“We would never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world,” wrote Helen Keller.
How I wish she were wrong. Disappointments leave us with the unpleasant task of squashing, crushing, and pinching lemons to extract any and all juice. Here, then, are a few of my techniques to turn sour into sweet, to try my best to overcome disappointment.
1. Throw Away the Evidence
Albert Einstein failed his college entrance exam. Walt Disney was fired from his first media job. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Get it?
2. Stay in the Mud
“The lotus flower blooms most beautifully from the deepest and thickest mud,” says a Buddhist proverb, just in case you thought all crap was bad.
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My whole life has been about rejection, betrayal, aubse and disappointment, but I have never given up.
Grew up verbally, physically and sexually abused. never knew my father (met him when I was 30); extreme poverty: no phone, car, refrigerator or bathroom. Molested while sleeping. 120-year old tenement house with cockroaches and rats, snow which came in through a crack in the wall. Had my hand held over an open (stove) fire by a drunken neighbor woman.
Without my faith, wicked wit and sense of humor, I might be drooling in a corner.
I joined the army right out of high school, from a little town in Maine to San Francisco at the height of the Vietnam War, peace, hippies, etc…..I “married” the original abuser (mother) and tried to fix the past….for 36 years, then found the book that saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.
Got a divorce, and experienced spiritual abuse; my church put my name up on a big screen, followed by the words: “Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God.’ I fought the system for 18 months to try and stop the pastor (of disaster) from “counseling” any more women, because 2 of them were suicidal. http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com was the outcome of this debacle. I have always been able to make something positive come from the “ashes” of my life.
I am the moderator of an abused survivors’ group, because I believe we are all here to make a difference.
I won a scholarship (non-academic), because of what I wrote about my life, and am back in school at age 63.
I joined the American Counseling Association and keep submitting my paper: Society’s Hidden “Pandemic”–Verbal Abuse; Precursor to Physical Violence and a Form of Biochemical Assault. I have also submitted it to a psychology journal.
I’ve been on 2 radio stations speaking about verbal abuse. I’ve been published 3 times in a university journal.
I’ve written my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice).
I’ve written book of (published) poetry: Sanctuary of the Soul (poems of anguish, healing, hope, comfort and celebration).
My endorsements take my breath away: Elie Weisel, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Dr. Larry Dossey, Alice Miller, Nikki Giovanni, Dr. Frank Ochberg, Clint van Zandt, Dr. Ellen Langer (14 in all).
I’ve been working like a “Trojan” for almost 20 years to get the message out there regarding verbal abuse (rarely recognized nor understood).
I will eventually be on FOX News/The Factor/Bill O’Reilly.
i figured it all out by myself…..I couldn’t do a thing about the past, but I COULD do something about the present and the future.
If (as I read) “persistence is the key.” I will eventually be successful in my endeavors.
Giving up is NOT in my character.
“Stand at defiance.”
“I am more impressed by what someone has overcome, than by what they have accomplished.”
“Be ashamed to die, until you have done something for humanity.”
Kindest Regards, Allison (wacalice@aol.com)
I think it can be very helpful for people to turn their negative thought pattern into a more positive attitude. It is sometimes our interpretation of a situation or event, which causes our emotional responses. We may break our negative thought cycle and replace it with a more “positive thinking” pattern. For example: If someone feels really depressed and disappointed about not doing so well in a job interview or test, they can reassure themselves that they can learn from this situation and that they can do better the next time.
The seven points to over come disappointments seems to be excellent. Being a practicing Psychiatrist, from my past 35 yrs of experience and communications with my patients I have formulated a basic theory that, balancing five areas in the style will help one to lead a happy and balanced life. The five components are (1)SLEEP – for health and emotional rejuvenation one need to sleep 6-8 hours during night in every 24 hours. Sleeping more or less than the natural prescribed period of 6-8 hours can lead to problems and unhappiness (2)FOOD & WATER- Is there any set pattern of food and water intake ,like breakfast ,lunch ,dinner ? or can we eat and drink when one feels hungry or thirsty ? Why we are eating ? for energy ? depending on taste? or to satisfy the hunger? Eat when you need it is the healthy way.Eating more or less can laed to problems ,similarly drink pure water when you feel thirsty . One may drink more pure water which will also give a cleansing effect.(3)EXERCISE – Mental and Physical exercise has to be the regular to avoid rusting ! It must be just and adequate .Should not be more or less . regularity in exercise is just like cleaning and servicing of a machinery (4)REST AND RELAXATION _ Physical and mental relaxation , is a state when a total stoppage of all activities except the automatic physiological functioning -To attain this state one need to learn how to control the five special senses .This is bit time consuming learning process.(5)fun and enjoyments -This is the emotional nutrition . All fun including sexual activities are also included
In the Psychotherapeutic sessions – I have been introducing this five component life style to my patents and a good number who are having stress and disappointments have improved. The seven points which is high lighted here is included in the mental exercise area
I wish to hear comments from the readers
Dr.S.D.SINGH
Yes the mind can be trained even in later age to make new pathways and to choose the way we want to think. It takes mindfulness practice..watching thoughts ..observing where are the going and mentally screaming STOP if the are going in the gutter. Sooner or later it becomes a quick in and out of negative mental thoughts. It’s a wonderful feeling of empowerment to not be contolled by my thoughts. I was controlled by negative people for so long it’s nice to feel a little freedom.
I may be wrong but that oak quote is from david ickes book- the biggest secret.