47 Comments to
Help, I Live With Someone With Anger Issues!

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  1. Looking for a way to vent my frustration about my husband who is a great guy, but has no way of controlling his temper when he gets angry, please help!

    • I can totally relate i am married to a wonderful man most of the time, except for his temper and anger issues its so upsetting to me becuase one minute i think things are fine but then boom! its like it doesnt take much to set him off. I know am not perfect but i do know that i dont deserve to get yelled at or cussed at or have things flying across the room. I’m almost afraid to vent or disagree not becuase i feel he might hurt me but becuase the arguements are just so draining, i dont know what to do. I’m trying really hard to self educate myself upon dealing with him but i’m only human and sometimes i might get defencive and forget that just makes it waaay worse but its hard becuase i have noone to talk to and can not afford counseling for myself.

      • Hey bella, My situation is excally the same. i odnt know what to do either if you find some answers let me know please

      • I am in that type of situation as well. You are not alone I’m tryin to find the solution but haven’t yet. Their are free counseling places out there you got to put in he research I just recently found one myslef in iowa. If you live here as well I could give u some ideas . I know how u feel don’t give up .

  2. Dear Rebecca,

    I’m so sorry about your situation. You do need to be able to vent your frustration and you can do so by finding a counselor for yourself, joining a support group, and caring for yourself physically.

    Just on what you say I would ask: Are you or anyone else in your household, sustaining any kind of abuse just by being in the same room when your husband gets angry?

    Abuse comes in many shapes and sizes and verbal abuse is as damaging as physical, especially to children. For some more help please go to Dr. Jeanne King’s website http://tinyurl.com/ydb99nu. She is an expert on domestic violence and has many tools that you would find helpful.

    • I can totally relate to rebecca i am married to a wonderful man most of the time, except for his temper and anger issues its so upsetting to me becuase one minute i think things are fine but then boom! its like it doesnt take much to set him off. I know am not perfect but i do know that i dont deserve to get yelled at or cussed at or have things flying across the room. I’m almost afraid to vent or disagree not becuase i feel he might hurt me but becuase the arguements are just so draining, i dont know what to do. I’m trying really hard to self educate myself upon dealing with him but i’m only human and sometimes i might get defencive i know generally its not the best idea but sometimes i can only take so much, and forget it that just makes it waaay worse. its hard becuase i have noone to talk to and can not afford counseling for myself, i do have two kids and he is great with them it seems like they are the only ones he trys to have patience with but he even snaps at them sometimes not to the extreme as he does to me but it’s still not right.

      He knows he has a problem but sometimes he blames me for not trying hard enough to defuse the situation.

  3. i need help really bad i dont know what i should do. my bf and i live together and thursday we had a big fight cause i was trying to be a part of his family. i wanted to be there to support him and he told me no he didnt want me to go. i got mad cause it hurt my feelings cause we are engaged to be married and that’s what i am supposed to do. and he told me to leave so i said okay and i started to call some friends that could help me out. and when he came home he seen the message and was gonna leave so i took the car keys from him cause i dont like to not have a car because we have a 1 year old daugther together. so he grabbed me so hard he hurt my arm that it burised it all because of a car, and i dont think that was right of him to do that. i am needing some help on what to do with this situation i need to know if there is anyway i could help him with out going to a professional or if i should just leave. if you could get back to me that would be greatful.

    thank you,

  4. Dear Andrea,

    Your safety and that of your child is the most important thing. Your boyfriend is abusive and being with him right now is not safe. I would advise you to leave, go to a safe place with an understanding friend or family member, and take some time to think about what your next move will be.

    You cannot help your boyfriend without helping yourself first. Seek professional help for yourself. Just talking with someone outside your situation who has some expertise in dealing with people with anger management problems can be a huge help to you. You can call one of the therapists available now online at http://psychcentral.com/liveperson/ or contact Dr. King’s help line at http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/contact.html.

    Andrea, you did nothing to deserve that response from your boyfriend. He has a serious problem. You can’t fix him. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself and your little girl.

    My best wishes and prayers, Dr. Aletta

  5. I am 67 years old and my husband is 70. We have been married for 49 years. My husband has always had a “temper” or so I have been told by his siblings as well as himself. In the last few years his anger episodes have grown more serious and more happen more often. He seems to be angry about something all the time. It could be over national issues, the war, the economy, the president, the congress, any and everything that is going on in the world. He actually has hate for certain national figures. He becomes angry at the most unimportant things. For instance, my 21 yr. old granddaughter asked, “grandpa, do you know where the new dog leases are?” He jumped up out of his chair yelling, accusing her of not putting them where she would know where they were. Within a few minutes he had made a small thing into a giant mountain for no reason. He was yelling at the both of us. We were totally unable to calm him down. I told him that he was out of line and that he had no reason to hurt myself and our granddaughter as he did. I suggested to him that maybe he should go for a walk. This made him even angrier. He took off walking in 20 F. weather, ice and snow on the ground, and after being gone for 2 1/2 hours with darkness settling in, I called the police to come and look for him. Fortunately, just after I had called the police department, he came walking back. This happened 3 days ago. Since then he has not talked to my or my granddaughter. Our granddaughter is a precious, kind, gentle person and this behaviour her to the deepest core. She has always been very close to her grandfather and this is very hard on her. I guess my question is, could this be symptoms of alzheimers. (sp) His mother died from this disease and his sister has borderline alz. Also, he has been on antidepressants for over a year. For the first few months they seemed to work really well, however, now I can see no results at all.

    Thank you so much!

  6. Dear Gina,

    Personality changes, including increased aggressiveness, can be a symptom of many medical conditions, Alzheimer’s being one of them http://bit.ly/drlOgA. I suggest your husband see his primary medical doctor and that you go with him so that you can provide this information.

    In the meantime you and your granddaughter could use some support and may consider seeking some counseling for yourselves.

  7. i am 23 years old and after having a major fight with my girlfriend today i came to recognize that she is right and that i truly have anger issues, it didn’t seem that way to me because i belong to an “angry” family and anger is the only way am familiar in such situations, am an angry person i see it clear now and it cost me the love of my life because she left and i don’t know what to do without her or how to fix myself and have her back.

  8. I’m at a loss for what to do. My boyfriend and I live together and his anger has been getting worse. Recently it became violent. He has a serious history of drug abuse and came from a violent childhood–I came from the exact opposite. I understand that this level of anger and violence is calm by his standards, but they’re scary to me. Last night I tried to leave him, only for him to threaten suicide and then proceeded to partake in some intraveinious drug abuse, something that he hasn’t done in a year and something that he’s grateful to me for helping him stop. He says if I leave that he has nothing to live for and will die. While he’s slapping and throwing me he doesn’t equate it to violence. He says he does it to “calm me down”…but really, I’m already calm. He’s not, so he can’t see that I am. I love him and I want the best for him. I can see that we’re not good for each other..he tells me all the time how awful I am, things that are such huge character blows that I hate myself as a result. Then when I’m effected by those words, he says he was mad and was only speaking out of anger. He speaks out of anger a lot… How can he hate so much about me but still want to be with me? Most importantly, how do I help him with his anger before he really hurts us both…
    thank you..

  9. p.s.–i tried talking to his mother. It seems all she wants me to do is take her place in taking care of him. She tells me to be loving and understanding and monitor his money so he doesn’t buy drugs with it..we’re only 23 for christsake…

  10. I am really inraged right now and i don’t know if I can help myself

  11. My husband is a very angry man as well. He goes from 0 to screaming in 2.3 seconds at the top of his lungs and me and the kids which is truly who I am concerned about. They love their father but fear him and I worry what this is doing to them inside as well. Our youngest is turning out just like him and yells and is very moody as well because that is all he knows from his father. We have good times as well but it is so hard going back and forth lately on which emotion to stick with. I never thought I would think of leaving but lately I have these thoughts. He threatens on breaking things and smashing them as well and I just think to myself, how does one get that so out of their minds so fast. I really think he will have a stroke if he doesn’t stop himself. He already has very high blood pressure. What do you recommend?

  12. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. He is 60 and a Viet Vet with severe combat induced PTSD. Lately things have been getting worse. He is filled with rage and hatred of almost everyone and everything. We do not go out because of his racist and anti-social issues, and he prefers it that way. He is a hermit living in one room. The problem is that I have no idea what to do. He is disabled and on SSI. He alienated his family years ago…none of his children speak to him, and he has no idea where they live. There is no way he could afford to live on his own, and I can’t just dump him on the street. He refuses to deal with his problems. He was directed by his doctor years ago to get therapy, and he reported to the sessions and just sat there glaring at the therapist and refusing to speak. His parents were great believers in severe physical punishment, so I imagine he was messed up even before the war. I feel trapped with no solution in sight. I don’t feel in danger, he has never been violent with me at all, but I have seen him bully other people and animals. He seems to have a LOT of fear that he tries to hide. If he would be at least willing to work on these issues I would be fine with him continuing to live with me. Is there any hope of him doing that?

  13. I have been living with my boyfriend for a few months now. He has a terrible temper. He will get upset over the silliest things, or even over nothing at all. He will get mad even if it is just hot outside. Anyway I know he had previously hit one of his exes. He has also called me up at work before, screaming at me for refusing to answer the phone in one of his tantrums, calling me a bitch, stupid, retarded, etc. I’m always wondering what, if anything, is going to set him off day by day. And even if it isn’t anything I do to make him mad, he will turn on me or be irritable with everything I do or just simply pout at me for no reason. I never argue back. I’m always quiet because, frankly, anger scares me and I’m afraid to antagonize him. I’m not worried about him hurting me because I warned him that if he ever did, I would leave.

    But still. I don’t know how to deal with this and there is too much going on in my life to have my support system be such an unreliable source of comfort and understanding.

  14. I am at a loss of what to do for my boyfriend. He lost parents at a young age. His father never really showed him love or compassion and his mom passed away before she could help him to learn how to work through problems in relationships. Now we plan to be married and have a lot of pressure on us. He gets mad at the smallest things but just stews in his anger. He will either ignore any issues we have or snap with a quick angry response. He never apologizes for his part in any dispute and I feel like that is all I do. I feel that he has a lot of depression issues and am not sure how to approach that situation. He was trained by his father to be blunt, VERY strict, and harsh. Now he is doing that with our young son. I don’t want him growing up thinking that daddy yelling is okay. Any ideas on how to approach his anger or what I feel is his depression?

  15. Iam at a lost in what I should do,I’ve been marryed for 16 years, have a wonderful wife and daughter. She has 4 growen children from a past relationship. Iam The Angry One Iam trying to figur this out so i dont lose what is so inportant Iam reading some books on this matter but still scared . Or am I scared for them , I dont want to turn in to a person that no one wants to be around i love all of the family that we combined togather i said so much to my partner that after what I have said, hurts me as well, why must I be ANGRY I will seak some help cause they are the most inportant people in my life and I dont want to do this to them ever agine. I want to say is those that do git angry will have to come to that place to see that they have a problem just like me. Please don’t judge me for wanting to fix this that i have I hope that its not to late to save my relationship with my family. I hurt so bad in side for what i did. And they huting ten time as bad aswell . So I must fine help for Me or if any one can direct me in that right direction

  16. Wonderful and very thorough article! I was very impressed with the recognition of the relationship between depression and anger. Sadly, I’ve found this to be one of the most under recognized problems out there, especially among men who, instead of their depression being recognized and treated for what it is, end up with a negative label and are often stigmatized. The majority of men who fit this profile have been depressed so long that they are so used to it that they oftentimes don’t know they are depressed. So, they tend to believe the negative labels assigned to them which only makes them more depressed and more “angry”.

  17. What a great article, but what about dealing with anger in children? Children are so different and you can’t just apply the same methods to each child.

  18. My girlfriend , is insanely jealouse to the point of stupid anger.

    today i described my day including details of work and an attractive woman bieng their , but not bieng a big issue , due to the fact that i love my girlfriend.

    Later girlfriend insisted that i wasnt working and screwing off .

    when i tried to show her the logic behind it , key words i mention she flew off the handle dilated eyes internal rage , insisting that i wasnt clear enough. folowed by raised voice.

    not sure what i can do , tired of her anger going way out of proportion

    when it comes to life and common sense , should i leave her ? or be more supportive?

    either way its going to hurt.

  19. I am a very strong person, but lately my husband of 3 years is showing too many warning signs of domestic violence. He has anger problems that erupt when he is under intense stress or when it interferes with his sleep. We have two children ( the oldest 4 1/2 years is from another relationship I had and the youngest is from
    our marriage 22 mos). My husband likes to break things and it scares the kids. I would give him his space, but this is not just his home it’s all of ours. I feel
    I need to protect my children by trying to get him
    to realize that his tantrums of breaking things needs to stop. I let him
    know that the kids are scared and that they don’t need to see this. He attacks me and tells me it’s because of me and it’s my fault. One example recently ( happened tonight at 4:40 am). Our youngest was not sleeping and was in his crib asking from
    both my husband and I. I went into the room and comforted the baby. Put him
    to sleep. Within 1/2 hr the baby woke up asking forvmy husband. My husband was awake and asked me to check on the baby I did and returned with the baby into our room to sleep with us ( which is not uncommon). After the baby refused to sleep after 1 hour my husband got anger and stormed out of the room waking our oldest because he was look for his “special” blanket. He then started yelling throwing things ( common for him) and then went to the babies room and broke the lamp, picture frame, and a few other objects. While this was happening my oldest started to cry along with the baby. I told my husband that he needs to control himself and it’s scarying the kids. He told me ” I want a divorce”. He blamed me for not getting my youngest to sleep in his crib. The children came to
    my room… However , my husband told my oldest to go back to his room and took the baby to his crib and told him to lay down. While my children were trying to sleep, my husband proceeded to clean and vaccum the mess he made in the babies room. He is now in the babies room sleeping on the extra bed.
    I would leave but I have noone. I have no family. I am
    a stay at home mother… My husband’s family lives in Turkey. I don’t speak Turkish well, but they are aware of his angry problems. He has had a problem
    all throughout his life. I wish I had a way to clear this mess up. I don’t want a divorce, but i don’t know how to protect myself or my children… There is noone I can turn too. I’m university educated and now job hunting for the last month to get back to work. My husbands stress this time is related to his job problems. We have a contracting business and money is tight. Please give me advice… Thank you.

  20. Hi, I feel threatened by my bf. We live in different states so it gets more hard and when I do something which he does not approve of or if it is not according to his personality he gets abusive verbally and call me with names and sometimes threaten me too and I try to give space to him and myself when ever we fight but he keeps calling, sometimes I get 200 missed calls in a day. it gets really frustrating for me . I do try to talk and calm him but very rarely it works. It has been happening on and off for a year.
    I need to know if this is normal or not. since its regarding my future with him.
    Please advice me on my situation

  21. Dear Dawn

    I was just responding to your question, though its a few months later, but I just read your post and that sounds like mine. I wondered myself of suggestions of where to turn.

  22. My friend got very pissed today and i tried to ask her what was wrong then she strangled me thenn threw my head against the wall 10!!!!! times!!!! does she have anger issues? or is it just me

    • Ariel,
      Your friend has anger and abuse issues. No one has the right to treat you that way. She needs help from professionals and the average person does not have the skills to help her. Please take care of yourself and spend time with friends who are respectful of you.

    • What she did is illegal. You can call the police in that situation.

  23. What about dealing with unreasonable customers/parents who believe they have the right to treat you so disrespectfully because you are younger and have less power and money than them? If you have to live with these people, you cannot escape and you cannot vent yourself.

  24. My husband is a fun, ambitous, and energetic outgoing person most of the time,but there is another side of him it’s his temper he never hurt my children but he has pushed and shoved me, he gets angry very easly mostly he throws and breaks things in the process. One minute things are fine the next minute he can easly do a switch he calls me names, blames his anger on me and will break and distroy things. I dont know what todo i wanna help him and i have tried to self educate myself upon dealing with someone with anger issues but i can only do soo much, if i disagree with him about something or vent to him about my stress it’s like he doesn’t even wanna hear it. Like yesterday, i am a stay at home wife and mother so before he went to work he asked me todo him a favor and run some errands for him he was very polite upon asking me and of course i siad yes and i didnt mind, he asked me to contact him when i was done and becuase i didnt contact him becuase i had an issue with one of the kids, when i went to get him at work he flipped yelling and cussing at me in the care he wouldn’t even let me speak it was horrible to the point where i cried. I didnt want it to get worse so i just stood quiet he slammed the car door and his anger continued in the house breaking things in our bedroom, still i left him alone. he siad he was sorry and that he didn’t mean to get so angry but i’m still hurt i cant tell him that though because he will flip out again i dont want our marriage to end but i dont know wat todo becuase we cant afford counseling.

  25. Wow, this helped me alot- my sister has these moments, where she is miming, sassying, slamming doors, screaming, and being very agitating.
    It wears my nerves down very thin. I can sometimes be in a light case of depression. but trying to confront her doesn’t work, she just points out things in her life that are tough- as if to say
    “Your problems arn’t as bad, so i don’t care” I can’t talk to her OR try to tell her to not be angry just gets her started. But this article helped me understand that i need to fix my emotions in order to keep the situation from blowing up. I hope i can use this information to help my sister. Thank you again and God bless!!

  26. New relationship with an absolute diamond of a man who has anger issues (he’s done anger management in the past).
    Not with him to save or change him! Just want to learn to cope with it – if I can.
    Any tips? All I do at the moment is walk away until he’s calmer.
    Most frustrated by not having a voice & walking on egg shells! Is this really good?

  27. So I’m not in a physically abusive situation and the anger that is expressed is never at me, always at inanimate objects but it affects me the same. My husband and I have talked it through hundreds of times. Each conversation is a little bit different but when we get right down to it he doesn’t know how to change or somehow feels justified in not changing and that his anger is expressed in a healthy manner in that he does not direct his overblown response AT someONE only someTHING.

    But there are things that he does that just drive me up the wall. Today we had a fight because of an issue that has always struck a nerve with me. I ask him a simple question and he will not give me an answer. This morning at breakfast I asked what he would be working on today. He threw the question back at me sarcastically. I answered it. I asked the question again and he threw it back at me again and I answered it again. By this point in time I was starting to get angry. He almost never answers direct questions. He started telling me that the reason why he didn’t answer my question was that he didn’t like my tone. I told him that I didn’t like his tone OR the game he was playing when he asked me a question but that didn’t stop me from answering his question. To me it is a fundamental basic of good communication and a good marriage that when a question is honestly asked it be honestly answered. Usually I would describe to him how it hurt me or made me angry that he does not respect that marriage ideal. This time (I am pregnant and increasingly emotionally volatile and irrational) I decided to give him a dose of his own medicine. When we started discussing the issue, he mentioned that it wasn’t any of his business what I was working on that day. But then he was curious about some detail of where I was going in relationship to my work. I started to answer honestly as I normally would but stopped myself and replied (in not the most friendly tone) that I “did not like his tone” so I “was not going to answer his question” and “it was not any of his business anyways”. All direct quotes from his usual responses to my questions. I usually do not stoop to this kind of retaliation, but MAN it felt good! Of course he got extremely angry in response, upended our kitchen table and chairs (they are very small and light weight), and withdrew and is curled up in bed, most likely for the rest of the day or until I feel like helping him work his way out of it. The last feels like emotional blackmail that I do not feel like dignifying with my attention today.

    I would like to think that I love him in spite of these issues but increasingly the only emotion I feel for him is annoyance and a lack of respect.

  28. I can’t thank enough i have a wonderful partner with me, but i just don’t know how to deal with his anger anymore as it gets even worse. He will get angry for small litle thing. He will say words that I couldn’t even bear to hear it from him such as pig and bitch he would call me when he is angry. I tried not to bother for whatever he said when he is angry but it has become intense.

    Last time when he was angry he even threatened me that he felt like to punch me. I feel like emotionally abuse by him. I even tried to speak to him about his anger problem but he wouldn’t even listen and he would change the topic. I just feel very hopeless to be honest.

    He got very upset when i said his behaviour has turned to abusive behaviour. I tried to explain him to read some article to help with his behaviour but he would just yelled at me and caled me a stupid.

    I really need an advise how to deal with his anger problem.

  29. I really need some help, theres something going on and I can’t explain it..people have been making me really mad for little reasons or no reasons at all. I feel like I could hit the next person that makes me mad, and I wount stop, I mean I already threatin to hit my brother and I don’t even remember me doing it. i feel like I could hurt myself, I mean I’m not and I wount..but it feels like i can, you know? Can you help??

  30. everyone is contracticting themselves on here. “but, he’s a great man, and he’s got an awful temper and throws things.” what’s so great about this? it’s a huge character flaw. what would life be like without this anger problem, lovely. it’s pretty simple people.

  31. I won’t pretend my husband is a good guy because what others see is not what I get at home. Family & friends always tell me how wonderful my husband is & what a great father he is but if they only knew mine & my childrens dirty little secret they would be shocked. I will admit I am to chicken to say the truth & to be honest I like that everyone thinks my life is perfect it makes me feel like I’m actually doing something right which in turn makes me feel more ashamed. I never thought I would be one of those girls that would say “well I stay for my kids they need there dad” but I have & I don’t have the first clue in how to change that. My excuse is always “well sure he insults us & breaks everything around us but at least he hasn’t hit me”. I know that a hugh part is my fault because I can always leave but the truth is I won’t, I have been with him since I was 18 yrs old & he has always been this way & I figure if I didn’t leave when I was young then why do it now that I’m 31 yrs old. I hope & pray everyday that my children will be better people then myself & husband but I guess only time will tell.

    • It’s a real problem I say! but in my own words if I give you a suggestion I hope you would like it and feel better.It is that good times always come and it is also said to be that if we are happy and are able to face the situation we get strong.And also if we react to it and feel by heart it isn’t good for health.So,You always be happy and bring laurels to your children.
      Thank you very much.

  32. My boyfriend has a really bad anger problem , and I don’t know what I can do to help him . I have told him that I am there for him and I will help him in anyway. I have even got numbers of some counsellors and he wont call then at all.

    He says he knows that he has a problem but why doesn’t he do anything to change it . to better his life , and mine and for us as a couple.

    Thank You

    • Hi.I deal with my boyfriend angry everyday.just a little word makes the whole day into a turtle phase.sometimes it gets really bad where I get abused and I have to defen myself to fight back. Be busied up. At times be words of leavin and or not coming back to me. I’m trying everyday to live happy. I’m poor with 4 kids.barely maken needs.he help us with living at times.but when he gets mad he tells us to leave and don’t need us.but the hard thing is I love him verymuch and we don’t have a place to go if we leave. Always says I’m a mistake he made. How do I. Deal with dis. Delimma in my life. Where did his sweeter side of him went.the man I fell in love with. I miss that person.

  33. I feel the same way as any other woman that is heartbroken. My issue is with his co workers he always is texting them even after I told him how I feel about it. He will stop for while and then start all over. He always tells me how fat and old these woman are but I dont know that. Today I have now found out he is setting up lunch dates with one of them. I do not understand why he keeps doing this to me. He even comes home late after work now and he finally went away and broke up with me, well i been at psychic. what should I do? until my friend introduced me to a spell caster that has helped to reunite her husband. The email of this spell caster is [email protected] om you can contact him.

  34. I feel sorry for people with anger management issues, but they are bad for other people to be around. As far as I know, there is no successful treatment for them. Anti-depressants might help. But otherwise angry, negative people can drive all the other people around them insane. It is my belief, the best thing you can do is not respond them to them all, and try to get away from them when they are angry. Any attempt to communicate with them will only make things worse, since they are not rational.

  35. help ! i too live with a husband with a real bad temper ! we have been together for some years now and yes i did know about his bad temper from the very beginning, he has not harmed physically but mentally it has drained me and still doing so right now ! i have lost my confidence / self esteem and i keep on blaming myself, thinking its me … but i know … it certainly isn’ ! but there is so much of me that i have lost that i do not know where to begin to make things right/work out. i have come to a stage, where i am starting to despise him ! and i am just feeling less and less attracted to him !

    I have never liked angry people full stop – and he has now become one of those kind of people i do not like. even though i have learned to turn a blind eye to his temper tantrums in the past, but it is draining me emotionally and i really dislike him for that.

    One of the main problems i find in our relationship is the communication !

    We work together as well, and the most conversation he can have with me is about work ! lol !

    i am actually thinking about just moving out for a bit, to clear my mind and be away from him for a while .. well after hours at least !

    I wish there is a better way, but with no communication, it is very very difficult !

  36. I have been married for 3 years now. All this while i know my husband has anger management issues but now it is unbearable. I had a kid early this year. He had a kid with someone else before we were married and that kid lives with his mother a few thousand miles away. I know he is going crazy thinking abouth this child and he is getting confused and mad with everything else and saying really hurting stuff to my family and refuse to let me meet my family anymore giving all sorts of excuses because they shower my son with attention and I know he feels his other son should get this attention as well and if one cant then the other should not. (the other son’s mother is a nut case, she lies she steals and all sorts). I am truly miserable he talks to himself and he really is scaring me. Its not so much of physical abuse but its mental and he thinks nothing is wrong with him. I dare not even say a word. It can be crazy things eg he leaves a letter at work and starts finding it at home and starts shouting and accusing me of throwing it away and then he will find it in the office the next day.Im going insane. WHat do i do?

  37. I really don’t know what to do anymore. My husband has a very bad anger problem, I have begged him for many years to get help, but he says that he will, then does nothing about it. Our little puppy found her way onto our bed, which he hates, it was probably my fault for leaving our bedroom door open, however when we came in he found her on the bed, and hit her so hard, so many times, infront of our young children. It was an upsetting experience and this isn’t the first time. Other items in our house have been punched and broken. Never been violent to me or children, but my husband sees red for 2 mins and cant control himself. What do I do ? Most of the time he is a wonderful husband and father I just cant cope with his outburst a few times a week. x p.s he is very sorry afterwards, then I get guilty about thinking of breaking our family up and he had help once but didn’t tell the truth in the session, he said the guy didn’t know what he was talking about.

  38. as someone seeking help for a husband with anger problems, This article is generally upsetting to me. It’s not about us, the target of anger, trying to “listen” and “be more understanding” to help him vent his anger “in a healthy way”. That anger should not be there in the first place. That’s the point. People with anger problems ARE by default verbal abusers. The abuser can’t empathize, is self-riteous, and sees things only from their perspective, gets extremely defensive. They react to an everyday interaction (or sometimes just something they see) as if they are being threatened, but it’s their ego vs. their life by an attacker, in which case anger MAY be the appropriate response. Anger is meant to intimidate. There is no use for it in relationships. Someone with real anger issues perceives the world as hostile, “out to get him”, and has a distorted out-of-line response to something benign. It starts with perception and THIS is what he needs to work on. Not breathing, etc…or the partner’s response. expressing the anger in a healthy way, etc..is insulting advice when that anger is aimed at you and is not justifiable with all objective, calm reasoning. it’s not about the abused “making an effort to understand his point of view”, “expressing his anger in a positive way instead”,”helping him vent a little”, it’s about not getting angry in the first place. About little, insignificant things that are JUST a matter of perspective, sometimes a matter of opinion PERCEIVED as “THE right perspective”, and sometimes so innocent as a child doing something only PERCEIVED as “the wrong way”, or a personal attack on the dad’s ego. People who have anger problems often criticize people and the world and make blanket statements and judgements. Then they act like babies having a tantrum. I don’t think “babying” these people is the right response. They need targeted, smart anger management that gets to the source. It’s the skewed PERCEPTION that’s the source, and nothing in this article talks about that.

  39. I can’t think straight because of my family destruction in Philadelphia my father pass on then younger siblings started to get killed around me I feel another provoking situation coming on there is a disabled sibling I’m looking for vintage Philadelphia, guess what department of human services said some illegal things to me about the sibling I’m looking for

  40. Unfortunately I rather wait until judgement day to report to the higher power about Philadelphia because the mayor and president of the United States having good oe time on earth well keep on I’m telling on all of u people do u knows what happens to people who speaks something into existence? They get what they want, and ignorant people who make smart remarks to disable individuals like me better watch there mouth because I am known to do some off the wall stuff



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