Formalizing the Arrangement
Although an informal agreement around issues such as those listed above usually does evolve in a family over time, a formal agreement that has been negotiated and approved by all parties is more likely to help everyone in the family continue to enjoy their summer retreat. My workbook for families, How To Pass It On: The Ownership and Use of Summer Houses (Pocomo Press, 1999), describes in some detail how to do this.
Here are a few steps you can take to begin the process:
- Complete the list of questions above and write down your understanding of current practices. Then circulate the list and solicit responses from other family members. Be sure to solicit responses from all the family, including children as young as ten.
- Identify points of agreement and disagreement. Where there is disagreement, list all responses and begin the process of dialogue. Phone calls, e-mail, and circulation of drafts of position papers will be necessary. A family meeting may be helpful, but it may also be difficult to organize and it won’t be enough to complete the process.
- In all the negotiating, tact and sensitivity are of paramount importance. By the end of this process, you should have multiple scars on your tongue. It is important that you model appropriate behavior. Existing tensions and conflicts (e.g., “You always got your way and I’m sick of it!”) should be kept out of the process as much as possible. If you have a large extended family, particularly a family of three or more generations, enlist the help of two or three other members, preferably from different generations, in organizing and conducting the negotiation.
- In certain areas regarding ownership and inheritance, legal help may be necessary. If it is, decide what your policies are to be and hire the lawyer just to make them legal. You don’t need to pay his or her hourly fee to do the negotiating for you. It would be wise to hire a lawyer in the area where your summer house is located, even if his or her practice is small. The knowledge of local laws and customs will be more important than high-powered corporate talent.
- Consider the possibility of incorporating your property or creating a legal association. Though time-consuming and possibly costly, there are a number of advantages to doing this, including protection from liability suits and ruinous inheritance taxes.
- Recognize that the process is likely to take a minimum of two to three years. Just remember that your informal operating agreement evolved over many years, even generations, so try to be patient and counsel patience to your family members. Being deliberate in the process will reduce the risk of oversight or poor resolution of an issue.
It’s a tough process but certainly worth it. Finding ways to make the use and maintenance of the family summer home clear and cooperative ensures that your own children and their cousins will have the same happy memories of family fun and togetherness that your own generation of family enjoys.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Oct 2006
