This guest article from YourTango was written by Amy Johnson.
“Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.” — Anonymous
As a relationship coach, I talk to a lot of single women. It’s pretty rare to find one who wants to be in a relationship, isn’t in one and is perfectly relaxed about it. There is usually some fear lurking under the surface.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that single women are living in fear ; most are not. They have busy, happy lives just like coupled people.
But when many of these successful, self-assured, independent single women let their guard down, most of them admit that they are afraid that maybe they will never meet “him.”
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. The comments below begin with the oldest comments first. Click on the last comments page to jump to the most recent comments.
Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines.
Post a Comment:
Copyright © 1995-2013 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Site last updated: 22 May 2013
|
Here I “wax Freudian”. I have so many female friends. I have had all my life. I have watched as they have chased, ended up with, and then come to conclusions with the wrong person time and again. I know there backgrounds. What I know is that people of divorced families have no grounding on what to look for. So with no base, their conclusions are often based upon strictly “feeling in the dark”. The opposite extreme is girls from committed healthy families with great relationship with their fathers. I am a cold hearted friend/ counselor who often tells my friends after the break up, “You got what you were looking for. Quit looking for men with qualities you wouldn’t want in a relationship.” You find a guy who spends his days at the gym working out and self absorbed, don’t be surprised when he turns out to spend a lot of time at the gym and worships his own body and demeans every little flaw he can find in you just to elevate his own self image. Don’t like guys who can’t be faithful? Well then don’t date a guy after you find out he is married or in a long term relationship that hasn’t ended for more than a year. A guy who quickly gets in a fight to defend your honor, also shows signs of being capable of domestic violence when you later offend his. We live in a culture, that through public school systems, we have learned that only other people can validate us. it is a fallacy, but that is the feeling. Me, I am attracted to a woman who doesn’t need me to validate her, she appreciates a compliment, but is strong and wise enough to know she is unique and desirable. If you first know what you want in a relationship, then find somebody who fits the bill, rather than not knowing and just believing the “right one will come along” you will find more success. Being strong enough to lay down the rules and walk away when they are broken is another important trait.
I won’t go as far as saying this is “terrible” advice, but I definitely sense an air of idealism in the way this post is written, almost to the point of proselytizing. There are statements of pseudo face-saving scattered throughout, but what this article really says is that the “right” relationship will be one that is free of dramatic blowouts, fights, arguments, disagreements, differences, etc. The truth is, relationships are hard work regardless of whether or not they are “right”; to expect otherwise will end in disaster every single time. It shouldn’t take a healthy relationship for someone to see the mistakes they have made in the past; that’s what a healthy dose of self-reflection is for. Not to mention, living a life of singledom and NEVER getting married is just as valid as finding the “right” relationship, but that isn’t even mentioned here; it’s almost as if the author is saying that it’s a temporary lifestyle until a healthy relationship comes along and saves you. If a relationship coach boasted this information/advice to me, I’d fire them immediately for having a self-interested biased perspective.