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Love is Not Enough for a Healthy Marriage

Love gets you on the road to a healthy marriage. It can get and keep you in the game and help to keep you on the road.

Love is not enough, however, to play the game well. Love is not enough to get you where you want to go. Love is not enough for a healthy marriage.

Marriages are a test of our emotional and life skills. Since most of us were never taught many of these skills, it is no surprise that so many marriages, even those that are based in love, are a continual struggle and often fall apart.

The following is a list of various, interrelated emotional and life skills that are necessary for a well-functioning marriage. As you read through the list, ask yourself: Which of these am I good at? Which of these do I need to improve? Which of these are hard or nearly impossible for me? Are there any skills that I think are missing from this list?

12 Comments to
Love is Not Enough for a Healthy Marriage

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  1. Ha! How American! Many dozens of tips about healthy marriage, and not one that has to do with sex!

    • The list did mention physical needs….

  2. Interesting advice, perhaps too much of it as there are 37 critical skills listed, but they serve as a good reminder. Love really is all that is necessary, however, if you look at if from a different angle. What would motivate someone to develop these 37 skills? That’s a lot of work. Love will do that. Love also helps to create understanding and foster forgiveness when we aren’t good at a particular skill or set of skills. Love is necessary for a great marriage, is not the only thing that we need, and is the reason we will invest the effort necessary to make the marriage great.

    • I’m right with you Tyson…The simple answer is “Love is what you enjoy when things are thick, and what you grab on to when things are thin”….The ole “thru thick and thin” cliche’…..Frank T

  3. I agree, even half of these skills can save a marriage and bring happiness and fulfillment. It is a game of patience and mind.

  4. Wow, only 37 abilities that are “necessary”?! This seems WAY too easy.

  5. Unfortunately, this article is misleading. While these skills can be helpful in a marriage, they are not all required. The research in relationships indicates that there are skills that are necessary in a relationship including maintaining positivity, de-escalating tension in conflict, and other skills. I did not see many of those skills here, and I would suggest that this list is a bit overwhelming. For more information about what really makes marriage work, try Dr. John Gottman’s books.

    Mark Trahan, LCSW

    • The list details the things people should have the ability to do….One thing a man should never do no matter what….Call his wife/woman a cunt. Even if you want to leave the marriage / relationship. You will experience the fury of hell….Frank T

  6. Thank you! Now I don’t feel isolated or unsure of certain factors regarding marriage. I hope that others will find this information useful as well as I. It’s great to have support and direction.

  7. Well… single forever it is haha

    • Interesting ideas. Many marriages are not as healthy as they might be if the partners concerned had better emotional and life skills. Criteria used to select suitable marriage partners could well be completely wrong. New emotional skills are required but need time to develop. Many will not bother to develop new social skills unless they are given some good incentives.

  8. These are all great skill sets in maintaining a healthy relationship. In essence as a whole it covers being positive and the ability to de-scale tension by exhibiting these behaviors, attitudes and mindset. Yes the list is overwhelming; it would be to those who don’t exhibit most of these skill sets. The list gives you in great detail what it takes for a healthy marriage if that’s what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for an easy way into this then marriage may not be for you or maybe you’ll luck up meet Mr./Mrs. Right who fits you perfectly and these things won’t be an issue for you. But for most of us, this is not the case as we all are different, different upbringings, different experiences and different ways of thinking which will almost always make any relationship a challenge if these skill sets aren’t used. We fall in love with our opposites or with someone we wouldn’t normally have chosen to love so having skill sets to cope with differences is necessary. Love is critical and required and most times we say we love our spouses but we don’t show it in how we conduct ourselves in the relationship (hence these skill sets are lacking). As far as it not listing “sex”….I think we all know sex is a major must in a healthy relationship it’s well known, published and talked about etc. but the skill sets here are not so well-known or well-published or well-spoke about; you have to search out this kind of help, read books you generally wouldn’t read, or go to a class or seminar. You can have the best sex in the world but without these skills you have nothing more than just a healthy sex life, not a healthy marriage or relationship and it won’t last. Period.



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