Whether you can be friends with an ex tends to be determined by the two people once involved in the relationship. But as with anything else, there are some expert opinions on the matter.
Susan J. Elliot, author, relationship coach, counselor and speaker/ presenter, wrote an article on the subject that was featured last year on the Huffington Post. Elliot stresses that even after an amicable breakup, it’s extremely difficult to be friends, at least initially. The bond of the couple needs to break and sifting through the emotional aftermath takes time in order to efficiently heal.
“Each needs to deal with the breakup in their own way, apart from the scrutiny of the person they just broke up with,” she said.
“Most people cannot remain friends after a breakup, but if it will ever be, it will be later — much later. The atmosphere immediately following a breakup is too emotionally charged for it to happen right away, if at all.”
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The other key point IF you remain friends is maintaining clear boundaries.
Texting on a lonely drunk night, sending photos, “thinking of you,” or other things that string the other person along in some way are clear no-no’s…
If you can’t help yourself on this, then it’s best to set the boundary all the way to the edge– if you can’t be clearly platonic, you can’t be friends….
I give this advice, if you have to erase a text from your phone, you are crossing a boundary…
I’ve seen too many people keep the ex around to benefit their own ego. And it didn’t help the other person, it only strung that ex along even further, as you say, giving them that glimmer of hope (that false glimmer of hope for the sole sake of feeding the offender’s ego.)
I think it CAN happen, you just have to be honest with yourself, with your ex, and with your current partner. If one of those three are missing, take a look at why…