This week I have the pleasure of interviewing Michelle Russell, who writes the fantastic blog, “Practice Makes Imperfect.” Since we talk about perfectionism a lot on Beyond Blue — because it’s so related to depression — I …
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. The comments below begin with the oldest comments first. Click on the last comments page to jump to the most recent comments.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines.
Post a Comment:
Copyright © 1995-2013 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 21 May 2013
|
Therese,
Thank you for your great article on perfectionism.
In my practice I see a lot of perfectionists. Another way I categorize this issue is as “black or white” thinking or “all or nothing” thinking. What I do is to find the original inception point where the individual decided and chose to become a perfectionist and then take the client to that memory. We then reframe that decision and have them pick, instead, excellence instead of perfectionism. Excellence has the ability to provide the person with the necessary slack to still be happy with himself/herself if they don’t do something perfectly. They are able to be kind to themselves and not beat themselves up. Every failure is just part of an education. You fail forward.
Just my two cents.
Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D.
http://www.DrSam.tv
thank you, thank you, thank you.
you’ve described me to a t. i’m 32, and in my first year of a four-year interior design degree. i’m purposely writing this post without capitals, because it’s a way to break away from perfection. wait, i should probably throw a capital in here or there in the spirit of inconsistency, but i just can’t bring myself to do it…
i’m now faced with crazy deadlines and as any artist will agree, you can work on one piece for an hour, two hours, 10 hours… and there’s always room for improvement. the perfectionist in me takes over my assignments. so far, they’ve all been perfect, gallery-quality works… and i’m only in first year?! i refuse to hand in anything that’s sub-par in my eyes, and that’s where i’m starting to hit a wall. i realize that this is an unsustainalble ideology. it’s costing me my ‘me’ time, whether it be with friends or alone… i haven’t even been to the gym in weeks, and that’s something that is very important to me. i have to learn that ‘good enough’ is just that: good enough. no need for the A+. finish, and move on to the next thing.
thanks again for describing my psyche so concisely… interestingly enough, i’ve been battling depression/dysthymia for over 10 years.
…on we go!
These tips are really useful and would also work for conditions that use perfectionism and competitiveness unhealthily. Like many others, my eating disorder was intricately bound up with self – and social – expectations, and an intolerance of any ‘imperfections’. These are the kind of practical ideas that can challenge this mentality – and, once you’ve made the connection, you can start using the trait more positively.
This truly has helped me realize some things. I’ve always known I was a perfectionist. Just never really knew how to cope with it. Thanks for the awesome tips!
This is one of the most useful things I’ve read (and I’ve read a LOT). As a lifelong practitioner of both habits — perfectionism & procrastination — I’ve often tried to overcome the latter without really addressing the former. This gave me new insights and tools — plus used an example of the very thing I’m currently battling: getting a blog launched in reality instead of going on “thinking about it” for a few more years. Thanks, Michelle & Theresa!
Forgive that little “oops”, please — my mind said “Therese” but fingers rushed to Theresa!
Very interesting. So I am not broken and I can be fixed ? Great, because I love the idea of taking baby steps to move into the right direction. I really like your perspective.
Thank you so much.
Jen Duchene
A great article! I called myself a “recovering perfectionist” (pinched that from AA
There’s some wonderful advice here. I know it, I believe it, and often I actually practice it LOL. It’s good to be reminded of it though. I particularly love the first point. It took me a long time to though to WISELY choose the people I was comparing myself with! Other perfectionists don’t count LOL.
My “practicing imperfection” tip (love that term BTW) is “better finished than perfect”. Filing, finances, quilting, cooking, housework – all of them are better finished than perfect
Awesome post. Thank you. I’m going to read this over and over and over again …until I get these down perfect!
I find what helps many of my clients who are dealing with perfectionism is to really explore their relationship with ambiguity.
Anxiousness over not liking ambiguity is often a root cause of wanting to control one’s environment, leading to perfectionism in one or more areas of life.
Helping clients develop tools to make friends (or at least a truce
with ambiguity is a good first step for anyone wanting more freedom from the tyranny of perfectionism.
One quibble: OCD is not a medical condition.
Compare yourself to others…I know, this probably sounds surprising…”
And, yes, it was, but I appreciate the insights. I tend not to compare myself — or recommend others to do so, but with those parameters in mind it can be a positive practice.
rebecca i really like what you say about ambiguity, but i just have one quibble too, OCD is absolutely a medical condition : )
thanks so much therese and michelle for a wonderful article!