“Autopilot is the big enemy of relationships,” according to Marsha Lucas, Ph.D, a psychologist, neuropsychologist and author of Rewire Your Brain for Love: Creating Vibrant Relationships Using the Science of Mindfulness.
That’s because our earliest experiences with relationships — the ones with our parents or caregivers — have a big influence on our later relationships. Without even knowing it, our early wiring tends to do a lot of the talking (and acting) in our adult romantic relationships, she said.
In her book Lucas cites a quote from Louis Cozolino, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist who studies neuroscience:
“Because the first few years of life are a period of exuberant brain development, early experiences have a disproportionate impact on the shaping of our neural systems, with lifelong consequences.”
In fact, Lucas said, most of the wiring in the brain areas that affects relationships is laid down by the time we’re 18 to 24 months old.
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