Today I have the pleasure of interviewing Douglas Eby,
M.A./Psychology, who is a writer and researcher on the psychology of creative
expression, high ability and personal growth. He is creator of the Talent
Development Resources series of sites (including HighlySensitive.org)
at http://talentdevelop.com. I know many of you are “highly sensitive” and enjoy articles on that topic, so I am excited to pique his highly-sensitive brain today!
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Interesting. This characteristics describe me to a T. Except that I do consider myself extroverted, which is a huge plus considering that I am studying to be a psychologist. In that way, I have the best of both worlds. I credit my highly extroverted parents with making me extroverted as well. However, I do have to have some time by myself everyday.
Also, I would add under the “Flaws” section that people who have “Highly Reactive or Sensitive” Temperament are significantly more likely to develop anxiety disorders. I think the stats are something like 50% of us develop anxiety disorders. (myself included).
I am also and extrovert. I just came back from the American Counseling Association Convention, where I believe I spoke to nearly everyone! LOL, LOL
I just published my book: Sanctuary of the Soul, where I poured out my heart and soul….I don’t seem to have any disorders. I am however, driven to make a difference in the world, and get the message out there regarding verbal and physical abuse; i’ve written a 25-page paper entitled: Society’s Hidden Pandemic: Verbal Abuse: Precursor to Physical Violence and a Form of Biochemical Assault.
My endorsements amaze me: Elie Weisel, Dr. Larry Dossey, Clint van Zandt, Alice Miller, Patricia Evans, Nikki Giovanni, Wayne Dyer…..etc…..Feel free to e-mail me: wacalice@aol.com
Rather than “curses” or “flaws” I prefer to think of some aspects of high sensitivity as challenges – including a greater vulnerability to anxiety and depression. But a number of artists and writers think even these “disorders” can have positive value for personal growth and creativity.
I enjoyed reading this very much, as passed it along to several people to whom I have tried to explain this to. I’m very extroverted, but I also cannot tolerate too much stimulation without feeling completely overwhelmed.
On many levels, I am grateful for the vast spectrum of emotions that come with being what I affectionately call hyper-sensitive. I find it helps me have a greater understanding of personalities and experiences – it’s a very intense (and sometimes intimate) empathy. And with that comes a talent to relay those experiences to others through stories. On the other hand, I have had to work very hard to overcome the intensity on the other end of the spectrum – I often don’t understand why others do not experience or understand the same sensitivity. Learning to understand that it’s simply a different experience for others – like enjoying apples over oranges – was an enormous challenge. I have learned to accept – and even to appreciate that now and life is far more enjoyable!
“For example, being at a professional development conference, it may not be the most helpful thing to leave a long presentation or workshop in order to recuperate from the emotional intensity of the crowd.” Was this sentence a mistake? This is just when you need a break? I just returned from a 2-day conference and I was and am completely burnt out. I think you do need to let yourself be an exception and take a break for you health.
I agree with Douglas Eby; I also think of the ‘curses’ as challenges. I’m reading a book called “Finding Your Bipolar Muse” right now, and it deals with this subject matter. I write on it also, because I live it. I’m diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and am determined to find a way to live completely without psychoactive drugs. It’s just difficult when you live with a highly medicated family.
Also, Douglas (if you see this), I clicked through to your site, and I think that it’s fantastic! I’ll most likely post a number of your articles to my blog!
Stunner of a post. And good follow-up comments.
I’m a fairly typical oversensitive creative, and all the bells rang true with all of the points. Except that I’m both exceptionally introverted AND exceptionally introverted too.
My sensitivity helps me tremendously in my professional life. I’m a visual facilitator. Which means that I listen to the things people say in conferences, seminars, workshops, and I ‘translate’ the concepts into pictures. Live. While they’re talking.
Because I’m able to use my senses well, I get information in subtle ways. I also process info differently to non-sensitives. I have a longer and better access to the stuff that enters my brain.
The intro/extroversion simultaneity gets a little tedious. It would kinda be neat just neon ONE.
Stunner of a post. And good follow-up comments.
I’m a fairly typical oversensitive creative, and all the bells rang true with all of the points. Except that I’m both exceptionally introverted AND exceptionally introverted too.
My sensitivity helps me tremendously in my professional life. I’m a visual facilitator. Which means that I listen to the things people say in conferences, seminars, workshops, and I ‘translate’ the concepts into pictures. Live. While they’re talking.
Because I’m able to use my senses well, I get information in subtle ways. I also process info differently to non-sensitives. I have a longer and better access to the stuff that enters my brain.
The intro/extroversion simultaneity gets a little tedious. It would kinda be neat just be ONE.
Fantastic post. I love the allowance given to sensitive people that they need time alone and they need space. I need that, and I hate it when I can’t have the solitude and quiet I crave to enjoy being alive. I am NOT a misogynist but I like to have company when the mood hits, and I need solitude to stay calm and relaxed. It is hard to get what sensitve people need in our rush and bustle society.
I think you mean “misanthropist” as opposed to misogynist. A misanthrope hates people, while a misogynist hates women.
I like the article having seen myself in it…I sometimes feel crazy when I forget that I get ovrwhelmed by others emotions. Learning to cope and protect myself has been an ongoing process. I too am shy and an extrovert. I,ll chat to anyone while out and about but won,t get up and speak to an audience.I love my alone time and need it to recuperate, but can,t survive well without social interaction. If I,m alone too long I get over analytical/anxious and have to get back out and about. It,s like I don,t know what I want or need and just have to go with the flow or go crazy
I’ve always thought of my super-sensitivity as a curse.That there were positives to this trait never even occurred to me.
Need an inordinate amount of time to be by myself to reboot. I think it also contributes a great deal toward my anxiety because my reactions in my interactions with people can be very emotionally draining. When my social interactions are over I’m always over analyzing.
Love and need to be with people but not for long periods at one time. It’s a balance act for me that I think the majority of people don’t have to contend with.
wow! so nice. Have gone through the same and when i read your article it really touched me. Keep up the good work
I am also considered an extrovert but I feel that my gift to the world is my understanding and non-judgment. But even as this is an attribute, it often leaves me feeling overwhelmed and I must “steal away” to refresh and re-focus my energy. Within an organization I’m the person you want as motivational because I know how to inspire people and make them feel good. At the same time I need my alone time. I am also married to a highly sensitive person and we really understand each other but sometimes it gets complicated.
I remember when I was a child my mother constantly telling me ‘don’t be so sensitive’. As an adult, I have a very rich experience of the world, I prefer quieter environments in which I can take in each single thing deeply and fully. I think it’s too easy to get caught up in trying to be like everyone else who seem to be social, experiential and career thrill seekers. I, myself, have found outlets for this high sensitivity through writing, painting and playing piano. Fantastic article, and so true as there are usually pros and cons to all sorts of personality traits. I mean if they weren’t useful then why would they have evolved in the first place?
Hello all! I’m BLOWN AWAY with this article! I’m going to have to let all this soak in as I’ve been going around for YEARS wondering why I’m so overly-sensitive (and/or a fair amount of the rest of the population is more than just a bit obtuse)! Talk about reading an article that “introduces you to YOURSELF!” (I’m also just a BIT amused that mostly the folks-extroverted in the group posted comments first!) I’m definitely going to “keep” this one to send to my not-so understanding counterparts, and just perhaps I won’t be smacking myself around so much wondering why I’m not the “life of the party”! THANKS AGAIN for all you do!
Thank you so much! I see myself in almost everything in this article. Last years I have started to feel more and more that it isn´t a curse to be this sensitive, it has been quite a journey to get here but possible. This article has given me more understanding,motivation and courage to continue being who I am. Thank you.
I really liked this post. It clearly shows that there are both positives and negatives to being highly sensitive. But I think the key is awareness. If you know what you need to feel better, and what makes you feel worse, it makes navigating the turbulent waters of life a little easier. I’m an HSP who’s challenged with the ups and downs every day. Check out my blog at http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sense-and-sensitivity
I was deemed as bipolar since a hospitalization in 1988. I was 34 and went on a drinking spree..which was a whole lot more than drinking for I was missing for 10 days and not drinking constantly. My only child, a son was only 10 at the time and I remembering blocking out my real world on purpose because if I thought of he or my husband I would kill myself. So I went on day after day. In that summer of 88 we had a really bad heat/humidity spell. I wasn’t eating much..hardly anything but a little bit of a sub or something each day. I was hitting bottom. I was in a men’s rooming house which was over the bar. I didn’t have much make up with me..Just a eyeliner and lipstick. I was with a man that came into the Irish pub I worked at. (I had quit drinking for over 2 yrs. and fell of the wagon about this time. I gave him a ride home to this rooming house. I was wild and out of control. Fortunately I get overly happy and I don’t get hostile. My senses are very astute even though I am drinking I am on a high setting.
To make a long story short. In 88 when I hit bottom I started to learn a lot about myself that I could never really put together before. I had, had 2 severely traumas by the age of 5..Both were issues of abandonment. I was in the hospital for 6 wks. All through these years it has been difficult to medicate me. I went to a well know psychiatrist in this area that was well known for successfully treating people who didn’t respond well to any of the common bipolar cocktails. Well. I didn’t get manic when I saw him for 10 years. I stayed depressed. I really think 9-11-01 caused my depression to worsen. This is much too long..during my 4th hospitalization during 2011 the doctor was trying all different mood stablizers…the last one being lithium which the doctor back in 1988 with no success. It made me feel horribly anxious and like I could not judge space or have a normal perspective on things. Even just visual things. After 4th hospitalization they send me home on Prozac and Lithium and I thought I would lose my mind. I was back at the hospital within 22 hours. I felt like I had to kill myself to stop the pain. I could not bear the utter anguish and torturous fractured thoughts, feelings of unreality,etc.
This time I explained to the doctor that I didn’t think I had many manic episodes now since I had quit the drinking. It seemed to me that I would pull these crazies when I drank. A pattern that started at about 17 when I began to drink. Drinking age became 18 withing 2 mos. of my birthday so I thought I was all set to handle social situations now. I was so very shy when I was even or depressed or whatever I was. I really think I was depressed on in off since I was a small child. To get to the point..they had tried me on tryleptal..the doc I had had for 10 years was starting to try the anti’psychotics such as Abilify..made me worse plus tics and involutary muscle movement. After trying a couple of those cocktails with anti psychotics and after about 10 years getting now where I left that doctor. ( I think he was glad too for he must’ve been frustrated) So at the hospital I explained to them how for all these years that it suddenly hit me that the mood stablizers were what was making me depressed. They put me on tylepptal and it seemed the brand name worked but once out of hospital and my insurance only covering the genetic something happened for I got edema in my legs moderately but painful. They also had me on geodon. The first Geodon knocked me out and after a class at hospital I went in my room and fell directly asleep and my pals that I had made there shook me and yelled and couldn’t wake me. They got the nurse. I don’t know how she woke me. I took the 2nd dose..a lower dose, 20 mg. and with the tryleptal I almost immediately felt happy. I thought this must be the answer..Well that didn’t last long. As I said I ended up with tryleptal, geodon and lithium.
I couldn’t handle things at home. Everything was a mess..my husband had kept the laundry going but it was in piles everywhere..Iforgot to mention that I had let my niece 22, and her boyfriend 29 and his two young daughters move in. The deal was..that my niece would help me do spring cleaning, for I couldn’t do anythiing..I was becoming totally non-functional. Her boyfriend was to help with cleaning cellar and yard work. My husband has a serious spinal problem. Well..it didn’t work out. My niece didn’t even clean before I came home. She has her own issues and I don’t think she could let herself help me for she felt like a servent or something. You must understand that I get along very well with my nieces and nephews and I’ve known this particular niece since she was born. We have/had/have again a good relationship. It’s very complicated..Her boyfriend brought his dog too..My favorite dog got sick and we had to have her put down shortly after my last hospital stay. It’s just too long. I’m sorry for going on and on like this but..it’s hard to put into words how I feel sometimes. One of the problems is I feel very guilty that I can’t be counted on for support to my mother who is 85, I don’t see my grand sons enough. No one seems to understand how I am in complete anguish when I get really bad. i can’t even take care of me. It’s a good thing I have dogs for I would not have gotten out of bed had they not happily come to me in the morning. They could always make me smile. I can’t write anymore. I still am not stable and I am still having a hard time getting organized. I am an artist of sorts..I love to paint, draw, pastel, India ink..all of that. And 3 years ago we paid someone to put up a wall in the garage and he did a wonderful job. He built a closet..sealed the cement floor, wall board on walls and ceilings..everything painted..and I’ve yet to do any art down there at all. I go to counseling and soon (when they call to make an appt.) my husband and I will start couples therapy. He I believe is just as messed up as me and can’t be strong for me. He was an easy going guy and he’s stressed now after this crazy year. But he’s the type of husband..as was my own dad, that thinks you bring money home and your work is over. Here I am…can’t even vacuum..and I’m trying to handle bills, cleaning…getting people to do repairs..I just can’t handle it..so I stay home and read or watch tv. I get stuck. Paralyzed. Have you ever heard stories similar to mine. Right now I am on 60 mg. of prozac. 65mg. of imipramine (both of these I have been treated with before with only weight gain as a side effect)The doctor thought the imipramine would help the prozac kick in for I had had some success with prozac before. I was on 450 mg. I was on imipramine for a few years back in 88 my 1st ever hospitalization. I am gaining weight. when I first got out of hospital I had no interest in food and actually lost 20 lbs. I think I’ve gained it all back. Chocolate + halloween equals weight gain. I have to go to bed..I can’t think of any thing to say now. I feel burned out. Thanks ..I hope you can make some sense of this..Oh yes..I started to say..I am on 60 mg. Prozac, 65 mg.of Imipramine,1 mg of dlonopin up to 4X a day and Ambien sr.12 1/2 mg. if needed for sleep.
Thank you again, Maggie Corsaro
Hello there…when I was reading your post I had to look several times to make sure what I was reading wasn’t something I had wrote. Its crazy how people can go through something and feel so alone and there be others that are going through the exact same thing. I don’t wish this pain on anyone or anything. I couldn’t have described anything any better than you did. I know that I have been looking for help for years and I know where the source of peade comes, but sometimes it seems so hard to reach.
I’m sorry you are feeling like you are. It’s a feeling of pure misery. Today I am having to live minute by minute, not even hour by hour or day by day. I don’t know how I even got to this webpage to read this but I know there’s a reason and somewhere lies our answer.
@Searching for peace
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It really helped me. I often feel so alone with different things I’m going through like depression. But, to answer your question, yes I have heard many other people with similar stories to yours. I’m so glad you took the time to go into so much detail about your experience. It really helps others to see that despite outward appearances, everyone is struggling at times.
hello
Great article.I’m a HSP male actor. I really struggle with my profession as an HSP, because alot of it requires you to be emotionally open and also receive emotions of others. I sense other actors who are definatly not hsp pick up on my vulnerability and then try to prey on ot. I end up feeling really disturbed and upset afterwards and overwhelmed.Guess i’ll have to pick another line of work.which is a shame.i’d love to know about resources for actors who are hsp, if there are any.You can contact me on terrynow@hotmail.com
“But it demands taking care to live strategically, even outside popular values” – I know that this is right, but damn. It’s so frustrating to see that nobody around us feels like us, it can easily lead to self-confinement and that easily leads to depression, not healthy at all…
Thank you! I have always considered myself “highly sensitive” but never knew it was something common enough to put in quotation marks. Realizing the pros of my “gift”, as I am very recently viewing it, I feel a great weight lifted. It is good to know there are others like me, and that maybe I don’t realize this because mainstream society pushes for extroverted, “social”, people. Again, Thank You! you have made life a little bit easier (which is no small task!)
Thank you for this insightful and inspiring article. As a sensitive, I have always been aware of my personal version of it and somehow found ways to navigate in society, although admittedly it has not been easy.
I have great compassion for others with this gift because to some degree, even though others are sensitives too, we have to figure it out for ourselves. That doesn’t mean we are alone, however.
As part of my personal journey and as a coping tool, I shaped my sensitivity into heart-based products and services that resonate with like-hearted people. Being creative with my sensitivity to support others has made it much easier to truly love who and how I am.
Blessings to all.
Thanks for this insightful and educational post, Therese. I’d like to think that the world benefited much (and continues to benefit) from highly sensitive people, for without them the field of arts and the humanities would’ve not existed.
This is me
I lost my job of 12 years 4 years ago. I now work 4 part time jobs just to get by. I would give anything to go back to my old job! I worked at home painting for a local artist and did not have to deal with people. Now I have to deal with people daily and all day long seven days a week. I am totally drained and stressed all the time anymore. It does not make a difference to whom I am dealing with, mean or nice. My doctor has been watching my heath decline because of the stress. My blood pressure shoots up as soon as I leave the house. I feel all these vibes or moods from everyone I am around. And can not shake them off afterwards, I can no longer block them. I am too tired maybe thats why? My sister, a narcassitic 47 year old woman had to move in with me because of Rheumetoid Arthritis. She can no longer live alone. I took care of my father till he passed. Then my mom. And now my sister….
Going through all of this and being highly sensitive…. it does not feel so good right now. I have no time at all for myself. In fact… it may put me in an early grave!
Great article and it fits me well. I feel that I am exceptional with my sense of smell and hearing. Though I wish my eyes (sight) were better. But I am very sensitive with myself – with what people say to me, situations that people go through, and how I feel about myself after talking to someone. If I get into a conversation with someone I like, I very often worry that I may have said the wrong things. Also, I can get hurt easily or take things the wrong way with what people say to me.
I am shy and introverted. Lately I have come across a couple of people that have told me that it’s not a bad thing. That makes me feel good because I’ve been told that being as I am is wrong.
I would like to live in place where my introvertedness would be welcomed or embraced.
One big curse of me being sensitive is that I can lose relationships pretty easily. It’s because I get hurt easily.
Geez, someone else understands what my life has been like. I have always been told that I am too emotionally involved, and too sensitive, I didn’t realize that I some wonderful gifts up until a few years ago. It is nice to have someone else confirm my views, I have always thought that I don’t belong in this world. I have fought myself for years, with the wrong thinking which therapists have forced me to accept, they just did not get it. Thank goodness others finally, finally do. Thank you for this article, it makes me feel so much better, that I am not alone in my little world. I have never felt like I belong anywhere, that seems to be the only problem, finding a place to belong, do you have any answers for that question, I am still trying to find an answer? Vicki willothewispl@yahoo.com.
I relate to a song by Dinosour Jr., “I feel the pain of everyone, then I feel nothing.” I get so overwhelmed by this world and then I shut down. There is no compassion only judgement.