If your relationship is on life support, it’s time for serious remediation. You can’t just hide your relationship problems under the rug, because they will only fester and worsen over time.
For a relationship to work, you need to address your relationship problems — just as you would work on a problem at school or at work.
So if you’re ready to get down to work, here are two “must-do” assignments for you.
1. Stop the zero-sum game. Start a team effort.
A zero-sum game is one where there’s a winner and a loser. It’s a great model for competitive sports but a miserable model for personal relationships.
If you’ve been playing a zero-sum game — or a game of tug-of-war — with your spouse, quit. Right now. Quit. Simply drop the rope.
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Site last updated: 19 Jun 2013
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Often times couples start a tally board and keep track, which spirals into an ongoing corkscrew, anchoring itself in a land of hurt feelings. Thanks for the post.
Yet another post about how the way to heal a relationship is to stop criticising and stop keeping track of the partner’s errors. Why does nobody ever address the point of view where the partner who wants to change is the one who does wrong and is being rightfully criticised for it but never criticises their partner, who keeps tally of their own errors, and whose partner is unaware of the fact that the relationship isn’t working?