Today’s interview is somewhat untraditional, but I think you’ll enjoy it. After I read the hilarious anecdotes in Nancy Bachrach’s newly released memoir, “The Center of the Universe,” I knew I had to dig a little more on …
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which is worse, dysfunctional or unfunctional?
I was abused as a child for over a decade. Violence was consistent for those 5000 days.
Today, I’m a loving husband and father, who is void of hate, and cares for many others.
One’s enviornment before achieving adulthood does not correlate with the type of person they will be for the remainder of their lifespan. Free will exists. Apply it, and break the viscious cycle.
I will try to ignore dan’s comment, and get back to what nancy is telling about here.
Nancy, I may just read your book. Not, because I am such an avid reader, nor because I am interested in dysfunctional families but because of how interesting and witty and refreshing you yourself are.
You have a great style, and one I can relate to.
You so beautifully described how you three siblings stuck together and took care of each other.
I have one friend, and she is the only one I had ever heard talk about this, who also had this supportive connection with her brothers and sisters in the light of their parent’s craziness.
I didn’t have that but I think that is wonderful, and you so beautifully explain it with all your imagery, etc.
Thanks,
KATRIN
Also, thanks Therese, for your choice of interview.
Thank you for this interview. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to deal with issues around my dad. Perhaps the key to healing is to keep working on it and build up one’s self-esteem.
Holy cow, I can so relate to this stuff. I must say that I agree with Dan about the whole working through it and being able to reclaim your own life. I am dealing with similar things to what the interviewed person and Dan dealt with. I laughed for a good 10 minutes after reading about the mania and still spinning but spinning more slowly. I am still hoping that the person I am dealing with has a “boating accident” similar to the one that the interviewed person’s mother had, then maybe I can get a break from being the only one in the family dealing in the reality of this stuff. While I am glad that I am not alone the only person to have been through something like this, I am not glad that any of us have gone through this sort of thing. I would often wonder as a child and as an adult in trying to deal with this (even now still) whether I were crazy. Some days I think to myself, “If this were a fictional story no one wouod buy the plot because it seems so implausable.” I do not want to write a book about it at this point, but thank goodness someone has, I think it just became my must buy of the near future.
If people have not been through abuse and dysfunctional family life, they have no clue. These experiences are especially harmful to children. As a boy I think it is more difficult in some ways because we are always told as boys to just suck it up and be men about it. When we grow up and finally become men, then it is hard for us to figure out what it means to be men, because our idea of what a “man” is, does not match the machismo image of a “man’s man” but rather something else becaue we know the reality of being the victim and survivor of the machismo man’s man. Those of us like Dan, A Son, and myself who actually deal with this and take it head on, have several confusing years of figuring out how to be a man in a society which has abandoned the idea of a real man being able to be tender to his children and loving in his discipline with them.
A problem I encounter with many other males is that I do not embrace the machismo image and they seem to embrace it. When one lives in an ultra-conservative area where any hint of tender care to children by a man is taken to be effeminate, a barrier is strongly established to ridding society of child abuse and dysfunctional family life. The sooner the U.S. can sort out male and female roles the better, it is causing problems for people as they try to grow into adulthood. Some sort of general behavior model needs to be developed so that peole no matter what sex they are, are able to agree generally on what is good parenting. Maybe the culture in the U.S. is too young and unestablished in order to agree on some sorts of new norms for generally acceptable behavior, but we must try.