Comments on
7 Ways To Keep Going

By Therese J. Borchard
Associate Editor

A woman who lives with chronic pain said to my mom the other day, “You can’t sit around and wait for the storm to be over. You’ve got to learn how to dance in the rain.”

That’s a perfect description of living with depression, or any …

43 Comments to
7 Ways To Keep Going

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  1. Dear Therese,

    Please add me to your self-esteem file, I find the posts you write to be universally helpful to me. I always go away with something to think over, remember and try. You put a lot into your writing and I appreciate your honesty and transparency.

    I’ve struggled with depression and chronic pain and health issues stemming from a nightmare childhood – but I am doing better and I do believe I will get well with God’s help and my cooperation.

    Depression is the toughest thing. To me it is like having an emotional migraine that just won’t quit! ARGHH!!! Hugs and Best Wishes,

    Mariah

  2. DEAR Therese J. Borchard…
    I LIKE THE PART ABOUT THE NEIGHBOR MAKING A CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE… ONE HAS TO GET IN TOUCH WITH THE CHILD IN ONESELF TO FULLY RECOVER FROM DEPERESSION…
    BEST WISHES…
    GERSHON…

  3. I’ve tried all that pie in the sky rose colored glass approach for the last 25yrs. Seen all the high powered psycho experts, taken all the pills, powders and potions. As for me, I’m taking the next exit out…good luck with your continued suffering.

    • jj – I just wanted to say one thing… When I read your post, your writing style impressed me so much. It’s such a little post, but the alliteration and the way the words sounded in my head when I read them make me wish you had written a book. Something about the way you wrote is really beautiful. I hope you feel better, I hope you write more, and I hope you can see what I saw.

  4. jj, your suffering won’t end by taking the next exit out. That would only be the true beginning of your suffering because you will be seperated from all those who love you. And the suffering that “your exit” would cause to those who love you would have no end. Please talk to someone. I live with crushing physical pain and depression everyday and I have felt like you do and still do sometimes, but i know that taking the “next exit” would cause such great suffering to my family and myself,as I would be lost in hell forever,that it is just not an option. Talk it out, here, every day if needed. There are many people here who care about you, because you are suffering like all of us. We are here, please reach out and talk.

  5. jj: the only thing for sure about life is change. What you are feeling WILL pass. Everything passes. Talk to somebody, spend the time talking to somebody. It WILL pass.

  6. WQhat a well writing, helpful piece. It acknowledges the depression and how it really is whilst also giving helpful suggestions. I am a therapsit who is fighting through an episode of major depression afetr a series of difficult events and losses. Everything you say is so right. I have found especially that relationship(secure, good ones) heal. And in therapy it is the relationship that I believe is the most healing aspect, which is also why I choose to practice a psychotherapy that is relational and take have a relational psychotherapist myself(Integrative/Gestalt approaches).

    And yes, it will end. Hard when in it to see this. But I have to hold onto that. Bless you. xx

  7. I suffer badly from depression and anxiety, the best and most helpful cure is to turn to God.

  8. I don’t know how you respond to me, will it go to spam. please send to my emaili am suffering right now or have for 24 years. My husband was an addict, clean for 15 years, and cheated while an addict,during recovery cheated,now married is controlling, cheater and cannot remember how many times we have cheated since we have been married…

    • I would leave him – it sounds like he is causing you pain! If that is something you have been thinking about… It’s never too late, and you will find that everything will eventually fall into place if you are true to yourself. In my family, divorce is frowned upon, but I say screw the rules! The people who really care for me are here for me no matter what, and they will be for you too! If he is hurting you emotionally, tell those who are closest to you (who you trust), come up with a plan to get out of it, and find what little courage you have and stand up for yourself. Just be sure to prepare yourself for a difficult ride and lots of pain, knowing it will pass and you will find light at the end of the tunnel. You will still have memories to deal with that will hurt so bad – but you will be able to deal with them, accept them as part of you who you are (beautiful no matter what), and you will move forward. Life is too short to let people trample on your soul!

  9. It’s good to read something inspirational like this. I am in emotional pain right now and really, my feelings are on a roller coaster ride. I feel like I’ll break down anytime but I need to get hold of myself. I have to say, yes, things will only get better. And whatever is happening right now, they too shall pass.

  10. There is nothing wrong with walking around with love letters in your pocket. We human beings don’t exist in a vacuum. We need each other to ‘help us make it through the night.’ And from the time we are infants, we get a sense of our self worth from the feedback of others. I think there are times in our life when we have to do what we think is right or we have to take a stand against the crowd — times when everyone else thinks we are wrong. But, thank God, that doesn’t happen very often. For the most part, we are social animals who live in various type of communities, from the less personal to the very personal, and the theory that our self esteem comes from within is a nice theory but I don’t know how true it is, for the most part.///I had been suffering from depression and anxiety most of my adult life (with a couple of severe clinical depression times), and 18 months ago a new doctor started giving me monthly B12 injections and put me on Fish Oil and Vitamin D3, along with a good B Complex and Vitamin C. For the past 18 months, I feel like I’ve been reborn into a whole new life. I still get a little depressed and anxious but now it’s just normal depression and anxiety, and a cup of Holy Basil (Tulsi) Tea takes the edge off of my normal depression and anxiety, which so much of the world is going through right now. As my doctor said, if we’re not a little depressed and anxious in this world right now, there is something wrong.///Keep up the good work, Therese.

  11. Feel like I have come across a disease that is killing me right in front of every body and no body can see me even though I am right in front of them. The only ones that understand are those that have been where I am.

    • Know that you aren’t the only one! My thoughts are with you

  12. IS THE FACT THAT I THINK ABOUT SUICIDE A SIGN OF MENTAL ILLNESS IF YOU ARE BIPOLAR? IS THIS ALSO A PREDICTOR THAT YOU WILL DEFINITELY DO IT? I WAS DIAGNOSED BI POLAR SEVERAL YEARS AGO BUT I COULDN’T AFFORD THE DEPAKOTE SO I WEANED OFF W/DRS. AWARENESS. I FOUND THAT GETTING INVOLVED W/GOD & JESUS HAS SET UP A HEALTHY FEAR IN THE FACT THAT I KNOW THAT IF I DO IT I WILL NOT SEE JESUS OR BE ALLOWED INTO HEAVEN. I PRAY THAT THIS MIGHT HELP OTHERS.

  13. Today has been one of the roughest days i have experienced in quite a while.. I have been suffering from depression since childhood and have not been able to open up to anyone about the emotions that I go through daily. Just when i was considering giving in to emptiness once more i decided to check my email and read your article. THank you for taking time to write- has inspired me to keep fighting and helped me to remember that yes all things do pass just as the many moods i go through,, LIFE has so much to offer and i want to live my life to the fullest.. My advice is to keep a list of the good things about your life even the smallest such as having the ability to watch the sun highlite the morning sky.. begin each day by adding one thing to your list.. by the end of the week you will realize blessings that you have and help you to start being thankful for what you do have instead of the things you don’t.. to escape from this —- a little while is just a smile..

  14. Thank’s to all of you for your helpful comments.any help on this would be greatly appreciated.my husband has a drinking problem and does not see it himself as he functions normally.but he is mentally abusive to me and has been now for about ten years and that is taking a toll on me in every way.can you tell me where I can get some help for me internet sites, people and such.and then for him if and when he realizes that he has a problem.Thank You and God Bless

  15. I deal with depression from weight gain and from my mother’s death in 2006. My family thinks those aren’t adequate reasons for depression! I joined a griefshare group and my faith has kept me from suicide. Somedays are harder than others but I agree if you can find ONE person to listen and not judge and love you unconditionally you can beat this! God Bless all of you.

  16. Thanks.

  17. Teresa,
    Start with your health insurance company and see if it covers counseling & substance abuse treatment. None of your choices now are easy ones to make, but I am a firm believer in “intervention” and that can come in all forms. You can intervene and force a change or choice for him, when you make one for you. Ten years is a long time to be a doormat. I did it. When my ex moved out, my therapist said “As soon as he left your symptoms went away.” I still have to be proactive with my life to resist depression and anxiety, but it is not exacerbated by the lonliness of being in a one sided relationship. The longer you suffer abuse, the longer it takes to recover.
    I am remarried, and I married someone who is in recovery (3 yrs sober) Beneath the (former) drinker, is a person who is anxious, angry and afraid, seeking peace through God. While he has done a ton of work on changing himself, he still has the rest of his recovery to do, which means, addressing his “character defects” as they say in AA. He came to me as a sober person. Point being, there are reasons why someone would lash out at another person, and its up to them to WANT to reverse it and do the tough work in counseling to reverse it. You can start your intervention by saying “I’m not willing to be your doormat” and then show that with your actions. If he is in enough pain, he will want to do what it takes to alleviate that pain and be joined with his wife. If not, you may see a happier side of yourself when you arent exposed to his mistreatment of you.
    Easier said than done, I know. But if you are the one with a problem with his drinking, and he has no problem with his own drinking, than you need to resolve your problem. He can join you for the journey, or not… but I bet he will.

  18. I read this and it seems so hard to do. I’ve tried to keep my mind off of things and I always drift back. I have a really great friend and when she’s around she helps me keep my mind off of things for a little bit. I just feel like I’m over-welming her and just being a burden. I’m counting on her too much. I don’t know what to do anymore. Dealing with cronic Nerve pain and depression is getting to be just too much to handle. I’m lost, and falling deeper and deeper into a hole of no return. Anyone – please help. I can’t stop feeling this way.

  19. wow…this whole article was like a drink of cold water for a very thirsty soul.
    Even the comments posted were comforting.
    Thank you. We are not alone in our pain.

  20. Hurray to the comment about realizing the things you can still do and focus on the positive. I have a spinal cord injury (19 yrs ago)and life can be very tough but my God, Jesus Christ, suffered much more for me and has prepared a place for me in heaven beyond my comprehension! I tried suicide many years ago but it is not the answer. I know God spared me for a reason and my life has gotten better. Yes, I take medicine to help me but don’t we all need something/someone to be there for us. Don’t push people away as you give them as much as they do for you. Bless everyone who reads this.

  21. jj., please do not think of the alternative. My daughter did just that and you have no idea how much everyone else can suffer, especially me. I already suffer from severe depression, and believe me, when this happened, I got so phsically sick, I could not leave the house. Once again, I had the same thoughts, but stop and think of everyone else in your life. I’ve already lost two brothers, and I couldn’t imagine what it would do to my sister, so you have to be strong and do the right thing. Yes, it is hard, probably the hardest thing you will do in your life, but I know you can do it. I hate the old clique, time will help, but it is true. It doesn’t make it easier, but it does help. I am back on my antidepressents, and I know I would benefit from therapy, also being married to an alcaholic who is very self-centered, but I’ll get there, it’s only been a year. Please, try harder. I will be thinking of you.

  22. Wow! This article completely spoke to me. I have struggled w/ depression for years. Have been to that dark edge so many times. Very good advice for me.

  23. I have been the most depressed ever since i got sober 3 and a half years ago. I broke up with my boyfriend the other night because i am scared of committment and thought I would feel better. Well I dont think that was the problem after all. It has to do with my surroundings and I am misrable with my living situation my roomate and I are not friends anymore and her boyfriend stays the night almost every night and I’ve been having nightmares almost everynight that give me anxiety the next day. I was crying all day yesterday and I think i had a emotional hangover today because it felt like i had drank a bunch of booze with a throbbing headache. I do not drink or use drugs no matter what. I have decided the only way to make myself feel better is to save up money and find my own place so i can be removed of dealing with my present roomate. I have to exercise too and that makes me feel alot better and B12 shot at least once a month has helped. I also heard that eating alot of berries is suppossed to be good for depression and dark chocolate but then again its just commen sense to eat healthy to feel good. And go to kareoke more often will help. And pray to a higher power to do gods will. thanks for the article. Today I will work on breaking free of my enslavement to the past and live for today.

  24. To jj Oh, how my heart hurts for you! I promise you, suicide is not the way out.

    My uncle committed suicide when I was 6 years old. He deprived his siblings and his children of his presence, love, guidance and so on. I’m 47 now and I still recall how angry and hurt I was because he “went away”.

    Suicide is just about the most selfish act I can think of. When the person is gone, they’re gone. Great! Goody for you! But what about the rest of us who are left to clean up your mess?

    My uncle was not thinking about what his little sister, my mother, would do after he was gone. He darn sure wasn’t thinking about his kids. And, I know that his nieces weren’t even on his radar. How do I know, because the day he died was my sister’s 15th birthday. Happy Birthday to her!

    Yes, I get angry as all get out when people want to end it all. I have been told all my life that “God doesn’t give us any more than we can bear.” Yeah, sometimes I wish that HE didn’t think I was so tough, but the alternative (death) is not for me.

    As depressed and in pain as I am and have been for the last 15 years, I’d rather hurt and be sad than be dead and missing my son graduate from High School, go to College, maybe even getting married and giving me a grandchild to rock.

    jj, I don’t know you, but I know there has got to be at least ONE good thing in your life. Please, don’t give up. You want to talk to me? I’ll be here. Same goes for any of you. If you want to talk, I’ll listen.

    jj, honey, I’ll be praying for you. And, that goes for the rest of you, too.

  25. I understand all the pain out there. This day and age its hard to survive. I lost 2 brothers to suicide. Both were 29 yrs old. One died in 1980 and the other in 1990. And I have to admit I been giving it alot of thought myself to end my life. My brother’s are the lucky ones. Believe me, I’ll never be missed. I wish all of you out there the very best. It sounds like you all have families and that’s great. I am all alone

  26. To JJ and Gloria,
    Please know that suicide is not the answer. I too thought that was the only way out of my pain until 6 years ago when a former boyfriend killed himself. Even though we were not together at the time I attended his memorial services and to see the pain his family and friends were put through including myself I vowed that it could never be an option for me. His suicide still causes me pain.
    Gloria you say you’re all alone and I have felt that way too. I’m so sorry for the lose of your brothers. Please reach out to someone. You never know who you really matter too until its too late.
    JJ and Gloria please hold on. This time 6 years ago I couldn’t get out of bed. I still suffer depression and anxiety most days but am working fulltime again and have slightly more better days then bad.

  27. My mother died in Florida and my sister didn’t bother to call any of us until she had her life support removed. I can not even grieve over my mom for feeling so much hate for my sister. I am totally consumed by my discust with her and all she has done for the last 5 years of her supposedly taking care of Mom. I can’t think of anything but what she has done and all I can do is cry. I am a very sensitive person and my feelings get hurt easily so now my older sister is hesitant to talk with me about my younger sister and what she has done. I feel like she thinks she has to handle me with kid gloves. I am a retiree from UPS after 30 years so I know I must have a brain, but everyone is distant to me because of my sensitivity. I don’t know how not to take things to heart , as much as I try. Sometime I really feel like no one would miss me and everyone would be better off if I were not here, but I have 3 beautiful grandchildren that I hope love me at least half as much as I love them and that is all I have now. How do I make myself not sensitive. How can I toughen up and be able to talk to people about feelings without crying?

  28. Oh thank you thank you. I never knew anyone else actually felt the same way I do. You have given me some wonderful ideas to fight off the anxiety and depression. But most of all, you have convinced that I am not alone.

  29. Everyday, I keep a note pad beside my bed and write something positive. By the end of the week, I have some wonderful memories. I have suffered with cronic pain and deppresion for a very long time. Over the last 3 yrs. I have searched many websites and books to help the healing procces. I now eat healthier, take vitiamins and supplements and pray a lot. I have lost 70lbs. and been able to get off several meds. including my diebetic meds. I’s not easy, but so worth it. I am now working full time, for the first time in 8 yrs. I am 51 yrs. old and feel like I have a new chance at life. Never give up.

  30. Melanie, Thank you for all your good information on Alcoholism and careing enough to respond.are there any groups that have meetings for the friends, family,relatives and such of the alcoholic even know the alcoholic is not getting help or admits they have a problem. just to be able to relate to what others are going through with the same problem.as any one knows that has been through this or is going through it it makes you depressed, anxiety, and no self esteem. so you feel worthless.so any more help or comments on this would be greatly appreciated.Thank You and God Bless

  31. I have to say you all break my heart, I have a life of anxiety,depression,panick attacks,I can do great for awhile and then when it gets bad,it stays bad for months or longer with no way out of the 3 problems clashing all at once. Its sickening, I will say all of your stories made me cry, Ive been sitting here reading each one of you and you all have a story and you all are trying to help the next person who is in trouble,thats why we all are a unique group of people. we care more about the next guy than we do ourselves. This way of empathy can get us in trouble when one idiot tries to take our kindness for weakness and takes advantage of us making our anxiety.depression worse…We are of the better group.Those people could not survive what we survive!! Hang in their all of you,suicide is not an option,,I quit smoking almost 2 yrs ago after 35 smoking years and my problem got worse but I can breathe again and I am not going to waste my chance at life. i struggle everyday with this brain of mine,but its all i have and i refuse to give up,,especially when my lil grnadchildren would be so heartbroken if something happened to me as we are so close and they beg my kids to come to grammas everyday to play,i love them so much which is why i quit smoking and why i wont give up on life,HANG ON AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL

  32. The eloquence for which you address the crippling subject is very inspiring. It spoke to me on so many levels! Your descriptiveness in referencing this awful illness is very profound and sums up so perfectly the words I wanted, but was unable to, express to others so they could gain some grasp as to my level of suffering. Thank you for that!
    And…as for me I am a survivor and am here to testify that IT CAN BE CONQUERED and you can learn to DANCE! (That quote has now taken over in the #1 position of favorite quotes!)
    Thank you for your expressions!

  33. Dear Friends,

    I feel like this most of the time- crushing pain from cancer and now brain lesions from the chemo drug cytoxin coupled with depression. I read this and it helped me- for today- and I guess that is YOUR point- it got me through. Also, I think I am so isolated- I used to have a full busy life with work and now I am on medical leave and can’t drive- so I depend on my son and NEW daughter in law, which is always a problem- as I feel so guilty in intruding on their NEW life.

  34. My Son passed away less than a month ago, since then I hardly answer my phone or can hardly get myself up and dressed in the mornings, I go to bed 7 pm and dont get up til noon, I dont want to get up then but Im pressured by my roommate to do so. Sometimes I feel like my mind has walked out of my body. This was too sudden and I wonder if Im ever going to get anybetter? Im so afraid of some of the things I feel.

  35. Best I’ve read! And I’m a social worker who works w/ folks with disabilities!

  36. Best I’ve read. & I’m a social worker for folks w/ disabilities.

  37. i’ve been searching for a friend thruout my life.First it was a disturbed childhood and then a lousy marriage,i have a very low trust quotient or a relation quotient.One act of breech of trust and that relation is gone forever.This suggestion of “keep a brigade of friends was telling on my psyche and self esteem,but by writing to u guys i feel i shall have my kind of group,concerned,helping but not prying.

  38. i am suffering chronic pain for long time and i am very thankful to you to provide me the best information about my pain relief. thanks a lot. it give me back my good Health.

  39. I HAVE SLIPPED INTO A STATE OF MIND THAT DOESN’T ALLOW ME TO GET OUT OF BED. I’VE BEEN DIAGNOSED AS BIPOLAR AND PUT ON LITHIUM. ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS MY PAST. ABUSIVE PARENTS, REJECTION FROM MY REAL FATHER, 2 FAILED MARRIAGES, MY OLDEST DAUGHTER RUNNING AWAY TO HER FATHER WHO I HATE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD, MY PAST ADDICTIONS. IT SEEMS AS THOUGH I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT ALL THE BAD THINGS THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME. MY CURRENT HUSBAND WHO I DON’T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT ANYMORE SAYS I CAN’T HANDLE REALITY. THAT REALLY TICKS ME OFF. I THINK BACK ABOUT THE DREAMS I HAD AS A YOUNG GIRL AND CAN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. WHEN I TRY TO FIGURE IT OUT I THINK THAT IT’S EVERYBODY ELSES FAULT. HOPELESSNESS, LOSS OF INTREST AND WISHING FOR AN ACCIDENT TO TAKE MY LIFE BECAUSE IM TOO CHICKEN TO DO IT MYSELF ARE DAILY THOUGHTS. I GO TO CHURCH AND DO BIBLE STUDY WITH THE LADIES EVERY WEEK. SOMETIMES I LOOK AROUND THE ROOM AT THESE LADIES AND THINK THEY DON’T KNOW REAL SUFFERING. THEY WOULDN’T BE SO SWEET AND LOVING IF THEY HAD TO GO THROUGH THE CRAP I DID. I KNOW IM A PAIN TO BE AROUND. I KNOW THAT MY FAMILY IS SUFFERING BECAUSE OF ME. I WANT GOD TO HELP ME TOO. I TRY TO BE A GOOD CHRISTIAN AND NOT SIN. I HAVE TO ADMIT I REALLY STINK AT IT. I HAVENT WORKED FOR ABOUT A YEAR. PARTLY BECAUSE OF MY BACK AND KNEES BUT ALSO BECAUSE I GET CRAZY ABOUT A YEAR INTO A JOB AND QUIT. I HAD NO INSURRANCE UNTIL LAST WEEK WHEN I APPLIED FOR HELP. I NOW HAVE AN APPOINTMENT SET TO SEE A SHRINK. I’M HOPING SHE HELPS ME. I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A MIRACLE DRUG TO GET ME ON THE RIGHT TRACK BUT I’M AFRAID NOTHING WILL HELP JUST LIKE THE LITHIUM. IF ANY OF YOU HAVE HAD TO TAKE MEDS WHAT ONE WORKS BEST? THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ALL THE GARBAGE.
    JERRI

  40. How can you possibly get better with absolutely no family support. My Problems are and have been taboo subjects for a lot of years.
    The pain is getting almost to bare.
    Randy Brown

    • If your family isn’t supporting you, find a new family! Sometimes your friends become your real family, and they will pat you on the back and give you a shoulder to cry on when your ‘real’ family is too stubborn or stuck on pride or principle. I’ve been there, and trust me, you will find support once you realize you aren’t alone!

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