Abuse Library


F E A T U R E D    A R T I C L E

Love, Lust or Addiction?

October 9th, 2014
Wonder whether you’re in love or in lust? Whether your obsession about someone is a sign of love or addiction? Whether you’re staying in a troubled relationship because you’re addicted or in love? It’s complicated, and lust and love and addiction don’t always exclude one another. ...

Marital Rape

crying woman upset googleAs an advice columnist, I receive too many letters like these (names have been changed): Anna is a woman in her 40s. She has been in a conflicted marriage for years. Her husband insists on morning sex, even though he knows it will make ...

Two For: Memories of a Manic Father

Flickr Creative Commons / francois karmA shopping spree. Retail therapy. The high of a manic episode. Call it what you will, an out-of-control buying binge, especially one with a credit card in hand, is a very dangerous thing. My father was what we then called "manic-depressive.’" ...

How to Tell if Your Decisions are from Your Evolved or Primitive Brain

Diabetes Drug Makes Brain Cells Grow in MiceDecisions can be motivated by thoughtful consideration from our higher mind (frontal lobe/executive functions) or fear-based survival instincts (amygdala, impulses) from a more primitive mind. When decisions are informed by our higher mind, they are more likely to lead ...

How to Spot Manipulation

How to Spot ManipulationWe all want to get our needs met, but manipulators use underhanded methods. Manipulation is a way to covertly influence someone with indirect, deceptive, or abusive tactics. Manipulation may seem benign or even friendly or flattering, as if the person has your highest concern ...

Healing from Neglect: When Those We Love Don’t Love Us

BOOK REVIEW.
It is an emotion that has inspired the rise and fall of empires and that influences the very foundation of our development. But how you approach love is dependent on your past and present associations with it. The belief that love is a many-splendored thing falls away when we step back and evaluated the collateral ...

Lessons from my Depression

Lessons from my DepressionI was in a hopeless, dark place about seven years ago. I was living in a single room on the thirteenth floor of a building. One day it felt like it made more sense to jump from the window than to find the ...

Why a Workplace Bully Is Too Expensive to Keep

Why a Workplace Bully is too Expensive to KeepThe most powerful argument you can make to get rid of a workplace bully is to build a financial case for why the person is just too expensive to keep. Surprisingly, it is a strategy that is ...

Are You in Denial?

Are You in Denial?We’re all in denial. We’d barely get through the day if we worried that we or people we love could die today. Life is unpredictable, and denial helps us cope and focus on what we must in order to survive. On the other ...

Are You a People-Pleaser?

Are You a People-Pleaser?Everyone starts out in life wanting to be safe, loved, and accepted. It’s in our DNA. Some of us figure out that the best way to do this is to put aside what we want or feel and allow someone else’s needs and ...

Safe with Me

BOOK REVIEW.
Amy Hatvany’s latest ‘can’t put down’ read and thought-provoking novel, Safe With Me, explores various themes - the role of technology in adolescents’ lives, grief management and dishonesty - but one that she truly delves into is the complexity surrounding domestic abuse. When Hannah, a single mother and successful salon stylist, tragically loses her 12-year-old daughter, ...

The Sociopath at the Breakfast Table

BOOK REVIEW.
Consider the following scenarios and see if any of them sounds familiar. Fifteen-year-old James was an intelligent only child from a wealthy family. He often became bored and listless, he skipped school by faking illness, and he was adept at manipulating his parents. He targeted certain classmates and engaged in emotional abuse, smear campaigns, and other ...

Focusing in Clinical Practice: The Essence of Change

BOOK REVIEW.
When you can’t put a particularly unsettling feeling into words or have trouble getting to the meat of a problem, try feeling it in your body. That’s the advice of Ann Weiser Cornell, a Ph.D. in linguistics who works as a teacher of and author on the therapeutic technique known as Focusing. As Cornell writes, ...

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month

April is National Child Abuse Prevention MonthI’d like to think that some April I won’t have to write about Child Abuse Prevention Month. But here we are again. Kids are still being abused in America. The statistics are shocking: In the United States, over five children are ...

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month: Parents, It’s Time to Have ‘The Talk’

Talk Therapy Touted as First-Line Treatment for Youth with Psychosis RiskAttention, parents of tweens and teens: If you haven’t had “the talk,” it’s time. Kids need information about sex -- both its joys and its dangers -- from people they love and trust. However uncomfortable it may ...

The Heart & Soul of Psychotherapy: A Transpersonal Approach through Theater Arts

BOOK REVIEW.
Can you act our your mother’s behaviors? How about pretending you’re that high school crush that broke your heart? Have you been called incompetent at work? Assume the role of Mr. Incompetence and let him speak for himself via your theater skills. Transpersonal drama therapy is a fresh approach to healing that offers transformation through ...

Retelling the Stories of Our Lives: Everyday Narrative Therapy to Draw Inspiration

BOOK REVIEW.
This book began as a project between author David Denborough and the creator of narrative therapy, the late Michael White. Denborough worked alongside White for 15 years, then carried the book to fruition following White’s death in 2008. He has written an excellent work that provides guidance in how to both tell and change your ...

Overcoming Mobbing: A Recovery Guide for Workplace Aggression & Bullying

BOOK REVIEW.
Mobbing, as Maureen Duffy and Len Sperry explain in their new book, is a “destructive social process in which individuals, groups, or organizations target a person for ridicule, humiliation, and removal from the workplace.” It is different than bullying, Duffy and Sperry argue, but like bullying, it is ugly. In Overcoming Mobbing: A Recovery Guide for Workplace ...

Bullying Under Attack: True Stories Written by Teen Victims, Bullies & Bystanders

BOOK REVIEW.
I heard my share of mean comments about my weight, height, and personality while I was in school, but as someone who has never truly been “bullied,” I always just saw it as part of the growing up process. Thus, I never truly understood what bullying is and the impact it has. As a result, ...

Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled

BOOK REVIEW.
It would be hard not to judge Blind to Betrayal by its cover. Readers could be forgiven for thinking it’s a how-to book on catching unfaithful spouses. But while there are several stories of infidelity, what’s most pressing to authors Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell is the way that otherwise observant and intelligent people can ...

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness MonthAh, February: The month of love. Sadly, though, all love isn’t loving. February has been designated Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month to help educate teens how to recognize and stop dating abuse. If you are a teen or in your ...

How Do You Grab a Naked Lady?

BOOK REVIEW.
Before they fell out of vogue, roughly 40,000 lobotomies took place in the United States. “Took place” being a rather passive, arm’s-length way of saying that, on 40,000 separate occasions, a person with an advanced medical degree decided to slice another person’s brain. Often, against their will, and sometimes, with an ice pick through the ...

Healing From Childhood Abuse: Understanding the Effects, Taking Control to Recover

BOOK REVIEW.
How can abuse affect the psychological and emotional lives of adults? Mental health professionals believe the effects of childhood abuse are great. Listen to the internalized shame of an abuse survivor: “I could not tell anyone. I already felt dirty and damaged. If I told someone, then he/she would know just how dirty and disgusting I ...