Comments on
Friday Flashback for July 24, 2009

By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

2 Comments to
“Friday Flashback for July 24, 2009”

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1. Katrin 3:42 pm on July 26th, 2009

   John, I will only comment on one subject, and this is about what you wrote in your post: ‘When Tragedy Provides’.

   First, the following. I am currently reading a book, (and I read most of my books on CD, or tape, while driving) by Walley Lamb, ‘The Hour I First Believed’. I had no idea this was all about the the ‘Columbine tragedy’, and it really throws the reader deeply….

   Also, I live in Eugene, OR, and we had a major High School shooting here, in Springfield, (Twin City right next door) I believe not long before the Columbine one. A kid first murdered his parents and then starting his killing spree at the school. (Kip Kinkel) So, I was close to that one.

   and, I just want to point out, that I do find it very suspicious that all and every one of these kids who murdered was on an anti-depressant. (One of the kids from Columbine HS was on Luvox, and this same drug turned my son bipolar, and my entire family lived in fear and hell for something like 6-7 years)

   The moment the Luvox was discontinued, my son never again had even a single symptom of manic depressive illness, and he never did before the drug was started.

   Second, I wanted to comment on some stuff you talk about in the article. I am not saying I am right and you are wrong, but I do feel a strong sense about wanting to comment about my thoughts and that are different from yours re: tragedy. (so, please take what’s useful and throw out the rest) I am not invested in being right, but I do know what ‘such experience’ had done for/with me.

   John: “But tragedy does know one thing — how to provide. Whether we choose or not and what we choose to take back from tragedy is up to us.”

   I do not agree with you that we choose, and that it is up to us at all. In my case, the ‘long term’ outcome was very much like you talk about, but I never chose anything, and I never engaged in ‘positive thinking’. For me, I literally had to ‘die’, again and again, in so many ways, fall so very deep, and to a place that I had absolutely no control over, or choice. My point is that I think ‘ecstasy’ and ‘agony’ belong together.

   I would never voluntarily chose to go through an ordeal like the one I went through, and I am really glad I did not know ahead of time just how bad things would get.

   But I had to fall into such agony to be who i am today, and no ‘positive self talk’, and ‘rationalizing’ could have touched me even close to such level that I now know, and am. I will never be the same person as I was, but I am glad I am who I am now.

   John says: “I doubt this could provide comfort to anyone who has experienced tragedy on such an epic scale as this one.”

   You don’t know that, John. There is no ‘objective’ grief and suffering, and only ‘the person him/herself’ can tell you what this meant to them. Also, the very ‘something’ that we tend to believe is the ‘meat of a tragedy’ is rarely such. there is so much more and other involved.

   John: ‘You don’t have to wait until tragedy strikes your life.’

   No, you don’t have to stop and wait, but do not assume that you will ever be prepared for when tragedy strikes, and your reaction or response to it, because you don’t know, you can only believe…

   Katrin (thanks for letting me say this and for listening, at least I hope?)

   (not edited)

   Reply
2. Katrin 7:57 pm on July 28th, 2009

   I see that the first comment to this post disappeared.

   Is there a way you can erase, or take back, your own comments?

   Thanks, Katrin (although, from this author, I do not expect an answer, or even acknowledgment, never mind feedback on anything I may say, and ask about)

   Giving feedback is a ‘gift’, not a ‘requirement’.

   Reply

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