This guest article from YourTango was written by Kim Olver.

According to LiveScience, the CDC reports that more and more couples are co-habiting.

About 30 percent of these living arrangements will result in marriage, 27 percent of couples will break up and 32 percent will stay living together. This tells me that some couples are using it as a test run for marriage, while others are not necessarily “practicing” marriage, but are thinking about marriage as a possibility.

So how do you know if it’s the right decision for you? Here are a few things to consider.

1. It’s cheaper, and young adults are taking longer to obtain financial independence.

One of the best reasons I know for cohabiting, particularly in our present financial environment, is that one household is less expensive to maintain than two. If you want to live independently from your parents and can’t afford it, get a roommate. Often this roommate turns out to be your romantic partner. Saving money on bills is one thing, but please consider your exit strategy so it doesn’t end up costing you more in the long run.

Also, more and more young adults are living with their parents and even those who live on their own are still financially dependent on their parents. Therefore, young people are less likely to commit to marriage until they are somewhat sure of their financial …

You have a good head on your shoulders. You’re attractive. You’re personable. You’re smart.

And yet, for some inexplicable reason, you’re drawn to bad boys.

What is it with this attraction? You can’t explain it. You just know you find a certain kind of guy alluring — even when you know (from experience) that the relationship will end badly.

Friends tell you that your new “great guy” is cocky, brash, foolhardy. But you have a different take on it. You view him as sooo masculine, exciting, unconventional — in a good way. He’s such a turn-on. No comparison to other guys. Yes, those other guys are nice, but oh, so boring. Why even be with a guy if the adrenaline isn’t pumping?

So what is the draw of the bad boy?

In the presence of a friend or relative who is habitually negative, I freeze up. I grapple with being compassionate without letting them indulge in self-pity. Responding with sympathetic statements can sometimes increase a need to glorify doom and gloom stories. At the same time, I understand the desire to dump blame and negativity on others. It feels like a release. It feels like someone cares when their listening. But I also realize it’s not my responsibility to take care of everyone’s needs.

Instead of trying to change or take on their problems for them, I try to work on myself. I remember what it’s like to feel hopeless, insecure, scared and alone. I use that compassion I have for others and turn it on myself. It helps me be kind, understanding and patient, but within my own boundaries. I know the best thing I can do is to live my life as a testament to hope, courage and positivity. It’s a hard thing to learn, but we’re just not capable of changing or curing everyone else.

But there are things we can do. If you’re struggling with negativity, this week’s posts will lift you up. You’ll learn how to turn a negative self-image into a more positive one through gratitude, self-love and self-acceptance. You’ll also learn what to say if you feel tongue-tied like me when faced with someone suffering pain on a regular basis or develop compassion for those suffering from depression. It’s a blurry line between loving others and loving yourself. But the important thing to remember is you can only be as helpful, kind and caring to others when you first take care of yourself.

{Flickr photo by Kate Ware}

I love the story about how, when generals were parading through the streets of Rome during a victory march, a slave would be tasked with walking behind them saying memento mori — remember you’re mortal.

How great is that? Here’s a Roman general, top of the pile, a massive celebrity (like the Jay-Z of his day), and there’s this slave reminding him that he’s mortal and not to get too high above himself because he too can die.

Personally, I think we need more of that today — humility and the awareness to realize and accept that we are mortal, destined to die.

I was going to comment on health care expenditures with an article entitled, “How the High Cost of Health is My Fault.” In it, I would briefly outline my experience with mental illness and detail the cost of caring for it, which, at present, includes medication and doctor visits, totals at least $10,500 per year. Much of this cost is borne by an insurance company.

Then I was going to relate the story about how, in the summer of 2002, I chose to stop taking my medicine the way my doctor directed me to take it, and then I stopped taking my medicine at all.

This was a bad choice. As a result, my illness became an emergency.

Nine hours in the ICU, four days in a private room, and two more weeks of hospital care brought a bill that topped $95,000.

The cost of nine years of care was eaten up by just a few weeks of my irresponsibility. That was cost that the health care industry, including my insurance company, would not have had to bear if I had only taken my medicine as directed.

You suspect your teen is using drugs. Maybe they’re not acting like themselves. Maybe they’re cutting school or shirking other responsibilities. Maybe their grades are dropping. Or their behavior is worsening. Maybe they’ve started hanging out with a bad crowd.

Maybe they’re being secretive and have even stolen money from your wallet. Maybe their physical appearance has changed with rapid weight loss or red eyes. Maybe you’ve noticed a change in their sleep habits, energy level and mood. Maybe you’ve actually found marijuana or other drugs in their room.

Naturally, the thought and possible confirmation of your child using drugs trigger a rush and range of emotions: anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, fear.

If you think your child is using drugs, how do you approach them? Where do you start?

Spring is often the time of year associated with new beginnings, change, and growth.

Spring is also synonymous for the proverbial “spring cleaning” that involves cleaning out the hall closet (also known as the abyss of unused, “not-quite-sure-what to do with” things), the bedroom closet spilling out with clothes you haven’t worn in a year and shoes that you forgot you owned, and in some cases, the entire house or apartment.

This time of year there are numerous articles in magazines and lifestyle segments on the morning talk show circuit featuring professional home organizers espousing spring-cleaning tips to purge the unnecessary things that clutter your physical space.

So this year, why not spring clean your life as well?

If you were hoping to get some medications prescribed for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) while in college or at university, you might be in for a rude surprise.

Colleges and university are cutting back on their involvement with ADHD, primarily due to abuse of the psychiatric medications — stimulants like Ritalin — prescribed to treat the disorder. Students — whether they are malingering the symptoms or actually have it — are prescribed a drug to treat ADHD (sometimes from different providers in different states), then sell a few (or all the) pills on the side. Profit!

Now universities are becoming wise to the epidemic nature of the problem, as some studies have suggested up to a third of college students are illicitly taking ADHD stimulants.

This might help curb the abuse problem, but will it also make it harder for people with actual ADHD to receive treatment?

When I was studying psychology in college, I remember having a particular distaste for the behavioral approaches of B.F. Skinner. Defining the sacred depths of being human by behavioral impulses akin to a mouse motivated by cheese was not for me. I was much more into psychoanalytic therapy and Jung.

How then later did I come to embrace cognitive behavioral and related therapies that spell out that we are, essentially, just a mess of behaviors (good and bad)?

If you dig into your family dynamic, and maybe establishing relationships with others from equally dysfunctional backgrounds, you are bound to have a change of heart about old Skinner. Maybe there is something to behaviorism after all, and it can jibe with the deeper therapies that ask you to reflect on early places of pain and identity-molding.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is particularly of interest not just to me, but folks trying to come to grasp with certain subsets of mental illness — borderline personality disorder, bipolar and other depressive disorders. But its principles can be significantly farther-reaching than mental illness circles alone.

Date:  Tuesday, May 7 @ 7:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m. (EST)

Register:  https://www4.gotomeeting.com/register/469236071

Description:  This special Mother’s Day webinar features best-selling author and Psych Central blogger Zoë Kessler (ADHD from A to Zoë) and special guest Lisa Aro, aka “Queen of the Distracted.”

Mark it on your calendar now, and check out additional information about the webinar inside…

The opposite of depression is not happiness, according to Peter Kramer, author of “Against Depression” and “Listening to Prozac,” it is resilience: the ability to cope with life’s frustrations without falling apart.

Proper treatment doesn’t suppress emotions or dull a person’s ability to feel things deeply. It builds a protective layer — an emotional resilience — to safeguard a depressive from becoming overwhelmed and disabled by the difficulties of daily life.

However, the tools found in happiness research are those I practice in my recovery from depression and anxiety, even though, theoretically, I can be happy and depressed at the same time. I came up with my own recovery program that coincides with the steps toward happiness published in positive psychology studies.

Labels can haunt you forever. What makes them particularly insidious is how unaware most of us are to its debilitating affects.

A diagnosis from a doctor, for example, can render you helpless. For some, it can be a death sentence.

Thoughtless words from an insensitive relative or a classmate can be hard to forget even years after the words were spoken.

Unlike the wounds that heal when physically hit, seemingly innocuous words from others, can last a lifetime.

How do you prevent words from doing more harm to you?

This week our top posts addresses some of these issues. One way is by refusing to accept insults thrown at you and focus instead on finding where they are coming from. Maybe someone made you feel bad about your weight, being single, or put you down in front of others. Instead of taking those words in, think about who’s throwing them at you. Is it the result of an old way of thinking, a negative and incorrect belief propelled by society, or an unjust boss? Knowing where these hurtful labels came from can help you to take matters into your own hands. You don’t have to absorb the hurt and pain sent from insensitive people. As you’ll read below, what you do with what others say to you is your choice.

{Flickr photo by Karina}