This month we’re pleased to present our interview with Linda Hatch, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist who pens the popular blog “The Impact of Sex Addiction” on Psych Central. Hatch is a certified sex addiction therapist in private practice in Santa Barbara, Calif. There, she specializes in treating sex addicts and sex offenders, along with their partners and families.

Throughout her career, Hatch has worked with both adult and juvenile sex offenders, mentally disordered offenders and sexually violent predators in and outside of the courts and prison system. She also has consulted with the Superior Court, the Probation Department, the Board of Prison Terms, and the State Department of Mental Health, providing forensic assessment and expert testimony.

Hatch is the author of the book Living with a Sex Addict: The Basics from Crisis to Recovery. You can learn more about Linda Hatch at www.sexaddictionscounseling.com, where she also blogs about sex addiction.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

I guess it’s that after the 40 or so years I’ve been a clinical psychologist I continue to find it endlessly interesting. It is as though the work and I have gone through many changes over time and I have evolved along with those changes. I have done so many different things: teaching, research, student counseling, child psychology, crisis intervention and forensic psychology.

In the last five years I have gained a whole new specialty in sex addiction, which has revitalized my professional life yet again. I had wanted to be a therapist from a young age but I did not know how much my work as a therapist, and lately as a writer, would be continuously intertwined with my own emotional growth.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

I recently read Chemical Dependency and Intimacy Dysfunction edited by Eli Coleman PhD. It’s a superb collection of articles about every aspect of the relationship between chemical dependency and human sexuality. What interests me so much about it is that it is, in part, a foundational attempt to look at common roots of chemical dependency and sex as a drug of abuse in terms of family dysfunction.

The book is truly comprehensive and holds up extremely well, dealing with every possible aspect of addiction and relationships including attachment issues, addiction interaction, codependency, boundaries, communication, shame and so on.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

I think people are sometimes too trusting of clinicians simply because the clinician has the right credentials. Therapy is a craft and not everyone is equally good at it because they had the same training. Also, not every therapist is right for every patient.

Patients need to be empowered to judge for themselves whether a therapist is someone they have confidence in. This is hard because therapy clients are usually grappling with some emotionally difficult problems and often tend to be less critical and more trusting than they would otherwise be.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

For addicts it is fear—fear of the therapy relationship itself, of being open and vulnerable with another person. Addicts often have early attachment problems, which make them mistrustful of letting anyone know them. It can be an extremely uncomfortable situation for many clients.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

In treating sex addicts it is the fact that it is often very hard for the client to establish and/or maintain abstinence from their particular addictive acting out behavior. As a sex addiction therapist, I am torn between imposing a task oriented treatment protocol that we know works, while still allowing for the fact that everyone does recovery in their own way and in their own time.

Clients need a lot of support and structure to do what they need to do but also permission to do things in the way that they are capable of doing them given their unique set of strengths and obstacles.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

I love that therapy has a lot in common with mindfulness practice. It involves being present, being authentic and using all parts of my mind and intuition. I love that therapy is a process that can never be completely duplicated by having the client read a book. In psychology the problems are relational in origin and ultimately relational in the recovery process.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

For me meaning comes out of the struggle to overcome suffering and liberate ourselves from obstacles to fulfillment. Meaning comes as we successfully navigate the challenges of each life passage. And ultimately meaning comes from bringing our knowledge and ideas to others. We cannot do everything we dream of doing but we can do the things that we can do; we can use our gifts.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

I feel like I was destined to be a clinical psychologist. I have always been fascinated by the human mind—I think I inherited this from my parents. I was raised on Jung, Freud, Perls and other early therapists. I majored in philosophy as an undergraduate and found out later that I have an uncle who is a philosophy professor.

Much later after becoming a psychologist, I connected with another uncle whom I had never met only to find out he was a clinical psychologist! If I were starting out today I think I would be drawn to neuropsychology to a greater extent, as that seems to be the new frontier at this point in history.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

I think clients don’t realize how much change is possible from even the smallest shifts in awareness. Therapy is often in the very subtle changes in perception, which allow for big changes in functioning and self-concept. A little change makes a big difference.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I am fortunate to have a very low stress life right now. I believe that being in recovery myself has made all the difference, but also luck. I do what I enjoy, I am happily married, live in abundance and have meaningful relationships. Being very mildly cyclothymic myself (it runs in my family), I need to keep my everyday life balanced and grounded. Spiritual reading and meditation helps in this.

This month we have the pleasure of interviewing Gerti Schoen, a psychoanalyst and couples counselor in private practice in New York City and Hoboken, New Jersey. Before she immigrated to the U.S., Schoen worked as a professional print and radio journalist in her native country of Germany.

Schoen is the author of The Gentle Self, a self-help book about depression and anxiety, and a blog of the same name here at Psych Central. Her new book Buddha Betrayed is about spiritual abuse and the pitfalls of working with a spiritual teacher.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

Just how similar we all are. Everyone struggles with periods of sadness or anxiety, couples bicker about similar things as my husband and I do. The ‘human condition’ that life isn’t perfect applies to everybody.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

The one I frequently recommend is Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance, a much-needed book about how to foster self-compassion. I very much like Susan Cain’s Quiet, which will reassure all the introverts out there that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Right now I am reading You Can Go Home Again by Monica McGoldrick. It’s a stunning account of how our family histories make us into who we are.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

That you can bring about change within a few weeks and it lasts forever. It’s possible to change quickly, but it often doesn’t last very long without putting in all the hard work that is required to change the brain.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

Accepting that life is painful and that confronting one’s issues is painful.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

Confrontation. It gives me anxiety when people get very aggressive with me. But it doesn’t happen very often and, when it does, I try to deal with it constructively and honestly.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

It’s a field that never gets boring. The human mind is a vast source of ideas and feeling. You can never dive too deep; you will always find new treasures to be discovered.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

To accept that life isn’t perfect and pain is a part of being alive. If you can deal with that, you can deal with everything.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

It would have been interesting to learn about psychoanalysis in my native country, Germany, first before studying it here in the U.S. to see how it is utilized and interpreted in different countries.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

[I wish clients knew] that you can’t just pop a pill and all your worries will go away.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

[I practice] yoga, go out in nature, plant flowers, take a nap, have a cup of coffee and slow down.

This month we’re pleased to present an interview with psychologist and psychoanalyst Suzanne B. Phillips, Psy.D, ABPP. Phillips writes the excellent blog “Healing Together for Couples” on Psych Central.

She also is an adjunct full professor of clinical psychology at the CW Post Campus of Long Island University, N.Y. and on the faculty of both the Derner Institute of Adelphi University and the Suffolk Institute for Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy in New York.

Phillips is the author of three books, including Healing Together: A Couple’s Guide to Coping with Trauma & Post-Traumatic Stress. Plus, you can hear her Wednesday nights on “Psych Up” on CoSozo Radio with host Tom Matt of Boomer Rock.

Phillips has a private practice in Northport, N.Y., where she lives with her husband. She has two grown sons.

Learn more about her work at her website.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

What surprised me most was how much I would receive from those who trust me with their care. There are the books and then there are the people. Working closely with people continues to invite me to think beyond what I know and feel beyond where I have been.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

I just read Narrating Our Healing: Perspectives on Working Through Trauma by Chris N. van der Merwe and Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela. It is a beautiful book. Inspired by the horrific trauma suffered in South Africa and the impetus toward healing by the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, the authors underscore the capacity, regardless of history, for reclaiming self and others through the narrating of trauma.

Given the individual, couple, group and trauma work that I do, I resonate with the thesis that when we share our trauma, when we hear the sound of pain in each other’s hearts, we “make public spaces intimate.” We make it possible for someone else to hear, identify with our pain, and step beyond old wounds to connect.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

The biggest myth about therapy is that the therapist has the answers. The curative factor in therapy is not the therapist, it is the mutuality between the patient and therapist and the journey they share.

I have been teaching doctoral students in clinical psychology for over 25 years and I always remind these wonderful and passionate young professionals that they will never know more about the patient, than the patient.

What they offer is their clinical training to see and hear what the patient knows but cannot yet access because of history, pain, fear, addiction, trauma, etc. No matter what type of therapy, it is the collaboration between therapist and patient that makes change and healing possible.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

The biggest obstacle is the conflict between the wish to change and the wish to hold on to the familiar. Most people are trying to regulate their anxiety and although they are in tremendous pain, the familiar can actually feel less frightening than the unknown.

Often people hold on to the most successful childhood survival strategies they know. The problem is that they are no longer needed and they impair adult functioning.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

The most challenging part about being a therapist is seeing how therapists and their work are portrayed in the media. My family has told me that I have ruined most films and shows that depict therapists. Once my children were old enough, they would simply say, “Mom, you can’t stay if you keep commenting about what they are doing wrong!”

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

I love seeing the best of people emerge. I love the resilience and the hope that I have seen even in the darkest moments. I love passing on in my clinical work, my books, my lectures, and my blogs—anything that will give people the tools to become experts in their own lives.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

Take the lessons learned from your past, set up some personal goals for your future and then live each day you are given.

In the course of that day, find a small way to include some generosity, some gratitude, some connection and some laughter. A meaningful life is in the details of how we live each day.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

I started in literature, headed into psychology and never turned back. I can’t imagine doing anything else. It is a way of thinking and being. There is always something more to learn, more to write, more to teach and what a gift to be able to share and care with people.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

That mental illness is not something they caused. It is not something about which to feel blame or shame. It is suffering that is as painful as any physical illness. Anyone suffering from mental illness is entitled to compassion and help. The damage comes when help is avoided or unavailable. With help, mental illness need not define your life.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

Actually I use a number of things to cope with stress. I have been running to music for 30 years and treasure it as a stress-reducing gift. I have always loved books and can become so engrossed that it is not unusual for the conductor on a train to come over to say, “ Ma’am, this is the last stop, the train is headed into the yard – you have to get off!”

I have a rule that on the weekends, I put down the work to enjoy time with my husband and I am always amazed at the revitalizing power of being together and off task.

That said, I try to be aware of the signs that I am on overload. When I start burning pots left on the stove, I know I have to drop down the stress by dropping something out. Big or small, when I open up space by rescheduling, by saying “No,” or by deciding to let something go – it always helps.

This month we’re pleased to present an interview with clinical social worker Carla Naumburg, Ph.D. Naumburg authors the informative, inspiring and super-popular blog Mindful Parenting on Psych Central. She’s also a contributing editor for Kveller.com and mom of two young girls.

Below, Naumburg reveals the trials, triumphs and surprises of being a therapist; the books that have inspired her; the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy; her advice for leading a meaningful life; and much more!

Follow Naumburg on Twitter at @SWMama. Check out her writing at carlanaumburg.com.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

Early in my training, I thought that being a therapist was about having the right tools and the right words to say that would make someone feel better. What I learned is that being a good therapist is about being able to stay truly present and accepting of someone else’s pain or fear, and that staying connected in hard moments is healing. Therapists don’t ever “fix” anyone, but if we’re doing our job well, our clients will feel less alone, suffer less, and feel stronger as they face life’s challenges.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

Brené Brown’s books, including Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection, have truly inspired me. She is a social worker who studies shame and vulnerability, and her TED Talks are wonderful.

Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, is a classic, and it’s one of my favorites. Dr. Frankl’s ability to find meaning in his experience in a concentration camp truly puts things in perspective.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

The biggest myth is that going to therapy means that there is something wrong with you. I have heard this over and over again, and it’s just not true. Attending therapy means that, like every other human on the planet, you have come up against challenges in life, and you could use some support from a safe, supportive, impartial person. That’s all it means.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

One of the biggest challenges clients face is something that many of us struggle with, even when we’re not in therapy. I’m talking about the ways we beat ourselves up because we think we’re not smart enough, not productive enough, not good enough. In addition to the pain we feel from whatever is going on in our lives, we inflict additional harm on ourselves each time we judge ourselves so harshly.

For example, I might have a client who is struggling with depression, and in addition to how sad, lonely, and hopeless she feels, she is also angry at herself for not getting out of bed in the morning or accomplishing enough each day.

Our pain is lessened greatly when we can have self-compassion, when we can love and forgive ourselves, even when life is hard, when it is painful, when we are really struggling.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

The hardest part of being a therapist is truly sitting with, and staying with, difficult emotions and trying not to offer solutions. When someone you care about (and yes, therapists do care about their clients!) is in pain, your first response is to fix it, to make the pain go away.

The problem with this response is that a) it implies that there is something wrong with experiencing difficult feelings (which is not true), and b) sticking a Band-Aid on a problem may help our clients feel better temporarily, but it doesn’t give them the insight, support, and perspective that will serve them well over the long run.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

There is a proverb that describes what I love about my work: “I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.” Being a part of someone’s journey as they broaden their shoulders is incredibly meaningful to me.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

I believe a meaningful life is authentic, compassionate, and not always easy. Figuring out who you are and what you love can be hard work, because it requires listening to your inner voice, silencing your inner critic, and taking risks. Most of us can’t do this on our own; we need supportive family and friends, and at times, a good therapist. (I would recommend Brene Brown’s writing, which I mentioned above.)

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

I would choose the same professional path. My training in clinical social work has shaped how I see the world and understand people and social interactions and I value that tremendously. I am focusing on my writing right now, but in terms of my training and my professional identity, I am proud to be a social worker.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

Lots of folks seem to be under the impression that there is a fundamental difference between people who are mentally healthy and people who are mentally ill. The reality is that we are all on a spectrum; we all have better days and worse days, and you never know what might happen in life that can change things—either for better or for worse. Remembering this fundamental truth can help us find compassion for ourselves and each other in difficult times.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I try to get exercise (walking, jogging, or yoga) every day, and I generally have a healthy diet (although sometimes a nice big piece of chocolate is just what I need). I find that journaling helps me find perspective, as does spending time with my friends and family. I have begun a mindfulness practice, and when I’m really stressed in the moment, taking a few mindful breaths and trying to stay present helps a lot.

This month we’re thrilled to feature Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist who writes one of the most popular blogs on Psych Central: Mindfulness and Psychotherapy. Goldstein sees clients at his private practice in West Los Angeles. He is the author of The Now Effect: How This Moment Can Change the Rest of Your Life and co-author of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook.

He’s also created other valuable resources on mindfulness, including the Mindful Solutions audio series, Mindfulness Meditations for the Troubled Sleeper and Mindfulness Meditations for the Frantic Parent.

Learn more about Elisha Goldstein at his website.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

How big the gift of being of service can be. I have the privilege of knowing people intimately and supporting them in being happy. When I sit with that, it gives me an immense sense of purpose. I’m also lucky enough to be a teacher for other therapists as I often train many in the field of Mindfulness and Psychotherapy. The ripple effects give me immense joy.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

Well, besides The Now Effect (wink) – I’m a big fan of books that keep it simple. Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who writes simply and elegantly and I am a fan of many of his works. Taming the Tiger Within and The Miracle of Mindfulness are some of my favorites.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

That there’s an end goal. I don’t mean that people need to be in therapy for an indefinite time, but there’s a faulty notion of achieving some end state. This focus makes therapy more difficult as the mind is cluttered with an expectation instead of focusing on learning.

Even if insurance only covers 10 sessions and wants to hear the end goal, we have to always keep in mind that therapy is a vehicle for learning, and while we can begin to master certain ways of being, growing and learning about ourselves in life never ends.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

Translating what happens in session into their daily life. There are magical moments of insight that can happen in a therapy session. A feeling that something has really shifted mentally, physically at times and even spiritually.

But when we get back in our daily environments we slip back into old patterns and the insights are mere whispers that we often can’t hear. A big part of the work in psychotherapy is about bringing intention to reconnect with the insights and practices from therapy into the other 167 hours of the week.

Finding ways to create reminders that work and stick is an invaluable tool. The best reminders come in the form of relationships.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

A couple things come to mind. The first is that at times I care so much about my clients that I take them home with me and that may affect my life outside of the office. But I’ve gotten better over time of not doing that as much and when it does [happen], there’s still a lot of meaning in it. I’m lucky enough to have a wife who’s also a psychologist and can relate.

The second is challenging myself to stay present in the face of uncertainty within a session. There are times when I’m not sure where things are going or what “to do.” It’s important to remember that there’s richness in uncertainty; to be able to “be with” it cultivates courage, self-trust and creative potential.

When you bring it into the relationship between therapist and client, it builds trust between the two. This trust is the foundation for change.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

Living what I feel my purpose is. Being of service, there’s no greater gift.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

Find what is meaningful to you in life and take steps to make those actionable. Look at the activities in your day and see where the spaces are that are either neutral or depleting. See if you can replace some of these with more meaningful activities and see what happens. Ultimately as therapists we want our clients’ experience to be their guide, not our advice. This builds self-trust, which is a fundamental factor in resiliency and happiness.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

Absolutely. I took a risk a while back leaving a profession that provided me some golden handcuffs (making good money, but wasn’t aligned with a sense of purpose for me.) I re-entered into a rickety financial position pouring everything I had and taken loans to go back to school.

It was a great risk to take. Now, I’m very happy working with people individually, running Mindfulness-Based groups, speaking, training therapists, creating the Mindfulness at Work™ with eMindful.com, a program that is currently in Aetna, Blue Cross Blue Shield and many other multi-national corporations and writing meaningful and practical books like The Now Effect, Mindfulness Meditations for the Anxious Traveler and co-authoring A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

The best way to enter therapy is to see it as a learning process, not something to achieve. This drops our anxieties over imperfections and frees up energy to open up to the wonders in life we’re not seeing.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I have a daily mindfulness practice, play with my kids, [take] rigorous walks, eat healthy, try and get good sleep when my kids allow it, [have] a weekly gratitude roundtable with family and practice, practice, practice self-compassion.

In our monthly interview series, clinicians share slices from their professional and personal lives. They reveal the challenges and rewards of being a practitioner, how they handle stress and their picks for great psychology books — and much, much more.

This month we’re pleased to feature an interview with Marla W. Deibler, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist who writes the popular blog Therapy That Works on Psych Central.

Deibler is the founder and executive director of The Center for Emotional Health of Greater Philadelphia, LLC, an outpatient facility that provides evaluation and evidence-based, cognitive-behavioral therapies.

She is a nationally recognized expert in anxiety disorders and the obsessive-compulsive spectrum, including trichotillomania and other body-focused repetitive behaviors, obsessive-compulsive disorder, hoarding, and tic disorder.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

The common experience of clients, despite the great diversity amongst individuals, constantly amazes me. Each therapy client is unique in their own life, yet when they are experiencing a psychiatric illness, their symptoms and distressing events are surprisingly like others who also struggle with their particular diagnosis.

In my practice, I frequently see clients who are seeking diagnosis and effective treatment for what they believe to be unusual difficulties, yet their experiences are not uncommon and are frequently seen in my practice.

It’s a wonderful experience, as a therapist, to be able to provide diagnosis and effective treatment to those who felt that they were “the only one” and find that their struggles are not uncommon after all.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

I used to read only psychology books. It’s true. In my spare time, I read psychology for fun. In recent years, I’ve moved to other genres to give myself a break from my work. That being said, here are a few that stand out for me:

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (2012) by Steven Hayes, PhD and Jason Lillis is a great book about the basics of ACT, which has recently interested me. I consider myself to be an evidence-based practitioner and this “third wave” cognitive behavioral therapy has garnered much attention in recent years.

Internal Family Systems by Richard Schwartz, PhD (1995) is not a recent publication, but it is a book that has really left an impression on me, sparking a great deal of thought into the different ways to conceptualize and work through cognitive dissonance. A really fascinating approach to working with an individual’s inner turmoil.

Don’t Panic by R. Reid Wilson, PhD (1987/2009) is an “oldie but a goodie.” This book is the first psychology book I can recall reading (at 17 years of age) that left me amazed at the link between the mind and body. It served as the catalyst for my interest in becoming a psychologist. (Thanks, Dr. Wilson!)

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

The biggest myth about therapy is that therapists are merely trained listeners and talking about one’s problems will help them feel better. Therapy is so much more than this.

It is an evidence-based science and a craft that requires a great deal of skill and creativity. Therapy is a process that involves learning to change one’s subjective experiences (thoughts, feelings, behaviors) through skills acquisition, insight, and the generation of new mastery experiences, which lead to a positive shift in one’s perception and is reflected in their more adaptive functioning.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

In my practice, I most frequently use cognitive behavioral therapy, which involves homework. Practicing skills, tracking behavior, and engaging in exposure and response prevention assignments, to name a few, are frequently given between sessions.

These assignments are important to the client’s progress, yet sometimes, feelings of anxiety (and the desire to avoid anxiety) or ambivalent feelings about “getting better” can be an obstacle to overcome.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

The most challenging part about being a therapist is the importance of continuing to learn, and grow, both as a therapist and also as an individual. There are always areas to explore and develop, no matter how much expertise you have in a particular area.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

I love being a psychologist. I find it rewarding to connect with people at their darkest hours to show them that they are not alone and to guide them through their difficulties toward a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

There is no definition for what it means to live a meaningful life, despite societal ideals. It is up to each of us to make our own meaning of our experiences.

Look within to find who you are and what makes you feel good about your life and your impact on the world. Live consistently with this internal self.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

If I had to choose an academic path again, I would likely choose the same path. I am very happy in my professional life.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

Change is a process.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I prioritize my own healthy stress management and utilize many of the skills I teach others to develop in order to maintain my own well-being. I engage in cognitive restructuring, practice relaxation, sleep, exercise, clean, and enjoy time with family and friends.

Structure helps me to feel in control of my stress; I make lists and organize my environment and responsibilities. My husband is also a psychologist and we find it helpful to talk with each another about the stressors in our lives.

Staying connected to friends is also helpful. Social support is a very important factor in resiliency, happiness, and well-being.

This month we’re pleased to present our interview with Ashley Eder, a licensed professional counselor in Boulder, Colo. There, Eder works in private practice with teens and adults. In addition to her work as a psychotherapist, she also supervises counselors toward their professional licensure and teaches as affiliate faculty in the counseling program at a local university.

Learn more about Ashley Eder at her website.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

I have been surprised and inspired by the bravery I see in my office. When I am working, I try to maintain a dual awareness of both my client’s reported [and] observed experience and also my own experience. Though I consider myself a pretty brave person interpersonally, I regularly notice in my own body when people have the bravery to tell me something that would have been hard for me to say or describe authentic behavior in their relationships that went against the established relationship dynamic. These acts of courage call me to live up to them in my own life.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

One of the books that has made the biggest positive impression on me is Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal by Belleruth Naparstek. This is really a survivor’s guide to PTSD. Not only does Naparstek understand the experience of trauma and its aftermath, she writes about it from such a compassionate place that it is possible to see the incredible ways that trauma deepens a person’s experience and awareness, and has the potential to create a more intuitive and empathic human being.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

The biggest myth about therapy is that going means you are sick. Going to therapy means you are interested in understanding yourself and your automatic habits so that you have more opportunities to live a purposeful and satisfying life.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

The biggest obstacle I see for clients trying to participate in process-oriented therapy is the habit of approaching themselves or their issues like a particular problem that needs to be solved. In long-term therapy and insight-oriented therapy, everything is relevant about a person, and whatever comes up for them in the course of working together is important information about how they organize their experiences.

Sometimes what comes up will be related to whatever problem has brought them in, but equally often it will be the client’s reaction to talking to the therapist, the experiences the client has in personal relationships or at work, or a history of relating to the world in way that started as a child.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

Something I work with in myself is my own human instinct to want to fix people’s problems or make them feel better in the short run. This might sound surprising to some people — isn’t fixing problems and making people feel better what therapists get paid to do? Not really.

My job as someone’s therapist is to help them hold the entire experience of being a complex, messy, ambivalent human being. Often that looks like going toward pain so that it can resolve, feeling feelings that may have been cut short in the past, and accepting painful situations that cannot be changed.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

I love the context of connecting deeply and authentically with another human being. So much of everyday life is actually fostered out of a place of disconnection, and I value the opportunity to be with people in a slow, deliberate, considerate place.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

Meaning is personally defined, and building a meaningful life means that you take the time to go inward and get to know your values, experiences, biases, and heart. Living from that place is infinitely easier when you know your inner terrain well.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

Oh wow, this is a big question for me because counseling is not my first career and it was a winding road that got me here. On the one hand, I’m pleased with where I’ve arrived, and feel like my life experience and the time I had to work with my own issues greatly enhances the quality of my work.

On the other hand, I do wonder sometimes whether pursuing a PhD and working more in academia could have been a good fit as well. I have managed to do some post-graduate research and teaching, but it has taken more deliberation and patience than if I had followed the traditional research path. I would not trade in seeing clients though, and I understand balancing that with a faculty position and a personal life can be very tough.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

I wish people everywhere had the freedom to trust themselves, and the understanding that following your own lead is what will get you where you want to go. It can take a lot of practice to open up to such deep listening, but inside each of us there is wisdom about what feels right and what feels wrong.

Your hunches, your habits, your decisions — they all come from this wisdom, even when they look like they are not on your side. When we open up to trusting these instincts, we have the chance to study them directly and can learn more about their purpose.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I have quite the collection of stress-management approaches because what feels like a good fit depends on the situation and my mood. Trying to stay in a good self-care rhythm is the backbone of it all though, and for me that means regular sleep, regular exercise, food that I enjoy and that feels good in my body, time with people coupled with time alone, intellectual engagement coupled with some good old zoning out, and my own therapy or support.

Yet rarely do we find a book that is meant to help the helper. Robert J. Wicks’ The Inner Life of the Counselor is designed to do just that.

Being a practitioner can certainly lead to many life-affirming rewards. There is an almost intrinsic sense of joy that comes with helping others overcome the troubles life may throw at them. However, being a practitioner can also lead to burnout. It is not easy listening to stories of trauma or dealing with clients who may have outbursts of anger or sadness on a daily basis. Dr. Wicks’ book is a vital resource we can use to continually reinvigorate ourselves and provide the best possible care for our clients.

As the title suggests, The Inner Life of the Counselor is meant to provide tools that can lead to growth through introspection. Dr. Wicks states in his introduction that he hopes to help practitioners take note of their lives “more gently and clearly” and “fully embrace through practice those elements that can enhance maintaining a healthier perspective.” He bases his advice on a combination of his own personal experience (he has over 30 years in the field) and studies in areas such as mindfulness and positive psychology, as well as classical spiritual and philosophical ideas. In essence, his book is meant to help counselors keep a sense of peace and purpose among the relentless whirlwind of patient crises, insurance reimbursement headaches, and supervisory meetings that at times threaten to overwhelm.

In each of the book’s six chapters, Dr. Wicks explores a different area of mindfulness and how counselors can incorporate it into their lives. His aim is not to solve our problems, but rather to guide us to a deeper understanding of our lives and our work. Each chapter concludes with a series of questions to prompt reflection. Dr. Wicks gives plenty of food for thought, using quotes and excerpts ranging from Henry Thoreau to Chinese proverbs.

Of course, when it comes to a book such as this, the reader must wonder: Are the ideas presented actually useful in everyday life? It’s one thing to make a book full of “inspirational” quotes, but something else entirely to use such quotes as a framework for ideas that help us cultivate a better life. Luckily, The Inner Life of the Counselor definitely falls into the latter category. For instance, in the first chapter, “Creating Space Within,” Dr. Wicks discusses the importance of incorporating silence and solitude in counselors’ lives so that they may develop a greater sense of “humble gratitude” and become more in tune with their inner selves. He suggests that spaces of “alonetime” need to take place throughout the day — before work, between clients, as well as after the day’s business is done — and he gives advice on how to accomplish this amidst the chaotic schedules that the helping professions often necessitate. In Chapter 5, the author even provides a thorough “Self-Care Questionnaire for Clinicians” that helps the reader see which areas in their life they may benefit from working on.

As a mental health professional myself, I found The Inner Life of the Counselor to be a great resource for inspiration and personal growth. Though the book lasts barely 200 pages, it contains such a wealth of ideas that the reader will be busy for a long time thinking about it and utilizing its suggestions. New practitioners should read the book so that they may prevent future burnout, and more seasoned professionals may find that it simply revives them.

Being a practitioner comes with certain unavoidable stresses regardless of one’s job title or place of employment. Yet those of us who serve others owe it not just to ourselves but also to our clients to make sure that we pay special attention to nurturing our own well-being. Otherwise, we will not be successful in our care — and a vicious cycle may ensue. All helping professionals would do themselves a service by picking up Wicks’ book so that they may continue to provide care in a way that is both meaningful to them and those they help.

The Inner Life of the Counselor
Wiley, August, 2012
Hardcover, 203 pages
$24.74

This month we had the pleasure of talking to Christina Hibbert, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and expert in women’s emotional health across the lifespan; pregnancy and postpartum mental health; grief and loss; and parenting.

Hibbert is the founder of the Arizona Postpartum Wellness Coalition and author of the upcoming memoir This is How We Grow. A frequent speaker, she’s been called “The Singing Psychologist,” and often shares an original song or two when she speaks.

Hibbert is the mother of six energetic kids and has a private practice in Flagstaff, AZ. Get to know Christina Hibbert by visiting her website at www.drchristinahibbert.com.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?
How similar we all are on the inside, despite how we appear on the outside. Deep down, we all just want acceptance and love.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?
My all-time favorite “greatest” book is Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves, by C. Terry Warner (I’ve read it 3 times!). Warner shows us how we “betray ourselves” in relationships by failing to act on impulses to do the “right” thing. Then, we end up fighting to protect our self-betrayal and this blocks out love.

For instance, if a dad hears his newborn cry and thinks “I should feed him so my wife can sleep,” but then falls asleep instead, he has betrayed himself. He then has to tell her all the “reasons why” he didn’t wake up (“I work all day, you know!”); she feels hurt, so does he, and the love has vanished. Understanding these principles has changed my world, and now it helps me change others’ worlds too!

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?
That the therapist is going to “fix” you. That’s not it at all. Therapy is a partnership, and when both parties do their part, change is the result. The therapist offers insights, suggestions, and tools, and the client implements them in his or her life. That’s what therapy is all about.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?
Implementing the insight gained from therapy into real life. One of the most common questions I get as a psychologist is: “What stops us (human beings) from making the change we know we need to make?”

And all I can say to that is that making change is tough business. But it’s also simpler than we think. It can take just an instant to choose to change — just an instant to make up your mind and do it.

Instead, we are our own worst enemies, standing in the way of the change we desire. My job is to not only help clients see and understand the need for change, but to help them “get out of their own way,” and let change happen.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?
The emotional drain. It’s lovely to get to know clients on such a deep level — to be there with them in their most intimate moments. But it can take a lot out of you if you’re not careful.

I have to consciously choose to leave it all behind when I go home, and I have to set limits on how much I can give to clients so I still have enough to give to my family and myself. (For instance, at this time I only see clients one day a week. I spend the other days being a “stay-at-home-mom” while also blogging for my website and working on my upcoming book!)

6. What do you love about being a therapist?
The deep connection with clients. There’s nothing like feeling someone’s heart and helping them heal it. It bonds you for life. I also love being a psychologist for the opportunities it provides for other types of connections; through speaking, teaching, and writing I also connect with people. It’s wonderful to have a career with so many options.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?
Make “space” to check in with yourself each day. Even 5-10 minutes to be still, meditate, ponder, or pray will make a huge difference in creating a meaningful life, for it will allow you to “unplug” and instead “tune in” to what really matters.

Ask yourself, “What matters most to me?” Then listen, and write it down. Compare everything you do each day to your list of “what matters most.” Pay attention to the things that do matter, and get rid of all that doesn’t. Repeat this process often, and your life will be full of love, joy, and meaning.

(Hibbert has written more on these topics in her posts “What Matters Most,” and “Joy is in the Moments: 3 Tips for Discovering & Appreciating the Joy in Life.”)

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?
I would absolutely choose the same path. I love what I do. The only thing I might do differently is add a minor in music and songwriting. It’s a favorite hobby of mine I often incorporate into my talks and seminars, and I’d love to have more expertise in that area!

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?
That’s there’s so much more to life than just “feeling better.” Many of us are simply hoping to overcome mental illness—to just “feel better.” But we’re shooting far too low. That’s why my tagline is “Overcoming, Becoming, Flourishing.”

I want everyone to know that life isn’t just about overcoming challenges—it’s about becoming who we’re meant to be and even living a life that’s flourishing!

Don’t settle for just “being better.” Keep with it until you’re “better than better”!

10. What do you do to cope with stress in your life?
I put myself to bed early as often as I can so I can be up early and feel rested the next day. I take an “hour of power” each morning, including exercise, meditation, prayer, and scripture study before getting the kids ready and out the door. This gets me centered and focused on what really matters for my day. I strive to give my family my full attention when I’m with them, so I’m very careful about taking on new projects that can’t be done in the few hours when everyone’s at school.

I take a little time each afternoon to rest, read, nap or relax before my kids get home and my “night shift” begins. I also know I need time alone to de-stress and I love to travel, so I try to get away for a night or two as often as I can (with six kids, leaving the house is often the only chance I get to just “be me”!).

I also take baths, walks, talk with my husband, and get a massage at least once a month. And music is a great stress-reliever! If I’m really needing help, I’ll sit down at the piano or guitar and write a new song or sing!

This month we had the pleasure of chatting with Joyce Marter, a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) and owner of Urban Balance, an insurance-friendly counseling practice with over 40 therapists and five locations in Chicagoland.

Marter received her Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology from Northwestern University and was awarded Distinguished Alumni of the Year in 2008. In 2010 she was selected by Crain’s Chicago Business for the “40 Under 40″ list.

Marter currently serves as the Vice President of the Board of the Illinois Mental Health Counselors Association and an Editorial Advisor for “Wellness Times.” She has been consulted as a psychological expert on television, radio and in publications such as The Wall Street Journal and U.S. News.

Learn more about Joyce Marter at her website.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

The thing that has surprised me the most about being a therapist is the blessing of reaping tremendous wisdom from my clients and their life experiences. Over the past 18 years, I have had the honor to get to know hundreds of clients from diverse backgrounds. Through our relationships, I have gleaned some powerful insights that have profoundly enriched my life as well as enabled me to be of greater service to others.

Furthermore, it has surprised me that my life’s work as a therapist and my own psychological journey personally are really two sides of the same coin– each side being integral and dependent on the other. In order to be the best therapist I can be and effectively help others, I am continually dedicated to my own journey towards healing, consciousness, wellness and self-actualization.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose is the most enlightening book I have read in the past five years. Tolle says we all have a “pain body”–the culmination of negative feelings from issues and experience that have caused us suffering.

He says we must not identify with our pain body or judge ourselves for it, but instead observe it from a neutral place as a collection of experiences that are going to help us grow psychologically and spiritually. He talks about the importance of detaching from our ego and focusing on our essence, or the inner being within that silently observes our lives.

He emphasizes the power of developing awareness of the present moment (rather than ruminating about the past or worrying about the future,) as a way of increasing consciousness and our connection to others. I believe we all could benefit from contemplating Tolle’s work and often recommend that clients check out Oprah’s series, “Are You Ready to be Awakened?” which makes Tolle’s brilliant work more digestible and manageable.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

One of the greatest myths about therapy is that the focus is on pathology and on the early life experiences. I have heard people describe the difference between therapy and coaching is that therapy focuses on problems and the past and coaching focusing on solutions and the future. I couldn’t disagree more.

Understanding the past and any negative issues we have experienced is only one aspect of therapy. It is an important step to reflect on our family-of-origin and early life histories as a way to honor the past, gain insight as to how it may have shaped and molded us, and increase awareness of themes or patterns we are unconsciously recreating.

However, therapy also helps clients accept and let go of the past as well as practice mindfulness techniques that help them stay anchored in the present moment. Furthermore, cognitive-behavioral techniques help clients think more positively and to consciously create intentions for the future, increasing the likelihood of attaining goals and achieving success personally and professionally.

Finally, therapists regularly mirror back client’s strengths to them as a way for them to psychologically integrate these concepts into a positive sense of self.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

The processes of letting go and practicing detachment. I am referring to letting go of old belief systems, old relationship and life patterns that are no longer working, of the need to be right, of that which you can not control, etc. We all unconsciously cling to what is familiar and it can be difficult to let go of even the most self-sabotaging behaviors.

Detachment is a very powerful tool to aid in letting go. Detachment is the process of unplugging from a situation, from our egos or from our inner critic. It is the ability to zoom out and observe ourselves and our situations from a neutral place. It doesn’t mean we are not present or do not care–we can be detached with love and respond to others and to situations from a place that is not ego-driven, defensive or reactive. It took me years to even grasp the concept of detachment and it’s a life skill I am dedicated to continue to practice and develop.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

The most challenging part about being a therapist is that your tool is yourself. If you are not well, you cannot do good work. Therefore, this work requires you to continually reflect on yourself through personal therapy, clinically consultation, continued learning, spiritual practices and other growth experiences. For these reasons, therapist burnout or compassion fatigue is common and self-care must be practiced regularly and without exception.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

I find the work emotionally, relationally, intellectually and spiritually rewarding. I have come to believe that the foundation of therapy is truly knowing and loving your clients. I believe that all the theories and the techniques are just the bells and whistles–it is through the therapeutic relationship and experience that clients heal and grow and move forward in a positive direction. The honor of being able to truly know and love clients is a gift that flows back to me, bringing more love and light into my life.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

Be true to yourself and live a life that is congruent with who you really are–your authentic self.

Understand that love is the commodity of life and the more that you give (to yourself as well as others,) the more you will reap.

Many people believe that if they get their external life in order (career, relationships, appearance, money, house, etc.) they will achieve happiness and wellness. I believe if you focus on the internal (your emotional and spiritual life), your external life will fall into place because you will create a life that is congruent with your authentic or highest self.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

Yes, absolutely without a doubt. This field has given me a language and a lens through which to understand life and the world around me in a much deeper and more meaningful way. I also appreciate the many different services I am able to provide with my degree, such as counseling, teaching, writing, public speaking, etc. I feel the possibilities for personal and professional growth in this field are endless.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

It is normal to have issues, the issues are part of the lesson of life–they bring about tremendous blessings in terms of opportunities for growth. In fact, I believe the people who have overcome mental illness and other extremely challenging life experiences often have more consciousness and psychological awareness than those who have not. Our psychological issues are how we are, not who we are. We are all exactly as we should be.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

It is often our unrealistic expectations or belief systems that cause stress, so if we can change our thinking we can decrease our stress. I participate in my own psychotherapy and find that to be incredibly helpful in reducing my stress by helping me understand my feelings are normal responses to life events and that I can “surf” the waves of feelings, rather than being engulfed by them.

I personally embrace the belief that we are all works in progress and nobody is perfect, which allows me to cut myself some slack and detach from some of the expectations that cause stress.

Also, I try not to expend energy on that which I cannot control and to practice acceptance (“all is as it is and as it should be”) as a way to avoid spinning my wheels and reducing stress.

I believe we store feelings as waves of energy in the body, so I regularly exercise, stretch and participate in massage therapy to release tension I am holding in my body. Finally, laughter is a critical stress buster. Not taking yourself or life too seriously can make any situation more manageable.

This month we had the pleasure of interviewing John Duffy, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist, life coach and parenting expert.

Below, Duffy discusses the power of therapy, his favorite mental health books, his best advice for leading a meaningful life, how he copes with stress and much more.

Duffy has been working with teens, tweens and their families for more than 15 years. He is the author of The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens.

He appears regularly on the “Morning Blend” on NBC-TV in Milwaukee as an expert on parenting and relationships. He also has served as an expert for a number of radio and television programs, including the nationally syndicated “Mr. Dad” program with best-selling author Armin Brott, and “The Lite Show” on WNTD in Chicago.

Learn more about John Duffy at his website.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

After learning so much about different theories and techniques, I am always surprised by the potency of the connection between therapist and client as the driving force for change. I find myself focusing more on the relationship, and the skill of listening actively, more than anything else in any given hour. The relationship as change agent never fails to amaze me.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

Though it is a years-old novel, Love’s Executioner by Yalom is among my favorites, an excellent guide to what works, and what tends to drive failure, in therapy. I’m inspired by the writing of Dr. Wayne Dyer, especially (as one might guess) Inspiration, which I recommend frequently to my clients.

I also recently read The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson. I find that my clients, many of them busy working parents, feel that protecting time to care for themselves is selfish and indulgent. Richardson insists on self-care, and suggests that we cannot be our best for anyone else if we cannot be our best for ourselves. I love this book.

Finally, at the risk of seeming overly self-promotional, I suggest that all parents of teens read my book, The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens. It is derived from my experience with teens and parents, and offers a method for parenting teens that removes some of the fear, and suggests teens are more likely to heed the words of parents with whom they share a joyful, loving connection.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

I find that a lot of people continue to believe that therapy is only indicated if you or your family is in crisis, or you are suffering from profound, debilitating mental illness. I find that therapy is often least effective during times of crisis, as therapists can only serve as crisis managers. I far prefer someone come into therapy seeking change outside the specter of crisis.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

I find the toughest thing for clients is commitment to, and trust in, the process of therapy. To be fair, I don’t think either of these is easy, especially during an initial foray into therapy, as there is significant risk and vulnerability affiliated with engaging in therapy. Still, the sooner one is willing to exhibit the courage do so, the more efficient and effective the process can be.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

Personally, I’m not very good at saying “no.” So, if a situation is presented to me in which I think my work can be helpful, I tend to say yes, whether it be therapy, consultation, speaking or writing. As a result, I find that I often fail to protect sufficient time for me and my own family. Perhaps I should talk to a therapist about that!

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

The very nature of the job is a privilege. To be privy to my clients’ stories, and to play a role in facilitating, and witnessing, positive change in their lives, is the greatest joy. It’s the best possible job, and perhaps the one I’m best suited for.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

I love this question. There are two things. First, bear witness to your moments, as they are all you have. Second, a mentor of mine suggested that each of us carries greatness in some way. So seek your greatness. And trust that, even if you do not discover it all at once, it is there. And if you continue to work toward your greatness, you will fulfill and achieve it. This is another great joy of life.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

I would absolutely have chosen the same path. Before pursuing psychology, I was an accountant for several years. This job was a terrible match for me and my skills, nearly comical. So, I did some different things with my life before heading this way. I experienced great joys, and suffered some hardships and losses as well. Without the richness of that experience, I don’t think I’d be nearly as effective as I am in my work today.

So I have no regrets.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

Conventional wisdom dictates that therapy is difficult, and it is. But what I wish my clients knew coming into the process is that there can be great joy associated with it as well. I do like to think of therapy as a joyful process of growth and enrichment. Sometimes I think the word “treatment” does our profession a disservice.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I do several things. First I diversify my career. Along with direct clinical work, I write frequently and speak quite a bit as well. These help me to bring balance to my work.

I also find it critically important to have a life outside of work. I spend a lot of time with my wife and my son, talking and laughing. I work out regularly, and strum my guitar occasionally.

I’m working toward protecting time for yoga and meditation, so I can feel increasingly more centered and energized. Without some balance in our lives, I think the best of therapists risks burnout.

And I have no interest in that. I still have a lot to do.

Below, Sumber reveals what’s surprised him the most about being a therapist and the challenge of balancing burnout with making a difference. He shares the importance of shifting our paradigms, discovering our own definitions of meaning and much more.

Sumber also teaches sociology and psychology at National-Louis University and joyfully serves as a non-denominational wedding officiant on behalf of his company, Celebrate Love Chicago!

You can learn more about Sumber’s coaching at The Mindful Prepper, which he describes as “mindfulness coaching and preparing the Self for whatever life throws at us.” And you can find additional information about Sumber and his work at his main website.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

I have never really gotten used to the intensity of impact I have on clients over the course of treatment. While it is inevitable that my comfort level, trust and relaxation increases over time in the therapeutic relationship, it is forever humbling to find that even the simplest, off-the-cuff statements in a session can be taken in unintended ways. Even those “chance” interactions with clients in public places have an impact and will likely lead to process in the therapy office. Being a therapist has impacted my behavior in public, the choices I make on social networking sites and even the level of political activism I choose. I still haven’t gotten used to that.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

When I was in high school, I applied to Harvard for my undergraduate experience and one of the questions my interviewer asked me was to please list the last 5 books I had read that month. My face turned pale and I ended up walking away with a pit in my stomach, not even to apply (until I went to graduate school). I have been listening to a series of tapes by Tony Robbins and his work with couples called “Get the Edge.” I prefer listening and watching than reading.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

The biggest myth about therapy is that it is now mainstream. While there are far more people exposed to and participating in therapy today than ever before, it is simply not true that being in treatment does not carry with it some level of stigma or projection for clients, their families, friends and acquaintances. Whether it is secrecy from work, fear of insurance claims affecting future jobs, or even simply a new relationship and the concern over sharing “too much” about what that weekly appointment is all about, I do not believe that we are “there” yet as a society when it comes to mental health as a spectrum, not an either/or.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

I find that many clients struggle with the notion of paradigm shift. While learning more effective modes of communication as well as strategies for choosing more supportive actions are essential to the success of counseling, I find that the ideological shift from one belief system to another is the most formidable challenge. Many people believe they can impact their lives in a long term, sustainable manner simply by changing their behaviors and I simply do not believe this to be the case. Unless we rethink the soil in which we are planting new seeds, we can expect only limited change into the future. Oftentimes it is the acknowledgment of an old paradigm breeding destructive patterns that serves as the greatest opening for a client and from this place, I work with individuals to envision a new worldview that opens the door for new ways of thinking, feeling and creating their lives.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

The most challenging part of being a therapist for me is tempering my desire to make a difference and help clients change their lives with the slippery slope of burnout and self-care. The inevitable biorhythm of private practice and its ebb and flow of steady, sustainable client hours tends to prod us toward taking on more sessions in a week than is probably healthy and yet the consequences of maintaining a waiting list or turning folks away is that they will likely move on. Identifying the maximum number of reasonable hours in session per week and then STICKING to that number is an ongoing challenge for me and is a direct factor in the process of burnout.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

I love so much about being a therapist! I can’t believe how lucky I am to have found a path in life that is in absolute alignment with my values, outlook on the world as well as my desire to make enough income to live comfortably without being excessive. Life as a therapist is a life in relationship to balance for me, and I am ever engaged in that process toward balance whether it be between work/personal life, professional/social, practical/spiritual, time/energy, etc. Loving what I do, doing what I love is the greatest example to clients who struggle with being dissatisfied with their jobs.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

Wow. For starters, uncovering one’s own definition of meaning is a great launching pad. Asking “who” instead of “what” or “how” tends to orient the process in a solid way and from there, when we know who we are asking the questions, we can start to explore what we want and what we’re willing to do about that. For myself, moving through an old pattern of projecting the reasons why I can’t be at peace or in joy onto others was a tremendous piece of personal work without which I do not believe I would have created a meaningful life. Taking full responsibility for every moment in my day from first dawn to lights out has been instrumental in embracing my life as I manifest it. I find the old recording of “I can’t” or “I don’t know” to be just downright tiresome. Remove it from your vocabulary and things begin to shift.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

Yes. My focus on international relations and political philosophy in college helped me understand the world in ways that have added much to my work as well as the years studying religion prior to my degree in psychology. I am grateful for degrees in non-psychological pursuits rather than a Ph.D because I feel it has given me a unique approach to this field and allows me to approach counseling from a somewhat different angle than many of my peers.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

That only insurance companies believe that deep, penetrating shifts in the way we understand ourselves happens in a few months. “We are not water heaters” as my analyst told me the first day I sat before him long ago.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

Every morning when I shut the water off in my shower, I stand quietly, shrouded in my towel, and breathe deeply. No ritual, no religious significance, no laws of attracting this or that: I just breathe and feel my Self. Until my wife says, “Are you doing your breathing thing?”

This month we had the pleasure of talking to Ryan Howes, Ph.D., ABPP, a board-certified, licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Pasadena, California.

Howes also is a clinical professor and supervisor at Fuller Graduate School of Psychology. He is a contributing editor for the Psychotherapy Networker Magazine and he’s blogged for Psychology Today since 2008.

His blog, In Therapy: A User’s Guide to Psychotherapy, was named a Top 10 Psychoanalysis Blog by Blogs.com. He is on a personal mission to demystify therapy and empower clients to get the most out of their time, money and effort.

You can learn more about Howes at his website and Facebook page.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

This job is full of surprises. I laugh more with my clients than I ever thought I would. Many therapist “mistakes” actually improve the treatment. Silence is sometimes the best intervention. I’m not really my own boss, I have 30 bosses. I’ve seen about a hundred different techniques to wipe tears with a Kleenex. The most surprising is, I’ve been doing therapy since the ’90s and I’ve never had a boring day.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

Every year I assign Irvin Yalom’s The Gift of Therapy to my graduate students. His warmth and wisdom shows his profound understanding of therapy from both chairs. But I’m currently reading David Wallin’s outstanding Attachment in Psychotherapy, which may find its way into the syllabus.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

We like to talk about the classic stigma: Therapy is for crazy people. Fortunately, research is showing that we’re beginning to move beyond that stereotype. So many “normal” people (as well as celebrities and fictional characters) have been to therapy that looking for help is not as shameful as it once was.

But the popular media has created a new myth: Therapists are lunatics who are so messed up they can’t help anyone else. Therapists now have the public image problem. I’d like to do something about that.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

My profession has done a poor job of providing a coherent, consistent explanation of what therapy is, how it works and what is the client’s role in the process. As a result, well-intentioned clients spend valuable time and money learning about the process of therapy when they could be focused on resolving their issues. Many people quit therapy frustrated because they never learned how to make the most of it.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

When friends or family ask the harmless question “How was your day?” I have a legal requirement to censor my answer. I completely agree with the need for confidentiality in this field, but it contributes to the isolation experienced by many therapists. It’s ironic that we spend all day talking with people on a deep level but need to consciously fight isolation.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

We’re on sacred ground when a client says: “I’ve never told anyone this before, but…” We’re striking a balance between trust and risk and we’re about to have a breakthrough. Actually, I enjoy any time I see positive change happening. Like the compliant, conflict-avoidant client who suddenly feels safe enough to confront me. Or the emotionally detached client who lets his anger or sadness show. Or when our hunch about something proves true or leads to a deeper insight. The time and effort is validated any time our collaboration creates a lasting change.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

Know thy stuff. Ignorance may be bliss, but a meaningful life requires exploring and accepting your strengths and limitations, as challenging as that may be.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

Being a psychologist allows me to do nearly everything I enjoy. My clients invite me on a journey to explore amazing, always-unique subject matter. I also get to moonlight as an extroverted professor and introverted writer. I wouldn’t change a thing.

But occasionally I daydream about jobs that had immediate and visible results, like the summer job I had mowing grass on a golf course. It was a beautiful setting and my riding mower did most of the work. It was a great way to earn my minimum wage (plus free golf!).

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients knew about treatment, what would it be?

Therapy is kind of like going to a personal trainer. The two of you develop goals and a plan of action, the professional guides and supports, and you do the heavy lifting to reap the benefits. The work might be in the form of journaling, reading books, bringing up uncomfortable material, or taking a risk to trust. Unfortunately, some clients approach therapy more like surgery. They plan to sit passively while the therapist does therapy to them. This leaves both parties frustrated.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I’m a firm believer in therapy for therapists, so I’ll be in treatment as long as I’m seeing clients. I also avoid taking work home with me. I try to keep non-psychology hobbies and keep in touch with non-therapist friendships. I stay actively involved in my kids’ lives, I play music, run, cook and write — even though I usually write about therapy!

This month we’re pleased to present an interview with Will Meek, Ph.D, a licensed counseling psychologist in the state of Washington. Meek is the lead psychologist at Washington State University Vancouver Counseling & Testing Services and an Adjunct Professor of Counselor Education at Portland State University. He also has a private practice in Vancouver, WA. He regularly contributes to Psych Central and writes a website on the psychology of men.

Meek completed his undergraduate degree in psychology at Baldwin-Wallace College in Berea, Ohio, his doctorate in counseling psychology at the University of Missouri Kansas City, and finished his post-doctoral work at the University of Delaware.

To learn more about Meek and his work, check out his website.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

The biggest surprise was how much change can happen in a short period of time. If there is a good counselor/client match, and the client is highly motivated for change, then amazing things can happen very quickly.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

I have been heavily influenced recently by Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

The biggest myth is that the techniques are more important than the relationship with the therapist. Research has shown that the strength of the counseling relationship is more important than any techniques or specific interventions. For clients, that means it is important to choose a therapist you trust and you will enjoy working with, not just someone offering a special type of counseling.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

Everyone has different obstacles, but one in particular I see quite often is when someone is convinced they are “defective” or that something is “wrong” with them. Often the paradox is that they are healthy, and that the problem is actually their belief that something is wrong with them.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

That you can’t always help everyone. Sometimes due to scheduling or some other factors, things don’t come together, and making peace with that can be challenging.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

My favorite thing about being a therapist is watching my clients’ hard work finally pay off. The amount of effort and creativity that they bring in the door is always inspiring to me, and seeing that carry them to the next stages of their lives is really amazing.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

Give up on trying to be happier, and instead try to do something that will be meaningful to yourself, someone else, your community, or the world.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

I would, with only some minor variations based on how personal things went for me. However, I also have been getting into coffee lately, so I have been fantasizing about going back in time and being mentored by an expert coffee roaster.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

That American culture has dramatically over-pathologized normal life. Being sad, angry, anxious, tired, inattentive, disconnected, or unfulfilled are normal parts of the human experience. Only in the most dramatic forms are they “disordered” or constitute an “illness.”

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I write songs, exercise, and spend time with my wife and friends.

This month, we had the pleasure of interviewing Charles H. Elliott, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and Founding Fellow in the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. Elliott specializes in treating children and adolescents with anxiety disorders and/or OCD. Along with clinical psychologist Laura L. Smith, he writes the popular Psych Central blog “Anxiety and OCD Exposed.”

Elliott also is a faculty member at Fielding Graduate University and the author of various books on anxiety, depression and self-esteem, including: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies (2nd Ed); Obsessive Compulsive Disorder For Dummies; Anxiety and Depression Workbook For Dummies; and Hollow Kids: Recapturing the Soul of a Generation Lost to the Self-Esteem Myth. Learn more about Elliott and his work at his website.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

That almost everyone I know, whether my patients, friends, or whomever, can probably profit from psychotherapy at one time or another in their lives.

Therapy isn’t just for “sick” people or those who are experiencing severe emotional problems. No one goes through life unscathed or without encountering obstacles that they could be helped to get through.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

Well, I guess I shouldn’t say it’s one of the For Dummies books I wrote with my wife! Actually, much as I do like those books, what I’ve found particularly interesting is a variety of social psychology related books such as, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini, Why We Eat More than We Think by Brian Wansink, Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy Baumeister and John Tierney.

The studies reviewed in these books are truly fascinating and riveting. And they often contain material that’s relevant to clinical practice as well.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

The general public often believes that the process takes years and years to get anywhere. Many people assume that the therapeutic process is endless. In truth, it’s often possible to make significant progress in just a few months, occasionally even more quickly.

Obviously, the length depends upon many factors such as the nature of the problem someone comes in with. Severe personality disorder issues can, in fact, require years. But most people find that they can start seeing progress much sooner than that.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

Fear. People worry that the process will prove to be too painful to confront. They also worry that they will fail if they try to tackle their problems and that failing would be worse than never having tried at all. Sometimes they further worry that they would no longer know who they are if they got over their troubles.

When I encounter these concerns, I usually let them know that, although therapy can sometimes cause some discomfort, such distress can be taken in measured doses, one step at a time. I also help them see that not trying is a far bigger failure than trying and that almost everyone can make at least some progress.

Furthermore, if they don’t like the changes, they can always go back to their old selves and their old problems (something no one has yet taken me up on!).

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

I hate to say this, but insurance companies, billing, and paperwork. These have all become increasingly onerous and time consuming over the years.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

I mostly like helping people find more fulfilling, meaningful lives. It’s profoundly gratifying to see someone shift from being dominated and controlled by anxiety, fear, or depression to someone who enjoys life.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

I suggest that they work on living their lives without judging themselves so much. I also recommend looking for ways to help others. When people solely focus on their own worries and concerns, the quality of their lives usually deteriorates.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

This is a tough question. I have often said, that in the next lifetime, I think I’ll come back as a social psychologist. They investigate the more interesting phenomena and I love social psychology research. On the other hand, it would be hard to let go of the clinical work I do. So, I guess I’ll make the final decision when someone offers it to me!

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

I hope that they can realize that all mental illness is simply an extension and/or magnification of problems encountered in everyday life. And “treatment” is not nearly as mysterious and convoluted as many people think. Therapy usually involves a series of carefully graded steps of confronting one’s issues head on.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I try to slow down and take things one step at a time. I look out for my number one nemesis—a tendency to think that everything must be done all at once and to see everything that lies ahead as one, overwhelming whole. In truth, few things are particularly overwhelming if taken one by one.