This guest article from YourTango was written by Kim Olver.
Most men do not cheat because they don’t love you anymore. Men cheat because they want more variety in their sex lives. Some complain of being bored. They want to feel adored by their partners; they want to asert their freedom; they are tired of disappointing you; they want a partner who places them at the center of their life, and they no longer feel like the priority in yours.
Sometimes it’s because you are speaking different love languages, and some men say it is a biological directive to procreate with as many women as possible for survival of the species. Whatever the reason, men have an innate need to feel respected and appreciated by their partners. It is most disconcerting for a man to realize he has disappointed his partner in some way. He wants to be her hero.
So, here are 10 ways to prevent your man from cheating.
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I greatly feel that we do a disservice to both men and women when we write about how to control others’ behavior. The reality is that if a man cheats, it is because he chooses to cheat (or, if you’re a evolutionary psychology type, because his genetic destiny is to cheat). By writing articles like this, we give women and men the notion that the responsibility for one’s own behavior lies with someone else. While women should work on being good wives, it still is only the choice of the man in the end.
This article is disappointing. It presents the topic in a manner that is putting the responsibility of the male’s actions onto the female. The same basic information could have been presented in a light that addresses excitement in sexual relationships/addressing your marriage’s sex life. If you want to address possible infidelity why not present information about communication, responsibilities of each partner, etc.
This is ridiculous. The woman isn’t perfect, so the man understandably cheats. And if the woman is perfect, the man won’t cheat? Seriously? Haven’t we gotten past blaming the wronged party for another’s behavior?
I have to say that the whole “make your relationship a priority” is a job for both the man and the woman. And giving him time with friends is very good. But if he constantly prioritizes friends and families above family, that will destroy the relationship, too.
Both people need time to themselves but to make the relationship the priority.
And I agree, this whole article makes it feel like: “if he cheats, it’s all your fault.” Tips are fine for ways to make your husband feel loved, not “how to prevent cheating.”
I am in total agreement with the comments above… Women can do all of the things listed here. If the man is the type that will cheat, he will cheat. We can not control their behavior. I can’t tell you how many times I rewound the tape to say think what I could have done differently before, and I then have to remind myself HE CHOSE TO CHEAT.
A good, decent man will simply break up with the woman who is not meant for him. A cheater will feel entitled to keep her around while he racks up others in his arsenal.
Thus article does women a disservice, as noted already, by telling us how to keep a man from cheating. They are great tips on how to keep a good man happy. But a good man will never cheat, period. And a cheater may cheat no matter how perfectly we follow these directions…
I totally agree with the above comments.
This does a very severe disservice to women by telling us we control others’ behavior.
A good man will simply break up with a woman who is not meant for him…
A cheater will cheat no matter how closely we follow these instructions.
I can’t tell you how many times I rewound the tape to figure out what I could have done differenty. And then I remind myself that he cheated because HE IS A CHEATER.
We can do all we can to keep a good man happy, and to select a good man, and to walk away when we see signs of a cheater. But we shouldn’t shoulder the burden when someone cheats on us. It made me sick to hear people blame Patraeus’ wife for “looking old” and frumpy…. That was an excuse for him to cheat!?!
No! Again, a GOOD MAN will be faithful, wen you are 8 months pregnant and bulging, when you are going through chemo (Elizabeth Edwards) or just getting old…
We give all we can to a good man, and they are good to us.
When they cheat, we must recognize that they either (a) had a momentary lapse that we are willing to forgive, or (b) are a cheater and will be a cheater, and we move on accordingly….
This sounds like it was written by a sex worker defending her profession because the men who pay her don’t get enough at home. Or the right kind of sex. Or whatever. Let’s switch the agenda: men can be boring, emotionally distant, and let themselves go. When a wife looks at that, she loses desire. It is time to stop the deflection of cause of infidelity onto women and look at the interaction of the partners and the context of the relationship.
Putting the relationship first? really? well i have been doing that the whole time i did everything on your stupid checklist yet. he still decided to chase other tails. so you know what if someone cheats its their own fault. the don’t be controlling? the title is 10 ways to keep him from cheating.That sounds pretty controlling to me. so you know what this article is a load of nonsense.
I’ve had just about enough of all the excuses under the sun for men behaving badly and entitled. Please! Blaming women for men’s behaviour choices is a tactic to lower our self esteem and threaten and intimidate, all to create compliant pussy for them. It’s all about unfettered access to as many females as possible by insulting and degrading and blaming us so that we cannot do enough to make up for our massive shortcomings! Cos if you women don’t do what you are told and worship your men then they will leave you and you will end up a lonely old hag and nobody loves an old hag. Why cant you be like the asian women? So beautiful and dutiful. ( so sexist and racist!) You big, mean, selfish women who want stuff from us! I want my mummy cos she worships me and asks for nothing in return.
DON’T BE SUCKED IN BY THEIR WAH WAH WHAT ABOUT ME ACT!
From a guys point of view this article is being truthful, but as usual ladies are not willing to listen. I am a damn good husband and I have not cheated on my wife, but if my personal convictions were not so strong I just might cheat. Ladies you may not stop all cheating but you could stop a large percentage of it if just listen to your man. You can get us to give the world to you gift wrapped just be taking care of our emotional needs. We need you to need us. Making your man feel like a king will get you treated like a queen. We will do anything to make you all happy, but we need to feel good about about ourselves and be secure in the fact that you all appreciate us for who we are. We will in turn shower you with love and devotion. I hope this does not offend you ladies but its the truth. Yes the are some of us guys who are just dogs and will always cheat. However, the majority of guys just need to feel like you need us.
Good Guy, you can say that men want to be the center of a woman’s universe and to feel needed and adored, but so do women. But women have to constantly compete with media images and porn and sexualized women all around us and men don’t seem to want to put that aside for us. For us to want to put you in the undivided center of our lives, we want to be in the undivided center of yours but society seems to be geared at making women feel bad about themselves and our “vulnerable” husbands who claim they have to have variety (women love variety too) but men claim variety to be a RIGHT and so women inherently can never be the sole recipient of men’s affection and adoration. So what do we do here? I want so much to feel loved, but all I ever feel is like one of many for my husband to adore.
This article is so evil to women. This belief is a bunch of cow manure. Women you all better not fall for this crap. No matter what we do, a man is a dog and he will want to be with other women. He is constantly roaming and looking for the golden bone. They are never satisfied. They are cold, silent, and moody, but always want you to do the relationship repair.
The people in this country have spoiled men and women continued to spoile them. Women fall for all this bullcrap that tells us to worship your man. Then brainwashed women say, “Oh that’s okay. I don’t mind. I will kiss his ass. I will kiss up to him and worship him and suck his___ whenever he wants , even though he will not do me, because I am trying to be a good little woman to my man, like sll the articles tell me too.”
Women folk, you all better not fall for this propaganda.
I am not a weak woman and I wish that other women would be strong. We really don’t need men anyway.They usually cause a lot of heartache for us women. They are like sexual dogs. They are too much trouble!!! Wake up women and open your eyes and see men for what they are. Heck no I am not a trol. I am metting ready to write a book about how men mistreat women and how women allow it.