Getting married is a pivotal moment of life, like the first time you had sex or assumed a mortgage. So-called ‘reality’ TV shows would have us believe it’s all about throwing a really fabulous party and wearing a really fabulous dress. Back on Planet Earth …
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Awesome! Something that every family should read when there is a wedding planned!
This is interesting!
I have a sibling whose wife, fiancee at the time, had a very hard time integrating with the family. Some people (i.e. in-laws) are just so very different from the family that it is almost impossible to become an integrated family. Other times it’s just a matter of becoming lenient and open-hearted/minded.
These are great tips; but I’m not quite sure these rules are as easily followed as they are said. Of course we can do some of these things…but there are just those really tedious in-law relationships where nothing seems to work, even when you are flexible. Although I am not married yet, I really am afraid to become an in-law, especially a daughter-in-law.
I hope and also pray that I get a very sweet mother-in-law. Watching my sibling try to make our mother like his wife, is like pulling wisdom teeth!!
It’s too bad I can’t send this to my best friend’s future in laws–she’s getting married next month!
Send it to your friend. Maybe she can find a way to sneak it to them.
I definitely have to figure out a way to get this into the hands of my parents and my future in-laws. They are BOTH guilty of multiple things on this list. I actually dealt with the “But I’m your mother why wouldn’t you want to please me” issue tonight. My wedding is planned for February 2010, please pray!
J. Nelson,
You may already be doing this, if so forgive me, I’m a born meddler.
If I may suggest: First be on the same page with your fiance. The most important thing is for the two of you to form an alliance, a bond that is consistent. Once you are in agreement that it is your relationship that takes precedence over all others, be patient but firm (and consistent) with both sets of parents. They are going through a transition too and may need time to accept their new role.
Good luck. You are in my prayers! Plus, you can always give me a call if you need some backup.
Great post! I find the difficulties and enjoyment of meeting your family member’s boyfriends or girlfriends to be fascinating. It seems there’s always growing pains whether you like them or not, but it’s much more difficult when you don’t. I’d love to read more on this topic.
I recently read this blog that I thought added some insight into the issue and was enjoyable: http://burisonthecouch.wordpress.com/2010/06/25/family-member-dating/
I’d love to see more like it. Thanks!
I have been a mother in law for 10 years to 2 girls. We have a pretty good relationship..not without work! I really wish that mothers in law didn’t have a bad rep before it even starts! One day you’re great and the next day ..after the wedding..you become..” the dreaded mother in law” I’ve been a very good one..try really hard and its still sometimes tough.
What do you do if you are in a situation where you have inlaws who at one point or another have broken ALL of these rules. (and on several occassions), but because they think that they are always right, will not listen to advice?
Just an added note to my message above- this situation with my inlaws has escalated to the point where my side of the family are no longer talking to his parents, because of the ways that they have treated me and my parents. (Not the mention the weddings that have been cancelled because of their refusal to attend because of disagreement over small details like location, church, invitations etc). HELP!!!- It is a very stressful situation, and my partner and I see no way way other than to break-up after being together for 6 years.
I say tactfully stand up for yourself, without expecting spouse to do it for you, don’t let him be caught in the middle,assuming he would stand in, feeling he has to choose.After 8 yrs of discordance I learnt that, of course prayer served a big part.Never tell spouse about his family, instead he’ll come to you about them(and you know you want to know), and soon enough,he’ll wake up and smell the coffee. My husband and I have been together since we were 20yrs old,25 yrs later with 2 kids, we’re just as strong.(Though were many…and I mean many solitary nights, always full of tears, arguing, trying to prove myself despite all the negative things that encircled me, and there were lots)…and it made me stronger, made us stronger today, whilst every marriage in his family failed, including parents,NOT mine!
An added note, a marriage is based on trust and communication…amongst other things…quarter century later am still there!