Abuse Library


F E A T U R E D    A R T I C L E

Are You a Target of Workplace Bullying? Here’s What to Do about it

January 12th, 2015
Targets of workplace bullying typically make three major mistakes. These have a significant impact on their mental health. They also make a favorable outcome unlikely. It is probable, not just possible, to get a great outcome as a result of being ...

Why You Shouldn’t Undermine Your Partner’s Parenting

Why You Shouldn't Undermine Your Partner's ParentingWhile writing my upcoming book on divorce, I have reviewed a lot of research on the terrible effects of parental alienation (described there by Richard Warshak, author of Divorce Poison New and Updated Edition: How to Protect Your Family from ...

Book Review: Nineteen Minutes

BOOK REVIEW.
“To the thousands of kids out there who are a little bit different, a little bit scared, a little bit unpopular: this one’s for you.” So writes Jodi Picoult in the acknowledgments section of Nineteen Minutes, a novel that thoroughly dissects a school shooting. In the book, Picoult surfaces empathy in unexpected places — empathy for the shooter and empathy ...

No Longer Suffering in Silence

Defusing ShameMy name is Chiquitta. I was born in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. My parents came from Guyana, South America to Canada for a better life; acid attacks were occurring in their homeland. My father is 13 years older than my mother. My mother was a housewife and ...

Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

couple upset woman man 7Caring about someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD) tosses you on a roller coaster ride from being loved and lauded to abandoned and bashed. Having BPD is no picnic, either. You live in unbearable psychic pain most of the time on the ...

Integrative Team Treatment for Attachment Trauma in Children: Family Therapy & EMDR

BOOK REVIEW.
Meltdowns are common in young children of a certain age. But did you know that meltdowns and emotional outbursts are even more common among children who struggle with attachment issues and traumatic pasts? Many parents — and even some mental health professionals — are uninformed about the particular effects that traumatic experience can have on ...

Love, Lust or Addiction?

what-it-means-to-be-in-loveWonder whether you’re in love or in lust? Whether your obsession about someone is a sign of love or addiction? Whether you’re staying in a troubled relationship because you’re addicted or in love? It’s complicated, and lust and love and addiction don’t always exclude one another. ...

Marital Rape

crying woman upset googleAs an advice columnist, I receive too many letters like these (names have been changed): Anna is a woman in her 40s. She has been in a conflicted marriage for years. Her husband insists on morning sex, even though he knows it will make ...

Two For: Memories of a Manic Father

Flickr Creative Commons / francois karmA shopping spree. Retail therapy. The high of a manic episode. Call it what you will, an out-of-control buying binge, especially one with a credit card in hand, is a very dangerous thing. My father was what we then called "manic-depressive.’" ...

How to Tell if Your Decisions are from Your Evolved or Primitive Brain

Diabetes Drug Makes Brain Cells Grow in MiceDecisions can be motivated by thoughtful consideration from our higher mind (frontal lobe/executive functions) or fear-based survival instincts (amygdala, impulses) from a more primitive mind. When decisions are informed by our higher mind, they are more likely to lead ...

How to Spot Manipulation

How to Spot ManipulationWe all want to get our needs met, but manipulators use underhanded methods. Manipulation is a way to covertly influence someone with indirect, deceptive, or abusive tactics. Manipulation may seem benign or even friendly or flattering, as if the person has your highest concern ...

Healing from Neglect: When Those We Love Don’t Love Us

BOOK REVIEW.
It is an emotion that has inspired the rise and fall of empires and that influences the very foundation of our development. But how you approach love is dependent on your past and present associations with it. The belief that love is a many-splendored thing falls away when we step back and evaluated the collateral ...

Lessons from my Depression

Lessons from my DepressionI was in a hopeless, dark place about seven years ago. I was living in a single room on the thirteenth floor of a building. One day it felt like it made more sense to jump from the window than to find the ...

Why a Workplace Bully Is Too Expensive to Keep

Why a Workplace Bully is too Expensive to KeepThe most powerful argument you can make to get rid of a workplace bully is to build a financial case for why the person is just too expensive to keep. Surprisingly, it is a strategy that is ...

Are You in Denial?

Are You in Denial?We’re all in denial. We’d barely get through the day if we worried that we or people we love could die today. Life is unpredictable, and denial helps us cope and focus on what we must in order to survive. On the other ...

Are You a People-Pleaser?

Are You a People-Pleaser?Everyone starts out in life wanting to be safe, loved, and accepted. It’s in our DNA. Some of us figure out that the best way to do this is to put aside what we want or feel and allow someone else’s needs and ...

Safe with Me

BOOK REVIEW.
Amy Hatvany’s latest ‘can’t put down’ read and thought-provoking novel, Safe With Me, explores various themes - the role of technology in adolescents’ lives, grief management and dishonesty - but one that she truly delves into is the complexity surrounding domestic abuse. When Hannah, a single mother and successful salon stylist, tragically loses her 12-year-old daughter, ...

The Sociopath at the Breakfast Table

BOOK REVIEW.
Consider the following scenarios and see if any of them sounds familiar. Fifteen-year-old James was an intelligent only child from a wealthy family. He often became bored and listless, he skipped school by faking illness, and he was adept at manipulating his parents. He targeted certain classmates and engaged in emotional abuse, smear campaigns, and other ...

Focusing in Clinical Practice: The Essence of Change

BOOK REVIEW.
When you can’t put a particularly unsettling feeling into words or have trouble getting to the meat of a problem, try feeling it in your body. That’s the advice of Ann Weiser Cornell, a Ph.D. in linguistics who works as a teacher of and author on the therapeutic technique known as Focusing. As Cornell writes, ...

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month

April is National Child Abuse Prevention MonthI’d like to think that some April I won’t have to write about Child Abuse Prevention Month. But here we are again. Kids are still being abused in America. The statistics are shocking: In the United States, over five children are ...

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month: Parents, It’s Time to Have ‘The Talk’

Talk Therapy Touted as First-Line Treatment for Youth with Psychosis RiskAttention, parents of tweens and teens: If you haven’t had “the talk,” it’s time. Kids need information about sex -- both its joys and its dangers -- from people they love and trust. However uncomfortable it may ...

The Heart & Soul of Psychotherapy: A Transpersonal Approach through Theater Arts

BOOK REVIEW.
Can you act our your mother’s behaviors? How about pretending you’re that high school crush that broke your heart? Have you been called incompetent at work? Assume the role of Mr. Incompetence and let him speak for himself via your theater skills. Transpersonal drama therapy is a fresh approach to healing that offers transformation through ...

Retelling the Stories of Our Lives: Everyday Narrative Therapy to Draw Inspiration

BOOK REVIEW.
This book began as a project between author David Denborough and the creator of narrative therapy, the late Michael White. Denborough worked alongside White for 15 years, then carried the book to fruition following White’s death in 2008. He has written an excellent work that provides guidance in how to both tell and change your ...