Here’s the thing. There are people out there who hate their body for what it is. A lot of overweight people judge themselves in a way they would never judge anyone else. When we get like this, every ounce of our self-esteem is wrapped up …
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Albert Ellis promoted the idea of Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA. In fact, REBT has a very strong focus on moving away from the self-esteem insanity to a concept that actually works to improve self-worth. Self esteem is frequently talked about in terms of externals like weight or looks, etc. To accept ones self with all the imperfections allows you to work on your goals such as weight loss or health without putting you ego on the chopping block. Judge you actions never your self! The idea of eating what you want is on there surface not a good idea because we know the the health risks. It is better to think that “I don’t HAVE to eat so much” and “Eating too much is bad for my health but I am never a bad or worthless person for eating too much”
I hope my comment won’t be off topic, but it really came to mind when I read this article, and it wants to be heard. (I have ten minutes while the cookies are baking!)
I do not have this quality myself, but I love this quality, and I marvel at it.
Most women are really as beautiful and sexy as they feel, and I am not saying this in a way that has hidden meaning.
Sometimes, I see women that are overweight and even more than that, but they feel sexy, and dress sexy, and they carry themselves sexy. They must believe that they are beautiful, and they really are, and I think that too. it’s What they radiate.
Then you see fat women who hate themselves and they radiate the opposite, but even pretty and thin women can be totally un-sexy and not attractive because of the way they carry themselves, and their facial expressions, not to mention the clothes they wear.
Ok, the cookies are done so this is a good way to quit.
Thanks for a great article, Doc.
KATRIN
I totally agree with both of u ..body image is not self-image..besides for me, everybody in this universe is unique..so each one should be special and attractive in one way or another…
The great debate literally ! I have lived this article all my life, I am the heaviest I have been after years of yo yo dieting and I just can’t keep putting myself through it. I have decided I’m big beautiful and that’s it! I am not morbidly obese I just am on the curvy side, we should all love and appreciate our bodies
Some of my skinniest friends are convinced they are enormous it’s all about perception I think, great article thanks.
Gabby
Excuse me?!
There’s no way that positive affirmations will change what the mirror shows us or the numbers on the scale, much less our society’s standards of beauty.
And if there was a God, none of us would be overweight!
Get real!
Interesting article. It brought to mind a book I’m reading called Love Your Body, Love Your Life by Sarah Maria. This book reveals a 5 step method to transform your relationship to food, your body, yourself and your world. It has helped me to discover that I am beautiful, capable, and more magnificent than I ever imagined.
Which is it? Eat whatever I want or behave as if I reached my goal weight? Because those two things are different.
Not necessarily. The idea behind the “eat what you want” is that when you don’t moralize foods as “good” or “bad,” you eliminate the stigma from them and your desire to binge eat on certain foods. Many people are afraid to demoralize food because they think they will go hog-wild on formerly forbidden foods and gain 50 pounds overnight, and while this may be the case initially for some people, in the long run your cravings generally stabilize once you realize that you can have that food any time you want it. For me, demoralizing food has helped me enjoy a healthier diet because A) I care more about myself and find that I naturally want to feed my body the healthy foods it needs and craves; and B) I know I can have chocolate whenever I want, so I don’t obsess over it until the point where I overindulge.
The idea behind behaving as if you reached your goal weight is that you shouldn’t use your weight as an excuse not to do what you’ve always dreamed of doing. Have you always wanted to start rollerblading but thought that you were too fat? Buy a pair and start now, regardless of what you weigh. Interested in posting an online personals ad but waiting until you’re thin? Post one now and test the waters. The entire concept is that you shouldn’t wait to live your life 10 pounds from now.
As for exercise… I find that when I consider it to be “exercise,” physical activity is far less fun. It connotes a feeling of self-punishment of the kind during my eating disorder days. Now I do physical things that I enjoy, like gardening, walking, hiking, biking and rollerblading. Sweating it out on a treadmill isn’t fun, but you’d be surprised at all the physical activities you can find that you can enjoy and that gives you a workout.
The goal of the size acceptance movement is to encourage people to love themselves as they are, with the idea that once you feel good about your body, you will treat it kindly and healthily both physically and mentally. And as a psychologist, I think that you will agree that mental health is every bit as important as physical health.
I stumbled across this article doing some research on obesity and self esteem. I wish I could have joined in the conversation sooner.
I think acceptance is a good first step towards changing the public perception of obese people and thus, allowing overweight people to experience higher self esteem without all the social pressure to “get into shape”.
If an overweight person is truly happy with their body then BRAVO! But if the acceptance is just another excuse to give up then they are no better off from where they started.
I’m writing this comment almost a year since the New York Times article and I have not see any change in the public perception of obesity. The initiative was a great idea, but seems to have ended up as a small pebble thrown into the enormous ocean of vanity.
It’s impossible that weight is entirely due to genetics, because obesity has gone from a rarity to a 2/3 of the population in just a century.
So “eat whatever you want” is a bad idea– ANYTHING with sugar or starch IS bad.
It’s amazing that we tell alcoholics “never touch a DROP,” and tell smokers that quitting requires “never take a PUFF,” but with overweight people, we dish out the “SURE it’s ok to treat yourself occasionally!” mentality.
And according to my research, THIS is why people cry all the way home from the gym, since they figure “just half a muffin can’t hurt–” since this is the MESSAGE that “experts” give them.
However this asde, overweight people can’t be happy with their bodies, if society has a license to abuse them, just like any other form of bigotry in its time.
Well said James. I forgot sometimes that food is an addiction for some people and should be given strict limitations just like you mentioned about alcohol and cigarettes.