The ABCs of Overcoming Anger in Your Relationship Sarah hated it when Jeff was “stressed out.” He became loudly critical of her, the kids, the driver ahead of him, and anyone else that annoyed him. He was impatient and irritable, and when he wasn’t on the attack he became distant. Sarah didn’t know what else to do, so she resigned herself to “just live with it.”

Ryan knows Kate is “hot-tempered,” but he’s sick of being called “a loser” and other names just because Kate is supposedly under so much stress. He misses the fun they used to have and the connection they once shared, but he can’t quite pinpoint the moment their marriage shifted.

Do these situations sound familiar? Anger, tension, and passive-aggression can gain a foothold in even the most loving relationship. One day you wake up and wonder what happened to the happy union you once had. Where did the trust and the closeness go? Fortunately, while you can’t force your partner to change, you can change the way you react and respond to their anger, and ultimately improve your marriage.

Here are five steps to overcoming anger in your relationship…

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The ABCs of Overcoming Anger in Your Relationship

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  1. Yes…Anger ruins relationships…This has to be overcome at any cost…What may help you find the answer to what causes the anger is to start keeping track of when you get angry- for instance is there a pattern? Then, try to see if there had been times when you felt those feelings (even the anger) and did not act out on them. How did you cope? What did you do? Then, try to replicate this when you start to feel angry. I think that it would also help if you talk to the other person honestly when you’re not angry.

    Thanks for sharing this Robert…

  2. One of my daughters is a very angry person and always has been, even as a baby. I have gone to classes on assertiveness until I am blue in the face, but I am dealing with a person who, as a child, had oppositional defiant disorder and she never outgrew it. Her normal way of operating is to demean everyone around her. Name-calling is just the beginning. Whenever I try to be assertive, she just gets worse, regardless of what I do or say or DON’T do or say. Right now, I see my only option for a calmer life (and I need a calmer life since I have biplar disorder which is a stress- related illness) is to get her out of it. I am loath to do that, but may have no other choice.

  3. Whether or not your relationship is past the point of “normal” tell your SO or loved one how you see their actions. Try to be as direct and make sure you tell them how you feel about them. If their actions are putting a strain on others in the family point that out. Ask them if they can see it themselves. Ask them if they notice that they don’t feel good and that people seem to be uncomfortable when they are with them. Take as much emotion, blame and fear out of the conversation as possible. Relate to them when you know you are starting to handle stress badly. Put a definite limit to how much anxiety you can take.
    The only time you don’t ask them is if they are abusive. It is time to leave.

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