How to Get Over a Verbally Abusive RelationshipWhen a destructive, verbally abusive relationship ends, it’s normal to feel a host of conflicting and unresolved emotions.

Verbally abusive relationships can destroy your heart and soul and make you feel like a completely changed person. The recovery process takes time, support from others, patience and self-love — but you can get through it and emerge stronger, happier and healthier than you were before.

Cut All Ties with Your Ex

People who have ended abusive relationships often feel the need to contact their former partners. On some level, you know that you shouldn’t have any contact, yet you might feel compelled to show your ex that you’re better off — or you may feel the need to offer forgiveness. Yet it’s vital to cut off all contact.

11 Comments to
How to Get Over a Verbally Abusive Relationship

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  1. Great article and great advice. Only one problem. When you have children with a verbally abusive partner you have to have low contact and can’t have no contact.

    You also need to be prepared for a difficult divorce and property and children settlement with someone like this.

    People who are planning to leave or have left with children have additional issues to deal with.

    FT

  2. I must echo what Frog’s Tale said — every bit, from not being able to escape contact and a really difficult child custody settlement. I was threatened and badgered out of any child support for 18 years. He had already destroyed my self esteem, and kept telling me that if I asked for money, the courts would just take the children away from me all together.

    The verbal abuse, resulting depression and bottomed-out self esteem even wrecked my ability to provide a decent income for myself and the children despite my talents and education. 22 years later, I’m still suffering from this. Get the help and support you need.

    A word to those facing this: Don’t believe it! Lawyers are there to work for YOU. Try to see through all the twisted logic. Get psych help right away, and let your lawyers do the work.

  3. I agree that children can add an extra level of complication but that’s why it is SO important to communicate with others your emotions and fears. When you’re in a relationship like this your good sense gets twisted, the psychological damage left changes your perspectives into negative ones and you start to buy into all the things your abuser tells you. But here’s an important and simple fact 99% if not 100% of what they say are lies. They know you well and they know what to say and how to say it to hurt and manipulate you. If you open up to other people and listen to what they have to say they will help talk sense back into you. If you are going through custody battles and/or divorce be honest with your lawyer, don’t be afraid to tell them what your abuser is saying to you. They are trained professionals and they will educate you on what can really happen and what your rights are. It is highly likely that if you are open about having been abused court proceedings will go in your favor. That information can greatly affect how custody battles play out. The law is on your side. If you feel threatened there are things the court can put into place to protect you. It may be beneficial to pursue a restraining order, this will not affect your rights to your children. There is hope and you have a lawful right to feel safe and happy.

  4. I was verbally abused by my mother growing up.It has affected every part of my life.I dropped out of school,had a nervous breakdown and now suffer from many emotional problems.The article doesn’t suggest what to do when your parents abuse you this way.I can’t cut my mother out of my life,that is not an option.Explain Dr Stacy Mosel what should someone with abusive parents should do to stop this behavior?

  5. There are fears after a verbally abusive relationship. Normally there are fears of uncertainty of the past, the future and not knowing. It is quite agonizing. You may be reluctant to relate with others, you may have many great friends, but there is this deep sense loneliness. This brings with it the sense of frustration, and it always takes effort and time for one to be able to overcome such a relationship and move on with their life.

  6. Every article I find says to cut ties completely or you won’t heal, what about if your abusive ex is also your child’s father and the courts have granted him visitation, on top of his new gf/sister-in-law comes into your place of work weekly. This is just my example but I’m sure there are many more out there where cutting ties completely just isn’t an option! Then what? Am I just doomed to hurt until I get a new job and by child turns 18??

  7. I also have noticed the cutting of all ties…however I also have two children with my husband. It’s not just him, my problems are deeper, I was sexually abused as a child and looking back I see how I flew under the State’s radar in therapy, I haven’t recovered. In the present I am married to an emotionally and verbally abusive man who is going through court issues after actually trying to be physical with me. But I’m the idiot who listened and took him back for one last try. Now I feel as though I live in my own personally made hell. But the kids…he isn’t verbally abusive to them, maybe a little emotionally with our mildly ADHD daughter, but in whole he is a much better father than husband. He also had a rough childhood, which I feel is the reason we lasted so long, 12 years, it was our damaged connection. But the lies, anger, and lashing out from personal pain into bullying has taken my self-esteem to nonexistent. I think the hardest part is seeing the lies. You hear them so often they become truth even if it’s not. I don’t have much advice yet because I am still struggling through this, but I reached out for help, and I don’t mean Welfare. Generally there are agencies in every area to help, reach out to them. It’s amazing how being told your not crazy and just having someone listen can raise your spirits. To hear someone else agree it is abuse and wrong is like filling your lungs, heart and head with the freshest breathe of air I have had in almost a decade.

  8. I have been verbally abused for the last 14 years I also want to leave but how. I have two childern with her . She constantaly puts them down screams at them shows no intrest in myself either . So how do you get out

  9. My boyfriend his verbally and physically abusive to me and I want out but its hard because he scares me. Yesterday we got into a bad fight he dragged me off my bed and hit me, also broke my tv the I bought. I know it’s just a tv but I worked so hard to pay for it. Sometimes he hurts me and yells at me around my son (he’s 2 years old and not the father). He tells me people are going to take my son away or I’m awful mother, I don’t do anything to help him (he has no job, and hasn’t had one in a year) I’m the only source of income. I’m vary scared to come home to my own apartment I do have family but he knows where they live so he’ll find me. I need help for not only myself but my son!

    • You need to find a domestic violence shelter in your area, they can help you with many things including bringing him to court, plus the ones I know of are in secret locations so he can’t find where you or your son are at all. Be sure to let your school know about what has been going on so they can know to not let him pick up your son from school.

      Also, get all the evidence you can of what he’s doing. Voice recordings, video, pictures, hospital records, anything can help.

      I had to get a restraining order so that I’d be left alone from my ex, although he still scares me even from several states away.

  10. I divorced my verbally/emotionally abusive husband 14 years ago. I am still dealing with the old memories left inside my mind. He was a master controller/manipulator, just short of physical abuse..I was terrified of his rages/threats of me being killed/overwork (as a farmwife)being cut off from family and often any friends I did manage to have. He was jealous of anyone who showed friendly to me. I learned to keep quiet, out of the way and let him do the talking..it took 28 years, 2 friends and 3 grown sons growning up, before I had the courage to separate and divorce..

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