Vulnerability is scary. But it’s also a powerful and authentic way to live. According to author Brené Brown, Ph.D, LMSW, in her latest book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead, “Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.”
She defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” Think about the vulnerability it takes to love someone – whether it’s your parents, siblings, spouse or close friends. Love is filled with uncertainties and risks. As Brown notes, the person you love might or might not love you back. They might be in your life for a long time or they might not. They might be terrifically loyal or they might stab you in the back.
Think about the vulnerability it takes to share your ideas with the world, not knowing how your work will be perceived. You might be appreciated, laughed at or downright skewered.
Vulnerability is hard. But what can make it even harder — needlessly so — are the inaccurate assumptions we hold about it.
Brown shatters the following three myths in Daring Greatly.
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As a fellow therapist and rss feed subsciber (and someone who never leaves comments on articles) This was extremely well timed for me as I am currently feeling extremely vulnerable ( with “New love”) at the conclusion of the article I said outloud.. Wow. Thank you for such a powerful article at a much needed and “vulnerable” time in my life.
There is no upside to being vulnerable. In the boxing match that is life, to let your guard down is to extend an invitation for someone to come along and pop you one in the chin.
There is an upside to being vulnerable but often the relationship which can be very intense can end badly. I have found that I either have chosen the wrong person to expose my vulnerability or have expected too much from the other person. Perhaps I have been too trusting or too vulnerable to flattery.
Dear Joan,I agree, I found myself 10 years ago letting go of fears and being vulnerable to my now husband and fell deeply in love with him. Never believing or thinking the worst of the worst. Now he wants a divorce and is has basicly been planning it for years. He has cheated numerous times , is a sex addict, drug addict, pathological liar and has done nothig but character assassinate me to any one who will believe him. Not once has he looked inside of himself to realsize that the very reason he is so anger and unhappy is because of his own actions. My heart is so broken and i am so afraid and feel so alone. So was i being stupid or just letting my heart fall in love?
it is to be open and honest with yourself first and foremost. which is at times the hardest thing to do. to be able to forgive you and those around.learn to trust you and then those around. it is a daily battle at times, at others is gracefully done.
It’s amazing how you develop a certain thought and how that thought influence your life. Lately, something struck my head, and it struck hard. I’ve had various thoughts creeping in – some goes unnoticed, some floats around, and some – tries to make me frail. GOD-DAMN-IT. I don’t know why for some reason, I felt feeble and vulnerable.
Life, at the moment, is going good. Working in a new environment – with all new people and new ideas, I literally have no complains at all. But then, at times – certain thing strikes me. It tries to subdue me – wants to squeeze me, jolt me, and leave me with superfluous crappy feelings – all powerless. And the FUCK is I really don’t know what that CRAP is all about. It stays around again and, makes me indefensible.
It sucks! That particular vulnerability. But again, this is how it is. I am human and, I have flaws.
Accepting it – I move on. And this journey is of eternal
Rest is just a temporary state, anyway.
I’m in a place where I am feeling so vulnerable. A friend of mine is in the beginning stages of a relationship. I looked her and a son up on the Internet. The son has a charge of Sexual Assualt in the 3rd degree. The son is out of the house but I am afraid to tell my friend. He has young sons. I am concerned about this other family coming in contact with his family. If I tell him he will be angry for meddling. But if I don’t I’m not ring truthful.
I must say that the emotions I’m feeling are making me feel small and weak.
I believe being vulnerable is the start of real realationship. Anything less is acting–a performance for which you are judged and applauded because you’ve been careful to only show what is acceptable. Unfortunately, vulnerability also leaves you positioned for attack, which still comes whether you are vulnerable or not. The key is first accepting yourself and realizing you do have worth. If you first accept yourself, then you are more open to good relationships and also able to see and respond to the attacks that come. Sadly, life can never be hurt-free; and some areas of growth can only come through pain.
your writing helped me a lot. thanks and good luck.