Both Sides Now: Tips on Caring for the Person with Cancer

By Beth Greenberg, MA
November 4, 2006

What Help Can (and Should) Hospital Personnel Offer People Who Are Ill?

In terms of the relationship established with medical providers, it is best to develop a collaborative approach to care. If you’re rebuffed when you ask your doctor questions, you might think about looking for a professional who is willing to work not only for you, but also with you.

When receiving treatment in the hospital, Laura strongly suggested looking for department volunteers. “Volunteers are available at many cancer departments to help patients every day, but sometimes you have to look for us. At my hospital, only one doctor makes sure that his patients know we’re there.”

In addition to volunteers, most hospitals have an ombudsperson or case manager who assists people who are in the hospital to access care options. As Laura sadly notes, however, “sometimes when you’re feeling your worst, you have to be proactive” in connecting with these individuals. But the payoff is worthwhile.

“We’re there solely to make the patients as comfortable as possible,” she said. “If it’s their first chemo treatment, we sit with them to try to reduce their anxiety. If someone’s hungry, we get food. We take pressure off the nurses so they can do their jobs as efficiently as possible, and we do our best to make a very difficult situation a little easier.”

Laura also emphasized community. “I found it extremely helpful to establish relationships with people who’d gone through the same disease as me, who’d fought, or were fighting, cancer.” She’d participated in a multi-week outpatient program for people with cancer to deal with the stresses of illness and treatment, facilitated by a social worker in the department. “Meeting the people in my workshop was great. We were all struggling, feeling sick and anxious, but we understood each other and we were able to support each other and learned new ways to support ourselves. Creating connections with other patients is extremely valuable. It can be difficult, because not everybody makes it; but there’s an unspoken understanding without sympathy or pity.”

This Could Be You

Like Laura, it is likely that many of us will experience the role of care provider as well as the role of care recipient. What we must remember is that care given in response to expressed needs is always appreciated and that “every bit of compassion is savored.” Extending ourselves when care is needed not only helps us to grow in our ability to care compassionately, but may also reduce our own fears about depending on others by bearing witness to this most human process while we, ourselves, are well.