This guest article from YourTango was written by Kim Olver.
A recent study reveals a connection between spanking in childhood and mental health diagnoses later in life.
Whether or not you agree with the findings, I’d like to present you with 9 reasons spanking is never a good idea.
1. Spanking shows that “stronger” is right. When you use physical punishment to show a child he/she did something wrong, you are sending the unintended message that whomever is bigger and stronger decides what’s right and what’s wrong. Does this mean your child can determine what’s right when he or she becomes stronger than you? Could this contribute to why elder abuse is so prevalent?
2. Spanking demonstrates that older people have a right to hit younger people. You’re sending the message that older, bigger people have the right to hit younger, smaller people. This is especially confusing when you’re disciplining a child for hitting someone. What do you think can happen when your child grows to be bigger than you?
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What a bunch of nonsense. The liberal position that the self esteem of a child will be damaged by numerous and sundry things has pervaded modern American society. What it has spawned, however, is the belief among youth that actions do not have serious consequences. They hold this misguided belief that the worst consequences are a heated debated. The truth is much more tragic. Political lies, overzealous drive and a desire to control lead people to oppress through violence, force and often war. This is the world we live in, unfortunately.
Further, we have seen a movement where masses of youth, spurred through emotional prodding, use their force of numbers to try and shut down businesses, control people’s lives, etc. Our founding American fathers talked about this when they cautioned that Democracy would eventually result in a larger group collectively oppressing another through legislation until bloody revolt occurred. Yes, violence will ensue if non-violent oppression run unchecked.
Spanking taeches, very effectively, the difference between right and wrong but, more importantly, it teaches that actions can have very serious, dangerous and hurtful effects in the adult world. This is a hard lesson, but a required one. The bible states that to spare the rod spoils the child. I would suggest that our American youth, the 99% movement and modern American socialism all prove this point. We have a generation who believes that people can be oppressed through “peaceful” government legislation without consequence. Unfortunately, I fear the results will follow our founding fathers predictions as to the life cycle of “enlightened” democracies.
Agree with you m8 with that, I think it is a form of discipline not abuse
actually this article is exactly right. spanking is the least effective way of raising a child. All it does is teach the kid not to get caught doing bad things. Also some people who spank are very hipocritical. They are always saying how violence is never the answer and there always is a better way. But here they are using violence to solve the a problem. And that bible verse is very misunderstood. Rod(shebet) as used in the bible stands for the stick that shepards used to guid their sheep. The fact that people use this as a reason for spanking is funny. When you look at the article pretty much all of it is true. These results have been tested survered by many scientist. and many physcologist would and have agreed with this. Spanking is no where near the best way to raise your child or teach them a lesson about the world. Kids aren’t stupid people some lessons in life don’t need teaching.
Of course teens are going to be against the spanking..Teens want to be able to do what they want without consequences..But that’s not how the world works. I saw a comment up above someone stating they believe their kids should be able to give out the same respect as an adult well here’s the thing..Kids are not adults. They don’t not have the mind of an adult what if an adult isn’t being disrespectful and your kids are being disrespectful to an adult because they think and feel they are an adult because you taught them that? Does that adult get to respond as an adult would to your child? Or will you allow them to disrespect their elders and defend them teaching them its ok to disrespect people because momma will always be there to protect them? Just saying. To the teens (When you first disrespect someone, in life, your going to get treated with disrespect back) So when you say “How do you expect teens to respect you if your spanked?” Think about that..You wouldn’t be spanked if your were not being disrespectful.
i think they were talking about spanking children in this article… spanking teenagers in high school is creepy…just saying
Hmm…
I’m going to have to go with false. Yes, definitely false.
I’m actually amazed that the only two comments so far try to rebut the article, not in its points, but in thinking beating a child is actually a good thing.
Pathetic.
Yes, Bradon, I find it interesting as well. As the author, I am not advocating there be no consequences to a child’s actions. In fact, every action creates natural consequences–some positive, some negative and some neutral. It’s a parent’s job to help their children connect the natural consequences of their actions to their behavior and then help them do it better next time. However, if a child’s safety is at stake, a parent may need to physically restrict their child’s movement to keep them alive.
Spanking provides the quick fix and parents think they are teaching right from wrong when in essence they are teaching children to not trust the adults in their lives.
And yes, Gostrath, I also agree with you about the fact that violence exists in society. But do you really think the best way to teach children about that is to perpetrate violence in your home, the place children are supposed to feel safe and secure?
My child was spanked AND I payed attention to her!shes grown up great she takes college courses in high school and doesn’t do drugs..now my brother and his girlfriend don’t spank their kids and they are destructive and flunking school..doing drugs,taking back to them and have no respect for grown ups!i think this Artical is a bunch of hogwash!!YOU raise YOU’RE children not psychologist!these studies are lame and too broad to give parents advise,PAY ATTENTION TO THEM!!!get involved in their life..what’s wrong with society today?Bad education and bad parenting!when parents spanked their kids we didn’t have the problems we have today!so take it anyway you want to..try and cram studies in my face..I know what works for MY child!!
@ Spoiled
If you already know what works for your child why did you want to read the article anyway?
What the article is trying to say is that there are repercussions for spanking children and yes, of course; it would be broad, because the author did not go into length about specific consequences for what you would be spanking your child for.
Any I applaud you for your parenting skills, I can see you did something right if your child is so wonderful.
I, myself do not agree with spanking. I think of it as inhumane and abusive; and would never raise my hand to a child. Pain and violence is not a way to teach children right from wrong. You can sit them down and talk to them about what they have done wrong. They will listen and most likely understand where you are coming from. And for a punishment, you can take away their cell phones, internet access, video games, etc, etc… Trust me, those work.
Agrre with that, take thinkgs simple and do not think too far with that all philosophical teaching. I was spanked and im not spoiled and my parets loved me
Just like in adults, you can’t fix stupid kids.Some kids you can reason with, others are so out of control, there is no reasoning.We as humans, generalize everything, and solve issues to deal with the lowest common denomiator.Be real, not all kids will grow up to be presidents, some become our worst nightmares.It is a choice the child makes in their own life.These touchy feely laws work only for financially end emotionally secure liberals. Until the problem effects them directly, their life is too good to believe a kid could ever need a spanking.Usually (generalizing here) welfare mommas and popas are the most abusing to their paychecks (kids), so the rest of us loose.I know I needed a lot of spankings as a child, never felt like a power thing with me, I deserved it when it happened. I knew I was wrong, and got what I deserved.
As a child who was spanked and as a parent who has used spanking. I don’t agree with the article. I knew why I was being spanked and it was a huge deterrent to bad behavior. I firmly believe that spanking is an effective tool. We’re not talking about beating children, and the age of the child is important.Once the child is old enough to really understand consequences, spanking becomes much less helpful. Thinking that you can reason with a 2 year old is ridiculous. You shouldn’t be using brut force on a child. If your 8 year old is still acting out; you need to find other options.
Okay, let me preface this by saying: I am a politically liberal Midwestern Ph D. candidate with one child. I would like to speak to the author’s points. I use spanking in situations where my child’s behavior causes physical danger. For example I would rather spank my child when she tries to run out in front of a car than to let her endanger her life. She is a toddler and doesn’t have the ability to understand the danger. The spanking speaks a language she can understand- that her unacceptable behavior causes her pain. She must not behave that way. Spanking is always followed by hugs and kisses. I have extensively researched spanking and I will definitely stop spanking once my child has developmentally advanced to the point where a more long term consequence (such as loss of a privilege) can be understood by her. Probably by age 4 or 5 at the latest.1. Spanking shows that “stronger” is right- why is this more true with spanking than other forms of discipline? I use the “supernanny” technique of time-meaning I physically move my child into a time out spot and keep her there until she finishes. If she moves, I pick her up and put her back. She can’t get away without doing her time out, because I physically overpower her. Furthermore, it is not really about being stronger. Its about being in charge. Spanking needn’t be brutal, or even particularly forceful. But the only “right” person, is the person who is in charge.2. Spanking demonstrates that older people have a right to hit younger people.Again-total logical fallacy. Your assumption is that children who are spanked are somehow generalizing their parents behavior into these broad realities. Its like saying that having a birthday party teaches children that they should only eat cake. Just like how children can learn that cake is something that people eat at special occasions, children can learn as they get older that spanking is something that parents do to help teach small children how to behave. They can also understand that a firm reprimand and brief smack on the diapered behind from an adult who is not angry and is in control is different than screaming angry adult exacting a beating with a belt or paddle (which is obviously emotionally and physically abusive).3. Spanking gives the example that violence solves problems.No, it gives the example that physical pain can be a consequence for bad behavior. Which is an important reality for a young child to understand, hopefully from a spanking rather than a burn from a hot stove or being hit by a car. Spanking as I have described it is not violent.4. Spanking damages self-esteem.There is no proof of that. Level of parental involvement and responsiveness to children’s behavior HAS been proven to impact self esteem.5. Spanking can increase the likelihood of developing mental health symptoms.There is no link to the study that you mention (only the article about it), and I would like to read it. It appears to be a really unscientific study based on a lichert scale and self-reporting.6. Spanking damages your relationship and trust.It needn’t. Parents can absolutely maintain relationships with their children and occasionally utilize spanking when it is the most effective form of discipline.7. No one can learn when they’re afraid.Wrong again, fear teaches. There are some fears that are healthy. Here is one article (unrelated to spanking) that outlines how the brain responds very strongly and learns a great deal when afraid. http://scan.oxfordjournals.org/content/early/2012/03/19/scan.nss005.abstract8. Spanking reduces the influence you have with your children.The influence anyone has with their children has to do with the relationship that has been built. Absolutely. However spanking needn’t undermine relationship. This point is really the same as points 4 and 6.9. Spanking teaches children to lie to avoid detection or to avoid you.This is the least insightful and most absurd point of all. Nobody has to teach children to lie. Children lie to avoid negative consequences. So do adults. Spanking doesn’t teach children to lie any more or less than time out, loss of privilege, early bedtime, no dessert, etc.I absolutely believe that positive rather than negative behavior modification is much more effective. That has been proven, there is not any doubt about it. But there is no way to raise a child without ever having to correct them.One of my colleagues has recently stopped spanking her son and is now enforcing other consequences (loss of ipad, tv, or sugar etc) he is a very precocious 4. Now when he breaks a rule (recently it was stealing his brother’s toy and then lying about it) he lost a privilege. He then begged to get spanked instead because it is faster and easier. Which is exactly why she stopped doing it. When spanking stops working to change the behavior it’s time to find something else. The goal of crafting consequences is to shape behavior and while spanking does not always do so, it certainly can.
Um I’m 24 and I was spanked as a child, got my mouth washed out with soap. and my parents always taught me to respect my elders and you say we have better ways if dealing and communicating with our children? I have never seen so many disrespectful children then I do today and they know they can get away with it, parents left too afraid to discipline because they get charged with child abuse. Its stupid. I was diciplined not abused and I made it okay and I am respectful to others because of it and if anything parenting has gotten worse not better.
As a person i have had many mental health issues even when i was in elementary i am now in high school and have been in behavioral health hospitals four times i have never thought that spanking and paddling could have caused it but i am in speech class and am doing a perswesive speech on spanking and at first i was going to be pro spanking but now after all of my reaserch i am now strongly against spanking because my issues may be related to the fact that i was spanked through elementary school and being paddled with an actual paddle in school
“When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility. When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault. When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline.” -Haim G. Ginott
It makes no sense to inflict pain in order to teach empathy, patience, cooperation, non-violence.
I was spanked. My sister was spanked. My mother and father were spanked. My mom had to go get the SWITCH from a tree! She turned out fine. So did my sister and me. It’s not the spanking that is bad. It’s the way it is done and how you spend your time with the kids that matters most.If they know they’re loved and you punish out of love for them.
If you instill a small amount of fear when they’re young they WILL listen AND LEARN!
God tells us not to spare the rod an spoil the child. It worked for years and years. Only NOW do we find it’s “destructive”. Thank you Dr. Spock. I heard him on the Today show admitt he was wrong. Then everyone who subscribes to his thinking chimed in and said how “right” he was. He then said he was right again.
All I can say is our society was better back in the day. People knew how act. They were polite and not so self absorbed. It’s getting worse all the time. Morals are out it’s a do whatever feels right. No fear! Well, we better fear the Lord.Thats were it’s starts. We learn to fear (respect his power) from our parents by fearing (respecting the power) of our parents. Mixed with LOVE.
I want to add one thing to my statement above. Obviously, not all kids are the same. Some kids you barely have to spank and they will listen from then on. Some kids you have to stay on top of all the time because they have a very strong will to do what ever they want to do. My daughter is in the first “category”. My young son is in he second. He is VERY strong willed. If I never spanked him, he would never listen. I don’t spank all the time. I use other methods. But there ARE times that I have to spank him nothing else works. Spanking w/ LOVE, does work.
I find it interesting that many commenters appear to take personal offense to this article and the facts within it, as if we parents have an inalienable right to assault our children. Yes, that is exactly what spanking is, it’s assault. “Spanking with love” is a myth and a lie to one’s self to make us feel better about assaulting our children. I can guarantee that if you truly love your child, the act that caused you to spank them and the act of spanking did not make you feel happy or full of love. Any type of assault, including spanking usually does, and should, for a normal person, involve anger and a negative emotional state. I am also amazed at how the perpetration of assault against our children has become an “anti-liberal” issue. Raising your child without consequences is just as bad as raising the child by constantly assaulting them as a consequence for incorrect behavior. This should not be politicized. Children model behavior and the author makes points based on evidence from research, not a political position. If we are intelligent humans, we should be able to recognize and incorporate new information in our behavioral repertoire. That’s why the argument of “that is how I was raised” belies our behavioral inflexibility and is not a cogent argument for spanking your child. If something “worked” in the past, and new evidence says something works better, there is no reason to hold on to the old way of doing things. There is nothing “political” or argumentative about that; it’s just common sense.
Definitely agree with Swamijie and the author of the article. Spanking is parental laziness. For all the people saying “I was hit as a child and we hit our children for generations and we turned out JUST fine” I’m willing to bet that’s not true. I’m willing to bet deep down, maybe even not so deep down, each and every one of you has had some sort of psychological issue that resulted from that whether you know it and have confronted it or not. Not doing something out of fear is not the same as not doing it out of respect. I want my child to respect me not to fear me. That’s true success as a parent.
To be honest, I have to agree with many of the points here. I can’t trust anyone I’ve met face to face anymore, and practically bury myself in the computer, because they can’t physically hurt me. I’m scared to state my opinion and scared to show off any skills I possess in fear that I will be punished, because I’m not good enough. I’ve also developed a fear of adults and will only talk to teenagers and people my age. It’s kind of sad, really, but not that sad, because I know there are people in worse conditions than I am. Yes, at this point I actually have to think about other people’s hardships to raise my self esteem and stop pitying myself, but I guess I’ll just have to put up with this crap until I’m eighteen and can be my own person, sigh. Sorry to throw this on you guys, I really only posted this, because I’m afraid to say such things in real life.
Echo, the best (and possibly in your opinion, the least helpful) thing I can tell you is, it gets better. If you are in a situation where your well being and personal safety is threatened, you must tell someone you trust, whether it’s a teacher, coach or anyone else. However, you sound like a tough, intelligent and pragmatic person. Remember that. Also remember you are a good person in your own right, not simply because you’re somehow doing better than someone else. Grow up and be an adult with that memory and armed with that knowledge. Please know, people, including yourself, don’t suck as badly as you’ve been led to believe. We can all learn from the crappy situations we grow up in and hopefully, you’ll take away from your situation that it’s not okay to assault your kids should you be blessed with them one day, but for right now you have to be mentally, emotionally and physically tough in order to deal with your current situation. It’s most important to remember that the assault you suffer are their problem and their fault, not any failing of your own. Your parent(s) might need anger management or some other therapeutic intervention (and you might also after suffering through this). If it comes to a point where you fear for your personal safety you have to be strong and deal with it by enlisting the help of an adult you trust. Good luck and stay safe.
I am a Christian mother of three, (all in high school/college) and I have never spanked my children. I was spanked as a child and I do not agree with that ideology. I believe that children deserve no less respect then adults, just because they are younger. What difference is there between a grownup and a child besides time? A child understands things at a lot younger age than we think, and if we expect our children to reason through things with us and expect them to listen, then they will. There is always an ulterior motive for why a child is misbehaving, and spanking just makes children feel like they are not being heard. The helplessness that children feel when they are being spanked is not conducive to any sort of a positive and workable relationship of MUTUAL respect between a child and parent.
For those of you who say that this is not true, let me just say that this is my entire life story written in 9 paragraphs, and if you spank, shame on you, You ARE sending the wrong messages, you ARE teaching them the wrong things, you ARE breaking your trust with them, and you ARE NOT teaching anything. You ARE most likely making your child aggressive.
Why would God say it if it didn’t make sense? It needs to be done with love and without anger. If you say shame on you for spanking you’re telling God he is full of crap and not wisdom.
Sorry, facts are facts, whether your “God” agrees with them or not. If you hit someone, child of adult, there is no way, unless you have some psychological or emotional issue that demands the treatment of a therapist, that you are not angry. Assault “with love” is a myth. If a person below they are displaying an act of love while hitting another human being, they are lying to themselves and anyone else they are trying to convince. Either your “God” believes in love and peace and advocates and teaches it or the deity you believe in doesn’t. If he teaches violence as the proper solution to dealing with a person who can’t defend themselves and loves and trusts you, then that deity is wrong, morally, philosophically and ethically.
*or adult
*believes they are
This seems a bit distorted to serve ones purpose.
Why wouldnt time out ruin their self-esteem, Depending on the situation Fight or Flight can be as much of an hiderance as a helpful tool, If smacking a child teaches them older people have the right to hit them; then wouldn’t that in turn teach them to be respectful to their elders.
It is a logical fallacy to say that if one type of punishment (corporal punishment and assault) is psychologically and emotionally damaging, then all other punishments must be similarly damaging because equating corporal punishment to properly administered and timely corrections or consequences such as loss of privileges or time outs or even a look or sharp word is a false equivalency. Getting hit is not the same as being yelled at. If you would have said getting called hurtful names or being told hurtful things is the same as being assaulted, you would be correct; correcting a child’s behavior through means other than assault will never carry even remotely the same “damage” as assaulting that child.
You are so full of it, children are screwed up why because “doctors” say spanking does this and that. Kids know one thing and thats if i get spanked im not gonna do that, I have a feeling most of these experts do not even have kids, but a degree that sure makes them experts. Look if you choose not to spank thast fine im not telling you how to raise your kids. Look at schools I was paddled guess what i never disrespected a teacher after that. Kids whos parenta let everything go are setting up their kids for a harsh future, how will thoes kids act as adults have the same jackwagon mentality. Someone somehwere down the line will smack them and I hope it aint ur kids
Well if you adults feel like hitting us teens and children like this, then why do you deserve any respect? Not every child thinks the same way. Great, if your child turned out fine, if you turned out so ‘great’ that you decided that the best punishment is the physical one. Yep “I love you so much, I’m going to hit you now” “This is all a lie, completely untrue.” You just chose to look at what has been set before you long ago, and now, you chose to accept nothing else. My little 6-year-old sister can’t tell our mother how she feels because shes afraid of being spanked for it. Is this how you want kids to feel in this decade on onward?
Not all spankings are alike so you can not give your reasons for not spanking until you have seen how the spanking was asdministered. Spanking is not always beating, and it can be administered without anger. Our three chldren are now grown, were all spanked, and are now very well adjusted adults who have a good loving relationship with their parents and believe in good morals. Two are police officers and one is going into the Marines. They hope to help others be safe and learn to live life in peace and safety. SPanking CAN work, if it is done right.
Haven’t we all heard enough of this psychologist-bull$hit over the past few years, crap about protecting the child’s self-esteem and that spanking teaches the poor dears that violence solves things. Children raised by parents whose heads are crammed full of this $hit raise self-centered violent children. We should never raise kids to esteem themselves, but to esteem others. We should never raise kids to think they’re the center of all things, because that’ll make them sociopaths. Raise your kids to be humble and loving of others.
All spankings are alike. Every instance of spanking is assault. Spanking, no matter how one tries to justify it or rationalize it is done by an selfish, angry adult who takes out their anger on the child, then makes them self feel better about it by saying it was for the good of the child. Not all spanked children grow up broken because children are resilient despite our best efforts to break them through assault or the threat of assault. If you were spanked or spanked your child but you/they have grown up to be successful adults, the success is in no way correlated (the fallacy of post hoc ergo propter hoc). There were and are legions of people who have grown up to be successful, well-adjusted adults without corporal punishment in their childhood. What the “pro-spanking” crowd cannot understand or refuse to accept is that there are consequences bad behavior that do not involve assaulting your child. While the parenting method of “assault your child if he misbehaves” may work, it is not optimal and those that vigorously defend spanking lacing their defense with profanity, swearing that children who aren’t spanked are somehow “violent” or have a mental disorder, belie their ignorance and are providing evidence for the case that it is spanking that breeds anti-social aggression in adulthood.
Please show me the study and data supporting this. Spanking are highly effective when used correctly and no, no one ever thanks their parents when getting any kind of discipline when they are receiving it but are appreciative of that discipline when they are adults,
There is a lot of good data to show that unless used very wisely and judiciously (something most parents simply don’t have the skills to do, because they never learned them), spanking results in negative outcomes in children later on in life. This article linked to one such study (did you even read the article?), but there are many others too:
Maguire‐Jack, Kathryn Gromoske, Andrea N. Berger, Lawrence M. (2012). Spanking and child development during the first 5 years of life. Child Development, 83, 1960-1977.
Gershoff, Elizabeth T. Lansford, Jennifer E. Sexton, Holly R. Davis‐Kean, Pamela Sameroff, Arnold J. (2012). Longitudinal links between spanking and children’s externalizing behaviors in a national sample of White, Black, Hispanic, and Asian American families. Child Development, 83, 838-843.
Simons, Dominique A. Wurtele, Sandy K. (2010). Relationships between parents’ use of corporal punishment and their children’s endorsement of spanking and hitting other children. Child Abuse & Neglect, 34, 639-646.
among many others I could cite. They are all right there in the literature.
What children tend to learn from spanking is that one way to solve problems or get a desired behavior outcome from others is to try physical violence. “If my parents can hit me because I did something wrong, I can hit others when they do something wrong to me.”
I don’t think it’s the message most parents intend to send to their children, yet it’s one of the predominant themes we see in the research.
Just because it “worked” for you (e.g., you were spanked and you turned out okay) doesn’t mean it was ever a good form of parenting. There’s no doubt spanking achieves immediate short-term compliance with intended behaviors. The long-term effects, however, are lost upon most parents, as they just don’t seem to understand that children are sponges when it comes to learning — and everything they experience becomes a part of that learning.
I was spanked as a child and those spankings are the strongest memories i have of my childhood but I have no clue why I was spanked. I have 2 children and I do not spank. The evidence supports not spanking so strongly that the only people that would deny the results, given the evidence, are the people that deny evolution. Thanks for those references John.
I didn’t like the idea of spanking my children when they were small as a way of correcting their behavior. At the time I really didn’t have any strong opinions about spanking one way or the other. Just the thought of hitting anyone just wasn’t in me. But, on a few occasions, in the heat of the moment, when I felt overwhelmed, I smacked my kids bottoms. My church at that time was all for spanking. I was told that I should never spank out of anger, only after I calmed down. That just never made much sense to me. Why in the world would I want to hit anyone for any reason when I was calm. When I was calm I could think of many other non-violent ways to correct my children’s behavior. Taking away a favorite toy or video game for awhile seemed to be more effective. When they were a little older if they broke something on purpose because they were angry, then making them work off the cost of the item seemed to have a lasting impact.
That being said, when I was a child I was never spanked but rather screamed at. Usually being called all kinds of horrible things. It made me feel unloved and somehow defective. I think that I would have preferred the spanking. I would have understood that reaction better. Maybe I wouldn’t have such a hatred today of the parent that was doing the screaming.
I think what it all boils down to is the fact that every parent has this undying love for their kid and they never want to hurt them or see anyone else hurt them, etc. etc.
But I think some parents take that a bit too far by believing that if they don’t hit their children, the child will love them more. I got spanked, and I gotta say I’m doing fine: Honor Roll my whole life (not because I was pressured into getting good grades, my parents just consistently told me to always work my hardest so, I figured as any child would they were right. So I worked my hardest) going to a good college, got a plan for my life, I can speak my opinion(s) without fear… Yeah, I’ve got my self-esteem issues but it’s more related to the media’s portrayal of feminine beauty, not because I got spanked. And what girl/typical kid doesn’t have self-esteem issues anyway, regardless if they got spanked or not?
Anyway, I think some people already made a valid point: spanking is a form of discipline but it doesn’t work on EVERY child. Some kids need a different form of punishment. It’s also just good for the parents to be a part of their kids’ lives and show that, even though they spanked them, they love them dearly and only want for the kids to understand that they’re trying to do what’s best for them. Parents are humans and aren’t perfect, but I think so long as they inform their kids as to why they do what they do (for instance, explaining why they spanked them after they got spanked, or w/e) then as the kids grow up they’ll get it. Then, they’ll respect their parents and even other adults who’re genuinely trying to guide them in an honest/moral life.
But hey, if you wanna “spare the rod” for your kids then go ahead and spare it. Personally I don’t feel like spanking’s bad – like someone else said, it depends on how you do it and whether you do it out of anger (through with you don’t have control of your emotions so you might just be hitting the kid ’cause you’re seriously frustrated) or you do it calmly (where you can rationalize “Okay, why do I have to discipline this child? What am I trying to teach him/her?”) Doing it the first way, when you’re angry, makes the spanking seen as nothing more than “assault” or “abuse” or whatever you wanna call it. I think that’s where these…liberals get confused. But I think if you do it the second way you’re doing your job as a parent: trying to raise your kid to understand what it means to disrespect authority (which is typically what spanking’s used for, at least in my family. I dunno about the rest of you).
this admonition is for those who believe in the bible. Hear the word of God: withhold not correction from the child: if you beat him with the rod, he shall not die. You will beat him with the rod, and you shall deliver his soul from hell. PROVERBS 23VS 13-14.
spanked kids behave better than unspanked kids especially when reasons for spanking are well known to the child and when the child sincerely knows that his/her parents loves him/her intimately and deeply.
the devil has entrenched policies to spoil our future generations with satanic wisdom termed as child abuse. A little spanking is termed as child abuse.
countries that are not against spanking have very low divorce rates and care for their parents in old age out of reverence to them. No need for old people’s home except in some intensive care cases.
I disagree with this. I was spanked as a child and it didn’t cause any psychological damage what so ever. I believe there’s a fine line between spanking and abuse. It taught me to think before I do something I shouldn’t do. It taught me there’s consequences for my actions! And I don’t hit people who are younger then myself. I don’t and never had fear my mother either..in fact I have a lot of respect for her. Unlike most children/kids/teens now days. That whole positive reinforcement bull crap doesn’t work on kids..It teaches them when they do bad things, disrespectful things its ok and positive things will happen when you act out. Like my youngest brother for an example..My mom has had 4 more kids besides myself..I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Me 27, My oldest brother 22, My youngest brother 14, oldest sister 12, and a 4 year old. If my 22 year old brother acted out we got our butts spanked..and we are the only two of her kids that respect her and wasn’t out of control. My youngest 3 siblings don’t get their butts spanked. They rarely get grounded. They get lectured and told what they did was unacceptable blah blah blah is what they hear. My 14 year old brother mouths off to everyone and disrespects everyone including my mother. Doesn’t listen to my mom, argues with everything she says. If he wants something and she doesn’t give him his way or simply can’t he throws a huge fit following her around saying “But why mom? Why can’t I? Its not fair!” And then she tries to explain to him why and he still continues on then she tells him Because I said so and he still continues until she gets so stressed she just gives him his way. He makes up lies about everyone and starts fights. He is out of control. And the other 2 younger siblings are just as bad but in different ways. They all throw fits if Mom doesn’t give them their way. No matter where we are public or not they are disrepsectful. And out of control. If my mother asks them to do something they flat out tell her no. They have no respect for her. And I believ its lack of discipline and because she didn’t inforce spanking. More and more parents are trying to find other ways to discipline their kids other then spanking and more and more kids are learning that its okay to be disrespectful and out of control. Even grounding children now days is stupid..My mom grounds my brother to his room. What’s in his room? A big flat screen tv, An xbox, Cell phone, ipod, notebook, psp..That’s not a punishment! My mother spanking me didn’t. Make me grow up with a self-esteem issue or abusive or mentally ill. And I don’t see anything wrong it.
I am 19 years old. My mom raised me the same way she was raised. She spanked the crap out of me, but only when I was bad. Which I was bad a lot. I remember, I was a little snot-nosed brat when I was a kid. I would scream and cry at the store, she would take me into the bathroom and spank me a few times.
Of course, I didn’t know that at the time. There was only me being afraid of her because I was getting hit. I was a kid, I didn’t see the bigger picture. Now that I’ve grown up and I look back, I am glad she did that. I was always quiet, and I always behaved right after.
I go to restaurants and see these snotty little kids screaming at the top of their lungs. What do their moms do? “Use your inside voice, honey. Or else I’m going to put you in time out!” No surprise, the kid doesn’t stop screaming and the mom just let’s him cry. All while I’m on the other side of the room, tearing my hair out of my head in frustration because the little pricks won’t stop crying and the mom won’t parent right. You know these kids are going to turn out a lot like the Dracula kids everywhere, and the kids that look like their faces were hit with shrapnel.
Are you kidding me? Time out? Come on, mom! Smack that kid! He’s not going to listen to her when she says that, because she’s all talk. She can’t back up her words with actions! “Time out” does not mean taking them into the other room and sitting down with them while they cry (which is what will happen if something does), it means you sit them down and make them think about what they did.
If you have a toddler, they won’t think about anything they’ve done. All they’ll do is just sit there and be bored. Until they get older and are able to think of things like that for themselves, they will need a little bit of physical encouragement via a smack on the butt.
I remember getting a time out when I was a kid. I usually got spanked, but for some reason, my mom put me in time out. For 11 whole minutes, I had to sit in absolute silence. I was SOOOO bored. After a few minutes, I was thinking to myself “I’m not getting spanked, but my gosh this is taking really long. ”
I was spanked when I was bad. I was definitely NOT abused in any way. She would instruct me on what was right and wrong. When I did something wrong, I was spanked, told what I did wrong, then the punishment was over. Easy fix!
Because I was spanked, I have respect for my elders, I’m very smart, very intuitive, and I know how to get stuff done. I am not a horny teenager that’s always looking for sex, I am not doing any drugs or partaking of any harmful substances. I have a solid plan for myself and my future. I am also always working to accomplish my goals I have in life. I am not damaged in the head, I am not a robot that only looks to please others and kiss everyone’s ass, and I don’t hate my mom for what she did. I have a wonderful relationship with her. She’s my mom and I love her very much.
In case you’re wondering, my dad was a wimp. He’s out of the picture as of 2009. My mom got remarried when I was 17. My stepdad is awesome. He’s in the military.
She raised me right, and I plan on raising my kids the same way, when I get them. I turned out better than most, if not all, kids my age today and I believe that her spanking me when I was bad played a part in that.
I’m going to make this clear: I do NOT think beating a child is okay on any level. Making them bleed, giving them bruises, and hitting them out of rage is very bad parenting. Spanking a kid on the but for being loud after being told to stop is not abuse, it’s good parenting. I should know.
I honestly agree with this article. As a child, I got slapped a few times. I remember feeling neglected & I actually believed that “if you’re older/stronger then you have a right to hit a younger/weaker person”. It’s different for every child though. It depends on the context of what they did wrong, if they’re being rude then maybe it’s alright. However, if it’s for making a silly mistake like coloring on your bed sheets, then it’s not acceptable. I would say that talking to them is always more effective than hitting.