Quick! Tell me what order you are in the family and what that means to you. Were you the youngest, the baby, who was taken care of, protected (perhaps spoiled) and not left to make your own decisions? Were you the oldest, who had all …
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“If there is a gap larger than 6 years, you’re looking at two different generations.”
Well…no. A generation is generally 20-25 years.
thats a very interesting article !! i want to read more about what adler wrote, thanks
Blended families and joint custody can throw the theories out of whack. My son was an only for 8 years. With divorce and remarriages on both sides he became the youngest in one house and the oldest in the other, but still enjoyed days of being the only. My step sons were also affected; the oldest is the oldest at his mothers and sometimes with us, but then the middle other times. They are growing up with blended traits.
Birth order refers to a situation, a vantage from which one’s place in the family situation was evaluated and defined. Discussion of this variant is made difficult by assumptions (whether open or unexamined)of causal determination. Typological errors follow: “You behave this way because you are a first-born son.” True, any first-born son is likely to share more life-style similarities with any first-born son from another family than he does with his younger brother, the second-born son of his own parents. This likelihood is probabilistic, a result of their having faced common challenges at the beginning of their lives and trained themselves for reliable methods of continuing to meet the challenges of social living. It is not a necessary consequence of such challenges, since a creative child defined the meaning of those challenges and what they required of him for himself.
Adler attracts a lot of attention for his early recognition of birth-order differences, which helped him to stay free of reductionist schemes of developmental determinism.
For more on this, consult our text, “Understanding Life-Style: The Psycho-Clarity Process,” by Robert L. Powers and Jane Griffith, each of whom has served as president of the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology, and both of whom are emeritus faculty of the Adler School of Professional Psychology in Chicago.
This is a very interesting argument!
I don’t think that birth order has any strong effect on our personality, but this is only my opinion!
highly interesting.
i grew up an only child but i got no attention and i have the personality of the older child. as a future psychologist (with a degree that is, lol) i’m studying cognitive, mental illnesses and child psychology. this was a helpful introduction.
That was a very spot-on article. I have a fascination for birth-order. Within days of knowing someone, I can tell what there placement is
hey, i like reading about all this kind of stuff. a lot of it is very spot on, but i like to make my own observations of birth order. i am no phsycologist, i am just finishing high school. i am the second oldest of four, my dad is also the second oldest of four, and my mum is the third oldest of four.
i take notice of how each person’s traits are similar. the number one thing i notice is that the oldest are bad at managing money. they seem to want everything now, and don’t know how to wait, maybe don’t have as much patience. they cant really live on a budget. it’s weird that each of them are in the same situation. i must say i think they are good at parenting though, they know how to set boundaries, but also know when to let go. i think they have good judgements for their kids.
second oldest, me, i think i we are good at relating to a range of different people. also i agree with that sisterhood rivalry, i like my older sister doing well, but i like it even more when i do better. also i think we take note of our older siblings, learn from their experiences as well as our own.
3rd oldest, i think he is more of a middle child than me, a bit rebellious, which is the same as in mum and dad’s family. don’t really think of the consequences of their actions. i don’t think they like to be different, they like to just blend in with the crowd. not materialistic like the oldest child, content with the simple life.
youngest, bad at making their own decisions, they take forever to make decisions and like others to make their decisions for them. like people to mother them.
I think birthorder refers to the order that they entered this existance, not to be confused with divorce and remarriages, as in many cases those are temporary situations. It would be no different than having an older friend. So with that stated, my birth order is middle child 2, oldest female. In the case of my children, my first born is the first born, though in life he was middle child 2, youngest brother. My second child would be last born in all cases, and youngest girl. My first born shows all aspects of first born child, not middle traits. While families can change with divorce, it will never change who their mother gave birth and in what order.
I am very interested in hearing more about this field of study. I am the oldest and married the baby of three. The differences that I believe come from the birth order make for a great match!
I’d also like to find more data about only children, and how the increase in more only kids will affect them, and their peers alike. We are planning on having one child but can’t find a lot of good information about the impact (good and bad) on the child.
What I am looking for is more info about children who are on the later side of a gap. For example, I am the youngest child of four, but there is a 13, 15, and 20 year age different between my sibligs and myself. I would like to see something that helps me with my personality traits. They seem to be a little of the oldest and a little of an only, and some of the baby. There’s just not a lot of info for people like me.
I believe that in your situation it would almost be like four only children because of the age gaps. Only children often have some of the personality traits of first-borns and last-borns. It sounds weird that there could be four only children but because of the age gaps, it’s almost like your parents have had four separate ‘families’. I have some personal experience with this because there is 7 years between my next oldest sister and I, and I know that I show traits of the first-born, even if I’m a middle child.
I am a 5th child, but there is also a huge age gap between my siblings and me. 9, 12, 15, and 17 years is pretty far. Ive been told i have characteristics of everyone, but i too would like some more info
I find this topic very intriguing. I have seen many books on this subject but yet to find any that relate to large families. I am the youngest of 8. There are 4 boys and 4 girls (girl, boy, boy girl, girl, boy, boy girl) We have two complete identical groups of 4 in gender order, hair color, eye color, and personality. All of us are close in age except there is a 5 year gap between the 4th and 5th child. My parents had a dairy farm and everyone worked. However, my oldest sibling helped in the house and I did as well as my dad declared the day they brought me home that I was his baby and I wouldn’t need to work in the barn but be a “girly” girl. I wasn’t a “girly” girl when I was very young but certainly became that by the age of 12. My parents as well as my siblings treated me different as the “baby” of the family. My older siblings began marrying and having children of their own when I was 5. My mother babysat for them every day and I was expected to help(everyone was expected to work hard in our family) In an essence I felt I was no longer the youngest. I’m “yoyo” because I’m known to be terrible at making decisions. However, I am also an idealist, a terrible perfectionist and very well known to be the most well behaved while growing up. I see characteristics of the first, middle and youngest in myself as well as my siblings. I think there is some truth in birth order and personalities but I see how that gets mixed up a bit when you see more than 4 children in a household.
Hi, I’m the middle child. I strongly believe that birth order does have a direct effect on the personality of an individual. But there are a lot of different circumstances to which one is exposed so it’s very difficult to pinpoint the causes of these traits.
I was a middle child. The lack of attention I received as a child, has helped me as an adult to keep peace in the family. The oldest and youngest are self centered and require constant attention.
However, in their old age, I was the child both parents depended on and preferred to be around, because I was the most giving.
I thought I’d comment on the link between personality traits and birth order.
I have no brothers or sisters and would like to strongly deny that the stereotypically “only child” is worng a.k.a “spot brat gets everything she asks for.”
I can’t speak for all only children as I only know one other only child but I can speak for myself and the other only child.
Only children’s parents are over-protective as there’s no other child to nag so all you’re parents attention is focused on you.
That’s a good thing, right? All the money and treats that you can get?
Wrong.
I get less “treats” than anyone else I know because my parents are afraid that I’ll get hurt or do something irrespsonsible. My teachers have more faith in me.
I’m not allowed to rollerskate, sleepover, go on a rollercoaster or go to any amusement park or even get “wheelie shoes”. You know those little trainers with tiny little wheels in them, yeah, I’m not allowed to use those, either in the case that I have an accident.
Try spending your whole life with this and I’m sure you’d go running back to your siblings.
I’m not saying children with siblings don’t have problems but I’m just saying:
We have problems too that are mostly cause by the attempts of our parents “spoiling us” with floods of little faith in us.
What a luxourious lifestyle.
Huh?
EDIT: sorry for spelling errors. I meant I’d like to say that the stereotypical image of only children is wrong. Not deny.
Hi, I’m a middle child too. Glad to hear from other middle children. I can say that being a middle child is really very depressing, it is not something to be laughed or joked about. I personally see it as a weakness, because it is in the way of my personal development.
Middles often underestimate their own qualities because the world around them has overlooked those qualities for too long. Being “squeezed” in the middle can lead to bitterness and an overriding need to please, but it also plays a role in encouraging important positive qualities. Middles make great partners, friends and team leaders, they are excellent negotiators, they care about justice, are highly empathetic and they are often trailblazers!
I have 7 kids right now. 4 daughters and 2 sons.
1- Vanessa(14yrs), 2-Jenna(13yrs), 3-Isabel(12yr),
twins: 4-Natalie(9yrs) 5-Derek(9yrs),
6-Jason(6yrs), 7-Charlotte(1 month). I completely agree with the whole 6yr seperation thing since my 3 oldest daughters are 5,4,3 yrs oldeer then my twins,are 8,7,6 yrs older then jason, and are 14,13,12 yrs older then my youngest charlie(charlotte). My oldest daughters get upset on 9-11 (expesially vanessa), when my twins were only around 1mth old when it happend, jason dont know and charlie was just born this 9-11-10. they have old vcrs and cassette tapes of brittney spears and nsync and my youngests have ipod touches and internet phones. What ive realized with the oldest is she is the attitiude of the family. She thinks she is the boss and trys to control everything, she is very sneeky but is a great help with the younger kids. Even with my friends, it has been agred that the oldest is very agumentitive sneeky and stubborn. jenna and isabel are quiet but deadly, unlike vanessa who will speak her mind and say im going to do this so get over it, they wont say anything. They arent really family oriented but hate when the family gets into fights. Although they are just as important as all the other kids in the family they do not attract attention there way. My boys dont attract much attention. Jason attracts more attention then Derek because he has a youngest kid attitude. He doesnt have as much ass the youngest natalie but he is ususally very loud is always requiring my attention, good or bad. Derek is a normal kid and he really has a wild imagination and injoys the company of all his siblings. The only sibling he has a problem with at times is his twin sister natalie. Even though they used to fight ALOT more. Natalie has a very very very strong yuongest child attitude. She is very loud, is always requiring my attention in ways that shock me. (ex. i was at the store when i was asked my last name when i told them she said my maiden name and said that i wasnet married, or she will throw a tantrum because she wants a drink, meanwhile i as her mother and vanessa who has taken care of natalie can tell she is fakeing it) she thinks she acts mature in the way that she will see a 16yr old boy and say ‘hes sexy’ but shes inmature in a way were she has tantrum after us not getting her a toy in the store, she is very concited (like my daughter vanessa) but also has a low selfesteem. I hear with my mom my friends and my sisters that there oldest youngests and middlests act very simular to this. I am already juggling my oldest in highschool, jenna graduating 8th grade, derek, isabel, and natalie and jason attracting my attention majorly but now not only do i have new baby charlotte, natalie and jasons jelosy towards there new little sister.
Birth order is not a predictive tool, however, it can be extremely useful in describing behaviors and characteristics. There are no absolutes – every family is different. However, looking at families through the lens of birth order can uncover very interesting and useful connections. The first born who is NOT a leader might be best understood by looking at the sibling expereinces growing up – why the sibling deviated from the ‘norm’ is just as interesting as why others fit the pattern. THere are several books which list famous people and their birth orders. I use this a lot with Clients. For example – Madame Curie and her husband were both youngests and their daughters describe in great detail the lack of leadership qualities they couldn’t bring to the marriage.
I can tell to a stranger -> he/she was a youngest, oldest or middle child in his/her family after 5-10 minutes talking.
with 75% accuracy
It’s my special hobbi:)
I think a youngest child is more attentive and adaptable in a conversation.
The oldest child speaks more freely and adaps less to the conversation partner.
middle child question is complex. Hard to guess
when the oldest child borned, he/she had got open space for talking.
The youngest child borns into a complete social system, what he/she must to learn.
Marriage is more complex, too. I don’t think this has strong effect.
(sorry for my english)
My family:
Melissa, born 1977
Jennifer, born 1981
Sarah, born 1984
Sean, born 1986
The age gap between Melissa and Jennifer definitely did create a huge generational gap. As for poster “C.A.” I don’t think it’s a LITERAL generation. It means that the oldest and youngest will grow up in very different eras. Melissa, in my family, grew up in the ’80s, graduated int eh early ’90s. She grew up with Tina Turner, The Backstreet Boys and big hair. I graduated in 2003, a time of baggy jeans, Brittney Spears, ’70s flashback fashion and computers. My sister still doesn’t own a computer and my husband and I have a desktop and a laptop. Seven years makes a big difference.
I believe birth order is a poor way of determining personality. I have three siblings, all of us just one year apart except the yougest, my brother who is two years younger than I (I am the third child). My two older sisters, I, and my younger brother do not fit into any of those personality types we would be assigned according to birth order psychology. My brother and I are the most shy, me especially, being painfully shy, even though we are the youngest(My family calls me one of the youngest since I am the youngest girl). My eldest sister is not at all the “leader” also my middle sister seems to be most social.
Personality is not so easily predicted from what I have seen. Family dynamics are not easily predicted either. People say the youngest are the most social. However, I found growing up with siblings close in age I didnt want any other friends nor did I feel comfortable with anyone else. So my family experience as a child helped shape me and did just the opposite of what is said. Thats just my opinion though.
DBaunoel, I agree, it is a tool. I notice in my parents(80′s) and their siblings mostly this theory holds ture and each suceeding generation less true as single families and blended families become more commen and I’m sure that like the great depression the downfall of the global economy will shake things up as younger children grow up with out some of the things their older sibling saw as entitlments. As for Maddie, I’m the youngest, I make the most logical and sound decisions. After all I had two older sisters to learn from. True I am the most open to new ideas, the least conservative, and the only one to move far away for collage. I went out on my own sooner than my middle sister, and I don’t really fit any catagory. I grew up loving my oldest sisters records, yes those vinal black things, that came way before CDs. I also loved woodstock, and the blues, older than all of us. Yet I’m the most up to date w/ technonogy and and still volunteer and take classes when I can becouse I love learning. Where does that put me? My parents had more financial secerity when I came, their house was payed for, a new car every year, a summer cabin, yet I am the most serious of all of us. My mother used to wach me watching the ants all day wondering what I was doing, building water damns, putting sticks logs and other obstacles in their way. She was resigned to my physical risk taking, practing the balance beem by walking on top of the house, climbing trees, insisting on playing on the boys teams cause girl didn’t play real ball. I consider myself an artist, yet I sit on board meeting for not for profits that I’ve been invited to, and just possibly I’m the worse typist in the world. Yet my family is very traditional, no divorces, no addicts, just a few of us who are bipolor. Thats where I fit. Not the younest, but someone whos potential was blindsided for a number of years, until the right person came along and said, PTSD w/Bipolor II. Sudenly other rlitives quirks made sense. Saddly those that were older at that time stuggled with the stigma and refused help, I do not conider myself younest, PTSD, or Bipolor, I am who I am and I have PTSD and Bipolor and happen to have been born last.
Hey, what gives? There was very little information on the middle children but plenty about first borns, last borns, and only child. I am a middle child and I don’t get no respect!
So many variables can tweek things one way or the other. I was the eldest, by eight years, of two daughters. It seems how my parents had been raised and the dynamics of their siblings and parents entered into it very strongly, complicating it that much more.
I’ll have to write the book on what it’s like to be as perfect as one can be yet being, as my mother cruelly put it often…’you are the one we
practiced on’.
How has it affected MY personality? I always swore I would never have but ONE child (I never got to even adopt one, sadly) so I would be sure not to make a difference from one to the other by having two.
I finally, at the age of 53, gave up on my parents. Both of them…my sister could have commited homicide in front of them and they would have defended her. I never drank BEER in my life, much less anything else, was to the end expected to do everything physical (I am the much taller of the two) work wise for mom.
Oh, it goes ON and on. I just know it has to end somewhere, and if I could help write that book that would be required reading before a couple was allowed to raise a child it would be the section to not make a difference in how you treat your children.
As for me, I just gave up on mine. My friends appreciate and respect me much more than my parents did. My regret? That I didn’t keep going when I left home at 19, never looking back.
Is this article peer reviewed?
No, Psych Central is not a peer-reviewed scientific journal.
But it is peer reviewed ;-p
I am the middle child of nine children. I am also the youngest daughter and this is an important factor also. My oldest sister felt displaced when the second sister turned up. The oldest who is an extraver then became naughty and demanding and the second daughter (also and extravert) became charming and agreeable. The internal battles within a family where individuals seek attention is so complex and I agree that the age difference is also very important. There are five years between each of the last four sons. They were all treated as the youngest child for a while until they were dispalced by the birth of yet another son. The dynamics constantly changed but the children that were in the middle tended to rely less on parents for attention and turned to eachother instead.
I’m in a bit of an odd spot here. Being the eldest of six, I can see how this is somewhat accurate, but it is different from family to family.
In my case, it is me, then my brother younger by four years, then my sister by one year, the next sister by three years, the next sister by two years and the younger brother by two years.
The elder three have all had the chance to be the eldest at one point or another, the third child being the most open and responsible of all of us. The second child is quiet, I only take charge when necessary, the fourth child is the loudest, the fifth has no shame, the sixth is the genius but the baby of the family.
All of us have had the chance to be the youngest, and here, my parents refuse to put up with lies or other forms of disobedience.
Yes, the generation gap plays a role, protective parents play a role and our friends play a role.
Without fail, all but the youngest have been sneaky from the time they get their first friend throughout elementary and high school.
I seem to have mediocre grades and am okay at things, whereas the second eldest seems to excel at everything. The third eldest has people skills but wastes time. The fourth eldest is the sickly one, the fifth eldest and the youngest have yet to be determined.
Mother is the eldest and father is the youngest out of their siblings. The bit about the eldest taking control does seem to play out a bit, but mother is definitely less lenient than father.
There are 4 children in my family. There used to be 5, but 1 died. I have a sister that is 4 years older, and another that is 2 years older, and a brother that is 3 years older. I had a little sister that was 2 years younger than me. She died when she was a baby. Does that make me a middle child or youngest child? The middle seems to fit me, but so does the youngest.
I am the youngest child of 4, 1 brother (the oldest) and 2 sisters. There is a 7 year age gap between me and my closest sibling. 12 years between myself and the oldest. I wonder what personality I am thought to have. Am I a younger sibling, being babied and staying young? No, I don’t believe that. I am like an only child because of the age gap? I know I am probably the bossiest of the 4 of us. But not excessivly so. I think I am lazy, does that enter into the theory? Interesting!
I find the topic of birth order to be very interesting. I am in fact the middle child out of 3 children.
I’m not the stereotypical middle child because I’m dominate and very successful in school – in fact I am currently working on my masters. However, I’m still treated like the “troubled” middle child.
I believe that my personality changed because of a death in the family when I was about 13 years old. I became more dominate and my older sister started to exhibit traits more common to a middle child. Therefore, your second to last paragraph describing how an event can change a child’s development seems to be true for my sister and I. Essentially our personalities are reversed but our roles and treatment are still the same.
I am a middle child, an eccentric and an attention-seeker. I am also manipulative, but I try to be kind.
Hi could you help clarify what going on with my personality patterns. I am number 3 girl of four girls. There is four years between first and second and four years between second and third (me) my youngest sister is only 10 months behind me. I never had anything in common with my older sisters and my younger baby sister has red hair and developed a comedy personality, so being the baby got lots of attention. I was shy and tall didnt and still dont like the lime light and undersell myself and my abilities. But my big problem is Men dont listen to my ideas at work or any of my communications, talking over me. I still feel like a talk a different language altogether. This shows up in my personal relationship which when looking back I tolerate bad boy behaviour for the sake of equilibrium until I breaking then just walk away for this they tell me I am rebellious!!. At work I have just learnt to be passive aggressive. I am beginning to think I should learn assertiveness and yes I am frightened of my own level of aggressiveness when pushed or cornered. Do I have father issues coming from an all girl family?
Youngest child, but only child. Two half sisters over 20 years older. A full sister seven and a half years older. More in common with the youngest half-sister. We’re both the ones no one listened to. And we’re artistic.
With my full sister, I was more “responsible” than her: didn’t get in trouble, didn’t rebel (should have), went to college, didn’t fall into heavy drugs or drinking, made a living.