3. Is it possibly a side effect of medication?
Some kids react badly to what may seem like the most benign medicines. Just because you got it over the counter doesn’t mean that your child won’t have some side effects. Cough medicines and allergy medicines make some kids act wired. (Please check with your pediatrician before giving your child any cough and cold remedy. The American Academy of Pediatrics does not support the use of any over the counter cough syrup for children.) Other kids pull into themselves and become uncharacteristically quiet because a medicine is sedating them.
If your child either withdraws or starts bouncing off the walls after taking medicine, it’s important to check in with the pediatrician or pharmacist. The same thing goes for homeopathic remedies, nutritional supplements, and herbal teas. Even though something is “natural” a child may be sensitive to it.
4. Are we expecting what is appropriate to the age and stage of the child?
The wants and needs of the parents can’t make a child go through developmental phases and stages much faster than normal. It’s tempting to turn first-born children of larger families into “assistant parents.” It’s hard to remember that a kid who is big for his age will act his age, not his size. It’s common for overwhelmed parents to demand that a child be more mature than he is ready to be. However much a child may want to please the adults she depends on, there is a limit to how much she can stretch before she breaks. Parents, especially new parents and parents who are struggling with their own problems, sometimes need to be reminded that kids are just that — kids. There is no way to hurry up growing up.
5. Has the child been given adequate training to “behave” appropriately in this situation?
One mother I know was furious with her 5-year- old son for acting up at the baptism of the new cousin in the family. During the whole ceremony, he was asking questions loud enough for everyone to hear. “Why is that man in a dress?” “Why is it so dark in here?” “What is that smell?” ”Why are they putting water on the baby?” The mother was mortified.
It’s sometimes hard to remember that every day is full of “firsts” for a child. The mom in our story had been brought up in a family where church was a weekly event. She “forgot” that she hadn’t been bringing her little boy to church since day one. The big stone building and the ceremony that were so familiar and comforting for her were scary and overwhelming to her son who was seeing it all for the first time.
Children generally can’t be expected to gauge what is appropriate behavior in new situations unless someone tells them or shows them. Although some kids are intuitive enough to pick up cues from the adults and do what’s expected at least some of the time, most don’t. Most kids don’t react well to change or novelty without a little preparation.
6. Is the adult unable or unwilling to tolerate normal child behavior?
Children are needy. Children are messy. Children often are loud. Yes, they’re cute. But sometimes they smell bad and do unattractive things. Children require our time and attention as well as our love. Some adults can’t stand the demands, the mess, the noise, the smells, and the insistence of childhood. They want children to be little adults or playthings or museum pieces. When the kids insist on being kids, these adults decide that the kids are behavior problems and want someone to do something, anything, to make them behave. What’s required instead is an attitude transplant on the part of the adults.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Apr 2007
