When you think of your mother, does your heart open with compassion or tighten with resentment? Do you allow yourself to feel her tenderness and care? The way you take in her love can be similar to how you experience love from a partner.
What’s unresolved with your parents doesn’t automatically disappear. It serves as a template that forges your later relationships.
Maybe you’ve experienced this with a partner. If you felt you didn’t get enough from your mother, perhaps you also feel that you don’t get “enough” from your partner. It’s a harsh reality, but it’s true more often than not. The same holds true with your father: Your unresolved relationship with your father will also show up in your love life.
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So what about if your parent died when you were a child and was never replaced in your life. So you have only one parent? How does that effect you? I’ve read a child who loses a parent does not succeed in life at the same rate they would have with the lost parent, and I believe that. I lost my supportive parent and was raised by my clingy yet not so supportive other parent, who used me as an emotional crutch.
That surely is a big issue for me in unseen ways now.
The parent who died young does not have to go missing from your heart. Can you find a way to bring this parent back into your inner life? Sometimes, just by placing a photo of this parent on the wall behind your pillow when you sleep at night can have a profound effect.
Thank you, Mark, for this wonderful article. I have since posted in on Facebook and sent it to many people I know, and I get a lot of great feedback from it and food for discussion. Very, very helpful! If you have more, please let me (us) have more.