“Autopilot is the big enemy of relationships,” according to Marsha Lucas, Ph.D, a psychologist, neuropsychologist and author of Rewire Your Brain for Love: Creating Vibrant Relationships Using the Science of Mindfulness.
That’s because our earliest experiences with relationships — the ones with our parents or caregivers — have a big influence on our later relationships. Without even knowing it, our early wiring tends to do a lot of the talking (and acting) in our adult romantic relationships, she said.
In her book Lucas cites a quote from Louis Cozolino, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist who studies neuroscience:
“Because the first few years of life are a period of exuberant brain development, early experiences have a disproportionate impact on the shaping of our neural systems, with lifelong consequences.”
In fact, Lucas said, most of the wiring in the brain areas that affects relationships is laid down by the time we’re 18 to 24 months old.
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Dear Margarita,
Thank you for your insightful article.
I am well aware of the benefits of mindfulness meditation. I generally do about 45 min. – 1 hour a day of mindfulness meditation, and 15 min. of writing meditation. The results I achieved are:
- I am more focused and alert
- Much more emotionally stable
- My memory has improved
- My relationships have improved.
- I’m more loving, patient, and understanding
- More peaceful and serene
I attribute most of these results to the mindfulness meditation practice, but a great deal is attributable to the writing meditation. While the sitting meditation achieves more long-term results, the writing meditation achieves dramatic changes in my attitudes and behavior toward other people. If done long enough, the writing meditation will achieve long-term results.
Charles A. Francis
The Mindfulness Meditation Institute