The term “cognitive psychology” was coined by Ulric Neisser in 1967. “Cognition” is defined as “all processes by which the sensory input is transformed, reduced, elaborated, stored, recovered, and used. It is concerned with these processes even when they operate in the absence of relevant stimulation, as in images and hallucinations … cognition is involved in everything a human being might possibly do” (1). Some of the most notable cognitive psychologists include Aaron Beck, Eric Lenneberg and Charles Sanders Peirce.

The most common areas in which cognitive psychologists practice are abnormal psychology (such as the study of depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses), social psychology (studying the way in which humans interact), developmental psychology, educational psychology and personality psychology.

Most cognitive psychologists have a specialty, such as attention, memory, problem-solving, language processing or information processing. They can work with patients with any variety of mental illness, those who may have suffered trauma, or any number of brain disorders. They also can work with patients on a long-term basis, such as those dealing with dementia, or on a short-term basis, such as helping a child with a learning disability learn how to cope with their schoolwork and process the information they receive in school.

Cognitive psychologists work in schools and universities, research facilities, prisons, treatment or rehabilitation centers, government agencies, hospitals or in a private practice setting.

Treating patients is not the cognitive psychologist’s only job. Most cognitive psychologists also teach at the graduate and undergraduate level. They may be professors or academic advisors or they may work with groups of students who are doing research projects.

In addition to teaching, many cognitive psychologists also focus on research. Research is important in the field of cognitive psychology. Many cognitive psychologists are required to participate in research projects and publish their findings in peer-reviewed journals. It is important for cognitive psychologists to pursue their own research in areas that interest them, as well as to research specific projects dictated by employers and universities.

Becoming a cognitive psychologist takes time, dedication and a desire to explore the human brain in all its glory. The education begins with getting a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in psychology. Although a Master of Arts (MA) in psychology can lead to work, many cognitive psychologists are required to have a Ph.D (a doctor of philosophy) in psychology or a Psy.D (a doctor of psychology). They must also be trained in the areas of neuroscience, cognitive learning and conducting.

Following a Ph.D or Psy.D program, cognitive psychologists generally work at internships and at entry-level jobs in order to gain experience and get the hours needed to qualify for the examination for professional practice in psychology that will provide them with their license. Any psychologist wishing to practice in a private setting must pass this test after completing 3,000 hours (approximately two years) of supervised practice. Once certified to practice in a clinical setting, cognitive psychologists are required to take continuing education credits to maintain their license.

If you are interested in a career in cognitive psychology, please be sure to check out the resources for more information.

Resources

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_psychology

http://work.chron.com/cognitive-psychologist-job-description-17172.html

Psychologists, psychiatrists, psychology professors, research scientists, and many more professionals from the field of psychology came together to make this a great guide for students like myself and others just beginning in the field. 

Because the book was created with students and young professionals in mind, it reads like a how-to guide for building a career. Each section is written by an expert in that area, which really gives the reader a sense that he or she is learning from the best.

Initially, I thought the book would go into detail about how to conduct a therapy practice. I was very wrong. There are a lot of other options available to those of us interested in psychology, aside from traditional therapy. The book covers other career paths, including research, working in a lab, psychiatry, psychotherapy, and workplace psychology.

Contributors also give tips on applying to graduate school, how to find a job or an internship in between college and grad school, and how to get your research published. There are helpful references at the end of every section.

Mentor is an excellent resource for anyone who is serious about pursuing a career in psychology. It’s easy to read, straightforward, and gathers expertise from disparate subfields. I’m sure I’ll be using it as I continue my education.

The only real drawback is its breadth. At times, the sheer amount of information was overwhelming. If you know what you want to do in psychology, some of the chapters may be totally irrelevant to you. For readers who are already sure of their path, I’d recommend finding the book at a library and looking only at the pertinent sections. Otherwise, you may be paying for information you don’t need.

The Portable Mentor: An Expert Guide to a Successful Career in Psychology, Second Edition
Springer, September, 2012
Paperback, 410 pages
$59.91 

“With 6 kids, ages 16 to 5, a husband and home to care for, a private practice, and my many ‘side jobs,’ including running a non-profit, speaking, writing for my website, blog, and other people, doing some legal consultation, and writing a book, I like to say my life is ‘full,’” said Christina G. Hibbert, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and expert in postpartum mental health. She’s also active in her church and has commitments on Sundays and Wednesday evenings every week.

Joyce Marter, LCPC, a therapist and owner of the counseling practice Urban Balance, also has a lot on her plate. “I am a wife, a mother, a psychotherapist and owner of a group practice with nearly 50 therapists and five locations, a writer with a book in development, a public speaker, the Vice President of the Board of the Illinois Mental Health Counselors Association, and frequently serve as a psychological expert in the media.”

That’s enough to make anyone’s head spin. In addition, Marter takes her kids to and from school, eats dinner with her family, has an active social life, vacations for at least six weeks every year and gets eight hours of sleep per night.

So what’s their secret? Below, Marter, Hibbert and other therapists spill the details on living a fulfilling life and getting things done.

1. They know their priorities.

Hibbert knows what matters most to her, and she focuses on those things first and foremost. “[This] allows me to prioritize my time and helps me know when to pull back from other things. If any of my top priorities are out of shape, I push off the others until things are in order again.”

Her top priorities are: “My relationship with God, my relationship with my husband, and my role as a mother and relationship with my kids.” Her work comes next. But this also has to match her mission: “to learn all I can and teach what I learn.”

Marter takes a similar approach. She starts off with a vision for her personal and professional lives. (For instance, you can create a vision board, she said.) “Then we need to align our priorities and intentions to support that vision. We need to focus our energy on the things that provide meaning, value and life energy and let go of the things that don’t.” She then sets clear goals and firm boundaries around her time, such as her work hours.

2. They have a formula for their days.

“It has taken me many years and several iterations to find a formula that worked for me,” said John Duffy, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens.

He sees clients either three or four days a week from late morning into the evening to accommodate his clients, many of whom are teens. “I work fairly long hours those days, but I enjoy the work.” The other days he works on his next book or with the media. For instance, he’s been on the Steve Harvey Show multiple times.

3. They protect family time.

Clinical psychologist Ryan Howes, Ph.D, wakes up early to make breakfast for his sons and drop them off at school. He comes home around 6 p.m. to have dinner with his family and eventually put his boys to bed.

“After the boys’ bedtime I enjoy the evening with my wife, which includes checking in with each other, talking about our future plans, and watching some reality TV cooking shows.”

Duffy also “[protect[s] nights and weekends for my wife, son and friends.”

4. They delegate.

When Hibbert needs more time to accomplish projects after school, she asks her older kids to watch the younger ones. She asks her husband to help with grocery shopping and dinner several nights a week. She also has a housekeeper come once a week. “[This] is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself!”

Marter outsources anything that doesn’t “provide personal meaning or value to me. In my business, I delegate the responsibilities that are not my strengths or passion.” At home, she outsources house cleaning and grocery shopping. This way she has time for what’s most important, such as hosting her kids’ play dates.

5. They have pets.

Having a dog actually makes my life more productive,” said Jeffrey Sumber, M.A., a psychotherapist, author and teacher. “I’m responsible to make sure he is well fed, walked and properly taken care of but this also helps punctuate activities in my day and organize tasks around set breaks in my process.”

6. They use activities to ground them.

Sumber uses the walks with his dog to map out his days and intentions.

It is often during my morning walk with Tashi that I run through my day in my mind, determining priorities and goals and create a visual for how the day will ideally play out. This walking meditation is functional as well as intentional and sets me off on a conscious trajectory into my day.

He also finds focus while making his morning coffee.

I also enjoy the process of my morning coffee. I grind the beans, pull the espresso shots and mix the Americano to my personal perfection. This takes me 10 minutes every morning and I might as well be repairing the space station tethered in deep space…I am very focused.

As I sip the coffee, I ease into my morning by sifting through emails (mostly deleting) and then send personal birthday messages to Facebook friends. I typically take time to prepare meals for the day and then set off to work.

Deborah Serani, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book Living with Depression, uses her senses to switch gears and get things done.

My typical day has me in the role of clinician, homemaker, professor, writer and woman. I know the metaphor of wearing “different hats” gets tossed around in shifting roles, but for me, it’s more of what’s in my hands that helps me get things done.

It’s as if my sense of touch transforms me into who I next need to be. My appointment book helps me shift into clinician mode. As soon as I touch it, I can feel myself move into a professional posture.

I have a home office, so in between patients, when I walk back into my home and I touch the doorknob, I’m into homemaker mode – cooking, doing laundry or tidying up the place.

When I pick up my lecture notebook, I’m into professor mode and readily head off to the local university to teach. And if I’m sitting at the keyboard, I easily shift into writer mode.

When I return home and settle into comfy clothes, I become just a woman again -connecting with my family and myself. I’ve always been a very sense-oriented person, and have found using touch as both a cue for change and a grounding way to cement my identity.

7. They stay fully present.

Howes focuses on being present in all his activities:

Freud said “love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.” I agree with that and try to make the most of both. I do my best to be fully present when I’m wearing either hat. I want to engage with my family, regardless of what is happening at work, and be fully present with my clients, regardless of what is going on at home. On my best days, I’m able to do both.

8. They practice self-care.

Marter always makes time for self-care, which helps her be more productive in other areas of her life.

I prioritize self-care (like rest, meditation, exercise and fun) so that I have the energy to manage all my responsibilities. I practice gratitude and positive thinking to facilitate the energy and confidence I need to achieve my dreams. I tap into my support network (friends, family, therapist, coach, colleagues, mentor, etc.) for feedback, wisdom and support in helping make my life vision a reality.

Hibbert practices her self-care routine first thing in the morning.

On a day-to-day basis, one of the best things I do is wake up before my kids so I can enjoy an hour just for me. I exercise, meditate, and study scriptures to start my day right. When I miss this time, life just doesn’t seem to run as smoothly.

The morning also designates self-care for Duffy. “I work out, meditate when I can, and get to the office early. I eat breakfast there, page through the paper, and clear my mind for a while before the chaos begins!”

Hibbert prioritizes sleep, which is crucial to her productivity and well-being.

For me, the other big key to getting anything done is sleep. If I’m not sleeping well (and I’m not a great sleeper in general), I can’t function well. I get grumpy and overwhelmed too easily. So, I focus on getting to bed as early as I can so I can get up early, and I try to “sleep in” on weekends, when I am given the chance.

When he has the time, Howes strums his guitar, plays hoops, or works on “creating the world’s next great pasta sauce.”

9. They pay attention to their energy levels.

Sometimes Marter lets her energy guide the projects she works on. “When I occasionally experience an ebb of energy, I let myself rest or do the tasks that are easy for me. When my energy is high, I make a concerted effort to carve out time to tackle tasks that are high priority but low urgency like writing my book.”

All of these clinicians lead fulfilling professional and personal lives. They know their priorities and do their best to protect them. They manage their time effectively, know when to delegate and make sure to be completely present at every point.

A few months ago, he was under scrutiny for standing up to the Rockets’ lawyers and officials. He requested that his anxiety issues be treated the way other players’ physical illnesses and injuries are treated. For instance, NBA players are expected to fly frequently to cities where their games are played. White’s anxiety disorders makes it so that sometimes he is unable to do so. He requested to be able to travel by bus, and if he is delayed he doesn’t want to be fined the same amount as players who miss practice because they overslept.

Both parties struggled to reach a resolution, but after many discussions and meetings, the Rockets and White were able to reach a compromise in some areas. He was reassigned to the Houston Rockets’ D-league team, the Rio Grande Valley Vipers.

White’s story is of interest to many who are afflicted by mental illness. He is not in denial of his challenges, but he is not being quiet about it either. He has taken on the cause to help decrease the stigma society continues to place on mental health issues.

The Anxiety and Depression Association of America reports that there are “40 million American adults who suffer from anxiety disorders and only one-third of those suffering from an anxiety disorder receive treatment.” Anxiety itself has found its way into everyday language by many who experience stress. Yet, there are still many people who have no idea that anxiety disorders can be paralyzing and should not be trivialized.

Many individuals are embarrassed about their illness because they fear discrimination or that it’ll be a stumbling block in their careers or jobs. White has taken the risk and has decided that his basketball career is important, but becoming a “poster child” to decrease the stigma is more significant.

If you personally are struggling with mental illness or have a loved one who is, how are you handling it?

• Acknowledge it.

  Mental illness does not discriminate against race, gender, age, religion, or economic status. However, many sufferers may be in denial because they believe that asking for help, taking medication, or seeking therapy is a sign of weakness and irresponsibility. They don’t want to admit they have a problem and will only accept help when their normal functioning has deteriorated significantly, and they can no longer afford to suffer alone.People in prominent positions may be embarrassed to admit they have a mental illness. I’m not necessarily talking about movie stars or other celebrities. I am referring to individuals who have been able to succeed in life despite their mental adversities. They need to speak up to help normalize the disrespect many still receive due to their mental ailments.

• Speak up.

  When people share their struggles, others will become aware and even be surprised that their friend, boss, best friend’s daughter or spouse also is experiencing emotional and mental pain. Successful men and women with a mental illness can be an example to society and can contribute to the idea that a mental disorder does not define the person. The media seem to highlight the negative situations and many sufferers feel embarrassed and despondent. Thus, they choose to continue their silence.

• Connect with others.

  A dear friend has found that when he shares the challenge of having a son with mental health struggles, others connect emotionally with him. They trust him and are able to share their own journey with him. Your story of having been there may make a difference to someone who is feeling hopeless.

Society needs to understand that a person can be “normal” and still have mental health challenges.

Royce White is a hero. We need more heroes to stand up and speak up for mental health. Depression and ADHD are becoming more accepted as those in the limelight continue to talk about their experiences. Even people not in the public eye can tell our stories and help someone.

Will you be a hero for someone else? Take a stand. It will be worth it!

This month we’re pleased to present an interview with psychologist and psychoanalyst Suzanne B. Phillips, Psy.D, ABPP. Phillips writes the excellent blog “Healing Together for Couples” on Psych Central.

She also is an adjunct full professor of clinical psychology at the CW Post Campus of Long Island University, N.Y. and on the faculty of both the Derner Institute of Adelphi University and the Suffolk Institute for Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy in New York.

Phillips is the author of three books, including Healing Together: A Couple’s Guide to Coping with Trauma & Post-Traumatic Stress. Plus, you can hear her Wednesday nights on “Psych Up” on CoSozo Radio with host Tom Matt of Boomer Rock.

Phillips has a private practice in Northport, N.Y., where she lives with her husband. She has two grown sons.

Learn more about her work at her website.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

What surprised me most was how much I would receive from those who trust me with their care. There are the books and then there are the people. Working closely with people continues to invite me to think beyond what I know and feel beyond where I have been.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

I just read Narrating Our Healing: Perspectives on Working Through Trauma by Chris N. van der Merwe and Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela. It is a beautiful book. Inspired by the horrific trauma suffered in South Africa and the impetus toward healing by the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, the authors underscore the capacity, regardless of history, for reclaiming self and others through the narrating of trauma.

Given the individual, couple, group and trauma work that I do, I resonate with the thesis that when we share our trauma, when we hear the sound of pain in each other’s hearts, we “make public spaces intimate.” We make it possible for someone else to hear, identify with our pain, and step beyond old wounds to connect.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

The biggest myth about therapy is that the therapist has the answers. The curative factor in therapy is not the therapist, it is the mutuality between the patient and therapist and the journey they share.

I have been teaching doctoral students in clinical psychology for over 25 years and I always remind these wonderful and passionate young professionals that they will never know more about the patient, than the patient.

What they offer is their clinical training to see and hear what the patient knows but cannot yet access because of history, pain, fear, addiction, trauma, etc. No matter what type of therapy, it is the collaboration between therapist and patient that makes change and healing possible.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

The biggest obstacle is the conflict between the wish to change and the wish to hold on to the familiar. Most people are trying to regulate their anxiety and although they are in tremendous pain, the familiar can actually feel less frightening than the unknown.

Often people hold on to the most successful childhood survival strategies they know. The problem is that they are no longer needed and they impair adult functioning.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

The most challenging part about being a therapist is seeing how therapists and their work are portrayed in the media. My family has told me that I have ruined most films and shows that depict therapists. Once my children were old enough, they would simply say, “Mom, you can’t stay if you keep commenting about what they are doing wrong!”

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

I love seeing the best of people emerge. I love the resilience and the hope that I have seen even in the darkest moments. I love passing on in my clinical work, my books, my lectures, and my blogs—anything that will give people the tools to become experts in their own lives.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

Take the lessons learned from your past, set up some personal goals for your future and then live each day you are given.

In the course of that day, find a small way to include some generosity, some gratitude, some connection and some laughter. A meaningful life is in the details of how we live each day.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

I started in literature, headed into psychology and never turned back. I can’t imagine doing anything else. It is a way of thinking and being. There is always something more to learn, more to write, more to teach and what a gift to be able to share and care with people.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

That mental illness is not something they caused. It is not something about which to feel blame or shame. It is suffering that is as painful as any physical illness. Anyone suffering from mental illness is entitled to compassion and help. The damage comes when help is avoided or unavailable. With help, mental illness need not define your life.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

Actually I use a number of things to cope with stress. I have been running to music for 30 years and treasure it as a stress-reducing gift. I have always loved books and can become so engrossed that it is not unusual for the conductor on a train to come over to say, “ Ma’am, this is the last stop, the train is headed into the yard – you have to get off!”

I have a rule that on the weekends, I put down the work to enjoy time with my husband and I am always amazed at the revitalizing power of being together and off task.

That said, I try to be aware of the signs that I am on overload. When I start burning pots left on the stove, I know I have to drop down the stress by dropping something out. Big or small, when I open up space by rescheduling, by saying “No,” or by deciding to let something go – it always helps.

In today’s economy, more and more unemployed people are finding it increasingly difficult to find work. As a result, many people are taking whatever jobs they can find — even undesirable jobs such as shift work.

Shift work jobs can leave both partners with very different feelings. For example, the partner working the job may experience feelings of guilt regarding being away from the home. They may feel frustrated and “left out” due to being unable to participate in particular events or family time. This worker also may experience increased stress, feelings of overwhelm, and even irritability due to inconsistent sleep patterns combined with other emotions.

On the other hand, the other partner with more regular hours may experience feelings of loneliness. If there are children or others to be cared for in the home, this partner may feel a greater sense of responsibility and accountability. These feelings may lead to resentment and frustration.

Shift work may not be the ideal way of working or living, but it may be necessary to make ends meet or to keep employment. However, even with all of the negative things stated, there is hope.
If you and your partner work different shifts, there are ways to ensure you still maintain a happy and healthy relationship. Consider the following tips:

1. Call or text during breaks.

   This simple gesture will keep communication open throughout the day. If possible, try to keep the conversations light. Avoid talking about things that require more time than you have or that could create negative feelings.

2. Remember, quality is better than quantity.

   You and your partner may not have tons of time to spend together, but you can make the most of the time you have. Set a date or plan a fun activity during your next available time together and make the most out of whatever you do.

3. Leave little reminders of your love.

   Little reminders can come in the form of a note or a simple gift. Leave your partner items in surprising places such as the car, the bathroom, or even the fridge. This will let your partner know that you are thinking of them and leave them thinking of you as well. If you’re not really into notes or don’t have time or money for small gifts, consider completing a chore for your partner. This will show that you are considerate of his or her feelings and willing to pitch in to help in any way you can.

4. Set aside time for “business talk.”

   When partners have different, hectic schedules there is little time for anything. You don’t want the majority of your time spent talking about serious matters such as finances, household issues, etc. Set aside a specific time to address these issues so the remaining time can be enjoyed to the fullest.

5. Check in emotionally.

   In the chaos of hectic days we can remember to say “hi” or ask “how are you?” in passing. We may also get to squeeze in an “I love you” and “can you pick up some milk?” We want to make sure that we are checking in with our partners on a deeper level. Take the time to know how your partner is really feeling. As mentioned earlier, each spouse can experience various emotions as a result of their roles. Talk about these feelings and discuss what can be done to help both partners fell more comfortable.

Shift work doesn’t have to be miserable for partners, nor does it have to be a death sentence to your relationship. Relationships take hard work. For partners who have very different schedules, hectic lifestyles, or minimal time to spend together, these relationships may require a little extra work. You may choose to use some or all of the tips in this article or you may choose to use none. Evaluate your relationship, look at your partner’s needs, and do whatever is necessary to keep your relationship healthy. Don’t let shift work get the best of you.

This month we’re pleased to present an interview with clinical social worker Carla Naumburg, Ph.D. Naumburg authors the informative, inspiring and super-popular blog Mindful Parenting on Psych Central. She’s also a contributing editor for Kveller.com and mom of two young girls.

Below, Naumburg reveals the trials, triumphs and surprises of being a therapist; the books that have inspired her; the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy; her advice for leading a meaningful life; and much more!

Follow Naumburg on Twitter at @SWMama. Check out her writing at carlanaumburg.com.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

Early in my training, I thought that being a therapist was about having the right tools and the right words to say that would make someone feel better. What I learned is that being a good therapist is about being able to stay truly present and accepting of someone else’s pain or fear, and that staying connected in hard moments is healing. Therapists don’t ever “fix” anyone, but if we’re doing our job well, our clients will feel less alone, suffer less, and feel stronger as they face life’s challenges.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

Brené Brown’s books, including Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection, have truly inspired me. She is a social worker who studies shame and vulnerability, and her TED Talks are wonderful.

Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, is a classic, and it’s one of my favorites. Dr. Frankl’s ability to find meaning in his experience in a concentration camp truly puts things in perspective.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

The biggest myth is that going to therapy means that there is something wrong with you. I have heard this over and over again, and it’s just not true. Attending therapy means that, like every other human on the planet, you have come up against challenges in life, and you could use some support from a safe, supportive, impartial person. That’s all it means.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

One of the biggest challenges clients face is something that many of us struggle with, even when we’re not in therapy. I’m talking about the ways we beat ourselves up because we think we’re not smart enough, not productive enough, not good enough. In addition to the pain we feel from whatever is going on in our lives, we inflict additional harm on ourselves each time we judge ourselves so harshly.

For example, I might have a client who is struggling with depression, and in addition to how sad, lonely, and hopeless she feels, she is also angry at herself for not getting out of bed in the morning or accomplishing enough each day.

Our pain is lessened greatly when we can have self-compassion, when we can love and forgive ourselves, even when life is hard, when it is painful, when we are really struggling.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

The hardest part of being a therapist is truly sitting with, and staying with, difficult emotions and trying not to offer solutions. When someone you care about (and yes, therapists do care about their clients!) is in pain, your first response is to fix it, to make the pain go away.

The problem with this response is that a) it implies that there is something wrong with experiencing difficult feelings (which is not true), and b) sticking a Band-Aid on a problem may help our clients feel better temporarily, but it doesn’t give them the insight, support, and perspective that will serve them well over the long run.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

There is a proverb that describes what I love about my work: “I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.” Being a part of someone’s journey as they broaden their shoulders is incredibly meaningful to me.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

I believe a meaningful life is authentic, compassionate, and not always easy. Figuring out who you are and what you love can be hard work, because it requires listening to your inner voice, silencing your inner critic, and taking risks. Most of us can’t do this on our own; we need supportive family and friends, and at times, a good therapist. (I would recommend Brene Brown’s writing, which I mentioned above.)

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

I would choose the same professional path. My training in clinical social work has shaped how I see the world and understand people and social interactions and I value that tremendously. I am focusing on my writing right now, but in terms of my training and my professional identity, I am proud to be a social worker.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

Lots of folks seem to be under the impression that there is a fundamental difference between people who are mentally healthy and people who are mentally ill. The reality is that we are all on a spectrum; we all have better days and worse days, and you never know what might happen in life that can change things—either for better or for worse. Remembering this fundamental truth can help us find compassion for ourselves and each other in difficult times.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I try to get exercise (walking, jogging, or yoga) every day, and I generally have a healthy diet (although sometimes a nice big piece of chocolate is just what I need). I find that journaling helps me find perspective, as does spending time with my friends and family. I have begun a mindfulness practice, and when I’m really stressed in the moment, taking a few mindful breaths and trying to stay present helps a lot.

All are good ideas if the problem merely is that you need a jumpstart to the work week. But such suggestions are beside the point if there is a real and important underlying issue that needs to be addressed. Sometimes the resistance to Monday is an inner emotional alarm going off. If that’s the case, taking a cold shower or drinking a cup of coffee won’t solve your Monday Blues any more than taking the battery out of a smoke detector will stop a fire.

Hate Mondays? Maybe you aren’t paying attention to one of these signals:

1. Your job isn’t really “workable.”

Let’s face it: For many, work has become much more demanding in the last 10 years. As companies cut personnel to cut costs, those left are expected to do more and more. Those who have been in their jobs for a long time often have high personal standards for quality that are almost impossible to meet with the increased workload. It’s exhausting and discouraging to feel like “the hurrieder you go, the behinder you get.” It may be appropriate to talk with your supervisor about adjusting your own or the company’s standards. If that’s impossible, it may be time to consider whether you can find a different job.

2. Your job isn’t satisfying.

Only a lucky few have jobs that are thrilling, satisfying, enjoyable, and enriching every minute of every day. Most of us have a whole lot of routine mixed in with occasional periods of excitement, or at least satisfaction. If those moments are few and far between, get busy. You may be able to up the portion of the time that you are happy in your work. Is there a project you could take on that would renew your interest? Is there a way to change your job within the company, either by going for a promotion or through a lateral move that would give you new opportunities? Does the human resources department offer workshops you could take to develop new skills?

3. Your life is out of balance.

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” (or Jane a cranky girl.) It’s an old saying that is never irrelevant. If your life is work, work, work, of course you feel out of sorts. No matter how important our work is, we need to remember to refuel through self-care. That includes developing a hobby or interest, taking time for some fun and vacations (or stay-cations), and doing the usual daily regimen of eating right, sleeping enough, and getting some exercise. If you only take care of yourself on weekends, Monday morning is the beginning of five days of deprivation. Not good. Take the time to reassess how you are managing the balance of your life during the week.

4. Your job is hostile to your relationships.

Jobs that require long hours, or that require you to take work home or put in time on the weekends, are killers to family life and friendship maintenance. It’s sad to see parents at kids’ events who couldn’t leave their laptops at home. Friends get impatient with friends who interrupt a social evening to take a business phone call. Yes, these folks are in attendance, but they aren’t really there. Your discontent with your job may be a signal that you are missing out on too much of the warmth and intimacy you need from your relationships. Take a careful look at how you can manage the demands of your job in such a way that it doesn’t cost you love.

5. Your attitude toward work needs adjustment.

We do get what we expect. For some people, work is a four-letter word. Work is, well, “work.” It’s seen as the opposite of fun, the nasty dinner you have to eat before you get to have dessert. When a person has developed an attitude that any work or chore or required activity is a major distraction from enjoyment, Monday morning is, by definition, a downer. If that’s the case, it’s time for an attitude transplant. Unless you are one of the fortunate few to win the lottery or to inherit a trust fund, you’ll be working a great many hours of your life. Better to find a way to embrace it, and, yes, even enjoy it.

6. You are struggling with depression.

Depression can sneak up on a person. It may not be the job that is pulling you down. It may be that you are becoming clinically depressed. Is your appetite off? Are you having trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep? Has your interest in sex plummeted? Does doing things that used to be pleasurable for you seem like just too much effort? These could be the signs of depression. Consider going to see a mental health counselor for an evaluation. If you are depressed, the counselor will discuss possible treatment options. This may include some medication and some talk therapy to help you get back to your old self.

Before you buy into the notion that Mondays are awful and simply can’t be changed, take another look. It’s important not to ignore the possibility that the awfulness resides in your choices, not in a day of the week. If that’s the case, you do have the option to make it better. Confront the issue, make some changes (and maybe give yourself that splash of cold water and a cup of coffee), and you can make Monday the start of a productive and satisfying week.

This month we’re thrilled to feature Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist who writes one of the most popular blogs on Psych Central: Mindfulness and Psychotherapy. Goldstein sees clients at his private practice in West Los Angeles. He is the author of The Now Effect: How This Moment Can Change the Rest of Your Life and co-author of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook.

He’s also created other valuable resources on mindfulness, including the Mindful Solutions audio series, Mindfulness Meditations for the Troubled Sleeper and Mindfulness Meditations for the Frantic Parent.

Learn more about Elisha Goldstein at his website.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

How big the gift of being of service can be. I have the privilege of knowing people intimately and supporting them in being happy. When I sit with that, it gives me an immense sense of purpose. I’m also lucky enough to be a teacher for other therapists as I often train many in the field of Mindfulness and Psychotherapy. The ripple effects give me immense joy.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

Well, besides The Now Effect (wink) – I’m a big fan of books that keep it simple. Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who writes simply and elegantly and I am a fan of many of his works. Taming the Tiger Within and The Miracle of Mindfulness are some of my favorites.

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

That there’s an end goal. I don’t mean that people need to be in therapy for an indefinite time, but there’s a faulty notion of achieving some end state. This focus makes therapy more difficult as the mind is cluttered with an expectation instead of focusing on learning.

Even if insurance only covers 10 sessions and wants to hear the end goal, we have to always keep in mind that therapy is a vehicle for learning, and while we can begin to master certain ways of being, growing and learning about ourselves in life never ends.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

Translating what happens in session into their daily life. There are magical moments of insight that can happen in a therapy session. A feeling that something has really shifted mentally, physically at times and even spiritually.

But when we get back in our daily environments we slip back into old patterns and the insights are mere whispers that we often can’t hear. A big part of the work in psychotherapy is about bringing intention to reconnect with the insights and practices from therapy into the other 167 hours of the week.

Finding ways to create reminders that work and stick is an invaluable tool. The best reminders come in the form of relationships.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

A couple things come to mind. The first is that at times I care so much about my clients that I take them home with me and that may affect my life outside of the office. But I’ve gotten better over time of not doing that as much and when it does [happen], there’s still a lot of meaning in it. I’m lucky enough to have a wife who’s also a psychologist and can relate.

The second is challenging myself to stay present in the face of uncertainty within a session. There are times when I’m not sure where things are going or what “to do.” It’s important to remember that there’s richness in uncertainty; to be able to “be with” it cultivates courage, self-trust and creative potential.

When you bring it into the relationship between therapist and client, it builds trust between the two. This trust is the foundation for change.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

Living what I feel my purpose is. Being of service, there’s no greater gift.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

Find what is meaningful to you in life and take steps to make those actionable. Look at the activities in your day and see where the spaces are that are either neutral or depleting. See if you can replace some of these with more meaningful activities and see what happens. Ultimately as therapists we want our clients’ experience to be their guide, not our advice. This builds self-trust, which is a fundamental factor in resiliency and happiness.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

Absolutely. I took a risk a while back leaving a profession that provided me some golden handcuffs (making good money, but wasn’t aligned with a sense of purpose for me.) I re-entered into a rickety financial position pouring everything I had and taken loans to go back to school.

It was a great risk to take. Now, I’m very happy working with people individually, running Mindfulness-Based groups, speaking, training therapists, creating the Mindfulness at Work™ with eMindful.com, a program that is currently in Aetna, Blue Cross Blue Shield and many other multi-national corporations and writing meaningful and practical books like The Now Effect, Mindfulness Meditations for the Anxious Traveler and co-authoring A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

The best way to enter therapy is to see it as a learning process, not something to achieve. This drops our anxieties over imperfections and frees up energy to open up to the wonders in life we’re not seeing.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I have a daily mindfulness practice, play with my kids, [take] rigorous walks, eat healthy, try and get good sleep when my kids allow it, [have] a weekly gratitude roundtable with family and practice, practice, practice self-compassion.

In our monthly interview series, clinicians share slices from their professional and personal lives. They reveal the challenges and rewards of being a practitioner, how they handle stress and their picks for great psychology books — and much, much more.

This month we’re pleased to feature an interview with Marla W. Deibler, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist who writes the popular blog Therapy That Works on Psych Central.

Deibler is the founder and executive director of The Center for Emotional Health of Greater Philadelphia, LLC, an outpatient facility that provides evaluation and evidence-based, cognitive-behavioral therapies.

She is a nationally recognized expert in anxiety disorders and the obsessive-compulsive spectrum, including trichotillomania and other body-focused repetitive behaviors, obsessive-compulsive disorder, hoarding, and tic disorder.

1. What’s surprised you the most about being a therapist?

The common experience of clients, despite the great diversity amongst individuals, constantly amazes me. Each therapy client is unique in their own life, yet when they are experiencing a psychiatric illness, their symptoms and distressing events are surprisingly like others who also struggle with their particular diagnosis.

In my practice, I frequently see clients who are seeking diagnosis and effective treatment for what they believe to be unusual difficulties, yet their experiences are not uncommon and are frequently seen in my practice.

It’s a wonderful experience, as a therapist, to be able to provide diagnosis and effective treatment to those who felt that they were “the only one” and find that their struggles are not uncommon after all.

2. What’s the latest and greatest book you’ve read related to mental health, psychology or psychotherapy?

I used to read only psychology books. It’s true. In my spare time, I read psychology for fun. In recent years, I’ve moved to other genres to give myself a break from my work. That being said, here are a few that stand out for me:

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (2012) by Steven Hayes, PhD and Jason Lillis is a great book about the basics of ACT, which has recently interested me. I consider myself to be an evidence-based practitioner and this “third wave” cognitive behavioral therapy has garnered much attention in recent years.

Internal Family Systems by Richard Schwartz, PhD (1995) is not a recent publication, but it is a book that has really left an impression on me, sparking a great deal of thought into the different ways to conceptualize and work through cognitive dissonance. A really fascinating approach to working with an individual’s inner turmoil.

Don’t Panic by R. Reid Wilson, PhD (1987/2009) is an “oldie but a goodie.” This book is the first psychology book I can recall reading (at 17 years of age) that left me amazed at the link between the mind and body. It served as the catalyst for my interest in becoming a psychologist. (Thanks, Dr. Wilson!)

3. What’s the biggest myth about therapy?

The biggest myth about therapy is that therapists are merely trained listeners and talking about one’s problems will help them feel better. Therapy is so much more than this.

It is an evidence-based science and a craft that requires a great deal of skill and creativity. Therapy is a process that involves learning to change one’s subjective experiences (thoughts, feelings, behaviors) through skills acquisition, insight, and the generation of new mastery experiences, which lead to a positive shift in one’s perception and is reflected in their more adaptive functioning.

4. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy?

In my practice, I most frequently use cognitive behavioral therapy, which involves homework. Practicing skills, tracking behavior, and engaging in exposure and response prevention assignments, to name a few, are frequently given between sessions.

These assignments are important to the client’s progress, yet sometimes, feelings of anxiety (and the desire to avoid anxiety) or ambivalent feelings about “getting better” can be an obstacle to overcome.

5. What’s the most challenging part about being a therapist?

The most challenging part about being a therapist is the importance of continuing to learn, and grow, both as a therapist and also as an individual. There are always areas to explore and develop, no matter how much expertise you have in a particular area.

6. What do you love about being a therapist?

I love being a psychologist. I find it rewarding to connect with people at their darkest hours to show them that they are not alone and to guide them through their difficulties toward a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life.

7. What’s the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life?

There is no definition for what it means to live a meaningful life, despite societal ideals. It is up to each of us to make our own meaning of our experiences.

Look within to find who you are and what makes you feel good about your life and your impact on the world. Live consistently with this internal self.

8. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why?

If I had to choose an academic path again, I would likely choose the same path. I am very happy in my professional life.

9. If there’s one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be?

Change is a process.

10. What personally do you do to cope with stress in your life?

I prioritize my own healthy stress management and utilize many of the skills I teach others to develop in order to maintain my own well-being. I engage in cognitive restructuring, practice relaxation, sleep, exercise, clean, and enjoy time with family and friends.

Structure helps me to feel in control of my stress; I make lists and organize my environment and responsibilities. My husband is also a psychologist and we find it helpful to talk with each another about the stressors in our lives.

Staying connected to friends is also helpful. Social support is a very important factor in resiliency, happiness, and well-being.

Imagine you’ve just been fired. Many of us would react to this situation in at least some of the following ways:

“I’m terrified.”

“I should have seen this coming.”

“I’ll never find another job in this economy.”

“Am I going to be homeless?”

“I’m a failure.”

Reactions like these reflect a fear-based survival framework for viewing the situation: We filter the external facts through the internal lens of thoughts, feelings, beliefs and body sensations. In this way, our fear creates our reality, locking us in anger, powerlessness, and blame.

Recontextualizing and Reframing

People are not afraid of things, but of how they view them. — Epictetus

It’s understandable why we might react from fear when facing challenging situations. Mindfulness, however, is a powerful tool that offers the opportunity to make a radical shift in orientation.

Mindfulness is the practice of bringing our awareness to what we are experiencing in the present, both internally and externally, without judgment (Kornfield, 2009). It is a wakeup call to become conscious of the ways we perceive and respond to life’s situations.

Here’s a traditional, easy-to-follow mindfulness exercise (Klau, 2009). Mindfulness takes time to develop. It is an ongoing process. Be kind and compassionate to yourself as you follow these instructions.

• Sit in a quiet room where you won’t be disturbed.
• Close your eyes and focus your attention on your breath.
• It’s natural for your attention to become distracted. When that happens, simply return to your breath.
• While focusing on your breath, allow your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and body sensations to enter your awareness as you perceive the external situation.
• Now ask yourself: What are the facts of the situation? What are my thoughts, feelings, beliefs and body sensations? How am I responding?

With practice, this exercise can bring us to our calm, reflective center. This safe haven, in which we can rest and see more clearly, holds and contains everything arising for us in the present. From here, it is possible to deconstruct, recontextualize and reframe our original fear-based feelings and reactions, honoring and embracing them without being their victims. (This discussion shares much in common with neuroscientist and clinician Dan Siegel’s work on the concepts of “differentiation” and “integration,” which he views as the key to well-being.)

For example, let’s return to the original situation, where you’ve just lost your job. Rather than automatically reacting with fear, mindfulness helps you realize and accept: “The only fact about this situation is that I don’t have my job right now. Everything else— my self-judgment, my fear, my blame, my anger, and the tightness in my body— is my feelings.”

We don’t have to meditate to practice being mindful. There are many ways to incorporate mindfulness into our daily lives. As we become increasingly mindful, we can begin to respond from a place of freedom and choice.

In other words, we can act with resilience.

Mindfulness and Resilience

As we become more mindful, we broaden and build several inner resources that help us strengthen our resilience (Fredrickson, 2001). These include:

• Compassion. You hold the intention not to judge yourself or others. You are mindful of your self-talk. However, if you do judge yourself, you don’t judge yourself for judging. You are kinder and more supportive. If mindfulness brings the wisdom to see clearly, then compassion brings a loving heart (Neff, 2011).
• Acceptance. You increasingly accept the facts, which you can distinguish from feelings. Acceptance isn’t about giving up. It is having the strength to let go of control and stop fighting reality.
• Openness. You’re progressively open to viewing even the most difficult situations as opportunities for growth. You trust that they have something to teach you, and you expect to learn.
• Creativity. You draw on your power to visualize and create the results you desire. At the same time, in the spirit of acceptance, you are not attached or fixated upon your own expectations.

Living resiliently is more than just “bouncing back.” It is about shifting our perceptions, changing our responses, and learning something new. For example, a resilient response to losing our job might recontextualize and reframe the situation in any of the following ways:

“I’m going to breathe deeply and take things one step at a time.”

“I may not like it, but this is the way it is. My first step will be to file for unemployment.”

“I’m not going to play ‘the blame game.’ It’s not my boss’s fault or mine.”

“I’m sure that there’s a lesson or two for me to learn from all this.”

“It would be easy to get ‘just another job.’ I’m going to find one that I’m truly passionate about.”

Living resiliently represents a whole new way of being and doing. It isn’t just for the hard times — it’s for all times. Empowering us to live, love, and work adventurously in the face of change, it builds a well from which we can draw for the rest of our lives.

References

Fredrickson, B.L (2009). Positivity: Groundbreaking Research Reveals How to Embrace the Hidden Strength of Positive Emotions, Overcome Negativity and Thrive. Random House: New York.

Klau, L (2009). Mindfulness: The New Zen of Time Management. GAINS Quarterly, Summer.

Kornfield, J. (2009). The Wise Heart. Random House: New York.

Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind.

Siegel, D.J. (2010). Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. Random House: New York.

This month we were curious about how clinicians felt their work has affected their lives. Here’s what they said.

For Ryan Howes, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, California, being a clinician has changed his perspective on people. He realized that regardless of our successes, all of us have stuff to work through.

Before becoming a therapist I assumed there were two types of people: people who needed help and those who had it all together. But early on I learned a valuable lesson: Everyone has their baggage. I knew I had issues and was intimidated by those who seemed to have everything figured out. As a therapist I soon learned that this wasn’t true.

Everyone, from the most broken to the most apparently successful standout, has their baggage. It took a few rounds of therapy with successful professionals, social dynamos, and even mental health experts to realize that the apparently “successful” people had their own issues they needed to overcome, and sometimes these problems were one reason they had so much visible success.

My job as a therapist was to help them accept and work through their baggage, despite the apparent success in other areas of their life.

As a result, I now find that I’m rarely intimidated by outwardly successful people. I know that most of us are either limited by, coping with, compensating for, or the product of some pain and failure. We all have this in common – pain that we’ve chosen to deal with in our own way. I like how this perspective helps me to see others as equals, yet incredibly unique.

Clinical work has helped Christina G. Hibbert, PsyD, a psychologist and postpartum mental health expert, become a better person and parent.

I chose the field of psychology because everything I learn applies to my own life too. Whether it be tools to overcome mental illness, facts about the mind-body connection, or skills for self-improvement, strengthening relationships, or being a better parent—I love what I do because it makes me a better person.

Being a clinician allows me to utilize the tools that have benefitted my life to help others become “better” too, and that is very rewarding to me. But even more rewarding is learning from my clients. As I listen to their stories, see their strengths, and witness the life changes they make, I am inspired. I get the benefit of receiving their wisdom and learning what works and what doesn’t work for them, and that helps me in my personal and family life too.

It also reminds me I am not alone in my mistakes, and that I can change if I choose to. It keeps me evaluating and improving myself, and that helps me be a better wife, mother, friend, and person. It’s a perfect cycle—as I learn and improve, I help others learn and improve, and they help me learn and improve in return, and so on, and so on.

John Duffy, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens, also believes that being a clinician has helped him become a better person thanks to learning from his clients.

We clinicians, I would argue, think about the nature of our lives, and the way we live them, more than most people do as a direct result of their work. I know this is true of me. I have the privilege of learning from the processes of change my clients go through.

One client, for example, devised an affirming mantra for himself in session. He decided that, within each decision each day, he would “write the better story.” I have adopted this nearly daily in my life since then, along with countless other lessons I have learned from my clients.

I think I am a better, more aware person than I ever would have been without this profession. Couple this with the fact that I left a profession I felt particularly poorly matched with, and the work is a bonus!

Joyce Marter, LCPC, a psychotherapist and owner of Urban Balance, has gained greater insight into herself and become a better mom, too.

Being a clinician has touched my personal life in just about every way imaginable because I have had the honor to learn about life, relationships and the human experience through a deep, empathic connection with my clients. This has blessed me with cumulative wisdom and a much more open and broad understanding of life and the mind, body, spirit connection.

I am able to apply this wisdom as I move through my own journey of self-healing, discovery and self-actualization. It helps me to have the compassion for myself that I extend to my clients and understand that we are all human and works in progress.

Being a therapist also allows me to be of service to others, which is not only deeply meaningful and rewarding, but allows me to get out of my own head and see things from a larger perspective.

My work as a clinician has deepened my understanding of myself and my ability to be present, connected and authentic in my relationships. I am most grateful for how this knowledge has helped me to be a better mother and to promote psychological development between my generation and my children’s in the context of our family.

I believe that if we all work on ourselves psychologically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually, we will not only heal and grow personally, but as families, communities and a global society. I have my work as a therapist to thank for that awareness.

Deborah Serani, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book Living with Depression, noted that working with her clients has given her a zeal for life.

Being invited into the delicate layers of a person’s life has always moved me. It takes great courage to allow another into such vulnerable and fragile spaces, and sharing those experiences has lengthened and broadened my sense of compassion. I’ve always been sensitive to others, but working as a clinician has deepened the textures of my own inner world – which in turn, has given me a passion for life I don’t think I’d have found in another profession.

Her first reaction, she says, was to say no — she is a multi-million-dollar business owner, working CEO, and she begins her book by saying that she doesn’t “write how-to books or give motivational speeches for a living” — but she realized that, especially now, women are in hard times. And, she says, she decided to help.

Wicked Success Is Inside Every Woman is written to address the critical situations women might find themselves in during a recession. It is designed to help make some of the aspirations from the author’s last book more concrete. Milazzo admits that pre-recession questions such as “What would your life look like if every moment of it was absolutely enriched, fulfilled and swelling with joy?” suddenly felt “Pollyanish” to her, so she set out this time to instead help women “get out of survival mode and into success mode.”

With a sense of humor and the bottom line of a businesswoman, she addresses women’s everyday predicaments (earning less than males doing the same job; supporting parents and “return-to-nest” children; trying to struggle though jobs that don’t cover life’s necessities) with practical, tried-and-true advice. And, surprisingly, that advice works.

The core of Milazzo’s belief is that women should make five promises to themselves. The promises, as set out at the beginning, are: “I Will Live and Work a Passionate Life;” “I Will Go for It or Reject it Outright;” “I Will Take One Action Step a Day Toward My Passionate Vision;” “I Commit to Being a Success Student for Life;” and “I Believe as a Woman I Really Can Do Anything.” These seem relatively straightforward, but are intertwined with the author’s tales of how she built her own multi-million-dollar business and how these mantras helped her survive the recession.

Despite what we may think, Milazzo states that this is “not a self-help book. It isn’t a magic formula, a quick fix for success.” She writes later, “this is a buck-up book with a buck-up plan for women who are ready to buck-up.” While the writing is very conversational, and includes many of her own and others’ real-life anecdotes, it is practical and to the point. The personal narratives are brief and buttress her advice. Several chapters of the book address Milazzo’s core “feminine forces”: fire, intuitive vision, engagement, agility, genius, integrity, endurance, enterprise, renewal, and fusion. She refers to the “five promises” throughout to help women get in touch with and develop their natural abilities.

At one point, Milazzo writes, “don’t just break the rules, make your own rules” — and this seems to form the motto for her entire book. She gears her work specifically toward women because, she says, she’s seen women succeed in the business world, but lose some of their femininity, as if they adapted to a man’s world. She wants to see women succeed through being more in touch with their own energy — to make their own rules and live by them.

Be ready when you jump in to the meat of the book. Milazzo is serious about success, and you should be too while reading. She includes workbook-like sections in each chapter, so be ready to make use of them. This book calls for action. The author wants her “five promises” to become part of your consciousness, as she repeatedly demonstrates how remembering these ideas got her though tough times, especially the recession, and helped keep her focused on personal goals (rather than career offers that were financially tempting but that would have required her to give up on her dream).

I honestly didn’t expect to be sucked in to Milazzo’s narrative, but I found her story uplifting and especially helpful during a time when the “perfect career” seems far out of reach. If you feel like you are struggling in your current financial situation or job, Vickie L. Milazzo is a great friend to have. She is considerate, but she won’t let you wallow. She marries practical applications with positive feminine energy to help you become the confident woman you deserve to be.

Wicked Success Is Inside Every Woman
Wiley, September, 2011
Hardcover, 332 pages
$21.95 

Online opportunities for learning and for earning college degrees have become pervasive in the last 10 years. Most two- and four-year colleges now offer online options. For-profit colleges that exist solely online now offer both undergraduate and graduate degrees.

Consortiums such as Coursera, a tech company that partners with universities worldwide, offer non-degree oriented, free classes for people who simply want to learn new things. This is a sea change in education.

And yet… Only 50 percent of students who register for online classes succeed. (This is compared to an average of 70 percent of students in traditional campus classes.) It’s not because those who fail aren’t smart. It’s not because they don’t have good intentions. Research has identified factors that have more to do with a student’s psychology than intelligence. My own experience as a teacher of online classes leads me to the same conclusion.

If you are considering taking online courses and want to be in the 50 percent who make it through (and with good grades), here are at least some of the variables that make a difference:

Be realistic about what you are taking on.

There seems to be a myth among at least some students that online classes are easier than campus classes. Generally they aren’t. You are signing on to wrestle with new material, to master new skills, or to increase your own knowledge base. A good online class will be as challenging as any course you’ve taken in a brick building.

Be realistic about your reality.

Most online students are adults with adult lives. That means families, jobs, and complicated schedules. Be sure you really have the time and energy to put eight to 10 hours a week into reading, researching and responding. Often the students who have had to drop my class have found it overwhelming to fit class work into already over-stressed lives. One man who did very well for the first few weeks found to his dismay that he had underestimated the effect of a new baby in the house. The needs of the baby and his need for sleep overwhelmed his ability to focus on the class.

Whatever your good intentions and optimism, there are only so many hours in a day and you only have so much energy. Before writing the check to take a class, be sure you can fit it into your schedule.

Be realistic about your own motivation and maturity.

Online learning requires that you “show up” and show up regularly. Often you will be responsible for making submissions that other students need in order to keep a discussion going. Since there is no set time to participate in class, it’s easy to let a day or two or four go by because of other obligations. That’s a setup for failure.

More than a few of my students have fallen by the wayside due to major issues with procrastination. If you procrastinate and get behind, it becomes harder and harder to get caught up. If you are irresponsible about doing your share of group work or getting assignments done on time, you risk alienating your classmates and annoying your teacher, who doesn’t have the time or the responsibility to chase you.

Be realistic about your time management skills.

Succeeding online means logging in every day or at least 5 days a week. It means doing the reading so you can do the assessments and assignments. It means taking the time to participate in the class discussions. Students in my classes who succeed treat the online course very much like a part-time job. They set aside regular, predictable time to do the work. They keep a calendar to make sure they meet deadlines and immediately do makeup work if they had to be “absent” for a day.

Be realistic about your willingness to engage with others.

Ironically, your professor and classmates will get to know you online at least as well, and often better, than if you were sitting together in class. Campus students can be virtually invisible by not volunteering in class. Online learning requires that you be out there, visible and engaged. Success comes to those who post regularly, who show that they have thought hard about the readings, and who contribute novel and interesting ideas to discussions.

Success also comes from encouraging others, from asking good questions, and from being willing to be challenged. When people engage in discussions without attacking others and without being defensive about their own contributions, discussions can be very rich and meaningful. One of my classes only requires three posts a week. The students who do best in terms of mastering the material are often showing up 10 – 12 times, sometimes with just a word or two of encouragement for a classmate, sometimes with a new insight into the material, sometimes with an anecdote from their own life that highlights something we’re talking about. These are the students who breathe life into the class. Often they are also the students who truly master the course.

Be realistic about your skill with words.

For now, at least, online learning generally requires communicating well in writing. “Discussions” are all by posts. Group work is through written chats within the class. Your words represent you. Poor grammar, spelling mistakes, rambling prose, or confusing paragraphs will get in the way of success, no matter how good your ideas may be. Teachers and peers don’t have the energy and patience to decipher your meaning. If you aren’t confident about your ability to communicate well in writing, it would be wise to get a tutor to help you hone your skills before tackling a course online. Another option is to first take an online course in expository writing.

Be realistic about your skill on a computer.

If you aren’t a reasonably competent typist, if you don’t know your way around Word or have difficulty learning how to navigate a platform, you’ll quickly become frustrated with the whole enterprise. Frustrated people tend to get anxious and annoyed. Often they fall behind and then get so discouraged they drop out. And please: Don’t do as one of my students did and ask your mother to do your typing. He often lost points because she didn’t have time to be his typist when he had deadlines. More to the point, it made me question who was really writing the responses.

It’s a new world. I fully expect that the boundaries between campus and online learning will continue to blur as an inevitable outcome of technological advances. The best online students are those who find it exciting to be on the cutting edge of change and who engage in class with curiosity and enthusiasm. As for me, I thoroughly enjoy getting to know my online students and watching them stretch and grow through their interactions with the materials and with the class.

This month we asked clinicians to share the hardest part about therapy. Five therapists reveal a range of challenges.

The hardest part of therapy for Deborah Serani, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book Living with Depression, is watching clients work through their issues. Therapy is highly effective. But it requires effort and hard work. And it requires traversing potentially painful territory. She said:

For me [the hardest part is] knowing that talk therapy doesn’t always make you feel better. Making a breakthrough in therapy is exciting and meaningful for both myself and my client. However, achieving awareness sometimes requires you to be brave and fearless. Recalling memories and experiences, or changing a behavioral style, can be trying, upsetting—even overwhelming.

Being in therapy will reduce your symptoms and help you feel better, but it’s beneficial to know that the journey can sometimes be bumpy. It’s hard for me to witness my clients moving through such pain, even though I know the experience will yield important results.

Clients must get past their problematic patterns, which are tough to detach from. For John Duffy, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens, helping clients separate from these profoundly entrenched patterns is the biggest challenge. He said:

I love the process of therapy, especially when it is oriented around growth and strength. I find the toughest part for me, and perhaps my clients as well, is creating movement among long held, maladaptive patterns of thoughts and beliefs. We create our deeply held thought patterns at a young age, and undoubtedly they serve a purpose for quite a while, sometimes years, even decades.

But they are so difficult to let go of when they no longer serve our needs, or they inhibit our growth. It takes strength, resolve, hope, and a bit of a leap of faith in the process to let go. When that finally happens for a client, it is most rewarding.

It’s also challenging to maintain a happy medium between letting clients rinse and repeat these unhealthy patterns and pushing positive change. According to Joyce Marter, LCPC, a psychotherapist and owner of Urban Balance:

One of the most challenging aspects of conducting therapy is finessing the balance between meeting clients where they are at and also encouraging them to grow. I believe we all unconsciously recreate patterns in our life that are familiar to us as a way of working through our issues.

When a client presents for therapy, I will honor their emotional experience and reflect empathy as a way for them to express and release feelings that may be preventing them from moving forward. I will gently but directly encourage them to identify themes and patterns in their life that are no longer working for them.

When clients are ready to make positive change[s] in their lives, they will learn from these insights and empower themselves to choose roles and relationships that promote wellness, happiness and success in their lives.

However, sometimes we need to repeat these patterns over and over until we are ready to look within ourselves and make the changes. It is difficult when clients focus on others (who they cannot control) and continue to cycle in a way that is self-limiting.

It is at these times that I need to practice healthy detachment with love–the ability to unplug from my clients’ stuff and understand that they are exactly where they should be in their journey and they will make positive changes only when they are ready.

I often refer to the Serenity Prayer, which is, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” This reminds me that I should focus on everything that is within my power as a therapist, such as providing empathy, compassion, insight, interpretations, coaching on how to change self-talk and perspective, and increase copings skills and awareness through psycho-education.

I need to continually remind myself to let go of that which I cannot control, such as the clients’ responses, behaviors, progress, etc. I remember when I was in graduate school, a beloved professor of mine said, “Joyce, you are very good at being empathic and breathing people’s stuff in. You need to remember to breathe it out.” Her words were very wise and I reflect on them daily as I continue to grow as a clinician.

Creating positive change is taxing on clients. And, naturally, it’s also emotionally draining for clinicians. Christina G. Hibbert, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and postpartum mental health expert, tries her best to prevent emotional overwhelm.

For me, the toughest part about doing therapy with a client is ensuring I do not get consumed with the emotional drain. I strive to be fully present with my clients, to listen carefully and feel what they are feeling. Empathy and connection in the therapeutic relationship is key to helping the client make change, and it is rewarding to get to know these wonderful people in such a deep and intimate way.

However, it can also be very draining. I used to work longer days and I would come home depleted, with little left for my family’s needs. But now I work shorter days, which helps keep my energy levels up.

I also prepare myself before sessions through deep breathing and visualization techniques that help me feel prepared to be with my clients, to empathize and feel with them while they’re there with me, but to also leave it all in my office when I go home.

I don’t let the emotional experiences “stick” to me like I used to, and that makes doing therapy so much healthier for me, which makes me a better psychologist for my clients.

Adding another person — or party — to the therapy process also can get tricky for therapists. Ryan Howes, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, California, said that “triangles” can be especially trying for him.

I feel great about working directly with clients, but when a third entity enters therapy the work becomes much more difficult. That third entity could be an insurance company that limits our sessions, a spouse or loved one who undermines our work, or intangible factors like finances or schedule conflicts that make our regular meetings more difficult to attend.

Working directly and intensely with a client is empowering, but dealing with an intrusive third entity distracts us and could stunt our work. I know some of these third objects are necessary and at times quite helpful (insurance and family, for example), so I try to face them with as much acceptance and assertion as I can muster, but at their worst, they are my biggest challenge.