“If we had to say what writing is, we would have to define it essentially as an act of courage.”
~ Cynthia OzickIt’s a curse to have a thin skin. For a writer, it is deadly. If you need to be liked by all the people …
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. The comments below begin with the oldest comments first. Click on the last comments page to jump to the most recent comments.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines.
Post a Comment:
Copyright © 1995-2013 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 21 May 2013
|
There are several varieties of medicines that soothe the pain, such as oxycontin, Vicodin, Norco, Lortab, etc. And we must keep in mind is the importance of these medicines on the market for many people suffering from pain, it is very important to know that these medicines, and are good for alleviating pain, as findrxonline the consequences of them are very strong, you must know that these drugs are very powerful anxiolytics and their consequences for misuse can be fatal, so we recommend all users should be extremely cautious with the consequences that these drugs can cause.
An interesting take. Certainly substance abuse is one way to deal with fear, if a lethal one. Writers have a long, sad history of substance abuse and its very dark side. For a good horror story about a recovering alcoholic who thought he couldn’t write without being high, read Stephen King’s On Writing.
Elvira, could I have the link to that Stephen King Story please? As someone who wrote while high and drunk at times I felt the muse came from the bottle and not from me. I have to walk that tight-rope of writing about my family without giving away too much. http://moreintelligentlife.com/content/tom-shone/when-novelists-sober
This is a brilliant article from one of my favourite websites http://www.aldaily.com
Dear Sonia,
You bet the muse is yours! Stephen King’s book, On Writing, A Memoir of the Craft, is great. He describes his muse as a scrotum scratching bum who can be nasty but is reliable. I don’t think that changed after he (King, not the muse) sobered up. Here’s the Amazon link for it http://tinyurl.com/kj793j. The Courage to Write, by Ralph Keyes, which I site in the article, is another well written, rich book on writing with the fear, not in spite of it. If you ever get stuck in the middle of the tight rope call me (716.308.6693). We could talk each other over to the other side.
PS. Thanks for the links. I will check them out.
Dear Elvira, thank you for this important and powerful post.
There are two thought I want to contribute along the lines of what you are saying.
First, about hurting others. Yes, sometimes we do something stupid, and we accidentally hurt another person.
But more than that, if we were to try and be perfect, and prevent others from getting hurt….good luck. It just won’t happen.
We cannot prevent other people from being hurt, as others respond to what we say in their own unique way, and independently of what we said and/or meant.
Then, I noticed you made a bigger point of ‘hurting others’ than one of ‘being hurt’ yourself, and the one you started out with really.
I think, no, I know, so exactly what you mean, and the hurt we may get and feel is directly related to how much we share not only our personal stuff, but even more so, our souls. And to be injured in your soul is just downright painful, and worse.
Do you agree?
You did a great job with this. At times I may criticize something you say, and I think I have, but never attack your soul.
Katrin
Thanks, Elvira!! t
Dear Katrin,
Keep the criticism coming. You keep it fresh.
Both your two points are excellent; we can’t control how others receive our work and the hurt of knowing we’ve hurt another is excruciating. I think that’s part of the fear for me. I don’t want to hurt like that again. I’m learning that to write well we need to harness the fear as if it were untamed energy and drive it forward.
I write with the thought in mind that my mother may one day discover psychcentral and read everything. We have had our difficulties but I would not want to hurt her in any way. I also email my therapist with anything I write about her before I post it for the same reason. Sometimes I don’t realise what I have written could hurt other people till it is pointed out to me.
I have learned that always trying to please others is a downright waste of time, and nobody will thank you for it in the end. They will though ‘thank you’ for being ‘real’.
How often do you hear a person say: “I did everything for him. I sacrificed my life for my child or mother. I never took care of myself, only him, or her. And what do I get? Dumped!”
And this has happened to me as well. not exactly ‘dumped’, but criticized. It’s like the person who washes the dishes every single day and then one day, she doesn’t, and she ‘gets it hard’, about how selfish she is? And then the person who never , ever washes the dishes, she does it once, and OMG, the praise is ridiculous.
It is so much better to be real and yourself, and yes, you will get hurt just like everyone else. but the ‘people pleaser’ will also get hurt, except in the end, nobody really knew who she/he was, and he/she did not really get respected, and, she lived in depression and hurt herself?
We all make mistakes, and mistakes do not take away from a person, and certainly neither do their imperfections. On the contrary, nobody likes ‘perfect’ people anyway, not to mention that there is no such thing.
Cheers, Katrin
Sonia,
It’s a minefield isn’t it? If we didn’t care, this business of writing would be so much easier. From your blog posts, (which are wonderful by the way), your therapist sounds sensitive to you and sensible. I like a therapist with good common sense.
Katrin has a point. If we’ve hurt someone unintentionally, and we will if we dare to speak the Truth, one good, heart-felt apology should balance the karma. If more is needed by the hurt party there’s something else going on. A need to punish perhaps?
The person I hurt, by the way, gracefully accepted my apology and expressed a desire to ‘move on.’ I am grateful, but if she didn’t, I would be ready to move on anyway.
Here a statement that my greatest mentor and teacher taught me, and that I think matters a great deal, and is equally true.
‘Using your truth to hurt others diminishes you-and your truth.’
Dorothy Satten
So by being ‘real’ and ‘honest’ I don’t mean blurting out whatever comes to your mind.
And I understand about hurting others and the excruciating pain that goes with it, Elvira. It seems so much worse than whatever anyone can do to you, right? I am so glad the apology worked. Feedback is a gift, and when we keep rejecting it, people will stop giving it to us.
But feedback can be given to feel like a stabbing knife, (and I have a mother, too!).
Or it can be given in a way that…wonderful!
Thanks again, and for your nice feedback as well, Elvira.
Katrin
(PS: I am just so awful about not editing. i am just too tired and lazy to do it.)
Dr Aletta,
It would be easy for you to sit in an office and dispense your wisdom and only talk about clinical stuff. Other would tell us how screwed up we are. Thanks for sharing with us that you are human (like the rest of us. I like your writing because you sound like my sister giving me advice, not like some stiff suite. You sound like a great Dr! Thanks for the great post!
It’s beyond gratifying when words I put down are picked up by others in the same spirit. Thank you, everyone, for sharing your thoughts and impressions.