Earlier this year, World of Psychology contributor Therese Borchard wrote a popular entry entitled, “10 Ways to Make Friends.” Inspired by her advice and based upon my own …
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I like mine better. Just kidding. t
Hi John,
In this day and age I see more and more (dare I say it ‘young’) people wrapped up in them selves and exhibiting interest in their own lives and gossiping about others. I feel this cannot fail to have an impact on their relationships.
In my opinion all relationships have two ‘i’s and involve the dynamic of a two way street.
Showing interest, respect and regard for another goes along way to creating a universal bond and reciprocation of communication and dialogue.
Harking back to the in put form “Edward De Bono” ‘How to Make friends and influence people’ – Class act.
Thank you
Regards
Dawn Pugh
I’ve read both lists. These are some good suggestions for meeting people and that does come first. Unfortunately, there are a lot of us that can meet people, but friendship is a different matter all together.
The only two suggestions that were unnerving was stealing friends and knocking on doors. Both are risky and the first may lose you a friend. The second may see one face to face with a psychopath or one that turns out to be.
These suggestions I think are for the more extroverted and assertive ones of us. Probably, the ones not reading these articles. I’d find most of these suggestions very difficult to carry out from meeting to being friends.
Another thought on this topic is that there most likely is a division somewhere when we are talking males making friends and females making friends. Except for me, I’ve noticed only one male comment and it was on the other list written Therese Borchard. That comment advocated Internet frienships. Maybe he has the same problems as me with the face to face friendships.
I am 50 years old and I’ve never made friends. I have met many people that I thought would be a friend, but it never worked out for me. So, I read these suggestions with a thought of “great, but will not happen for me”.
Interesting ideas– but i am still stumped. With my mental condition (BP II) and the rather complex nature of my history, exactly how do I lead off. If I ever disclose this, it is an automatic death knell to friendship, no matter how nice of a person I am or how bright I might be. And the last– use your kids– is a scenario that really scares me. I don’t want my children suddenly being suspect because their mother has a mental illness. It’s a good way to destroy whatever friendships they may make because in my world, too many people are concerned about what a crazy women might do to other kids. The answer is “nothing,” but the prejudice out there is pretty amazing. Having to conceal your mental status constantly means you’re not really making friends, you’re making acquaintances to whom you will need to routinely lie. That still feels pretty lonely to me.
Ah the freedom of being an aspy before all the social help kids get now. I have watched nature shows which shows that social animals spend most of their social time essentially saying “hi” and checking their relationship to the group.
It seems that this all all most people do. I hear conversations on the street and half ones from cell phone users. Sure most people are not very bright, but the banality is horrifying!!
They are not creating or solving, they are reiterating gossip, sports, and uneducated opinions. And they can not stop, it is part of their evolution. Being social in a tribal society keeps you alive. We have more instincts than any other animal and these cause reactions, just like animals. These instincts express themselves as emotions for the most part.
Being free of some of our animal nature even by defect is not a bad thing. But then I was raised a WASP.
I am lucky I have a very bright wife who accepts me for who I am, and is willing to socialise on her own. True it is sometimes hard as she will engage in small talk with me and I have no idea how to respond. She is getting used to me not responding to such things or questions that seem rhetorical to me. I don’t try to stop her from saying such things, and she is cool that I do not respond.
I have yet to find a way to tell people who try to be friends, that I just do not connect, and that it is nothing personal, which is not taken personally. But people are more aware that we exist, so they do not argue with me, even if they are not sure what I mean. Which is simple, what I say, is what I mean for the most part.
A WASP and aspy I always thought Spock was the normal one. Though he does get a little emotional at times.
Great suggestions for all the lonely people.
Hello from Montana:
Thanks for the great suggestions. I have written a number of articles and a book on encouraging self confidence. It is very difficult for some people to make the initial effort to join in activities.
When you join a group, go with the expectations of helping them. Friendship is a by product.
Please feel free to go to http://www.confidenceclues.com
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke,family relationship author and keynote speaker