We’ve already talked about how moms and daughters can help boost each other’s body image. However, moms aren’t the only influential ones. Dads, too, play a pivotal role in …
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Can children be damaged by being forced to pay off trillions in debt spent by congress without authorization of the children?
Shouldn’t children have the freedom to abuse their own debt, or should congress continue to abuse debt for them?
What about a father who thinks “People should be told something is wrong, other wise how will they know?”
So, my father has been telling me, ad nauseam, how heavy I am and how many pounds HE thinks I should lose. This has gone on for years. I try not to let it bother me, but, as we all know, the more a person is badgered about not engaging in a certain behavior, the more likely that person is to do it.
And, I eat. I try not to, but the anxiety associated with his harping causes me to find comfort in food. Most of the time I’m not even aware that he triggered the response. Sometimes I realize it after a quart of ice cream has “accidentally” found its way to my stomach.
I’ve tried the psychotherapist thing. We conquered lots of other problems, but the eating thing doesn’t seem to go away. Sometimes I dread seeing my dad.
This is an excellent article. I would recommend the book available on amazon called Not Your Mother’s Diet. It addresses so many ways to become free of stress eating when dealing with family and that’s father too. Plus there is not a quick fix to eating issues or body image issues. However finding the right therapist that has a proven record of success in eating disorders and body image problems can make all the difference. Find a group in your area like OA that can give you a sponsor experience in eating issues. Most importantly keep going because discouragement is the real problem that can stop you from progressing.
What a nice article. I have seen more and more dads in my practice willing to see their own dietitian while I work with their daughter. It is a great development that the recognition of how dads relate to food and eating influences all of their children, not just their sons.
Screw all the stuff that is above me. I didn’t care what needed to be payed off before me… I didn’t NEED to be a ballerina and “perfect”.
I did need to be smarter than everyone else and gorgeous. Daddy got that.
When THAT was met with in the real world? Well.. “modern feminists” swarmed it and destroyed it.
Perhaps “feminists” should be confronted with better models that give effective outcomes.
I’m pretty much disgusted with the whole model. I’ll go back to being better than the boys and the boys KNOWING it.
It is PATHETIC when a “first year” girl bests a decade tenured teacher and is punished for that achievement.
Straight forward, educative and well written article. Growth in children should be without constrains and they need to know the facts of life about body and mind from right and healthy kind of sources. Too much of “shouldism” by parents and other can spoil the natural course of development.
Buoyancy, healthy, creative and positive life habits can bring optimism and glow on the face of growing kids. Keep it up!!!
Oh, wow… Heather completely lost me. Can someone explain what she was trying to emphasize?
Respectfully,
Shelly
Yeah, I know what you mean about Heather, Shelly. I have no idea. Calvin Klein is partially responsible for the degradation of our youth and young adults (who think they have arrived and know it all, but in reality have no idea what life is or should be about). I can’t believe how low they have gone this time. I knew growing up that Brooke Shields was pushing it, but that was nothing compared to what they are doing now. I will NEVER buy Calvin Klein products again and I will spread the word to my entire circle of influence about this outrage.
I agree with most on this panel, this was a very enlightening article.
I am a single father of two (daughter 10, son 7) and and as my babies and their mental, emotional and physical well being is paramount to me therefore I am very interested in navigating the potential land mines my children will face. I appreciate any suggestions or advice I receive.
Thanks to the trained medical pro’s that took a moment to chime in! It is very encouraging and confirms that most want to see our children happy, health and productive lives.
As for Larry and Heather, WHOA! Guys, you are both certainly entitled to your opinions but this is the wrong forum to be going off on such radical tangents. FOCUS people!!!
I’m glad this article was posted. With all of my children (1 daughter, 3 boys), I’ve been trying to do these things. It’s very nice to read that research and “experts” validate what has been my hunches. I love my daughter and want her to be happy in whatever she choses to do.
Could we get an article here on how parents can best “coach” their children in peer relationships? Sometimes I find myself at a bit of a loss when it comes to such issues.
One of the most important things a father can do is evaluate his own attitudes, and then the consequential behavior, regarding women. A man who whistles at or attends to certain female images is imparting a message. A man who criticizes, belittles, or controls his wife is sending a very strong message and patterning to his daughters on how they should expect to be treated.
A man who values his wife, complements her intelligence, partnering, etc, and makes body image a non issue, is sending a healthy message to his daughter. Respecting his wife’s and daughters feelings and preferences sets a bar for his daughter to respect herself and expect to be respected. It isnt so much what Dad says, as it is what kids catch from what he believes and how that expresses itself.
All of the above articles and info are very helpful & encouraging to fathers and their relations with their daughters;but what about single fathers who are trying to be a good father to their daughters but have so many obstacles distance,not enough time together,transportation,the mothers ignorant livein boyfriend who’s trying whatever way possible to get in between and cause problems between the father and the mother.What type of advice is there for fathers in situations like that
I agree with this article, but there is a BIG part left out! Boys and girls watch how their parents treat members of the opposite sex as well. My Father constantly gave my Mom a hard time for her weight and was always pointing out women who he found attractive; of course, they were thin model types. I have many male friends and they do the same thing and now my Brother behaves the same way. My Mom has low self esteem and together they created three children, 2 daughters with very low self esteem and a son who treats women, especially his wife, very poorly.
I completely agree with this article and everything it states.As a child,my father was a guidence(Though rare his presence),my only guidence often enough for me to gain a healthy sense of self,and my own body.Keep it up,all comments are lovely,I understood them all.
Heather, girl, you’ve got issues….
Very intuitive and informative piece. The significance of the father/daughter relationship was downplayed for a long time by adverts and media, but it’s making strides now. Even though family integrity is still somewhat weaker than it should be, there are valuable resources available for people that really want to make a difference in the lives of their kids. My caution: don’t take the polar opposite approach. Don’t take it to the other side of progressive. We tend to be people of extremes; much because of the rapid-fire dissemination of info and news. For myself, I treasure the time with my girls (6 and 7, one with mild autism). They know they are beautiful, interesting, funny, sweet and lovely. They will never know a day that their dad doesn’t think so.
I didn’t read anything about fathers teaching their SONS about loving a girl for who she is rather than what she looks like, this is probably the best way to teach their daughters about such a body issue – start with their brothers.
P.S. I am a different Heather:)
Thanks for this, I’ll send it out to the dads I know.
An additional thing I’d say is important about point 1 is that parents should watch what they say about their own bodies, and other peoples’. When I was 12, I wore a size 14. My dad never said anything negative to me directly, but it showed in his attitude towards others and still affected me. He constantly harped on my grandmother being fat and unhealthy, with the overtone that it was disgusting. I wore the same size as my grandmother. If she was fat and disgusting, then wasn’t I, too? Remember your kids can take in everything and anything you say.
I love this article. I not having my father in my life for most of it being as my parents are not together and he lives in a different province knows that its very important to have that father role to look up to as a girl, Women will attract different types of men and women will look for men that are like there fathers, From the way they treat there wife, sttrangers, family, kids. and if your father is rude to your mother and makes jokes about her weight or apperance and tell hers that she need to lose weight or go to the gym or that she shouldnt be eatting that. She will grow up only knowing that and thinking apperance is the only thing that I have to offer I’d better not eat, or puke up what I do , or whatever the case maybe, she will learn to not accept herself the way she is and in turn she will look for guys that will treat her poorly,
But if your father is very kind and loving and on a daily bases says I love you, you are beautiful and smart than that sets a standard to what she will accept from a guy and what she wont, she will learn how to be treated with respect and in turn she will love her self because there is not negitive influence telling her other wise.
It really makes me mad that the media and Hollywood and peers put so much stress on image making a person feel like thats all they can offer anyone one of this world and you need it to get ahead in life. Its pathic that we let that control us and tell us how we are going to feel today. It makes me mad that there are so many people out there that cant love themselfs or ever be satisfied with them selfs and the body that God created so perfectly for a purpose, If he wanted everyone to look the same and think the same then he wouldhave created robots, being different is what makes YOU and me interesting and unique so why should we let others take that gift way from us.God would not should I say is not happy that there is so much focus on “Material ” things of this world, the things that in the end dont define if you are honest and caring and a good person its just a mask. We should enjoy what God had given us and enjoy life and freinds and family, Dont get me wrong being healthy is very important to me but if people are alot more lazy now a days then ever, back then everyone was working so hard all the time that there was not time to sit and eat a whole bag of chips, We as a society have got very lazy and unappreicative what what the world has to offer us the beauty in it , and not T.V.. so you see its very important that our parents are there and play that role of what we should believe and the morals that have installed into us. Fathers do your part please!.
Wow, what a wonderful article. I wish I could have shared this with my own father when I was a child. I think one thing that should be noted/added, under “Remember You are a Role Model,” is that little girls (and boys!!!) listen to the messages you send about their mothers. Saying things like: “Oh, your mother is such a drama queen!” Even saying something as “harmless” to their mother like: “Hunny, you said you wanted to lose a few pounds. Do you really think you should have that extra piece of [insert food here]?” could cause a child to question their own body shape and eating habits. This is something I really picked up on from my own father. I saw how he treated my mother- distant and constantly pointing out her flaws, and began to apply what he said to her to myself.
This is a really wonderful article. I realized early on that I had to help my daughters realize that life isn’t about the image that we are made to believe it. But rather just being yourself and letting your life growing into it’s uniqueness for you. Not you conforming to life.
I love your blog.
Thanks
I was sexually abused by my father and he would give my candy and treats and tell me he loved me and would never do anything to hurt me ya right!!! my brothers did the same but they were mean called me fat girl teased me unmercifully just awfull then were nice and would share goodies i was so confused my mother was heavy did lots of baking cookies, cakes, and candy always told me i needed to lose weight not to be fat like her but too late, always was. thought it would keep men off me but only gave them more fuel to ridicule me with. grew up with eating disorders,personality disorder, self hatred, sick little girl. never had a chance and nobody to protect her or tell her it wasn’t me that was evil it was what was happening that was evil or i know, it was ok to love her father but hate what he was doing. instead i loved to hate him and hated myself for loving him and it hurt my soul. I carried that into my adulthood and all my relationships with men women food work church anything friends? didn’t need them. can’t trust anybody still. so don’t have any close friends. glad my kids are grown and gone, that was hard. weightloss a joke. 400lbs highest so far. recently lost 166lbs taking psych. meds for depression and bipolar and, and, and. but i’m strong and a survivor. I’m happy today and doing well i’m glad i’m me today and it’s a miracle to say that. so i just smile and know i’m fortunate and all is well just for today. I don’t know what it will take to make me happy tomorrow i’ll have to read the article below LOL thanks for this article i hope i haven’t overstepped any bounds. have never been able to bond with anyone even my grandkids i’m glad they are gone and i love them dearly but i can’t handle the everyday demands emotional attachments whatever it is i’m just glad they all live out of state and i hate myself for saying that it’s just not right but being honest with myself it’s the way i am i’m relieved i don’t deserve them or they deserve better i should say cause i can’t care i can act like i do for awhile but then it gets harder and addictions self destruction start getting in the way better stop…