How do we respond constructively to the terrible carnage in Newtown, CT?
Many voices have already been heard on this vexing question. But only a few commentators have recognized that such rare and tragic events are but a small part of the widespread violence in this country.
A mass shooting may be likened to the sudden eruption of a volcano on a slowly sinking island — the volcano gets the attention and publicity, and few stop to ask why the island is sinking.
To be sure, we must reduce the easy availability of lethal weapons and ammunition in this country; improve access to mental health services for severely disturbed persons; and enhance our coordination with school personnel, so that we can prevent alienated and disaffected youth from acting on their violent impulses. No other considerations should distract us from these goals, or be used as an excuse for inaction on any front — particularly with respect to firearms control.
And yet, more fundamentally, we must also address what I call “the romancing of rage” in our society — the many ways in which American culture fosters and even valorizes angry, aggressive behavior.
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Nice article. I completely agree with your observations about the rise of narcissism and anger and violence in our culture. I think there is a qualitative difference in anger and rage. The rage we seem to be witnessing with mass shootings appears to be some kind of build up of resentment whereas most of the anger and violence that happens day in and day out seems to be impulsive and used as an acceptable response to some wrong perceived.
Thank you for the kind note. Yes, I agree there are differences between “anger” and “rage”, though I think they are more quantitative than qualitative–what starts as anger often “builds” to rage in a very short time. I also would add that not all types of anger are necessarily “bad”.
As Aristotle shrewdly observed, our aim ought to be,
“…to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way.” To be sure, this is no easy task, and the Rabbis of the Talmud observed that even God has exceedingly brief moments of anger! And yet, as the Buddhist sages have counseled, we may gradually learn to modulate, if not eliminate our anger, through patience, self-examination, and a willingness to investigate the supposed causes of our anger. As Thich Nhat Hanh puts it,
“While embracing your anger, you [should] practice looking deeply to see the nature of your anger, because you know that you may be the victim of a wrong perception. You may have misunderstood what you heard and saw. You may have a wrong idea of what had been said, what had been done…You yourself may have created the hell inside you.” (Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames, p. 59)
Ah–now if we could just get ourselves and our kids to
try that philosophy!
Best regards,
Ron Pies MD
P.S. Please note that my usual practice is to reply only to fully signed messages…thanks!
Well said! My children were raised as I was. Necessities and luxuries aren’t one and the same. Whatever the luxury, I had earned the money for it. As a child, I disagreed. A lot. When I left home, I truly appreciated ethics and integrity.
With my kids,their narcissistic friends who had it all, the newest and priciest, this more than a challenge and greater reason for it. Emotions come with being human. We all get angry, at times for reasons we don’t understand. How we express anger is very important. Kids are works in progress and learn more by example, albeit not always a great one.
Their friends respected no one, were rude and demanding, all of which made sense once I met the parents. WOW. Entitlement is a family thing. Self-absorption trumps all. I witnessed the anger. It’s NASTY.
America has been dealing with the economic effects of narcissism for awhile now. I’ve read about the politicians, CEO’s and partners in crime who lack remorse and compassion. Good people are rewarded and bad people aren’t, according to God. Religion in the board room..faith driven greed? Go figure.
Today, my kids are productive and compassionate. Doing good makes one feel good. Are they perfect? Nope. They do finally GET it; their narcissistic childhood friends are counterproductive and still demanding. My kids avoid them when possible.
It’s very sad.
Indeed it is useful to focus on the roots of this – also European – anger problem.
First of all teach us to take “no” as an answer at the earliest phase possible. A primary task of discipline and anger management for family and school.
Secondary level is the notion that rights are always linked to obligations, so you get nothing for free.
And the third level of compassion based on notions of equal rights for humans, animals and nature. With the understanding that activating such rights is a human duty.
It is easy to see the difference between right and wrong but where are the role models?
Many thanks to those who have commented, and I am in general agreement with the steps outlined by Marius Donker.
I hope the dialogue can continue, and I wish all readers a safe and happy new year!
Ron Pies MD