Unexpected Crying: How Do You Handle It?Today I got a surprise. I was at a day-long training with a variety of activities, and one of them was watching a short video about older people in the hospital. …

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Unexpected Crying: How Do You Handle It?

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  1. On the article about suddenly bursting in tears.I’m 59 and i do generally have public control of my emotions, but not at nights when I get back to work to find myself alone at home (daughters married or working elsewhere, divorced in 1984).
    First I got peaceful then had problems with a teacher at PhD program who sent me off and had to take that class in a nearby city -yes I continued and am about to finish the degree– but once on the bus back I felt a deep pain in my heart and started to think about past events trying to get rid of bad feelings but I think it’s taken too long.
    Once my closest friend passt away I mourned and a day after opened the door to sense a strong pain like if it was outside and not in myself.
    I think I cannot stay alone and will need a companion the rest of my life which is also a posibility.
    Can you help me know if this is the right way to deal with deep buried feelings at a stage of my life where i can still do a lot at work? Im a university teacher in Mexicali, B.C. Mexico.

  2. I sincerely appreciate all of the stories I am reading, however what I realize most is that since I am a crier, I have developed a poor self image over the years. I can also admit that being a sales rep who has to visit with customers, it has resulted in lost sales. I usually just tear up sometimes and rarely go into full blown tears unless I am with my husband (never cries). However, regardless of how we manage internally to excuse our tears, it does either seem to annoy or embarrass others. I also can see that there are so many more insensitive people than criers, thus I know it can appear indulgent or result in a label. I have been called a bipolar personality after crying in front of my doctor four months after I buried my Mom. I am absolutely not bipolar but he gave me a prescription anyway! I know I am the daughter of a histrionic, self absorbed, impulsive, and narcissistic Mother. I was enmeshed so closely with her that I often never spoke and it took years for me to grow up enough to quit being so debilitatingly shy. Whenever I was asked a question, she would answer. She loved me too much at times and I think all of the stress she added to my life has resulted in my having some type of personality disorder. I feel nostalgic for her younger years of growing up during WWII. How she met my Dad and came to this country. I am full of all the things she told me during my growing up years and have incorporated all of her experiences into my own mind. I married a very loving person, who just by chance is very self centered like my Mom. He is kind and caring most of the time, but very impersonal at others. He is also not very complimentary anymore. I feel crying brings to me a self hatred I cannot overcome. I was not a depressive person (like my Mom)until now, later in my life. I am 56, yet am told how I look like a 36 year old. This is practically everyday. Why I mention this is because my value to my Mom and my husband has always been in my appearance, however I have been blessed to enjoy being attractive. Don’t fool yourselves, but with it comes people who do not want to be around you. My girlfriend from my past, bit my head off once because I told her she could do better than having an 85 year old for a part time lover. She has more than one and gravitates to 80 plus years old men only. She screamed at me that I have had it way too easy just because I am beautiful. She told me she cannot be picky. In contrast, I have worked many years and struggled financially beyond her comprehension. I have a husband who expects me to be perfect and mow the lawn and bring home money and raise the kids and serve him just like I did my Mom. I have had a horrible life that is very lonely and I am not appreciated and rarely do I get my needs met. I get no empathy when I have a birthday that no one remembers or bothers to buy a card for. I have no vacations and I am always struggling financially. I have suffered with uterine cancer, skin cancer, stress factors that cause me to break out in sweat by merely thinking about paying bills, crying due to inability to accept the deaths of my parents and big brother. etc. Now I am suffering with chronic horrible back pain and must be medicated for pain, yet when i get a little crabby, I get shouted and screamed at by my husband. He never gives me a break. I feel so much envy for other women who seem to be happy and do not cry all of the time like I do. I would give up my personal self to be anyone who is older and more secure and happier than I am. Being attractive leaves you open to become a possession for a man and after he uses you for attention getting and having children, you take a back seat in his life. While others (men) are always in pursuit of you, you still feel like nothing. Mom always chastised me whenever I didn’t look good, but balanced that with doting on me for all the attention she got for having me as her daughter. Am I the most pathetic mess you have ever read about…? In summation, I believe that there are many underlying problems behind the tears of criers. I also think some people have a lot to be sad about. However, to excuse the tears by telling ourselves that we are just sensitive and have a heart and that if others don’t like it they can leave….just does not work for me. I believe it is just a way to cope for embarrassing ourselves. If we think we should excuse our crying when most of the dominant general population seem to keep their feelings in check better than we do, then we are fooling ourselves. I hate hate hate my crying episodes because they cause people to lose what little respect for me that I am lucky enough to get in the first place. Thanks for letting me contribute. I am open to a cure but it cannot involve an attempt to validate it by feeling superior for having this horrible affliction. I will keep reading for hope.

  3. You’re all making me want to cry just reading about what makes you cry!

    I actually Googled the term “always cry at parades” because, yet again, I fought tears at a parade today, for no good reason. It must be the sense of goodwill and community that gets me? Same with YouTube videos of coordinated dancing in public that someone mentioned above (also known as “flash mobs”) – I can’t help but get a little choked up while watching virtual strangers work together. Heck, I can get misty when I see fellow drivers pull over for a fire truck because we’re taking a moment to work in unison for the common good.

    I also get very teary-eyed when walking through the entry tunnel at Disneyland (there is a plaque above the tunnel that says, “Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow and fantasy.”) Gah! I cannot read that out loud without my voice cracking so I’ve just made a game with my kids that we hop on one foot through the tunnel as our “entry to Disneyland” tradition. It seems silly but I’m partially doing it to distract myself and avoid tears!

    • Zinder, I’m right there with you about the flash mobs….That’s actually why I just googled “cry too easily” tonight. I was watching Flash Mobs on youtube!! I feel so much better knowing I’m not alone with this crying at everything….school programs, movies, commercials, books…pretty much any place that I’m in a group that is having some sort of collective emotion. All the clapping and cheering gets me teary. I even got teary the other day when I was thinking about when my son turns 16 and we surprise him with a car (crying now while remembering it) and he’s only 2 1/2 right now!! Geez. I got our planning dvd for Disney World the other day and sat and watched it. Cried thinking about when we take our son and watching him see everything for the first time and be amazed like I was. That darn magical place will have me bawling. It’s pretty embarrassing to cry all the time and half the time people think your crazy or depressed. When I go to the doctor I always get teary talking about my health (which isn’t bad) but I cry anyway and then the doctors think I’m depressed and try to put me on medication!! I’m not depressed I’m just emotional! And I’m glad to know now that I’m not the only one. :) Thanks everyone for all the posts. I’ll go back to youtube and cry some more watching the Flash Mobbers. :)

  4. It’s a relief to know I’m not alone. I’m a man in his 40’s and have had strong emotions all my life. Happiness, sadness, nostalgia – if it’s an emotion, I’ve shed a tear over it. I consider myself a strong person however, it has taken me some time to learn how to cope with crying in public. I do accept it as part of my make-up and feel comfortable with it in a private setting but, it occasionally attracts attention in public. if I can keep a straight face and act like I’m good with it, others seem to be less effected.

  5. I have 5 children and 14 grandchildren. For those who have not experienced graduations…wait.
    I cry all the time for real. I am crying right now I say get over it!

  6. I’m 50 yrs old, and yesterday -once again- I cried it at a parade (add to that category weddings, bar-mitzvahs, Barbra singing “Papa Can You Hear Me” and similar, scenes from the series Under Cover Boss and the like).

    In any case, yesterday, for the first time, I made a connection between my crying at parades, and my high-functioning Autistic/Asperger’s son early behaviour, when he’d cry at the circus, theatre, concerts. In the autism world, this is caused by low tolerance to sensory overload. In any case, today I did a search and could not believe how many people (over 40) have also done the same search!

  7. I am not afraid to admit that reading all of this has made me cry actual tears. I’m not sobbing and I’m not unhappy. In fact, it has been quite comforting to find so many others like myself. The one thing that resonates here is our sensitivity. I know that I do not have a borderline personality disorder or anything similar. As a child, I have always been described as “overly sensitive” and my parents and siblings never quite understood me.

    However, I am very touched by things, both good and bad. I did some reading on “highly sensitive” persons (there is a lady who has a website and books on the subject – http://www.hsperson.com/index.html) and found myself there. Along with this, I cannot watch scary movies or read scary books. I am careful what I watch on the news, as terrible things done to people will surely keep me awake at night.

    I am now 47 and have learned to accept myself as I am. I do not make a scene in public, but the tears may fall, especially at parades and watching the flash mobs, etc. A great, overwhelming concert will especially touch my emotions. I also found this page by searching for “crying at parades” because I figured it must be a psychological phenomenon.

    On the flip side, I have a great sense of humor. I love jokes and often find ways to lighten the atmosphere and relieve tension. So, I am not depressed – in fact, I am blessed beyond measure! :D

    Thanks to everyone for sharing and to the author for bringing up this “highly sensitive” subject! ;-)

  8. I have this problem and I absolutely hate it. My husband and daughter do not cry at even the saddest movie, so there I sit sniffling and wiping my eyes and making them uncomfortable. I cry at the silliest things. I can’t speak up at a PTA meeting to express a concern without sounding like I am about to sob. Watching children perform in school concerts and plays or seeing them get awards chokes me up. I can’t read or watch any story about animals passing away. Saying goodbye to people makes me cry even when I am not that close to them. I can’t read sweet greeting cards without tearing. I hate this problem. It makes me reduce my involvement in life. I never know when the feeling is going to well up and it can be over nothing so I avoid situations where it might happen. I hope it’s better after menopause when I have less estrogen.

    • Oh my goodness, I am so glad I found this!! I cry at deaths, babies, weddings happy events, I cannot any longer talk in front of people, and I too withdrwa from these situations! At my bosses recent retirement party I wrote a awesome speach, after 2 lines I had to hand it to a coworker! Its kindoff a joke now at work. I am a radiation therapist, have been for 30 years, this isnt a problem I enjoy in my field! My family calls me the professional mourner! My daughter is getting married in sept. and i am petrified to think I will cry the night away!! I have just heard something about the vargas nerve and crying?!! goona look into it.I wish my doctor could give me something!! This all started the day I got married and my firstborn, I cried for 3 weeks!! Gotto be hormomal!

  9. does anyone know of hormoneal therapy for this????

  10. I am so glad to hear that I am not alone. I have had this issue for as long as I can remember, though it seems to get worse with the older I get. My boyfriend finds it somewhat embarrassing and brushes me off any time I cry now as he figures it is a part of whatever psychological disorder I have. I cry when appropriate, you know when emotional situations arise that most people cry for. However, the “embarrassing” times are when I am very happy or excited or feel pride in what I am doing or seeing and my eyes just well up with tears and there is no stopping it. parades, pig races at the fair, fireworks, national anthem, going some place I have wanted to go to forever, all the shows at Sea World, and other “happy” events like that.

    It’s really hard for me because I feel there is something seriously wrong with me. I mean what would most people think when they see an adult women in her mid 20’s crying for no apparent reason? My boyfriend often gets dirty looks when someone sees me crying at times that seem to not permit it. Poor guy, most people probably assume he is the reason I am in tears and is a jerk. For whatever reason this happens to us, I am just glad to hear that though I have never seen another person react this way, they are out there and I am not alone or a “freak” who should be put in a padded room.

    • Yay Des! I cried at Sea World last month! :) In 2013 I’ll be crying at Disney World. Haha! Since I was crying from watching Flash Mobbers I decided to look it up and found this site. Glad I did. We aren’t alone! :)

  11. I’m glad im not the only person who cries in uncomfortable moments. I’ve broken down crying at birthday parties and at funerals and prettymuch everywhere in between. I’ve even broken down in uncontrollable tears during school work. I’m 14 years old by the way almost 15. and I’m actually here cause I googles how to stop uncontrollable tears
    I wish everyone here the best in all their struggles

  12. I tend to stifle my crying a lot in church…oddly enough. But that seems more to me a spiritual sort of thing. Like battling that stronger, emotional me that I’m not use to letting take over.
    Anyway, lol, I’m also such a baby whenever the military is honored or even mentioned in any branch or any way. I even sometimes tear up for the national anthem. That’s embarrassing …
    Yeah…I typically only do the hard, you know, soul wrenching kind of crying when I’m by myself. Sometimes it opens up the wounds to let it heal again.

  13. I am a happily married 63 year old woman.I cry very easily over almost anything, happy times and sad times alike. I cry at the national anthem, lit Christmas trees, out of frustration , seeing others cry, reading sentiments on greeting cards, in public and private, and I hate doing so. I start bawling when I see a father embracing a daughter. Is there any way I can control these out of control emotions?

  14. I tear up and get sqeaky (not so much cry)during Christmas, alot, I can’t even read Christmas stories to my daughter without crying. I cry at many different emotional times during the day. Especially reading about all of the positive help given during the Holidays. Reading an article in the paper, talking to a friend about the past, hearing a touching story if animal recovery, thinking of the past and family gone. During church (that’s a big one, I never go without a wad of kleenex).It’s a bother sometimes. My family has gotten used to it, but it still bothers me sometimes.

  15. Agh I just googled this tonight bc I just got back from a retirement party for our IT specialist that is retiring and I did not see his retirement coming for some reason. I too have a technical degree and I firsthand know how underappreciated IT specialists are especially in a mainly non-technical field that we work in. I cried tonight in front of him and his wife as I wished him well and explained how I will miss them both and how amazingly patient and nice this guy really is and now I feel so stupid for crying like I must have looked like a crazy person. I wasnt bawling but I definitely started crying and ofcourse was THE ONLY person there that did that. Agh so embarrassing. I have been emotional lately with other personal things in my life but I will really miss our IT specialist he is a really cool person and his wife makes a mean cake which is my favorite. I guess the unknown not knowing who we are going to get and if he will be as cool as our guy and feeling like he was the only person at work that I could talk shop with and got my computer nerd humor,bc everyone else is in a completely different field, after everyone stood up and said something nice about him. I went over and talked to them personally bc I didnt want to cry in front of everyone and OFCOURSE I started crying. I wish I had a switch that I could just shut off so i dont look like an emotionally basketcase. That is the last image I want to project personally and professionally. Anyway if anyone finds the “secret cure” can you let us know lol, I feel so stupid for crying…like who does that. :-p

  16. OMG I tear up all the time at the dumbest stuff. When I stop to babble at a baby in the mall my eyes well up. When I see the Publix commercials with the talking salt & pepper shakers I tear up. When I speak to anyone about anything that touches the heart strings in the most remote way my eyes well up, even if it’s work related. It makes me feel like an idiot and I am really trying to control it. Still looking for solutions…

  17. So what is wrong with me, my life is great, but at this point I’m almost at my wits end. Are these panic attacks? Am I just crazy I can’t explain it, in the middle of an attack you can’t see the end and would give ANYTHING ANTHING to be sure this is the last one, knowing as it looks right now there is only one end, to even write it down scarces me because yes it means that the thoughts are starting to at least begin to indicate a solution that I would have said was totaly impossible just a few weeks ago but I want this to end. I can’t explain whats wrong to anyone, I have a wonderful wife and family but there are not words to discribe both the worthlessness and the fear, is this going to be what I am for the rest of my life? I truly believe that God will not give you more then you can handle but ENOUGH already, if this is a test I fail just please stop it. You have blessed me more than I have a right to be blessed. But this isn’t right to do to anyone I know I’m a sinner but is this wrath? Did I earn this, I can’t imagine what my sins must be to earn this, is this eternal damnation? If there is worse may you have mercy on the soul of anyone who must endure more then this . I beg for your forgiveness for what ever I my have done. If you could please grant me tne mercy to make this stop I;m at the end of my rope and just don’t now what to do. I have a wonderful support group without it Iam sure I would be dead because even with all these people I just don’t know if I will make it out of this darkness. Im s afraid and tired of this. I pray at least 30 times a day for relief and when it comes I know it won’t last. Will it be an hour, 2 days the only thing that you know for sure is that it will be back. Once it passes I feel like a fool, a grown man that can control these emotions, you have the life millions of people would die for. A group that supports and loves you unconditionaly, and yet you can break down like this. Whats the matter with you, you have a job that obviously thinks somewhat highly of you, they have been nothing less than completely understanding. But as it starts yet again all those things matter not, for the beast is in your head and you CAN’T fix it, it will end when it wants and you will once again be the guiltiy foolish person knowing the people who love you and all you have to live for, afraid of the next one to begin. Knowing with certainty that it will.

    • Remember Job. Our Heavenly Father loves us; it is not He who attacks us. We are all sinners, but our enemy is seeking who he can kill and destroy. The enemy is not looking for his own children, he knows who they are and will torment them in due course. The enemy of God is looking for people who are trying to follow righteousness — those are the people the enemy afflicts. Your pain is not from God. Eschew it. Focus your mind on whatever things are lovely. God loves you! :-)

  18. The above is crying on a level that is completely uncontrolable I’m on meds that help some, just wanted to write this some where. thank you

  19. I am so happy to hear that I am not alone with this emotional state I am always in. I cry all the time, whether it’s about something sad or happy. I cry when I read text messages, when I read cards, when I watch movies, etc. If i’m not feeling well and someone gives their sympathy, I cry. When I am explaining my feelings to someone, I cry. If I have to confront someone about something that bothers me, I cry. I particularly hate when that happens because if I am confronting someone they are suppose to know that I am serious but I can’t control the tears. I don’t know how to control it, but I want it to stop. It’s really uncomfortable because I do it in public as well. I need some suggestions, advice, help. I was always an emotional person, but I never used to cry at the drop of a dime like this. It’s getting out of control.

  20. I was recently let go from a position and they quoted my two incidents of uncontrolled crying when I was angry as reason to let me go. They said it showed I was unable to handle my emotions. I cry at commercials, I cry if I feel any threat to my family, I cry in nearly any situation that is slightly stressful though I know rationally It’s not rational. I cry just thinking about it now. I would probably give anything to be able to control it and my daughter has the same issue. I try to let her know It’s ok so she doesn’t feel she is doing anything wrong, so her emotions are validated so there is no shame. Hopefully she won’t come under as much scrutiny and embarrassment if she is told she’s alright unlike I have been told my whole life for having this happen.

  21. I am a 30 year old guy…and I can cry easily during movies, reading books, etc. But today I read this article above- and was listening to Paradise (by Coldplay) at the same time – and tears simply started streaming from my eyes! I do not mind this when I am all alone by myself. I feel its embarrasing when there are people around…although I do not cry easily with people around.

    But amazing thing is – this article triggered it for me??? Cmon give me a break now!

  22. Glad I found this site and that I am not alone. Good to also see men on here that also have this emotional roller coaster and admit it. I have been the strong one in the family for many, many years and didn’t ever cry much at all. Lately though, I cry a LOT and many times when I shouldn’t have these strong emotions. I can’t even go talk to my boss at work about something important without tearing up. It is embarrassing. I am not on any depression medication at all and am wondering if maybe I should bring it up to my doctor. I am sure I will cry when I do that too. Perhaps it is hormones, I am almost 51, or maybe it is from pent up emotions. My daughter was a missing child for 15 years until we were reunited (parental kidnapping) My dad a few years ago committed suicide. My mom is holding on but is a high risk for another major stroke or seizure and can’t do things for herself anymore. (I am the only one in the family that she can really depend on) I ended my marriage 2 years ago after 9 years together. So, lots have been going on with me. Cry, cry and cry I do and it is mostly at home alone thankfully. But at commercials and just about anything tears me up anymore. I am so glad there is waterproof mascara. Anyway, enough of my sob story. This whole crying for anything nonsense is driving me crazy.

  23. Just last Wednesday i totally embarrassed my self when i SUDDENLY cried in front of a professor. Worse, i was inside the college faculty, and there were some two or three other teachers there, behind their desks, previously talking among themselves, and are now witnesses of the embarrassing scene.

    I was planning on asking that unlucky professor a favor for a group-class activity, a demonstration on college teaching. I thought he could be our observer, since the original person supposed to fill the slot, just had to be absent on that same agreed day, when we were gonna need her presence. I had to do something about it. My group mate, the one whose supposed to do the demo, looked like she was going to cry when i met her in front of the faculty. I told her to go back to the classroom where she’d perform the demo, along with our class’ professor. The rest of my group mates were nowhere insight. I was so loathing myself for the situation. Why the hell did we pick that person to our observer. And now i had to find a new one. And there started the drama.

    I really don’t know ho it happened, but when i approached the professor i thought could replace the absent one, and when i started explaining the situation to him, and while i was listening to his reply, that he was busy, and while i was trying to tell him it was okay…i think he said something about why i looked like i was about to cry.

    When i heard him say that, i just went off crying. God, how he looked frightened, and i was quite taken aback too! Why the hell was i crying?!

    The professor was asking me questions. He looked really uncomfortable. Was i the one doing to the demo? I shook my head. He figured that it was a group mate, or was it that i told him it as my group mate…between the sobs. So if i weren’t doing the demo, why was i crying? I thought, yeah, good, question. Did my professor scold me? I just kept shaking my head. So was i crying for that group mate? I did not know, but it didn’t feel like i was crying for my group mate at all.

    I tried to laugh and show that i was just as surprised as he was, covering my face with my hands, wiping the cursed tears helplessly. God i must’ve looked an uber mess!!! I could just feel stares coming from the other people in that large room behind me.

    I knew i had to leave, but i couldn’t just dash out of their office. It was a bit of a long run towards the exit door. The closest door out had an ottoman chair blocking it, but, i guess, at that i was already thinking heading towards it and jump over the damn chair and disappear!

    But the professor kindly led me out of the shrinking place anyway, saying that he’d go but that he needed to use the rest room first. I thought, “thank you!!!”

    Presently I’m hitting my head. That was the worse of all the dumbest things that i’ve done my whole life. And I’ve had a lot of embarrassingly dumb events. Wish i wasn’t such a cry baby. I’m quite sure the whole faculty had been gossiping about the incident. I hate it when i take on the gossip spotlight. And i’m quite sure the professor i approached, felt like hell…should i approach him? I don’t wanna put him in another awkward spot. Heck no!

  24. I have always been a very emotional person,as long as I can remember my main feeling towards this life and people has been negative,even as a young child I would break down uncontrollably,and has a nervous breakdown at the age of 11,the crying has never been a choice it is something I have never ever!been able to stop and when I do cry it is to the point its physically painful and also too physically painful to stop it starting!Also a lot of the time there is nothing that should be triggering it,it starts and like a baby I will cry myself to sleep.I have no idea why this happens to me and now that I am a parent myself it worries me that it will effect my son,so I always downplay it to him by saying things like”You know what mummy is like,Im a big old sook,then I laugh to try and let him think that I have control over it.Funny enough also I have always tried to be the tough chick,especially in Highschool.I would just truly love to know a way to stop the start of the crying and be able to have a little control over when I do cry.And yes all my other emotions are quite extreme also.I feel like I was born depressed but my other siblings and family have never been big cryers and there is nothing I can think of that would have triggered this as a child?If anyone has any solution to this pleeease give me some feedback.

  25. Well, I’m crying while reading all the comments…thank you all for your posting! I thought I was the only one! (-;
    It reminds me of being at the airport as a child of about seven years old. Seeing my Aunt boarding the plane after her visit I could feel the tears running down my face. To be completely honest I wasn’t that sad she was leaving it was the emotion of it. Since that time I too cry at parades, symphony orchestras and commercials, et al. My mother told my father see how she cries at everything she is super sensitive. I took this to heart and it is very uncomfortable when it happens, especially the lump in my throat and the difficulty swallowing. It’s not a sob fest but uncontrollable tears.
    A therapist many years ago told me that the world needed more sensitive people like me. So when it does happen I try to remember that not everyone can feel emotion. I might add I also cry when others are crying.

  26. So glad I’m not alone….Last week was the first time I’ve been to Disney world. I’m 62. I stood at the end of the street and got a peach sized lump in my throat and cried. I felt silly and still not used to these outbursts. In fact every little princess that walked by brought tears to my eyes.
    I’ve spent a lifetime crying over cartoons, older couples and events. In fact, a teacher told me of a time when my son was in a school play in 6th grade and a friend of his asked “are your parents here?” My son made a face and said, hear that lady crying like someone just died? That’s my Mom. Now the kids carry tissues and giggle and say….there she goes. Although, I’ve seen them keep a few tissues for themselves. : )

  27. I’m pretty sure my case is different, but I do have experienced unexpected crying. When I’m at school, people berate me for being way different from them.
    The insults weren’t very, well, insulting, but I cry all the same. This makes people berate me more. I’m really confused about this.

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