We’ve long been told that women are more selective when it comes to the men they choose to date.
But what if at least a part of that selectivity is due …
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. The comments below begin with the oldest comments first. Click on the last comments page to jump to the most recent comments.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines.
Post a Comment:
Copyright © 1995-2013 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 21 May 2013
|
i am not sure what speed dating has to do with dating.
?
who buys the lobster
I believe women are more selective, because they can be with so many approaches from men.
Of course the age of the individuals I believe can make a difference here. My generations let’s say Baby Boomer saw the men approaching the women. That was standard and the opposite was almost unheard of where I grew up.
Then there is Internet Dating now which I understand that women receive many more Emails than men. I don’t know about that actually,not being in the business. However, I have registered on some Internet dating sites and have been approached by women who probably would never approach me in a face to face situation. I’ve never been to speed dating event.
I do not see how the speed dating event could be used to prove that women would be less selective if they approached men more often. It is not the real world this speed dating type of event. I find on the Internet dating sites that most women of my generation want to be approached and romanced. They want to know you want them and that you want them bad enough to pursue them.
In my experience with women, they are much more selective than men. Then again maybe it’s just me.
It seems like the study should actually be: Are women & men more selective in “speed dating ” situations?; rather than suggesting the findings apply to women in general. Otherwise it’s a flawed study.
Reasoning:
1.People that participate in speed dating,have a different set of standards, and personality than those who would not participate.Not lower or higher standards, but different. In the last 45 years,I’ve had 3 or 4 periods,where I dated.Many women want to be approached privately,in their “territory”, and would never consider speed dating.Most aren’t prudes either. This type seem to hope for more than 1 date, with a man.
2.The types [M & F] that participate in speed dating may just like being in studies, may be desperate, may view speed dating like a game at a birthday party,and not actually have anticipation of any thing more. They may also be just like the rest of the dating population.
3.My thoughts are that men may be less selective in the under 30 yr. olds, but equal in selectivity above that.
I’m glad studies like this are being done, to expose a lot of women’s nonsense. A lot of women think they’re all cool & sit up high on a pedestal & expect to be wined/dined, just because they’re a woman. Experiments like this begin to show that women act equally like us guys when they are forced to be in situations like us guys. Hey women – when you have to get your a**es up & move around at such events, how does it feel to be rejected??? Huh??? Doesn’t feel so good, does it??? Welcome to the world of a lot of guys! So, before you sit there like some queen & break some guy’s heart, think about how you would feel if you were in our shoes, you b****es!!!
Guys, we got to take the power back & stop letting these queen b****es ruin our lives!!!
Interesting study and findings. Note, however, that these findings do not necessarily contradict the conventional wisdom suggesting that women tend to be more selective than men as to whom they date. This is because in the real world, the act of doing the approaching is not even between the two genders due to a variety of reasons, including cultural, financial etc. More specifically, in the real world, because men tend to do *disproportionally* the approaching while women tend to be approached, we can still expect women to be more selective than men. Hence the real issue is to try to figure out why do men do more of the approaching than women in the first place?
Eric M.
Moving beyond speed dating, I would be interested to see a study on the role of selectivity when men and women use profiles on internet dating services.My experience was that, when I initiated communications, I had only a 20% positive response rate. Those who did respond indicated they had read my profile carefully and, most of the time, were ready to move quickly to meeting each other. Likewise, when women approached me I gave a very low positive response rate but when I did respond I had studied the profile carefully and was ready to move quickly to meet. (My full experience is told in my book Internet Safari, Finding Love Online at 65.) I think the profile helps in selectivity and promotes quicker progress in internet dating when compatibility is detected.
This is a big “whatever.”
Women select for sex. Men select for relationships.
Huh? You must be kidding…
I believe this is a big step in drawing some question on sexual selection tendencies. in response to the one gentleman who said that there might be a difference in speed daters as opposed to regular daters; the participants were not speed daters but random college students – now if he would have stated that there are differences between college students and the general public that would have been a better more appropriately based observation of the study. There should definitely be some follow up study in this area, because I propose that gender roles, cultural norms, and many other factors control specificity in choosing a mate, and when these standards are altered we will see a shift away from the whole sexual selection concept.
I think this article and study is a great step to showing how social norms and gender expectations effect dating. I think that it is true that the one approaching is more open to the approached because they have opened themselves up for rejection and other key factors in dating and so taking the first step is the hardest but they open up for more. The one being approached may not be as open because they didn’t have to work for the situation, they were just there. The speed dating was a great way to show this because that is what real life is like in a sense, you have only a certain amount of time to make an impression and if it doesn’t work then you move on. I can’t wait to see more from this study an how it further can explain how people work, and that just because you are one gender does not mean you are confined to the stereotype of that gender.
What has actually happened is the need to be picky has diminished for females because now we know we may have sex with someone for simple pleasure and not to create life so we can test the waters a bit. If women thought they may have to have offspring with every guy they slept with of course they’d be more picky! men would feel the same duty though if they looked at every women with the would i want her to raise my children eyes they would perhaps be a little more choosy especially as it is there biological duty to love, protect and care for their offspring. Both gender would be hugely more picky if they were actually looking to mate for life rather than just to playing at it. I don’t know anyone who would have married their first choice of boyfriend or girlfriend, surely dating is about getting to know yourself as much as other people. Sex is another matter of course!
think about it, when you are the one approaching, you are obviously going to be the one who feels the control in the conversation. you feel the need to engage the other person. when you are sitting and waiting, you feel as if people are coming to you for your approval, and thus you are more selective.
I don’t get women sometimes hence that’s why i’m going to take classes from a pick up artist so i can understand women better and be the one who chooses and gets chased!
I have noticed a very interesting yet true phenomenom. Women prior to age 30 tend to select only arrogant jerks, a**holes, scumbags, the “bad boys”……or guys who are a real “challenge”.
Then after the age of 30 they finally come to realize those bad boys have used and abused them while wasting their time. So then they become a little less selective and more open to meeting normal guys who won’t piss on them.
Men on the other hand, will usually chase after anything with a skirt on prior to age 30. Then we become more selective after age 30, as we realize we wasted a lot of time on the wrong bitchy chicks. We then start looking for a real woman with a real brain and a sweet feminine personality.
Trouble is there are quite a lot of gold-diggers in the South Florida area where I live so that finding a good girl who’s also attractive, smart, and feminine is not easy. I know some girls who won’t even settle for a millionaire……they want a billionaire to pamper their lifestyle. Problem is there are very few of those left and they can always buy a harem of dumb slutty models with perfect bods anytime they want.
The process of selection is a complicated one, that’s for sure.