When Todd and Laura came to my office, it appeared that all was lost for the marriage. The business was thriving and would carry on under the capable leadership of either one of them. There would be some financial consequences — a few employees would quit, perhaps a contract would be lost — but, ultimately, Todd and Laura had created a business that produced a quality service and customers were pleased and faithful. Even a divorce would not really threaten the business.

Money Isn’t the Problem

Finances were not their worry. Rather, it was the value placed upon each of them as individuals and the value placed on their relationship that was suffering. This kind of problem erupts when entrepreneurs focus all of their attention on the competitive world of business and away from the nurturing world of family life and marriage.

When Laura asked Todd for a divorce, she made a bid for freedom from the tyranny of a one-track life. Better to get a divorce than go on living for nothing more than financial gain. Laura felt dead inside, something money could not heal, but love could. If Todd could no longer love her because the business had become his obsession, then she would seek love elsewhere.

Laura was willing to admit that she had made the business her obsession too. It was not all Todd’s fault. She ignored the early warning signs, just as he did. She too was thrilled with the sense of achievement that came with self-employment success. She even felt guilty for not doing something sooner so that she wouldn’t have to cause Todd such pain by asking for a divorce. “If only I had put my foot down sooner,” she thought.

You Can Have a Successful Family Life and a Successful Business

The problems that Todd and Laura created for themselves have their origins in two major errors:

• The first error is building your life around your business. Remember: the business is there to serve you, and not the other way around. The business is a result of your creative energy, your vision. It reflects your personality, but it is not the master. Todd and Laura’s business was a success because it reflected their collective talents and energies. Without them, the business would never have been.

• The second error is failing to confront problems head-on when they first appear. Todd and Laura knew that they were spending too much time on the business. They justified it in those startup years as a necessity to get the business going. They justified it as years went by to stay ahead of the competition. They continued to justify it in later years because work is all they knew. But as the business grew under their careful and committed hands, their relationship was left untended and shriveling into a shadow of what it had been when they started to work together.

Is it so hard to turn off your pager or cell phone and take a walk with your sweetheart? Couldn’t you squeeze in a little time to read a novel if you put down the trade journal? How about joining an adult soccer league instead of attending more business after-hours meetings? In other words, attend to your life — your whole life — just as carefully and mindfully as you do to your business. If you have it in your power to create a thriving financial enterprise, can’t you put similar energy into developing your emotional-spiritual-relationship enterprises?

    Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 12 Dec 2006
    Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.