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Recognizing the Signs of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a far too common occurrence. It does not discriminate and can happen at any time during a relationship. It takes place in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. It crosses all ethnic, social, and economic levels.

Signs of domestic violence often are overlooked, denied, or excused. The truth is that there is never an excuse. The only way to end domestic violence is to be aware.

Domestic violence can be more than physical abuse. It can include sexual and emotional abuse as well.

6 Comments to
Recognizing the Signs of Domestic Violence

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  1. I suspect my daughter is a victim of abuse and when I tried to speak with her about my concerns, she made excuses for her husband’s behavior, saying he’s usually very loving. She also said “he’s very protective of me”, “he was having a bad day at work”, “he has anger issues” and other excuses to explain his behavior.
    I need to know what to do to help her. I’m afraid his behavior will escalate to physical violence. She lives in another state which makes this more difficult. How do we, her family, help her?

    • Please get her help. I just left an abusive partner of over 2 years and it’s a terrifying time, but so necessary. Try to get her to open up to you and make sure to let her know that you are there, day or night to talk to. Even though you’re in different states, you’re still just a phone call away. Ask her if she has a close friend or family member to stay with for a day or two (while he’s having a “bad day”) or enough money and access to stay in a hotel while he cools off. In my situation, it was easier to recognize and open up about my abuse when I was away from my bf in the midst of a fight. Personally, if you suspect something is wrong, there probably is. She’ll never leave until she’s ready to or else it’s highly likely she’ll go back or get defensive because I’m sure the love for her husband is very real and very strong. Please, let her know you care and never, ever judge. The scariest thing in the world is fear of opening up and being judged or dismissed for it. She needs all the support she can get and it’s a long road to recovery. I wish you and your family the best. No matter what, nobody deserves this. I’d also suggest looking into women’s shelters and support in her area so when she does come clean, you’ll have the numbers to give her so she can help herself. It can be exhausting dealing with an abusive partner and trying to figure out what to do and where to go all by yourself. That will hopefully ease the burden on her a little bit. Most women’s shelters will take children and depending on your state (I live in MA) there’s programs popping up that will foster pets for free to get women out of these situations. That was one of my main reasons for staying as I had no where to bring my dog and I wasn’t leaving him. Good luck!

      • Jessica,
        Thank you so much for your response. You’ve allowed me to see the situation more from her perspective than from mine. I will take all your suggestions and advice to heart and hope it helps us through this. I hadn’t even thought about her cat, knowing she would never leave him behind. I am encouraging her to come for a visit, hoping that she will be more able to talk about what’s going on. I know that after an incident she is much more honest, but still reserved. I know it will take patience, non judgment, support, and unconditional love on our part to help her.
        Again, thank you for your helpful words. I’m glad that you were able to find yourway of an abusive relationship. It gives me hope for my daughter.

  2. I am in a similar situation. I fear my daughter is in an abusive relationship. She has been married for 5 years but I have been noticing some changes in her husband behavior this last year. My daughter has always been a very strong an independent individual, and has always stood up for what she believes is right. Infact, most people who know them would say that my daughter was the more dominated one in the relationship, because she was the one who paid the bill, and took care of the house, while working and going to school, and most of the time when they argued, my son in law would give in. My son in law has always worked hard and made more money than she did,but She was the more responsible one. But this past few years her husband has began to abuse their dog. Hitting, kicking and yelling at the dog, when she doesn’t listen. My daughter loves her dog like it was her child. And when the abuse began, my daughter would yell at him to stop. But lately when I have witnessed the abuse my daughter has become more passive, she still tells him to stop but then he yells my dog, my house, my rules. Last time this happened she didn’t argue back. She just looked at me with this terrified look and I didn’t know what to young niece was there and I didn’t want to make things worse so I dropped it. My daughter s friend and I have both expressed our concerns over about this behavior to my daughter and her husband in the past and I have also expressed my concerns about how rough my son in law is when he plays around with my daughter. The last time I exressed my concerns neither of them my daughter wouldn’t talk to me for 2 weeks. I have asked my daughter before if her husband was ever physically abusive and she always says I am over reacting. But my family and I are very concerned that the abuse toward there dog might also be an indication of spouse abuse or that it could be a sign that he might one day abuse their children although they dont have children. yet.

  3. I have been in an abusive relationship and I think he’s changed. I hope he’s changed but he’s refusing counseling and he makes me feel so small . Like my opinion doesn’t matter. I don’t know if this is a form of abuse. He won’t help me with bills and we just bought a house which I’m doing all the physical work o
    As well as putting money in this. What should I do?

  4. I am a victim of domestic abuse, and, I am a man. I am 68, the abuser is 58. In September I was beaten so severely that my partner was arrested and jailed. I am not a weak, passive person, but, as the blows rained down and she slammed my head into a doorframe, I knew that if I defended myself, I would go to jail, and be locked out of my own house. Luckily, she stopped the beating before I lost consciousness and I crawled to the phone and called the Sheriff. When the Deputy saw the bloody scene he put the cuffs on her and put her in the patrol car. Fast forward four months…. against all professional advice I reconciled with her and she moved back in with me and promised to work on her anger issues. She was sentenced to three years probation and 52 weeks of Anger Management group counseling. It is apparent to me that the issue of Female on Male violence is not taken seriously in this county. The prevailing opinion seems to be that I must have deserved the beating, even though she admitted to the DA that I never ever raised a hand to her. The women’s Anger Mangement group is nothing but a support group for women who refuse to accept responsibility for their bad decisions. She is beginning to slip back into her manipulative, controlling, withholding patterns and has said that “I ruined her life.” There is no point in mentioning that it was her choice to use violence during an oral, admittedly heated, argument. As an abused male, I feel that we are minimized and accused of being weak, or a “pussy” if we are the victims of violence. If I had inflicted the injuries on her that she inflicted on me I would still be in jail and looking at serious prison time. The mental health community needs to wake up and realize that domestic violence is not gender-specific any more.



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