The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.
– William Penn
Normally I’m known as a “nice guy:” easygoing, fair, pretty calm and generally happy. But several years ago I planned a weekend conference on psychodrama that unglued me. Planning the conference took six months and included the usual things; arranging for a block of rooms, guaranteeing registrants, coordinating lunches and dinners, and keeping the cost down wherever I could.
As a clinical professor, the presentations and training itself were easy. I could lecture and demonstrate the use of role-playing in dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder, show videos of how to apply group principles to people with intellectual and psychiatric disabilities, and demonstrate the various ways to deescalate a fight that had broken out between two members of a group. But guaranteeing payment for a block of rooms and coordinating the coffee sent shivers down my spine.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. The comments below begin with the oldest comments first. Click on the last comments page to jump to the most recent comments.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines.
Post a Comment:
Copyright © 1995-2013 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 19 Jun 2013
|
Great article! I do this exercise in counting blessings with my 9-year-old son each night when I tuck him in. I sit on the edge of his bed and we both recount our top-three “highs” of the day. Some days are easier to find highs than others. Some days have an abundance of highs, others have hardly any, but we always manage to find a few. Even if it’s a small thing—like finding a good parking space at the grocery store. I’ve found that finishing the day off with this attitude booster has really helped me get through some rough patches, even to the point that I wonder why everyone has complained so much about this winter weather. I think it’s been beautiful!
But what if you don’t have 3 blessings each day? Most of the time I would be pressed to think of 3 in a week. I’m not being argumentative or even pesamistic, just realistic. For one thing, I work from home so it can be a week before I see or talk to another person sometimes. Unless I counted things like: My house didn’t burn down today, or I woke up this morning (still alive). But I don’t think you can count these kinds of things blessings.
It is possible to incline your thinking towards what is going well in your world, even if you do need to start with the smallest of things. Mine started with a list of what gives me joy, a toddler running the opposite way to a parent, a babys expression or feeding, the smell of a rose or spring bulbs coming up, sunsets, stars, my son saying thank you or asking fora hug, s smile from a stranger, someone letting you into a traffic queue, your childs school assembly, doing something for someone else and a lot more.Being mindful means noticing these, if we look for what is wrong, we will surely find it too ! Its also about monitoring our self talk, and at times, being compassionate to yourself, and knowing what your deeply held values are and how they are in alignment with the life you are living. For me, it takes discipline. You can change your whole experience of the world through the words you use to describe that experience, turn down the volume or pump it up, make it colourful. Reading a variety of novels or fact, can help you expand this vocabulary, or looking in the dictionary. Watching comedians, things that make you laugh, picking up the phone or simple connections with others, help to expand perspective and connect us with commonality of human experience. You can ask yourself powerful questions and make this a habit, so that you explore anothers perspective or ask what you can learn or do differently on another ocasion. There are lots of ways of taking yourself on this journey – it starts with self responsability for the life we create. Its not to say I never get down, but life brings a wide range of emotion – thankfully, otherwise how would we gage and mark the important passages in our lives ? or grow, Personally, I never write even a day off as a bad one, each hour can bring new things, or even minutes, if we commit ourselves to embracing whatever happens. Even the very difficult stuff, can be full of gifts – My Mum was recently in intensive care, third brain surgery in 5 years and massive complications after- what an emotional rollercoaster !I had to make a very conscious effort to look for the gifts and surely found them. I discovered a second hand sofa shop, when looking for something for her near the hospital – just what we needed, I watched my 16 year old hug the mother of a 16 year old, who had also just had brain surgery, I marvelled at her capacity to deal with the level of human emotion, I rebuilt my relationship with my sister and gained much closer connection with my whole family and enjoyed spending time with lots of new people, who demonstrated great bravery – to name a few.It also brought me sharply back to my key value and purpose and a commitment to support necessary changes in hospital care. This has been a significant journey of study, and practice – training as a Coach, as well as being a therapist, is all a big part of that for me.For some people, this wisdom comes naturally, especially when working with older people, who have so much to share with us and a notable resilience and perspective on life. And I oftren find myself thinking about how my 21 year old handles life, and the humour she uses – she is one of my role. models, when I need to lighten up !Whose YOurs and why ? Wendy