Living with SchizophreniaI’m sitting in a coffee shop at 7:53 a.m. and I’m minding my own business but I hear barely audible chatter and laughter from the baristas behind the bar and I can only think that there’s something about the way I’m sitting here on my computer writing that’s making them laugh at me.

I wonder if I look OK, if the way my hoodie sits on my shoulders looks funny or if I said something and sounded weird or if the way I’m typing with only the middle fingers on both of my hands warrants some kind of ridicule.

The truth is, I know they’re not laughing at me but every waking hour of every day I’m plagued by the notion that I’m an object of ostracism.

13 Comments to
Living with Schizophrenia

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  1. Mike, please don’t let my appreciation for your writing spiral you into grandiosity, self doubt, self loathing, and finally paralysis, but wow—what a beautifully crafted summary of illness and recovering and the vagaries of being a human being! Thank you for writing.

  2. Thankyou. I’ve schizo affective disorder and it really resonates. Stay strong, stay well

  3. I hope you find more and more peace and health. thank you for sharing with us

  4. Beautifully written and touching. I have experienced much of what you’ve said, I’ve never been able to “humanize it” for the people in my life. I’ve never found the words. I’m going to email this to everyone closest to me. I believe today you’ve made a profound difference to my life. Thank you!

  5. Really appreciated this. My daughter has this but she is very reticent and won’t talk about it so I don’t know what she goes through. Thanks!

  6. Hi Mike,

    I really enjoyed your article. I have had similar experiences to you. The symptoms of schizophrenia are a god damm pain.

    Feel free to email me. I would like to talk a little more.

  7. Reading your article was like living through my son’s agonizing descent into schizophrenia. The horrors of that time live on for his whole family as well. He resolves daily, and moment to moment to fight his inner demons. He inspires us,with our little problems, every moment of every day.
    Thank you for writing this…..you are an inspiration too.

  8. my heart aches reading this.Schizophrenia is so misunderstood by the general public.Schizophrenics in countless films portrayed as homicidal maniacs, dangerous psychopaths etc,is it any wonder this condition is misunderstood. Schizophrenia has lived in my house for over 30 years, my heart has been ripped out by the suffering of those i love, turned upside down by their mistreatment and my need to defend and protect them. your ability to so effectively put into words your condition,its effects upon you and your feelings is truly inspirational.You are not alone. Thank you for sharing.

  9. Yet it clearly was a courageous act of self-actualization and self-improvement to do something like write a blog post for a nationally known website. I was humbled by the stark description you gave of the sacrifices you make and the unfairness of it all. I wish there was more I could do. Props to you man.

  10. You shouldn’t avoid relationships. Yes some will not be able to handle it. Somebody will. My boyfriend was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia at 18. We have been together for 2 1/2 years now. It isn’t easy and he breaks up with me every time he has an episode. But I have stuck by him every time. Every hospital visit. I still love him even when he leaves me because I know that it’s something he can’t help and that he struggles with. And no matter how hard it is for me, I know it is 10 times harder for him. You are you. Your condition shouldn’t determine anything. If your Meds are working for you good. Stick with them. That in itself will ease the mind of any potential date. Be strong and trust me. There are people out there who don’t care what you have. They will love you regardless!!

  11. This about sums up my everyday life. Such a struggle to live thru thru and I can’t even face the truth of telling anyone what I am diagnosed with. Most people wouldn’t understand and I feel as if they would turn it against me in some way or another.

    You are not alone in the fight.

  12. Keep fighting the good fight! One thing that has worked well for me was to stop using my health as an excuse for not taking on new challenges like a new job for example. I have schizophrenia but I’m grateful for how good my health is. Is the glass half full or half empty? I’d love to read more posts like this from you here. Looking forward to your next post!

  13. Dear Mike, awesome write up. I couldn’t help but giggle at “Unfortunately, there was no hole to Canada” because I was disappointed…

    Years ago, I read somewhere that schizophrenia can be induced by living with a psychopath. I am searching for more proof along these lines, since my Mom has schizophrenia and my Dad has psychopathy. Do you see any correlation in your family experience?
    -Tina

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