Comments on
5 Biggest Myths About Boundaries

By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
Associate Editor

5 Biggest Myths About Boundaries “Boundaries are everywhere,” according to Jan Black, author of Better Boundaries: Owning and Treasuring Your Life. Think crosswalks, office hours, traffic zones and shoplifting policies, she said. We understand that such parameters are vital for protecting us.

Yet when it comes to setting personal boundaries, myths abound. We mistakenly assume everything from creating limits is selfish to real love is boundary-free.

Below, experts reveal the truths behind the biggest myths about boundaries.

4 Comments to
5 Biggest Myths About Boundaries

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  1. Boundaries. Something that didn’t exist in my family. Personal boundaries. I was expected to always comply. At times, it made sense. It served me poorly through my adult life though. At 44, I burned out at work due to pushing to do whatever was asked of me.

    I identify with every one of these. I would actually go do stuff alone so I could do what I wanted to do, if my husband wanted to do something, we would do that. He had no idea I was caving. It just seemed I always wanted to do whatever he did.

    After burning out, I started therapy and am learning that the myths are that. It’s nice to let people see they come in closer. Or to say ‘I can’t get something done, so what needs to get switched up?’.

    I’m finding that I Feel better once I set the boundary. I might still feel funky asking for it yet it makes it so much easier.

    At Christmas, I told my mother I wasn’t going to visiting her for Christmas as the drive was exceedingly long and dragging my dog through an airport just wasn’t going to happen. She responded with buying a plane ticket for my brother to retrieve me by driving me to her house 13 hours. I was advised by my brother (boundaries start at home so he has few personal ones either) that he was flying down.

    I responded to the entire family via email, effective if passive, that he would need a return ticket if he showed up, I was staying home by choice, I had been polite before as I wanted to actually just stay home and I had plans already. I wished them a happy holiday.

    Personal boundaries matter. It’s hard to set them with people who are in their 80s. Being polite and firm can help.

    I’m sharing this because others might see that their families expectations can be over the top. Or they’ve got a very controlling parent.

  2. Excellent article Margarita! It’s so important to understand how setting boundaries in a clear and kind way can connect us with people in a deeper, more meaningful way.

  3. Misleading title. Boundaries means something elseto me. (e.g., in childhood).

  4. Good article. I think that ignoring or belittling your boundaries is a big tipoff that the other person doesn’t have your best interests at heart, no matter how loving they seem to be.

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