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The Self-Blame Game: An Obstacle to Change

In my 20 years as a psychologist, I have seen that self-blame is a major obstacle to change. It’s paralyzing and damaging and the enemy of growth.

Often, before I can help a patient address a problem, we have to first climb this mountain of self-blame, and then find our way down to the other side.

I have seen that the people most prone to self-blame are people who grew up with childhood emotional neglect (CEN). This is because CEN is invisible and unmemorable, yet leaves people with significant struggles in adulthood.

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The Self-Blame Game: An Obstacle to Change

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  1. My habit of blaming myself for everything happened much later in life. I used it as a strategy in coping with unacceptble things in my life. My thoughts were that I could only change things I was responsible for.

    I’m realizing more and more that this has been an unhealthy strategy and I’m working to correct this obvious mistake.
    PS: Yes, there was neglect in my childhood…lots of it.


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