Back in July, John Cloud wrote a piece for “Time” Magazine called “Yes, I Suck: Self-Help Through Negative Thinking.” In the article, Cloud lays out the research why “cognitive restructuring,” the process of …
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. The comments below begin with the oldest comments first. Click on the last comments page to jump to the most recent comments.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines.
Post a Comment:
Copyright © 1995-2013 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 18 Jun 2013
|
The problem is people confuse thoughts, feelings and conditioned responses. So do psychologists and researchers, they do not know the difference.
Thoughts, feelings, emotions and conditioned behaviors are all different states and need different solutions! Once you know the difference between a real feeling and a learned behavior you know what to do to empower yourself. The species is getting ready to become emotionally mature.
If you listen to your body, heart and energy flow, you will know how to take care of yourself and stand on your own two feet.
This certainly puts the whole “The Secret” way of just expecting positive things to happen in your life into question.
While I don’t agree that everyone has periods of time where they want to kill themselves, I highly doubt that everyone goes through life totally happy. Sometimes if I don’t have a little bit of angst about something it doesn’t get done.
This brings to mind a piece of advice that people hear over and over in A.A., and that has a lot of empirical validation from their experiences: when you’re feeling as if you’re overwhelmed and can’t deal with your problems, the most effective strategy is to help someone else overcome theirs (not do it for them in a codependent way, but give them your presence and support.) It is expressed most often in the specific context of resisting the desire to drink but it generalizes well. My own experience and in that of a lot of clients has borne it out enough to convince me.
A couple of other truisms that I believe apply: “Faith without works is dead”, meaning faith in the sense not so much of religious belief as in belief in one’s worldview and values (the part of this post about identifying and committing to one’s values resonates with this for me) – the other is “If you want high self-esteem, do highly esteemable things.” To really believe something about oneself, acting it out is necessary along with whatever cognitive restructuring one may be doing with visualizations, affirmations, and other tools.
I am a believer in affirmations as a valuable tool if used correctly, but part of that correct use has to be action.
This study like all the other studies i have ever read that somehow try to dismantle the theory of positive thinking is absolutely flawed.
It is flawed for the sole reason that the people involved, both the authors, and the participants in the study are operating from a fixed mindset that has been programmed to consistently produce negative results.
They, like all of us have been born into a system of belief that the logical mind accepts as proven beyond doubt.
The guardian of the logical mind is the false self ego. The false self ego as i have written elsewhere is the karmic consequence of negative actions. It is the false self ego that defends and promotes the negative in the mind of the “victim”
The only way to defeat the negative, and thus the programmed logical mind is to identify and expose the components that form the sophisticated system of philosophical/psychological mind control we are all born into.
When the victim knows how to do this, it is a simple act to just remove the negative, which always begins with a thought and convert that negative into the positive.
Positive thinking absolutely works!!! The universe is created through positive spiritual laws constantly and consistently converting the negative into the positive, this is the first law of creation,
The only reason why there has always been, and is today, so much insoluble conflict in the human world we create is because of the negative actions of governments, business, and individuals who through the continued use of the negative and false model of the world our ancestors have created, constantly and consistently throw us all into conflict with that same first law of creation.
Many articles have been published recently on this same theme. And all react to a very simplistic version of “positive thinking”: Just do it; just think positive. Anyone who has lived any life at all recognizes the silliness of this statement. Like any worthwhile philosophy or practice, the power is in the nuance. The new thoughts must be and feel authentic. Trying to jump from one end of the feeling spectrum to the other in one fell swoop is a prescription for the failure you mention. So two thoughts: First, we must reach for the next rung on the ladder. From “depression,” the better feeling may be anger, which provides relief from the anger. Then we reach for frustration, which provides relief from the anger. then we reach for boredom with the whole thing, which provides relief from the boredom. And we continue up the ladder until we are reaching for hope and joy. As well, we must reach for thoughts that feel authentic. The serial dieter who thinks, “I am slim and beautiful” can’t hold the thought in the face of inner judges who say, “Yea, right! looked in the mirror lately?” But if they reach for thoughts like, “I like the way it feels to imagine myself slim and healthy. I have tried many times and I notice that I learn something new each time. I certainly know a lot about what doesn’t work and am learning what does work. I can feel my commitment growing and I know that I can choose whatever I want. And I did look good in the dress last Friday. I like how it feels when I am making choices that are consistent with what I want instead of withholding from myself. I am not where I have been in the past and I can feel myself getting better and better at making these choices. I would like to make those choices today so i can feel those good feelings.” And so on. This is authentic. it is also ongoing. no failure here, just an ongoing journey toward what is wanted. very, very different than Stuart Smalley!
Therese – I get your point but when I said that 99% of folks think of killing themselves (which is an empirical fact) that does NOT mean that we have to slog thru life in misery and pain. ACT is a powerful approach to depression because it help us see that we can have joy, and meaning, and love, and contribution, without first getting our thoughts and feelings all in a row. Don’t try to understand the ACT message just from the popular press … check out some of the many books on ACT (such as my own “Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life” or Kirk Strosahl and Patty Robinson’s “Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Depression”). Yeah, they are self-help books — but we’ve tested them in controlled studies and they are helpful in a way that traditional rah-rah self help books just are not.
Trying to change my thoughts – not into positive ones, but into more realistic, less depressively distorted ones – never ever worked for me until I started doing a CBT writing exercise. The one where you have four columns and address those thoughts one by one in writing (it’s in “Feeling Good”, amongst many other books). And you know, that really, really, really works for me. It’s actually the only thing I’ve ever found that can immediately make me feel any differently on my own! It doesn’t mean I’m happy now; for one thing, half the time I’m too comfortable in my well-known misery paths to pick up a piece of paper and a pen. And I never ever believe as I start doing it that it will make an ounce of difference – which makes sense, if I didn’t believe my current thoughts and emotions so much I wouldn’t be so locked in depression. But when I do the exercise, it never fails.
I believe that it’s not just about changing/countering/nuancing those specific thoughts at that time – that’s the beginning, but, very soon I begin to feel a wave of happiness. I think it’s the experience of realizing that I don’t HAVE to be as miserable and self loathing as I thought I did, that I really do have the power in me to break that state and no one can take it away from me… That’s a thrill. It’s not an ecstatic experience that the world is great, or that I’m great. I also believe the CBT statement that self esteem is what we feel in the absence of self-berating thoughts and attitudes. Not that it’s something we build from accomplishment, or positive thoughts about ourselves… I don’t think healthy people walk around thinking “I can do cope, I’m strong, I’m a fantastic person”… I think they just don’t assume that the opposite is true every minute of the day either! I think depressed people get very hung up on the idea of being strong, a strong person, that that’s what we have to achieve and that other people are strong, and I’ve always thought that’s such a B.S. notion. But if we can learn ways to loosen our depression’s grip on us then I think we do in fact become more resilient, and we will be able to cope with a lot more than we thought we could.
Sorry for going on, let me just give an example:
I made a mistake at work, one that I make a LOT, one that’s easy for most people to avoid, one I work really hard at overcoming. My boss, who is pretty abusive, yelled at me at length and my co-worker was annoyed with me. Obviously I felt like hell, because I felt this situation proved to me that I’ll never stop making that mistake, and I’ll probably lose my job, and any other job I ever get, and I deserve all the put downs from my boss, and other people hate me too, being that I’m inherently flawed.
Doing the exercise didn’t make me feel good about making the mistake, or even that I’d be able to stop making it any time soon, or not embarrassed in front of my co-worker, nor not worried about my job if I keep messing up.
But it did bring me out of feeling like I wasn’t worth anything because of what had happened. It did make me realize it was a rather small mistake, that my boss exaggerates like crazy because that’s how she is, that I do a good job overall and wasn’t getting fired, that I can live with my co-worker’s irritation if I have to. And that is all I can wish for, that’s all I need to make me deeply happy.
This concept of ‘positive thinking’ is quite provoking. My immediate reaction to this article and to the comments I have read is: OBJECTIVITY. I notice the reality of exercising ‘positive thoughts and affirmations’ in that it can have an immediate change of focus and mindfulness for a person. Yet if one is in a state of comparative negative thinking their attention is already attuned to perceiving the undesirable. I also notice that there seems to be a practical advantage that “contented happy” people have in NOT dwelling on and evaluating,their every action and thought. Which reminds me of one practical therapeutic approach based on ‘Acceptance’ — that is to accept oneself,actions and events and then deciding what is to be a chosen approach or reaction.
Life changed when I realized I was always getting upset about being upset. The therapists worked hard to show me how I was conditioned to feel bad, and failed to even talk about my life situation and lifestyle that was not working for me. Innocent me, wanted to make my life better without changing any of my behaviors or my relationships. I work hard now to identify real problems in my life that come from just living, and the responses that are the result of the early conditioning that took place. Positive thinking feels too much like praying.
Saying affirmations to yourself requires belief to be back behind them as well. Not just saying them to yourself.
It might be better to think in terms of helpful/unhelpful thinking. Positive and negative thinking has strong overtones of right and wrong. Hence the guilt and feeling bad about yourself.
I agree, cognitive is nigh on impossible when you’re deeply depressed. At that stage, just find something you enjoy and do it. Do it a lot.
Enjoying yourself isn’t selfish – it’s what you need to look after your emotional and mental health. It makes you happier and easier for other people to be around so they benefit too.
So go on, have fun. Best medicine in the world.
I expand these ideas in my book How to be Happy in the Real World.
Dear Suzanne – Hooray! You have it just right! Bochard’s statements about cognitive behavior therapy is maybe true of cognitive behavior therapy done badly but not when it is done correctly. Albert Ellis for years and years has differentiated between that disturbed emotions or self-defeating negative emotions and appropriate negative emotions. He has also promoted the concept of ULA Unconditional Life Acceptance which acknowledges that life can often be difficult but because something is difficult or sad does not mean it is intolerable and unbearably sad. The disturbance is caused by irrational beliefs, beliefs that are absolutistic, rigid, unrealistic and unhelpful for goal achievement. Changing irrational beliefs takes practice, practice, practice. Hayes and the third wavers have invented nothing new that Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck have not long since discussed in detail. “There is nothing wrong with feeling displeased, angry, nervous, concerned, guilty, sad, or grief-stricken — or having lots of other feelings. The key is to keep those feelings at a level where you aren’t making yourself utterly miserable and less effective. Don’t worry. Nobody’s perfect at it! Your goal is improvement.” (p193 “How to Keep People From Pushing your Buttons”, Ellis & Lange, 1994) Keep up the great work Suzanne!
I love the graphic on this post. The titles on the books are hysterical. I am picturing my shelves of self-help books and thinking that I need some like those in your graphic to round out my collection.
Dear Therese,
I agree that re-engineering thoughts may be potentially harmful, but harmful thoughts should be stopped immediately such as thoughts like suicide or any that could lead to wrongdoing. This comes from a universal desire to resist wrongs and uphold rights.
People who suffer from suicidal thoughts are those who may have endured prolonged suffering sometimes from childhood, straight to adulthood or some serious negative event or events. In any event resist the blame which others give ( which may be false) and forgive yourself, if necessary, and value life, yours and all other life forms, as much as you can. This comes from a belief in God. In any event your article was quite valuable.
Thanks.
When a person is suicidal — they need to use caution for everything.
Optimistically, there’s so such to emphasize about THOUGHTS, which seems has no end as there’s no limit in ones potential. And whenever we intend to emphasize over the content, it has to be strictly differentiate as we all knew that there’s negative and positive in thought which needs a substantial explicable so that people would able comprehend with it. Obviously, negative thoughts usually occurs when one is disappointed over a planned, on my own perspective disappointment mostly causes negative thought which one needs to cognitively be rational, think how you could restructure your planned and pay no attention to negative thought so that your desired could be tangibly fulfilled better. One just needs to laccadastically allow positive thought to operate in your system so that whenever the other one comes you would be able to control it .
I’ve been looking for “Positive Thinking ” that how I can be positive in my all ways of
life then I found just one place which let me understand that I shouldn’t feed the CATs …
for knowing what CAT is here is the link http://www.dontfeedthecat.com Tim Burgess is
really great, And he let me understand that how I can get more connections and sales leads
being having positive thinking. Here is the Link
for Tim Burgess Video
I hope you people will also like this… By the way very nice post you had made here…
Regards
Kamran Shafi
I stumbled on this when reading about “Positive Thinking Psychology.”
My comment is that, yes, almost everyone on this planet will at one point think about killing their self. Will everyone think about it to the same extent? No. What people need to realize is, yes, it is normal to feel these things once in a while, but it is not normal to let those thoughts consume your life.
This is also evident on the flip side, everyone will be happy, but not to the same extent. I myself look at other people and sometimes wish I could be so easily entertained by booze and women, because it makes some people really happy. I understand that I won’t have the happiness scale as the person next to me, I’m just aiming to not be miserable and to find outlets that catalyze fulfillment.
Everything psychologically speaking, is on a continuum. You are never only sad or only happy. Your mind shifts into different a continuum where you a more happy or less happy, which makes you less sad or more sad, respectfully. Once you realize that, and you can find the bits and pieces that make you happy, you can spotlight those things and get your continuum to shift.