Keep your wits about you
After you’ve planned out what you want to say, it’s time to have the conversation with your therapist. You should try to remain as calm as possible. You will, of course, have strong emotions, but letting your emotions take over will prevent you from having a constructive discussion.
Keep in mind that you and your therapist are on the same team. More than anything else, you both want to work to help you achieve your personal goals. Unless something is very wrong, your therapist is not likely to be “against you.”
Enlist a third party to consult with you and your therapist
If the therapist stands firm in his recommendations for your therapy, and you still do not agree, what can you do? Your first reaction might be to find a new therapist. While this could be the right decision, there is another option you may want to try first: getting another opinion. You and your therapist could decide to invite another therapist to join you as a consultant.
The consultant in this situation works collaboratively with you and your therapist to provide a fresh perspective, allowing you to move beyond your communication impasse to a direction you can both endorse. Once his job is completed, the consultant removes himself and the therapy pair goes back to “business as usual”.
You and your therapist have already invested your time and energy into the process and you are both committed to the same goal: helping you achieve your objectives for emotional growth and healing. If and when a difference of opinion does occur, rather than giving up and walking away, it is usually well worth the effort to try a collaborative solution first.
Good therapists usually welcome a patient’s active involvement in his or her therapy. Seasoned therapists are aware of the extent to which their observations reflect opinion rather than fact. Therefore, they tend to be delighted by the possibility of finding creative solutions to therapy impasses, generated together with the patient.
If, as a patient, you don’t find yourself encountering this kind of openness, and your attempts to encourage your therapist to take you seriously fall on deaf ears, then it may be time to find a new therapist who can better support you in your goals.
Steven Frankel M.D., a Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, is a graduate of Yale University Medical School. He is certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology in both general and child psychiatry as well as by the American Psychoanalytic Association. He is an Associate Clinical Professor at the University of California Medical School. He is the founder and director of The Center for Collaborative Psychology and Psychiatry in Kentfield, CA. His ideas are developed in his many professional papers and three books, Intricate Engagements, Hidden Faults, and his latest work: Making Psychotherapy Work: Collaborating Effectively with Your Patient.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Feb 2008
