A child’s thoughts and feelings need to be taken seriously and listened to with respect and understanding. One way of communicating this is by mirroring or reflecting back what he or she is saying. “You’re angry that it’s time to stop playing now.” Instead of judgment (“you shouldn’t be jealous of Cindy’s new friend”), a child needs acceptance and empathic understanding, such as: “I know you’re hurt and feel left out by Cindy and her friend.”

Empathy is deeper than intellectual understanding. It’s identification at an emotional level with what the child feels and needs. Of course, it’s equally important that a parent appropriately meets those needs, including giving comfort in moments of distress.

Accurate empathy is important for children to feel understood and accepted. Otherwise, they may feel alone, abandoned, and not loved for who they are, but only for what their parents want to see. Many parents unwittingly harm their children by denying, ignoring, or shaming their child’s needs, actions, and expressions of thoughts or feelings. Simply saying, “How could you do that?” may be felt as shaming or humiliating. Responding to a child’s tears with laughter, or “That’s nothing to cry about,” or “You shouldn’t be (or ‘Don’t be’) sad,” are forms of denying and shaming a child’s natural feelings.

Even parents who have sympathetic intentions may be preoccupied or misunderstand and misattuned to their child. With enough repetitions, a child learns to deny and dishonor natural feelings and needs and to believe that he or she is unloved or inadequate.

Good parents are also reliable and protective. They keep promises and commitments, provide nourishing food and medical and dental care. They protect their child from anyone who threatens or harms him or her.

Tips for Self-Love & Self-Nurturing

Once grown, you still have these emotional needs. Self-love means meeting them. If fact, it’s each person’s responsibility to be his or her own parent and meet these emotional needs, irrespective of whether you’re in a relationship. Of course, there are times you need support, touch, understanding, and encouragement from others. However, the more you practice self-nurturing, the better your relationships will be.

All of the things a good mother does, you have the superior capacity to do, for who knows your deepest feelings and needs better than you?

Here are some steps you can take:

• When you have uncomfortable feelings, put your hand on your chest, and say aloud, “You’re (or I’m) ____.” (e.g., angry, sad, afraid, lonely). This accepts and honors your feelings.
• If you have difficulty identifying your feelings, pay attention to your inner dialogue. Notice your thoughts. Do they express worry, judgment, despair, resentment, envy, hurt, or wishing? Notice your moods. Are you irritable, anxious, or blue? Try to name your specific feelings. (“Upset” isn’t a specific feeling.) Do this several times a day to increase your feeling recognition. You can find lists of hundreds of feelings online.
• Think or write about the cause or trigger for your feeling and what you need that will make you feel better. Meeting needs is good parenting.
• If you’re angry or anxious, practice yoga or martial arts, meditation, or simple breathing exercises. Slowing your breath slows your brain and calms your nervous system. Exhale 10 times making a hissing (“sss”) sound with your tongue behind your teeth. Doing something active is also ideal for releasing anger.
• Practice giving yourself comfort: Write a supportive letter to yourself, expressing what an ideal parent would say. Have a warm drink. Studies show this actually elevates your mood. Swaddle your body in a blanket or sheet like a baby. This is soothing and comforting to your body.
• Do something pleasurable, e.g., read or watch comedy, look at beauty, walk in nature, sing or dance, create something, or stroke your skin. Pleasure releases chemicals in the brain that counterbalance pain, stress, and negative emotions. Discover what pleasures you. (To read more about the neuroscience of pleasure, read my article, “The Healing Power of Pleasure”.)
• Adults also need to play. This means doing something purposeless that fully engages you and is enjoyable for its own sake. The more active the better, i.e., play with your dog vs. walking him, sing or collect seashells vs. watching television. Play brings you into the pleasure of the moment. Doing something creative is a great way to play, but be cautious not to judge yourself. Remember the goal is enjoyment – not the finished product.
• Practice complimenting and encouraging yourself – especially when you don’t think you’re doing enough. Notice this self-judgment for what it is, and be a positive coach. Remind yourself of what you have done and allow yourself time to rest and rejuvenate.
• Forgive yourself. Good parents don’t punish children for mistakes or constantly remind them, and they don’t punish willful wrongs repeatedly. Instead, learn from mistakes and make amends when necessary.
• Keep commitments to yourself as you would anyone else. When you don’t, you’re in effect abandoning yourself. How would you feel if your parent repeatedly broke promises to you? Love yourself by demonstrating that you’re important enough to keep commitments to yourself.

A Word of Caution

Beware of self-judgment. Remember that feelings aren’t rational. Whatever you feel is okay and it’s okay if you don’t know why you feel the way you do. What is important is acceptance of your feelings and the positive actions you take to nurture yourself. Many people think, “I shouldn’t be angry (sad, afraid, depressed, etc.). This may reflect judgment they received as a child. Often it’s this unconscious self-judgment that is the cause of irritability and depression. Learn how to combat self-criticism in my ebook, “10 Steps to Self-Esteem,” available in online bookstores.

This is a fascinating book for those who want to think about and remember more useful information. It combines some common-sense advice with the author’s experience in the field of cognitive science. While I didn’t find every point helpful, there is much to like.

According to Markman, smart thinking is “the ability to solve problems using what you already know.” That sounds simple, but the book explains how we can put better information into our brains and then get better at recalling that information. As a result, we become better thinkers. That’s an appealing idea.

Markman’s formula goes something like this: We should develop a habit of acquiring high-quality knowledge which we then apply to problem solving. It doesn’t seem to be the author’s intent to present startling new methods, but rather to use his knowledge of how the mind works to give us basic ideas to improve our thinking. This can mean thinking outside the box, which is hardly a new approach. Or, applying what we know from one field to a totally different one to arrive at a solution.

Markman spends a chapter or more on the topic of habits. He suggests that if we develop good learning habits, we make it easier for our brain to think. This in turn relieves mental stress and preserves energy for more challenging tasks. We likely haven’t thought a lot about how much energy we use in thinking, but Markman wants us to understand that we use mental energy in much the way we consume physical energy. When we are in our comfort, or habitual, zones of working with familiar subjects, thinking seems to come easily and without much stress. So, he posits, our goal should be to make more subjects familiar ones.

For instance, are you able to move about a room in the dark? If so, that’s because you have made it a habit to maneuver around furniture and other objects by making a connection between an action (your movement) and an environment (the room). When we make that connection in other learning situations such as a classroom or meeting room, it helps our brain to retain the information.

That example works well. But much of Markman’s discussion of other types of habits, such as smoking or overeating, is belabored. They aren’t bad suggestions; it’s just that we have read these ideas in many places before. Still, a helpful tip from the book is that if we want to change or drop a negative habit it works better if we replace that habit with a good habit. Markman adds that keeping a diary can be effective for some people.

I felt the most helpful and interesting discussion was on the subject of memory. Markman suggests that because our memory has capacity limits, it is important to take in information in a smarter way in order to retain more valuable knowledge. He uses a concept called the “Role of 3” to make his point. Even though there may be a lot going on around us, we are capable of absorbing only about three aspects at a time. Further, what we retain in long-term memory is even less detailed. For example, can you remember an early childhood birthday? Being honest, you may recall that there was a party that likely was in a home you recall and likely included certain friends. But you can’t recall much detail with certainty, including how you felt about it. Markman’s bottom line is that if you are having trouble remembering something, you did something wrong on the intake end.

Being aware of the Role of 3 can also be used to our advantage when we are delivering information, as we might in making a presentation or while teaching. We may want to tell our audience or colleagues everything we know, but this could result in their retaining the less important information. It’s better to stick to three main points. In fact, the author repeats common speakers’ advice: Tell them what you are going to say; say it; then tell them what you said.

Markman also says that we miss much of what is right in front of us. He calls it “change blindness,” explaining that although our eyes may be constantly scanning our surroundings, we only notice a small part of what we are scanning. We see examples of this when witnesses to a crime have difficulty describing the perpetrator with much detail, or describing accurately.

The book also claims that it is easier for us to learn new information that is related to something we already know than when it is a totally new topic for us. We can accept this as likely and use this to make us work harder when we are in new learning territory.

Why do we even want to become smart thinkers in the first place? Why not! It can help us in school at any level; in work and careers; and in social interaction. In showing us why we think the way we do, Markman’s book is a useful one, even if not every point is fresh. And if some of his suggestions seem to take too much effort or seem too challenging, we can still learn how to be more alert to what we absorb—and hopefully become more interesting people as a result.

Smart Thinking: Three Essential Keys to Solve Problems, Innovate, and Get Things Done
Perigee, Penguin Group, December, 2012
Paperback, 272 pages
$15

Schizophrenia affects up to one in a hundred people at some point and can cause hallucinations, delusions, and loss of energy and motivation. Creative psychological interventions such as art therapy are widely used in combination with drugs. But the effectiveness of art therapy is unclear.

Professor Mike Crawford of Imperial College London, UK, and his team examined the benefits of group art therapy among 417 adults with a diagnosis of schizophrenia. The patients received group art therapy or non-art group activities each week for a year, or standard care.

The art therapy involved a range of art materials which the patients were encouraged to use “to express themselves freely.” Non-art group activities included board games, watching and discussing DVDs, and visiting local cafes.

This study differs from previous trials of art therapy by focusing on clinically important differences in outcomes. It also provides detailed information about attendance rates, and offers art therapy of a duration that is more like that in real-life clinical practice.

When patients were assessed after two years, overall functioning, social functioning, and mental health symptoms were similar between the groups. Levels of social functioning and satisfaction with care were also similar.

Patients offered a place in an art therapy group were more likely to attend sessions than those offered a place in an activity group. However, the levels of attendance at both types of group was low, with 39 percent of those referred to art therapy and 48 percent of those referred to activity groups not attending any sessions.

Writing in the British Medical Journal, the researchers state, “While we cannot rule out the possibility that group art therapy benefits a minority of people who are highly motivated to use this treatment, we did not find evidence that it leads to improved patient outcomes when offered to most people with schizophrenia.”

They conclude that art therapy, as delivered in this trial, “did not improve global functioning, mental health, or other health related outcomes.” They point out that “[T]hese findings challenge current national treatment guidelines that clinicians should consider referring all people with schizophrenia for arts therapies.” The authors suggest that art therapy should not be offered on a broad basis to all patients, but targeted at those most likely to make use of it, based on an assessment of the patient’s interest and motivation to attend sessions.

Currently, the UK’s National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence recommends that doctors “consider offering arts therapies to all people with schizophrenia, particularly for the alleviation of negative symptoms.” This should be provided by a registered therapist who has experience working with people with schizophrenia.

The guidelines describe arts therapies as “complex interventions that combine psychotherapeutic techniques with activities aimed at promoting creative expression. The aesthetic form is used to ‘contain’ and give meaning to the service user’s experience, and the artistic medium is used as a bridge to verbal dialogue and insight-based psychological development.

“The aim is to enable the patient to experience him/herself differently and develop new ways of relating to others,” the guidelines add.

Professor Crawford and his team think that the lack of clinical improvement in their trial may be due to “the high degree to which people with established schizophrenia are impaired in their clinical and social functioning.” They explain that these impairments are known to increase over time, and the participants had been diagnosed for around 17 years.

It may be that to benefit from group art therapy, “patients need a greater capacity for reflective and flexible thinking,” so targeting interventions at an earlier stage of the illness may be more effective.

Commenting on the study, Dr. Tim Kendall of the UK’s National Collaborating Centre for Mental Health believes that, while art therapy is unlikely to be of clinical benefit for schizophrenia, it “still has great potential for success in the treatment of negative symptoms.”

In an online response to the study, psychiatric hospital art therapist Betsy A. Shapiro, of Alvarado Parkway Institute, La Mesa, California, says the once-weekly nature of the art therapy sessions in the study is a potential problem.

She writes, “I work with patients with schizophrenia and see them 3-5 times a week. Patients not only enjoy group art therapy, they excel in it. Working with a variety of materials keeps them focused, encourages their creativity and appears to increase self-esteem.”

She adds that patients can “show their auditory or visual hallucinations, and express feelings which are difficult for them to do verbally. It provides for safe release of strong emotions such as rage and has prevented them from hurting themselves, others or property.”

Overall, she concludes, “It would be a great disservice to patients if this study influenced a cut-back in art therapy services.”

References

http://www.bmj.com/content/344/bmj.e846

Group art therapy as an adjunctive treatment for people with schizophrenia: multi-centre pragmatic randomised trial. Crawford, M. J. et al. The British Medical Journal February 29, 2012 doi: 10.1136/bmj.e846

Two important principles the authors share are that “there is no such thing as an inner enemy” and that “behind every behavior is a positive intention.” They explain that NLP is drawn from the works of Virginia Satir in the field of family therapy, Milton Erickson in the field of hypnotherapy, and Fritz Perls in Gestalt therapy.

The authors begin by looking at just how we use our brain to think and believe, and they begin teaching ways to positively change and build on those thought patterns and beliefs. Like a workbook of sorts, the guide contains “Discovery Activities” intended to help the us examine how we think and function. The authors instruct the reader in three separate ways to employ visualization: from within one’s own view, from the view of another person, and a third-person visualization as if from a camera.

The book also teaches about communication skills, including how to improve communication by looking at different modalities (the five senses) and sub-modalities (a quality of a given sensory perception, such as brightness in the visual sense). Overall, it teaches us to upgrade our concept of self.

One issue that may arise for a lay reader, or anyone not familiar with NLP, is the lingo. There is a lot of jargon, including swishing, chunking, zooming in and out, accessing cues, paralanguage, filters, mode of operation, modalities and sub-modalities, amplification, and meta programs. Still, although the number of terms might be overwhelming, the authors do an excellent job of writing accessibly. We are given the language, but in a very pragmatic and understandable way, and a reader can find the book quite useful without having to memorize the terms it uses. A glossary at the end proves helpful as a reference.

The book follows the principles of NLP by “chunking” or breaking down behaviors into small, achievable goals. It emphasizes our ability to reframe situations that can cause distress — such as public speaking — by changing self talk. We can change our world, and what gives us stress, by changing how we think about it, the authors write. We can think about the voice within ourselves, and whose it really is. We can even learn a form of eye movement integration that helps relieve the stress and trauma of painful memories.

To me, this way of thinking has an almost martial-arts feel to it — that mind and thought lead to intentions, which energize the actions we take. I have already begun to use the book’s teachings to help change my own behaviors. Hoobyar, one of the coauthors and a late Silicon-Valley CEO who “lived by” the code of NLP, says that we can “acquire good form from the beginning and successfully reprogram poor form created by habitual errors.” This can apply to any behavior change, but I am using it to improve my form in swimming.

Hoobyar also emphasizes creativity and making choices. He says that those with the most flexibility have the most influence within a system, and that we are all interconnected in systems. He writes that “the most important thing I can do is approach another person with a sense of curiosity, expectation, optimism, and interest. Everyone is unique and knows something special.”

That is a good way to approach this book. Mindfully going through the exercises has helped me make self-improvements, and has helped me realize that we gain power by analyzing our behaviors.

NLP: The Essential Guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming
William Morrow Paperbacks, February, 2013
Paperback, 480 pages
$16.99

And, most important, books are life-changers. The kind that change your career, how you interact with loved ones or how you see the world.

Below, in our monthly series, therapists spill about the books that have changed their lives for the better.

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

This book had a powerful effect on psychotherapist Jeffrey Sumber’s perspective on life and love.

Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet had a huge impact on me as a young man because he was able to address the major elements of life, love and relationship through a poetic angle. There is such beauty and truth to Gibran’s book that I often considered it to be a beautiful version of the Bible without all the names and killing.

I remember sitting on a huge sand dune in the Sinai Desert when I was 21 years old, reading this book and meditating on its meaning in my life. I wish more people read this.

Siddhartha by Herman Hesse

Siddhartha is another pivotal book for Sumber, a teacher and author. He also recommends the book to clients who are stuck in life’s “shoulds:” My life should look like this. I should be doing that.

Siddhartha follows the story of a young man who seeks his own illumination but everything he accomplishes never seems to be enough.

At first many people feel that this fictional book about an Indian man in the Far East has little to do with them until they start to see themselves in his journey. The ups and downs, achievements and challenges all seem to resonate at our core because the overall message of the book is so simple in the end.

Sometimes we get more mileage by just stopping, breathing and contemplating life as it passes by.

A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving

John Duffy, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens, loves the redemptive endings and hope inherent in Irving’s writing, particularly in A Prayer for Owen Meany.

Irving is brilliant with language, his wild descriptions of family and relationship dysfunction that, in the end, ring fairly true and lie just beyond the norm. There are no clearly delineated villains or angels. Instead, Irving characters are painfully, blessedly human, flawed and terrified and perfectly drawn.

On the whole, though, as bizarre as his stories are, this one in particular, the plot always sits atop an undercurrent of hope and love. It’s a joy to read.

The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein

This book is a favorite of Deborah Serani, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist and author of Living with Depression. She still finds it stirring today.

As a young girl, Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree was a book that I read over and over again. Of course, at first I didn’t really understand its message, but as time passed I realized that it was a story of unconditional love. It still moves me whenever I pick it up to read.

Freud and Beyond by Stephen Mitchell and Margaret Black

Serani’s other favorite is Freud and Beyond, which she also uses as a teaching tool with her graduate students.

As an adult, I have to say that Freud and Beyond by Stephen Mitchell and Margaret Black is one of my favorites books because it beautifully details the origins of psychodynamic psychotherapy from Freud ‘til present time. Chapters cover many schools of thought and give the reader a great taste of theories, technique and practice.

Pig Will and Pig Won’t by Richard Scarry

This childhood book was one of two that led to a significant decision for Joyce Marter, a psychotherapist and owner of Urban Balance.

The two books that have impacted me the most are vastly different from one another, yet the combination of messages I received from each of them sheds tremendous light on why I became a therapist.

The first book was from my childhood, Richard Scarry’s Pig Will and Pig Won’t, which inspired me to choose and develop one of my primary modes of operation. In the story, Pig Will and Pig Won’t are brothers who respond differently when asked to help with chores and other acts of service.

Pig Won’t declines opportunities to help and misses out on the sometimes surprising rewards that come to Pig Will for choosing to be of service to others, such as feeling connected to his community, taking pride in shared accomplishments, or simply being taken out for chocolate ice cream.

At a young age, this story helped me consciously choose to take the path of engaging in life opportunities to be of service to others, and I am grateful that this decision has resulted in countless rewards and blessings both personally and professionally.

Certainly, sharing a movie now and then is okay, especially if it is truly a time of sharing. Snuggling on the couch while watching a favorite show can provide both parent and child with important contact and down time. But when this kind of togetherness happens more than active interaction, our children miss out. Parents are children’s role models and instructors as well as their source of love and security. When a parent is engaged with them in many ways throughout the day, young children develop the foundation of social and language skills that will follow them throughout their lives. Cartoons, however delightful, are no substitute.

Time in a backyard tent is a wonderful metaphor for an important component of parenting – uninterrupted one-on-one attention. When a parent chats about what is important to the child, answers a child’s compelling questions about life, and tells stories about when he was young, a child learns more than information. He also learns that his questions are important enough to answer and that he is someone worth talking to. Time with a parent that is free of stress and that is all about him is critically important to the child’s sense of worth.

Good conversation is also essential for the development of language. As a toddler, children learn labels for people and things (mama, cat, juice) and basic actions (go, stop, play). In the preschool and early elementary years, children learn the give and take of real conversation – but only if the big people actually talk with them. Genuine conversation with adults (as opposed to orders or one-word responses) gives them new words and new concepts. They learn, both by listening and by trying, how to explain things in more detail. They learn how to wait and listen when another person is speaking. They learn how to follow up one question with another to get more information. This doesn’t happen just by watching cartoon characters talk. It happens by being engaged in a meaningful dialogue with someone who cares enough to listen to their awkward, and sometimes very funny, efforts to tell us something that is important to them.

Children love stories. Stories introduce them to other ways of being in the world. Reading stories and even watching cartoons can introduce our children to different ways to get along with others and to solve problems. Equally important, though, are the stories a child makes up for himself. When a parent lets the child take the lead in creating a story, the child is freed to fully use his imagination. When the parent resists the temptation to take over or to correct the story, the child gets to try out different alternatives and to sort for himself what does and doesn’t make a kind of sense. When the parent only encourages, not criticizes, how the child develops a story, the child learns to value the process of creating.

Preschoolers and kindergarteners are expanding their world from the safety of the familiar to the uncertainty of the unknown. A tent in the backyard is a wonderful example of how to provide a new experience with the support of a loving parent. Being outside in the dark, away from the familiar bed and the familiar sounds of home, can be terrifying (which is why many kids who think they want to sleep outside alone end up back in their own beds by midnight). But with a parent sleeping beside him, the same experience becomes an adventure.

Make no mistake: The backyard campout isn’t about sleeping. It’s about developing the self-confidence to try something new. It’s about mastering the discomfort that comes with being in an unfamiliar place. It’s about first tolerating, then enjoying unfamiliar smells, sounds, and feelings. The presence of a trusted adult makes it all possible.

Being cuddled and held by a parent who loves him is the precursor for everything family is all about. It provides the template for holding and being held by a mate. It’s a rehearsal for loving contact with his own future child. It bonds child and parent through the child’s growing years into adulthood and then into the parents’ senior years. Direct contact, eye-to-eye and skin-to-skin, can’t be accomplished with a movie, however wonderful the animation may be. Snuggling down in the coziness of a tent or under a blanket and talking about the universe feeds the hunger of body as well as of mind.

Quiet time without the stimulation of screens is important to the developing child. Yes, electronics are here to stay. Children need to be comfortable with computers, tablets and cell phones if they are to be in step with their peers and able to access all that is available thanks to the Internet. But kids also need to learn how to use their own imaginations and how to be comfortable with their own company without external stimulation. It’s up to us as parents to provide the opportunity to develop their capacity to imagine, to create, and to interact successfully with others. For that, there is no substitute for our time and attention.

For all these reasons, time in a “tent” with a parent who loves him is essential to the growing child. So put up that tent in the backyard if you have one or build a fort out of the sofa cushions. Burrow together under the covers or camp out under the kitchen table. Then just let imagination and stories and conversation happen. Such times nurture your child’s development and foster a delicious closeness and warmth between you. That’s the sweetness of parenting.

This is the thesis of Wired for Success: Using NLP to Activate Your Brain for Maximum Achievement.

NLP — neurolinguistic programming — is a therapeutic technique used to recognize, understand and reprogram unconscious thought and behavior patterns in order to make your subconscious processes work for your benefit instead of against you.

Jago is a trained psychotherapist who uses NLP at the core of her practice. She is a master practitioner and NLP coach. Jago has already written many books on the subject.

For anyone interested in NLP, Wired for Success is a solid starting point. Jago does a good job of explaining the technique in straightforward language, while not oversimplifying to the point of losing substance. The book is divided into three sections: the first sets the stage, explaining what NLP is, teaching the reader how the mind shapes different experiences, and providing exercises throughout each of its 13 chapters. The second section expands on the first’s teachings, showing paths to help the reader approach real-life situations in newly programmed ways. The final section provides a brief conclusion.

The underlying idea behind NLP is that we can quite literally change our brains. In order to do so, however, we must first understand what is going on within them. To this, Jago writes: “We all have the same essential mental filtering mechanisms for doing this, although we use them differently. NLP calls these meta-programs, and this book shows you how to use them with more awareness and more flexibility.”

These “meta-programs” are at the heart of understanding NLP, and Jago articulates well how our brains “map the world” through them. They act as “mental structures that operate at a high level of generality to organize a mass of more specific information,” in effect becoming templates or filters “that let through certain kinds of information while blocking others.”

This sounds vague, but throughout the book, greater comprehension and a fuller understanding are gained as Jago introduces different examples and exercises. Once we understand how they work and what they’re doing, we can begin to alter them and “use that perspective to have internal conversations that create fuller possibilities for action.”

There doesn’t need to be a specific behavior to be targeted for improvement to use NLP. It certainly can be used to recognize and correct negative thought patterns and behaviors. However, it can also be used to simply improve patterns and skills. Jago cites prioritizing, negotiating, de-stressing, making decisions and finding opportunities as some areas where NLP can create positive results.

Although the two methods are strikingly different, the net effects of NLP and mindfulness meditation are very similar. Both involve observing thoughts. However, they each attack the problem from different angles. Even so, NLP  has the capacity to provide quick results, just as meditation can. Jago writes: “The strategies start helping you as soon as you begin to view yourself from outside and to ask yourself questions. Once you do, you become your own investigator, explorer, tutor and supporter. You will be working in one of the most enabling partnerships possible: the partnership you can have with yourself.”

This desire to better understand oneself is part of a wave of more psychologically-tinged self-help books in recent years. Forgoing positive thinking and spirituality, more and more works in this area aim to tap into the psychological roots of behavior rather than abstract or divine elements. If this is the kind of approach interests you, Wired for Success is a good primer. Jago throws a lot of information at the reader, but it’s all useful and very well-organized.

Jago writes very objectively and very clearly. She provides plenty of information, but she doesn’t overwhelm. Jago strikes a perfect balance between readability and education by providing practicable tools “that can benefit everyone, even children.” Embracing NLP as a useful mode of personal development can open doors and alter perceptions: “Using your filters differently will produce different results; using them with understanding and flair can produce results that can be richly and productively different for you and for those around you.”

Wired for Success: Using NLP to Activate Your Brain for Maximum Achievement
By Wendy Jago
Tarcher: October 11, 2012
Paperback, 288 pages
$15.95

I homeschooled our son until he started college at age 16. But mentally, I wasn’t done homeschooling. So I wrote a series of math books, showing how I taught my son, and began tutoring kids who were struggling in math. Of all the kids I tutored, there were two that struck me as oddly similar. Just looking at them you wouldn’t see any similarities, but when it came to learning, they were identical.

They were both smart, but neither one of them knew it. They both had the ability to learn, but they were so easily distracted that they had a hard time concentrating. They both paid so much attention to every detail that even the slightest change in scenery would bring about a whole host of questions. Every foreign object would be questioned. Every sound would need an explanation. For them, holding still and listening was as hard as learning math.

These two kids wanted to learn, but it was as if there was something constantly pulling their attention away. Imagine yourself having a conversation with the most boring person you’ve ever met. You are looking at the person and you can hear him, but you are actually paying more attention to the interesting conversation going on behind you. You have the ability to follow this conversation, but your attention is being pulled behind you. That’s how these two kids seemed to me. I couldn’t hold their attention long enough to get through a whole lesson. There was always something else in the room that got their attention before I did.

My husband overheard us and he bluntly told me, “You need to discipline those kids. They need to sit still, stop playing with stuff, and pay attention.” I agreed with him, but when I tried to be stern with one of the boys and make him sit still and pay attention, it was as if he started melting. In fact, he almost fell asleep. I could actually see his eyes rolling back as he slowly blinked. That wasn’t working for me.

The next day, the boy happened to discover a little piece of foam, some leftover packaging material. This piece of foam immediately became his main focus. He picked it up and fidgeted with it while I tried getting through a few math problems. However, his fidgeting quickly developed into throwing this piece of foam and catching it as it banked off the couch.

I started getting a little agitated with his behavior, so I reached out to take away the piece of foam. But just then I stopped and said, “Throw it here.” He quickly threw the foam to me. I asked him, “What is seven plus seven?” As I threw the foam back to him, he thought for a second, answered “Fourteen,” and then threw the foam back to me. I asked him another math question and continued the game of catch.

At that moment I had a breakthrough. I realized that if I mildly entertained the part of his brain that was curious and fidgety, his intellectual side was ready to receive knowledge.

About that time, my husband walked by again. He couldn’t believe we were playing catch when we were supposed to be learning math. He was appalled that I was letting him get away with that kind of behavior. But then he stopped and listened. He heard the boy solving math problems with enthusiasm. He was amazed: The boy was answering math problem after math problem.

I couldn’t believe it. Once his hands and eyes were occupied, I was left with an intelligent brain waiting for information. He was a very smart boy, but when he was told to sit still and listen, he nearly had an internal meltdown. He didn’t seem to have an “off button” for his curious, fidgety side, so trying to suppress that behavior became his main focus. He couldn’t receive new information because on the inside he was in the middle of a war.

I tried this same technique with a young girl. When she showed up for class the next day, she quickly spotted a Mr. Potato Head game in the corner of the room. This became her main focus. She was not going to be able to listen to me until she had had a chance to play with the toy, so I let her spill out all the pieces. As she plugged in the different eyes and ears, I used that opportunity to explain the Slope Formula to her. If you aren’t familiar with the Slope Formula, it looks extremely complicated and confuses a lot of math students, but I have a very simple method to teach it. Within minutes, she learned the Slope Formula and said, “That was easy.” The whole time she was building a Mr. Potato Head face.

Oftentimes these kids are told they have a learning disability, such as ADD or ADHD. I say they are extremely observant people with a unique learning style that has the potential to make them highly knowledgeable. I would like to see this learning style get a new name, because when you give a young person a label that ends in the word “disorder” or “disability,” you tear down their self-esteem instantly. I prefer the term “active ntellects.”

I hope this helps you understand that you are teaching a wise, energetic person who is fully capable of learning. Embrace your child’s gift. Realize that he has the ability to multi-task. Recognize that once his hands and eyes are mildly entertained, his brain is a sponge waiting to soak up knowledge. “The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.” (Proverbs 18:15)

Copyright 2012, used with permission. All rights reserved by author. Originally appeared in the January 2012 issue of The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine, the trade magazine for homeschool families. Read the magazine free at www.TOSMagazine.com or read it on the go and download the free apps at www.TOSApps.com to read the magazine on your mobile devices.

The Drawing Mind is without question ambitious, perhaps even to a fault. This is because, unlike a typical self-help book, Putnoi does not in any way tell the reader what to do. She provides some very thin guidelines, yes, but never does she launch into a lecture about how to better your life. For how could she? Rarely during the 192 pages is there more than a paragraph on consecutive pages. Rather than intersperse art throughout her text, Putnoi does the opposite, opting almost to let her art dictate her words.

The basis of The Drawing Mind lay in the idea of neuroplasticity. Putnoi addresses this: “Our brains are very plastic, meaning that as we use our brains in different kinds of ways, we can ‘build’ our brains, or ‘grow’ new neural pathways… Current research suggests that the brain is much more ‘plastic’ than earlier imagined. Even late into adulthood one can build new neural pathways by engaging in different kinds of brain-building activities.” The idea here, though certainly grand, is actually quite simple: Even if we do not believe so, we actually can change our brains for the better.

Putnoi continues: “Drawing on a regular basis may change your brain. By following the approach in this book, you will learn how to keep your senses active through drawing a series of sense experiences. You can keep your brain ‘plastic’ or build ‘brain plasticity’ by problem solving with your senses.”

Throughout The Drawing Mind, Putnoi gives exercises and even whole blank pages to allow the reader to work solely within the book. Some sample prompts for exercises include “Draw with Your Feet,” “Collect Textures” and “Drawing to Your Sense of Smell.” All these exercises are designed to force you to use your senses in modes you’d previously not considered. In this way, your brain is forced to adapt on the fly, opening up both new neural pathways and new perspectives. The implicit goal of The Drawing Mind is to get the reader to think differently, to begin to interact with him- or herself differently, and to perceive everything around him- or herself differently.

Furthermore, drawing, as Putnoi writes, does not discriminate: “Drawing is a small but powerful act. One that everyone can do. It’s a pencil, ballpoint pen, or charcoal on paper. It’s a mark in the sand or chalk on the sidewalk. Drawing is a visual language.” Perhaps you had never considered an ephemeral array of lines on the beach to be a drawing. Putnoi, however, wants you to. She wants you to reconsider your perceptions, perspectives and beliefs. In this way, the act of drawing begins to extend outward and reorient you with your world.

If this sounds like something out of an Eastern religion, you’re not far off base for thinking so. Putnoi references a meditation teacher who asks his group to “slow down and become more mindful and aware by slowly eating a raisin and meditating on the act of eating this small, dried-out grape.” ‘What does it feel like and taste like?’ he asks. The same principle is fundamental to Putnoi’s system: “Drawing a taste experience brings awareness to the next level of connection and consciousness. By slowing down, tasting and drawing the experience, you get another layer of connection” (Her emphasis). And in doing so, you begin to see things differently.

On the surface, The Drawing Mind may not seem like a book for everyone. It may seem as though it only appeals to the artsy folk: the population that already enjoys art and wants to use that interest to better their lives. But this is not the case. The fact is, as Putnoi declares, all of us can draw. We may not think so, but we can. “Drawing is not about making straight lines,” Putnoi writes. “The world of drawing is infinite. Drawings, like the people who create them, are individual.”

This is why Putnoi cannot assign self-help guidelines to her book; it wouldn’t make any sense. The bottom line is, we must help ourselves. We have all the tools, and we can be pointed in the right direction, but ultimately, the task is ours. Putnoi’s The Drawing Mind is a new direction, a unique direction, an amazingly fascinating direction, and a direction certainly worth exploring.

The Drawing Mind: Silence Your Inner Critic and Release Your Inner Creative Spirit
By Deborah Putnoi
Trumpeter: April 3, 2012
Paperback, 192 pages
$17.95

People are hungry for community these days. Cell phones and computers keep us connected more than ever, it’s true. But they keep us connected primarily to people we already know or people we’ve never met. The irony of all that connection is that people’s circles of actual practical support may be quite small. Although relationships made online can certainly be meaningful and intense, it’s also true that people we game with who live hundreds of miles away aren’t likely to drop by for coffee or help out after a storm. The challenge of our times is to figure out how to use the wonderful worldwide resource that the Internet provides but not lose our immediate, in the flesh, daily reciprocal connection with those who live around the corner.

As Adler so eloquently stated, the feeling of belonging is central to our comfort, our safety, and our sense of ourselves as being worthwhile. When people feel part of a larger community, they are more likely to show up and to be supportive, both in times of tragedy and times of celebration. Those who are fortunate enough to belong to a community of faith know how this works. When a family is in need, people they’ve barely said hello to still respond because there is a sense that what happens to one matters to all.

There are only a few other places in present-day towns and cities where people can get to know one another over time simply by being together on a regular basis. Some towns have created lively community centers. But in times of economic hardship, recreation departments and community services often get cut back. The place that usually survives and thrives despite these challenges is the town library. It’s valued as a place that contributes to a town’s identity and that connects people with resources and with each other.

I do have libraries on my mind these days. A local, small (very small) town is trying to collect enough money for a matching grant to build a new library. The current library is certainly dear, but antiquated. It’s so tiny people have to use it in shifts. With no running water, a composting toilet, and a minimal staff, it nonetheless hosts storytimes, provides an Internet hotspot in a town where there’s little access, and creates a meeting place in a community that doesn’t even have a convenience store. (A link to a video about the library is at the bottom of this post.)

Those who use the library are passionate about it. Why? Because, despite those who see libraries going the way of video stores, a library is not just about books. It’s about community, discovery, and valuing the written word. It’s about teaching children to love books and stories. It’s about the value of those fly-bys where we have a minute with a neighbor we haven’t seen in weeks just because we happen to bump into each other when picking out a book. When people regularly connect to each other, even peripherally, they experience themselves as belonging to something larger than their immediate family and their own group of friends. It fosters community pride and community participation.

One of the few truly democratic gathering places, a library welcomes the young, the old, teens, students, professionals and tradespeople. Anyone who wants to read, to search, or to simply be in a quiet place can find information and social connection. There is room for those who want to quietly chat. There’s respect for those who prefer to enjoy the quiet companionship of being with others without verbal exchanges. Regulars soon learn who needs what and find their own niche.

For parents of young children, the library can be a lifesaver. When youngsters are antsy because it’s the third rainy day in a row, all a parent has to do is scoop the kids up and go. A library visit is an inexpensive and rewarding way to spend a few hours. The kids get to choose old favorites or new books to look at. Parents can snuggle up with children to read and look at pictures. Kids and parents can get to know other families. What started out as a stressful afternoon becomes a shared adventure.

The library gets teens out of their personal room-caves and into the community. Not every student has a computer at home. Not everyone knows how to surf the Internet for that tough history assignment or how to write a bibliography. Doing homework and research at the local library opens up the world of information and encourages kids to ask for help when they need it. Librarians show them how to broaden or narrow the search, how to look at databases and how to find new topics.

Some kids use the library inappropriately as a hangout and are inconsiderate of others, it’s true. But most of the time they can be redirected. Hopefully, they learn something about civility and community courtesy in the process.

And for us older folks? Some of us belong to book clubs and would rather borrow than buy the book of the month. Others enjoy reading the local newspapers or exploring international magazines. Still others like to reduce the isolation of working from home and set up in the library for an afternoon of working companionably with others. Those looking for work can surf the want ads, learn more about how to market themselves, and perhaps find like-minded people with whom to compare notes. Those who feel isolated at home can meet at the library to read, to chat quietly, or use a computer without the noise and distractions of the local coffee shops.

Libraries aren’t just a place to borrow books or get on a computer. They are places where we can feed the mind, affirm our membership in our community and maintain our sense of belonging. Adler would have seen them as an essential support for a community’s mental health.

To see the video from the little town that is trying so hard to make a community center and library, click here.

Here are some other fun videos about how libraries serve the community:

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ac91qqoRL2o&feature=related
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHD4h5KONP8&feature=related
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMBHLlswnII&feature=related

Entering this landscape is Smart Thinking, by Dr. Art Markman. This book draws on two impressive strengths: an examination of 50 years of interdisciplinary studies, including but going beyond cognitive science, and Dr. Markman’s deep expertise in developing and teaching the skills associated with innovation. The book is written in clear and straightforward prose, and filled with everyday examples to help the reader see the precepts operating in his or her daily life.

What is “smart thinking”? If you’re intelligent, don’t you do smart thinking? Not necessarily. Smart thinking is the ability to solve new problems using your current knowledge, and it’s a skill you can develop.

One great example of smart thinking offered in the book is James Dyson’s vacuum cleaner. Dyson realized what we all know: that vacuum cleaners don’t work all that well. Brushes pull up the dirt, and suction pulls the dirt up into the bag – until the bag starts to fill with dirt, which minimizes the suction. Dyson created an entirely new kind of vacuum cleaner and created a company that makes over $100 million in profits a year.

But surely he was some kind of genius; surely there is just something uniquely creative about the way he thinks. Dr. Markman argues instead that Dyson simply relied on his existing knowledge (about the way things work), applied it from one area to another, and he was persistent – all skills that can be learned.

The book is organized around three core elements of smart thinking: developing smart habits, acquiring high-quality knowledge, and applying knowledge. The material in Chapter Two, “Creating Smart Habits and Changing Behavior,” is fascinating and practical, and reassuring (especially “the worst way to try to stop a habit is through what we usually call willpower”!). Instead, developing smart habits essentially involves two steps: stopping the performance of an old behavior, and replacing the bad habit with a good one. This chapter breaks those two steps down into clear and simple processes that will leave you less distracted by inefficient thinking, and ready to spend your mental energy on more creative and productive things.

Chapters Three and Four focus on the acquisition and development of high-quality knowledge. I found these chapters fascinating, because they highlighted specific ways out of my own muddied understanding. Chapter Three explores the ways our memories do and don’t work. It offers very practical advice on ways to pay attention and obtain the information before us, as well as ways to help others pay attention – a unique aspect of this book.

Chapter Four focuses quite closely on causal knowledge: the answer you give to questions that begin with “why” or “how.”  How does a ballpoint pen write? How does a flush toilet operate? How does a zipper work? The issue here is not that it’s important to know how a ballpoint pen writes, for instance, but that we operate too often with vague, hand-waving understandings of things. Developing the skills to answer these questions will bring far-reaching benefits: you’ll have complete, specific, understandable knowledge; you’ll develop the habit of teaching yourself as you go along; and you can ask for this level of explanation from people around you, which helps promote good thinking habits in others!

In Chapters Five, Six, and Seven, Dr. Markman moves into applying the high-quality knowledge you have obtained. These chapters, like those which came before, focus on practical strategies to help you access the knowledge you have, when you need it.

Chapter Five explores the concepts of similarity and analogy. It provides a number of great examples of the power of analogies to communicate and to solve new problems. Chapter Six returns to how our memory works and provides a number of specific strategies to help it work better. (As a middle-aged person, I found these strategies quite useful.) Chapter Seven brings it all together and provides a four-step process to solving problems.

Finally — and this is a unique strength of this book — Dr. Markman steps back and explores ways we can all contribute to a “culture of smart.” Very few of us work alone, and it’s not enough for one or two team members to do all the smart thinking for the entire group (as we know if we’ve been the one doing the heavy lifting). This straightforward chapter should be required in every business class, and handed out to new employees of every company. Readers who take this material to heart, and take it to their jobs, will be on the way to making everyone else a smart thinker too.

With succinct takeaway summaries at the end of each chapter, key concepts pulled out and highlighted, and the three main points of each chapter listed under the chapter title, this wonderful book practices what it preaches. At the beginning of the book, Dr. Markman (again, practicing what he preaches) advises readers to move slowly through the book, stopping to think when he recommends doing so, explaining the material to yourself as you read, and doing the exercises provided in the book. I wanted to read it that way, and I’ll probably read it that way my second time through. In my first reading, though, I was so engaged by the clarity of explanation, and the lovely examples, I just kept turning pages, underlining passages, flagging details. As I read, I saw too clearly my own muddy thinking, the gaps in my ability to think logically through causal knowledge, and my lazy habits – but the book left me energized and motivated to address them.

This book would be a great addition to your library; it will be the gift I give every college graduate, to friends who are beginning a new career, or to those of any age who feel stuck and unable to be as creative as they believe themselves to be.

Smart Thinking: Three Essential Keys to Solve Problems, Innovate, and Get Things Done
By Art Markman, PhD
Perigee Trade: January 3, 2012
Hardcover, 272 pages
$25

While we can all acknowledge Carlin’s linguistic wit, we may not agree with his utter disdain for self-help books. Some people cannot afford a therapist; some don’t want to go on medication; some just want to read something inspirational — something that gives them hope. There are many reasons to reach for a self-help book.

Kiss That Frog! is the newest book by Brian Tracy, coauthored by his daughter Christina Tracy Stein. (For the purposes of this review, the authors will simply be referred to as the Tracys.) Kiss That Frog! is meant to be a short read, providing concisely written, easily applicable, unassailably practical methods for transforming one’s “negatives into positives” in “life and work.”

The central metaphor the Tracys use comes from the fairytale “The Frog and the Princess.” All the princess ever wanted was to marry a handsome prince. When she happened upon an ugly frog, she was at first disgusted. But when the frog told her if she kissed him he would turn into the man of dreams and whisk her away into marital bliss, she overcame her fear, took a leap of faith, and had her life forever positively changed as a result.

The Tracys outline the moral of the story, which is the underlying basis of their thesis: “It seems that almost everyone has a block, or more than one, that holds him or her back from becoming a truly happy, healthy, joyful person, looking forward to each new day with excitement and anticipation. What is the ‘frog’ in your life that you need to ‘kiss’ before you can achieve all that is possible for you?”

The metaphor is perhaps a tad elementary and cheesy, but it’s easily understandable: many people who are not as happy as they’d like to be have “blocks” or “frogs” that are preventing them from living a better life. By confronting and dealing with these obstacles, one can make them things of the past, and begin living a better, more enriching, happier life.

This idea is not novel. Many people understand that they have something holding them back, and many do in fact understand that they need to address whatever these things may be. That said, one must have the proper mindset in order to begin eliminating these blocks and frogs. One must have the proper motivation — the proper tools in place.

This is one of the reasons the market gets flooded with self-help books. While most talk more or less about the same central issues, they differ in how they instruct the reader to perceive them. Because of this, not all self-help books are universally helpful.

To this, the Tracys write: “Psychologists have described fully functioning, self-actualizing people as genuinely happy, at peace with the world and themselves, self-confident, positive, personable, relaxed, feeling that they are fulfilling their full potential, grateful, energized, and generally feeling terrific about life. If this description is a good goal for you in the months ahead, this book will show you how to become that kind of person” (italics in text). Even though these characteristics are a bit broad, they nevertheless paint a picture of how confident the Tracys are in their program.

Kiss That Frog! contains twelve chapters, with each giving a chief direction, e.g. “Imagine Your Handsome Prince.” After some succinct preliminary information, there are then sections that provide exercises, and detail why they work and what they do for you.

For example, in Chapter 3, “Look Your Frog in the Face,” the Tracys ask us to “Analyze the Situation” by posing four questions:

• What exactly happened (in our past)?
• How did it happen?
• What can be done?
• What actions will we take now?

By addressing these questions and coming to grips with the fact that events in the past need not control our future, we can learn to attain our ideal qualities.

All of this is well and good: sensible, practical, for the most part inarguably valid statements and solutions. But the Tracys get into dicey territory when they paint overly broad strokes, perhaps trying to be overly inclusive in their rhetoric. By presenting their ideas and methods as facts instead of as useful tools, they open themselves up to legitimate criticism that their book is overly idealized and even foolishly impractical. By essentially saying, “This will work,” the authors fail to cover their bases if it does not in fact work.

While this can certainly be said of many self-help books, it is particularly relevant to Kiss That Frog! On the book’s inside flap, for example, the Tracys quote Shakespeare: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” The sentiment is clear — nothing is inherently bad for us; it just depends on how we view it— but the practicality is ailing. Contrary to the Tracys’ assertion, things can be bad. And it doesn’t just matter how we look at them. Losing one’s job is bad. Yes, such an event can in theory lead to a more rewarding life through countless possible channels. But it is rare to find someone laid off who in the moment claims it’s the best thing that ever happened to him.

Yet that is at times how the Tracys’ writing comes off — that no matter what happened in the past, or how dire circumstances may currently be, it can and will get better if you follow our advice. Perhaps this is too cynical of a reading, but much of what the Tracys have to offer does not seem revolutionary. This is not to say it’s bad advice, but it is to caution against getting one’s hopes up too high. Kiss That Frog! is a system of thought—a method of altering how you perceive your circumstances — and you will only get out of it what you put in. To that, you must fully buy into the Tracys’ program. Halfheartedly going through the motions will not produce tangible benefits.

Kiss That Frog! is not for everybody. Some may find it too short and not detailed enough. Some may find the style too all-encompassing and not specific enough to their particular situation. Others, though, may find it just what they need. Like any self-help book, it certainly has pitfalls. But the writing is confident and engaging, and the content is solid.

Despite its shortcomings, the book is worth checking out if you’re looking for something new in the self-help department. And if you can get onboard with the Tracys’ style, Kiss That Frog! may well be the most useful book you’ve ever purchased.

Kiss That Frog!: 12 Great Ways to Turn Negatives into Positives in Your Life and Work
By Brian Tracy and Christina Tracy Stein
Berrett-Koehler Publishers: March 5, 2012
Hardcover, 192 pages
$22.95

Kennedy and Banks are mothers, as well as professionals who previously collaborated on the book The ADHD-Autism Connection, and each has multiple children who are twice exceptional.  “Twice exceptional” is a term that they address in the beginning of their book. They write that it is “a relatively recent term that refers to children who have dual ‘exceptionalities’—that is, exceptional gifts (creative, academic, intellectual, or physical abilities) along with a learning or developmental disability.”

Temple Grandin is perhaps one of the world’s most successful people with autism. She has her PhD in animal science and is both a professor and an author.

As they did with the term “twice exceptional,” the authors begin with a lot of contextual information to help explain the terms, intentions, and needs for writing this book. They go on to implore, as does Temple Grandin in the preface, that changes be made.  These twice exceptional (or 2e, as Kennedy and Banks come to say) children are falling through the cracks because their disabilities are being granted power over their abilities.

The book is organized into three sections. All three are equally important in helping a child with 2e: ‘Who They Are,’ ‘Why They’re Stuck,’ and finally, ‘How to Help Them.’ Since Kennedy and Banks are both mothers, they take care to explain that this is a book meant to help parents in a variety of ways.  This book is not just an offering of support and resources, but it also breaks down the issues of why these children are “stuck” in the first place.

Temple Grandin, as you may have already known from the HBO movie based on her life, has had great success cultivating her abilities despite having autism.  Kennedy and Banks mention that she is a perfect example of being “bright and not broken,” a goal they have for all children, 2e or not.  They believe that the success of each child will greatly help the world because these children can then feel good about what they can contribute, instead of being stuck on what they can’t do.Temple Grandin brings attention to how some children with autism introduce themselves, saying that they tell her their disorder first—showing that they define themselves by their limitations.

The authors give some context to these disorders by explaining that 2e kids today are tomorrow’s “Albert Einstein, John Couch Adams, Thomas Edison, Sir Isaac Newton,” and the list continues.  Many of these classic figures had symptoms that today may have been diagnosed as ADHD or autism. For example, Einstein didn’t speak until he was 3 and Gregor Mendel, who gave us the foundation for modern genetics, couldn’t pass the exam to qualify to teach high school.  Had these men been labeled with a disability, they may never have achieved their greatness, because they may have also defined themselves by limitations.

Kennedy and Banks also break down ways to help teachers and parents identify their child’s gifts.  They explain these disorders in a refocused way by giving supportive and caring definitions that require a deep understanding.  These new definitions were created by combining a parent’s care and understanding and the experienced intelligence of a professional in the field.

As mentioned, all the sections of this book are important for understanding the entire issue at hand, but the section on ‘Why They’re Stuck’ is extremely informative and explains exactly how and why the current system is not doing these children justice.  Particularly, they explain how important it is for parents to know the different debates in standardized testing.  This way, they can avoid falling into the trap of defining their child by these flawed systems of measurement.  I found this section to be the most intriguing because after you read it, it will be nearly impossible for you not to want to change the system.  Kennedy and Banks have certainly done their research, but they also show how to apply it in a practical way, making this book a great help to parents and professionals alike.

Finally, they talk about diagnosing and educating the whole child instead of just labeling one aspect of them.  This new type of diagnosis and education factors in all their needs and gifts, showing how to adapt it to individual children because, after all, we all have individual needs.  Most importantly, Kennedy and Banks keep reminding their readers that 2e children have so much so offer the world and they want to make that happen.  Also, if you want to do more exploration, they end with a long list of helpful additional resources.

Personally, they have convinced me that in an attempt to help people with disabilities, we have hurt them by labeling them.  This label can hurt them because if focuses all the attention on what they cannot do, instead of also exploring what they can do.  This book is truly inspiring and it shows that by simply changing our perception of these children, and then the testing and education that stems from that perception, we can help them become successful, contributing adults.  Perhaps they could even make history.

Bright Not Broken: Gifted Kids, ADHD, and Autism
By Diane M. Kennedy and Rebecca S. Banks
Jossey-Bass: September 13, 2011
Hardcover, 320 pages
$24.95

This is a beautifully illustrated book that tells the story of a princess and the “gardening” lessons she learned early on from her parents, the king and queen, and a prince who comes courting later in her life.

The lives of the princess, the king, the queen, and the prince are metaphors for gardens, and the princess discovers that “what we learned in childhood may not serve us well as adults.”  By tending to others’ “gardens” – their wants, their needs, their expectations – she neglects the necessary task of caring for her own.  The princess attempts to do what is necessary to ensure everyone’s happiness and thereby remain in their good graces.  Unfortunately, that practice comes with a hefty price — that of her own happiness.  It is only when a child enters her life that the princess learns how to tend her own overgrown and ignored “garden.”

While the first part of the book is the fable itself, a suggestion from the author’s daughter allows readers to personalize the second part. “A Guided Journal” is the product of their collaboration.

The journaling portion of A Princess and Her Garden is divided into four sections, each referring to a specific life stage: “Then,” “The In-Between,” “Now,” and “From Now On.”  Thought-provoking questions are presented and readers then are asked to write down their answers. Once your personal beliefs begin to surface, you will see how the process has the potential to foster insight for meaningful change.  All it requires is that you take to heart the questions asked and answer them honestly, without embellishing or minimizing your responses.

If not already in the works, in the near future perhaps Adson can make an online version of “The Guided Journal” available for those of us who cannot bear or even fathom the thought of writing in a book.  This would be especially helpful when A Princess and Her Garden becomes available for download to the Kindle, Nook, or iPad.

“The weeds in your garden are all the things that take space in your life and your mind and use up the energy and time you require to live your life to the fullest.”  The weeds of resentment, rejection, and regret are cleared from the garden using the tools of forgiveness and boundaries as well as identifying and nourishing the best-growing “crops” for self-care.

Adson states that “the self-care concept is difficult for many to grasp as we view it as a question of ‘either/or’ rather than ‘both/and.”  It seems to me that this distinction and reversal of perspective may be just what caretakers of others’ gardens need in order to come to the realization that the health of one’s own garden does not have to suffer while the garden of another flourishes under your care.

While it may be that women will comprise the majority of this book’s readership, it is certain there are “princes” who could also benefit from reading A Princess and Her Garden.  It is reasonable to assume that some of them may have grown up learning these same lessons.

The fable of A Princess and Her Garden and “The Guided Journal” strike me as perfect partners in what could easily be a course in mindfulness.  A quote I had read elsewhere by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk and teacher, says “For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them.”  This quote seems to go hand in hand with the foundation and objective of Adson’s book.

In order to awaken from the “trance of childhood,” the author says we need to “open our eyes and see all that is around us and then to look inside with a new perspective.”  A Princess and Her Garden and “The Guided Journal” facilitate that process so well that you may not be able to look at the landscape of your own life in quite the same way again.

A Princess and Her Garden:  A Fable of Awakening and Arrival
Center for Applications of Psychological Type, Inc.; 2nd edition: November 30, 2011
Hardcover, 135 pages
$19.95