Anger Library

  • Signs You Are Verbally Abused: Part I
    Note: Issues of verbal control can exist in any relationship, heterosexual, gay or lesbian, male ...
  • OCD: The Enemy or Simply an Unwanted Guest?
    I’ve previously written how personifying obsessive-compulsive disorder can help sufferers accept, understand, and ...
  • Power Plays Between Brothers & Families
    This story shows how the troubled relationship between two brothers was a therapeutic opportunity to change maladaptive family patterns. Drew, 19, and Steve, 20, were close brothers raised in a volatile family. When Drew started getting into trouble in college, their mom arranged for the brothers to live together in an apartment, hoping that Steve could watch out for Drew. This solution backfired; the boys acted out family-related power plays. Physical confrontation escalated along with family-related conflict and hostility. At this point, the mom sought help. Mom and Dad’s Perspective Kate was an immigrant from Italy who, more than anything, wanted a better life for her children. She worked tirelessly to earn money for their education. Consistent with the old-school style of authoritarian parenting with which she was raised, Kate demanded devotion and obedience. She was very involved with her sons and, though caring, she was also high-strung, anxious and unrelenting when they didn’t perform - yelling, threatening and lecturing – reminding them of her very real sacrifice and suffering on their behalf. Drew perpetually disappointed and upset Kate. He failed to live up to her expectations and often lied to appease her. She worried about his ability to be independent, responsible, and protect himself. Steve, on the other hand, was seen as the ideal son: high-achieving, responsible, and aggressive. She constantly compared the two of them.
  • Siblings Don’t Have to be Rivals
    Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring, quite ...
  • How to Heal from Infidelity
    Consider this surprising statistic: At least one or both parties in 50 percent of all couples, married and living together, straight and ...
  • Teens: Coping with Being Unwanted, Unloved and Unhappy
    Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me. ~ Childhood rhyme Whoever made up that ...
  • Healing Those Stubborn Emotional Wounds
    Mary was experiencing low self-esteem and worthlessness. She’d say her eyes were "broken faucets." She’d cry often, and would easily ...
  • Surviving Your Breakup
    As a society, we place great emphasis on finding “the one.” We pressure ourselves to find the perfect lifemate for ourselves. Often, ...
  • What is Emotional Abandonment?
    Many people don’t realize that they’re feeling emotionally abandoned or that they did as a child. They may ...
  • Defending Against ‘I’m Just Saying’ and Other Verbal Annoyances
    Lately the annoying expression “I’m just saying” -- usually tacked to the ...
  • Joblessness and Symbolic Loss
    We live in a stressful society. We need to keep up with the hustle and bustle of everyday, as ...
  • 7 Mistaken Assumptions Angry People Make
    “I guess I have an anger problem. I lose my temper pretty quick. But it’s not ...
  • White Elephants
    As I cried, I wanted to believe it was the alcohol that induced Mom’s words.  I had to believe it was the alcohol.  I don’t want them.  The words rang in my ears.  That’s the ...
  • Adolescent Tragedies and My Teenager
    Once again I am writing about a terrible tragedy. Fifteen dead children. Fifteen lives ...
  • Problems of Codependents
    Everyone laughs when I tell them that I wrote Codependency for Dummies. But codependency is no laughing matter. It causes ...
  • 5 Relationship Myths
    Many of us have read the fairy tales and seen the movies. There’s the handsome prince who comes to save the day ...
  • Disciplining Older Teenagers
    Beer cans in a closet, pot in a glove compartment, groundings or curfews ignored, abusive language... not necessarily ...
  • Anger Antidotes: How Not to Lose Your S#&!
    When you start reading a new book, it’s with a sense of anticipation.  What can I learn from reading this book? Will the author enlighten me or help me see the world in a new ...
  • Dealing with Difficult People
    In an article titled “Becoming Adept at Dealing with Difficult People and Avoiding Conflict,” Elizabeth Scott states people should “work to maintain ...
  • Parents Gone Wild at Easter Egg Hunt
    The headline on our local paper reads, “A few rotten eggs spoil Easter Hunt.” Parents, who were supposed to ...
  • The One You Feed: Helping Your Children Find Their Way
    This story was recently passed on to me. An old Cherokee told his grandson: “My son, ...
  • Raising Assertive Kids
    Assertiveness isn’t necessarily innate. While it might come naturally to some people, it’s largely a skill -- and an important one at ...
  • 5 Tips to Increase Your Assertiveness
    “Assertiveness is all about being present in a relationship,” according to Randy Paterson, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author ...
  • Anger Trigger Behaviors
    The vast majority of chains of angry behavior never proceed past the first link. For example, someone in the family will tease or insult ...
  • Emotionally Focused Therapy: Bolstering Couples’ Emotional Bonds
    Western culture views independence as a virtue. We’ve been taught that a truly strong person doesn’t need anybody to survive ...

 

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