I’ve written a lot about abstainers vs. moderators. In a nutshell, the difference is: abstainers find it easier to resist temptation by giving up something altogether, while moderators find …
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This subject had been a long time battle for me. Always trying to convince myself that i can have just one or a little bit. Doesn’t work for me. I found that abstaining is for me. I’ve lost 30 lbs and quit smoking both at the same time. Sad that it took me so long to realize it!!
I like it..im going to try it..your sister sage’s method. I am an ice cream addict. I would like to be free from it. I think I can abstain from it by saying positive affirmations like I’m free from the guilt, calories,etc. Thank you!!
First of all, I loved this article enough to tweet it! I am definitely an abstainer and I agree, for me, abstaining is definitely easier than trying to moderate. There is no gray area, if I did too much, will do to much or just start the bad habit fully and feel guilty and terrible.
Abstinence takes out the guesswork, and that works for me!
I totally agree with abstaining being easier.
We quit smoking for 2+ months, started again, “quit” again twice…in two weeks.
Then BF comes home from work and I want to smoke and I do. “It’s my quit, I have to protect it”, “my choice”…blah, blah, blah.
I have made myself crazy, the anxiety unbelievable.
We will quit, together, supporting each other again.
I know I can’t be a moderator with smoking.
Thanks for a great article!
You lost me at “free from French fries.”
I’m just not ready to move on.
It makes intuitive sense to me that abstaining is easier. However, I find that focusing too much on that approach becomes problematic, because it reinforces an ‘all or nothing’ mindset. Too much abstaining starts to leave my life feeling somewhat limited and narrow.. The more I practice moderation, the better I get at it. So, my take is that it makes sense to use a combination of the two approaches, I guess.
Moderation doesn’t work when any addiction, including food, is present.
One bite or drink sets off the phenomenon of craving — 1000 bites is not enough.
To abstain and be Free a daily reprieve from the mental obsession is also needed
Through treatment, 12 steps or therapy we can be relieved from the need to indulge and abstinence becomes natural, moderation unnecessary.
For the “normal” eater or drinker, moderation Is natural, but if we have to think about abstaining and cannot moderate, we are not normal eaters!
This is very true!
If I try to eat something in moderation, my thoughts are very negative… Something like, “Well, I’ve already ruined it, so one more isn’t going to make a difference.”
And I agree that abstaining from something requires a positive outlook. For me though, rather than being “free” of something, I am more goal oriented.
And let’s be honest. Who wants to be “free” of french fries?! Not me! We’d much rather be free of the consequences of eating them…
So instead I think, “I’ve come this far, I don’t want to ruin it now!”
I can even turn it into a bit of a competition. “They think they’re going to eat in ‘moderation’? Pfft. I’ll just skip those french fries and go straight to a salad. Hah. I win.”
I may not win any awards for maturity, but I also didn’t touch those carbs!
I abstain from some things, and moderate others. For example, I gave up smoking 16 years ago. I’m a hard core abstainer on that. I moderate alcohol. I have a couple of drinks couple of time a month. No problems there. I’ve been wheat free for 2 years (thanks to Gary), but I still have the occasional almond croissant. And not a trace of guilt.
I see successful moderation to be a higher achievement. Abstaining is a fall back position for when moderation doesn’t work.