Best of Our Blogs

Best of Our Blogs: November 29, 2016

It's Cyber Monday. As I'm going through hundreds of sale emails telling me what I need, I'm reminded about what really matters.

It's not finding the best deals or presents even.

Connection is what we're truly after.

Anger, disappointment and grief often comes from fear of disconnection. I used to think we learn more from being alone than we do in partnerships. But I was wrong.

On a path towards joy, happiness and self-growth, we need both, time by ourselves and time with others.

As you get lost in holiday errands, decorations, and shopping, remember that you'll be happier and enjoy the season more if you devote time to both.
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Happiness

How the 4 Traits of Emotional Intelligence Affect Your Life

We know that general intelligence -- referred to as IQ — is fairly consistent throughout life, though studies have found some age-related dips in certain skills as we age.

We typically use IQ scores to identify areas of cognitive strengths and deficits. For example, those with lower scores qualify for additional school services or those with higher scores are designated gifted or talented.

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Friends

Being Love

“I’m not interested in being a ‘lover.’ I’m interested in only being love.” – Ram Dass
How can you be love? It’s an interesting question, probably not one most people ever consider. Yet the idea that you can embody love in everything you do is quite appealing. Akin to saintliness, perhaps, or what we imagine holy people do. But not us, right, surely not everyday people just trying to get along in life?

Not so fast. This isn’t a concept to dismiss out of hand. Think for a minute about doing the right thing, helping others instead of yourself all the time, going for the greater good in life and not striving for an accumulation of wealth and things. These are components of being love, although they only begin to touch at it.
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Family

Caring for Trauma Survivors and Caring for Yourself in the Process: Everyday Tips for Non-Professionals

Elise just told me about her past. I knew she had been through a lot, but not all that. She said her mom hit her and left bruises when she was a kid, her neighbor touched her where she didn't want to be touched, and I guess her brother was alcoholic. There was a lot of other stuff, too. It has gotten better in the last couple years so that is good. I have known their whole family for a long time and never knew any of that.

What do I do now? I want to help somehow, but is there anything to do? I don't know if I should tell someone. I feel sad.

We hope abuse and trauma never happen to ourselves or someone we love. When your sister, long-time friend, or neighbor tells you something you never expected, it can be confusing, upsetting, and scary.
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Marriage and Divorce

These 5 Conversations Will Change Your Marriage for Good

How many arguments do you think started because of The Newlywed Game?

You’ve probably seen the game show in one of its many iterations since it first aired in 1966. The concept is simple: Bring in newly married couples. Separate them, then ask them questions about themselves, their relationship, and each other.

Bring them back together and see how well they can guess what their spouse answered. The result was often humorous and always revealing -- and it didn’t take a relationship expert to tell which couples were the strongest. The winners were the couples who knew the most about each other.  Those who didn’t found themselves in an emotionally tense situation with their spouse on national television.
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Bullying

Signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Today

It’s clear that people from every socio-economic status have experienced one or more life events that have caused emotional trauma, thus creating PTSD. It’s not just a “veteran’s ailment,” and PTSD is gaining needed recognition in the psychotherapeutic healing community.

PTSD can be caused by childhood trauma, financial disasters, recession, loss of employment, loss of a relationally close family member, divorce, loss of home, sudden shift in life responsibilities such as having to be a primary caretaker for an elderly family member, physical and chronic pain, loss of health, or many other scenarios.
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Anger

Psychology Around the Net: November 26, 2016


Happy Saturday, sweet readers!

Also, Happy Belated Thanksgiving to my fellow Americans!

I hope each and every one of you had a day (or, are still have a few days!) of time spent with your loved ones appreciating all the blessings in your life -- and, if you don't already, I hope you spend some time to do that every day.

This week's Psychology Around the Net takes a look at the latest on sexism related to men's mental health, the stigma of mental illness in the hip-hop community, how creativity benefits or hampers emotional wellbeing, and more.

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Friends

Accepting the Gift of Criticism

Criticism is often shot with such irrationally charged arrows that it’s natural to yield a defensive shield, which can deflect any kind of positive resolution or self-growth.

Also, criticism can be jarring to one’s self-image. For instance, if you perceive yourself to be a productive member of your company, and someone declares that you’re a slacker, it can be a blow to your ego. It’s natural, then, to try and combat criticism.
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