Even today, between work and home, women have a lot to juggle. “Though in recent years, men have been more hands-on with household and childcare responsibilities, the bulk of the work still, for many, lands on the woman’s shoulders,” said Terry Matlen, ACSW, a psychotherapist and author of Survival Tips for Women with ADHD.
Whether you have kids or not, balancing a slew of commitments can get overwhelming for women with ADHD, said Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D, a psychotherapist and author of several books on ADHD, including 10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADD. That’s because the nature of ADHD makes it tougher to prioritize and schedule, she said.
And, unfortunately, it’s common for women with ADHD to beat themselves up for not getting things done. Many women feel incapable and struggle with low self-esteem, Matlen said. “Women with ADHD are well aware of their shortcomings, but often they don’t understand [them] in the context of their ADHD brain.”
Here, Matlen and Sarkis, who both have ADHD, offer their tips for coping with overwhelm when you have the disorder.
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Some of these suggestions are wonderful and have been very helpful for me. I was diagnosed as a child and am now 33 and continue to struggle with my symptoms. Creating structure is something that I hold on to almost obsessively, and is the only way that I can keep up. Other tips in this article are frustrating. Hiring help is a luxury for most people. I have considered this in the past, but have never been able to afford the cost associated with it. This feels extremely unrealistic. Reassess your relationships: you do not always have control of who your relationships are. My family has always struggled with my tardiness to family events, I have stated to them several times that this is who I am and please accept me for that. And yet they feel like my lateness and forgetfulness is a reflection on how I feel about them. I have had similar experiences with friends. No one is angry at me for long and often it is my own guilt and shame that persists, but even if I were to change these relationships, I feel that there are very few people in this world that do not operate on a clock or wouldn’t feel offended if you forgot something important. These people all love me and support me, but that isn’t going to stop them from being upset that they had to sit and wait for me for 15 minutes. I feel like the acceptance piece in your current relationships is far more valid then suggesting that people that judge you or berate you should be tossed aside. We also have to accept others behaviors as well (this is what love is) Not all bosses are going to “cut you slack,” teachers won’t either DESPITE accommodations. You are looked at differently, as less capable in some way, and YES look at your strengths, but many people with ADHD are so much more capable then they are given credit for, I have been praised for my organizational skills and ability to juggle tasks, but this took practice, lots of practice and time to adjust to changes, the article suggests that I am a flake and unable to organize things and that I am completely unreliable. I would find a part about practicing the skills that you do want to master more helpful. Finally, Taking a Step Back and Revising your Expectations really feels like you are saying “you are not capable of doing what everyone else does because of your disorder.” This may be the case, I may not be capable of all of these things, therefore I would rather see a piece on accepting yourself for your faults because despite my disorder we all have faults. Or ways that I can be more successful. Its so hard to believe that I CAN’T do something, I may need to go about it differently and ask for help and yes, work a little harder, but I struggle with just lowering my expectations because of my disorder.